paigepea
Drama Llama
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Jul 3, 2019 9:16:54 GMT
I think I’m more surprised that your 12 and 14 year old didn’t know the information. They should know about radical thinking / points of view and that everyone has their own opinions. That way, when they hear things like this they can figure out what is going on. It would have been better if your parents had discussed with your kids about different points or view and then expressed theirs calmly, but we can’t control how others speak. Do your kids learn current events at school or watch the news with you?
My mom, for example, has a different opinion when it comes to food / healthy food. I’ve explained to my kids that they can eat how grandma eats at her house but at our house we eat in a diff way. And while it’s ok to express your opinions about food we don’t put down grandma because everyone has their own opinion.
This is an unimportant example. But this has come up in regards to speaking about important political issues with my parents too. Diff generations can have diff perspective. Better to educate your kids than expect your parents to change their approach.
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lurkyloo
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Dec 5, 2018 6:53:08 GMT
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Post by lurkyloo on Jul 3, 2019 14:25:16 GMT
If your 12 year old doesn’t know what abortion is, and your in laws would have never answered the question asked if you had been sitting there, it’s possible your kids are feeling a bit sheltered and in the dark, and are seeking out other adults to give them information. They know the world holds bigger ideas and knowledge and they’re ready for it. Open it up to them, or they will find people who will.
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jennamama
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Jul 13, 2018 18:42:10 GMT
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Post by jennamama on Jul 3, 2019 14:43:54 GMT
Why is this on you and what could you have done to prevent it, in my enlightened view? You could have sat down with him throughout the years and made him aware that some people see things very differently than your family does and, because some subjects are really sensitive to others, he might get a really unpleasant response when he asks someone about their political or religious views. You should have seen to it that he was already aware of the hot issues being discussed in the media so he would understand why some people get so fired up when they discuss these subjects. Without going back and forth with you: You have absolutely NO IDEA what I have discussed with my son "throughout the years" and I'm not sure why you are assuming I have kept him in some sort of bubble? My children are urban-raised and exposed to many different viewpoints in their every day life, including in their own household. How I have "prepared him" has absolutely no bearing on this entire post. Both and he and my daughter (and my younger son) are being raised just fine - thanks for your continued concern. He didn't incite anyone to respond this way - as a previous poster stated, there were a hundred different ways to address his question. "Fired up" doesn't even come close to what transpired. Your assumptions are completely incorrect - possibly due to some omissions I intentionally or unintentionally made in my original post. I do agree with you that it is probably not in my best interest to come at my in-laws with a flared temper and it has probably done me some good to put some days between my response to them.
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jennamama
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Jul 13, 2018 18:42:10 GMT
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Post by jennamama on Jul 3, 2019 14:46:09 GMT
If your 12 year old doesn’t know what abortion is, and your in laws would have never answered the question asked if you had been sitting there, it’s possible your kids are feeling a bit sheltered and in the dark, and are seeking out other adults to give them information. They know the world holds bigger ideas and knowledge and they’re ready for it. Open it up to them, or they will find people who will. My 12 year old asked why they didn't like Hillary Clinton. Didn't ask about abortion. Also - not really sure what Hillary Clinton has to do with abortion? In my world that's not a jump I make.
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jennamama
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Jul 13, 2018 18:42:10 GMT
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Post by jennamama on Jul 3, 2019 14:49:49 GMT
Do your kids learn current events at school or watch the news with you? Huh??? Current events? Hillary Clinton kills babies is a current event?
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 3, 2019 15:13:09 GMT
Do your kids learn current events at school or watch the news with you? Huh??? Current events? Hillary Clinton kills babies is a current event? I imagine it's more to do with your statement in the OP that your 12 year old doesn't know what abortion is - it's a pretty big topic to have completely missed - particularly over the last few years between the women's march and general political discussion regarding reproductive rights - part of the commentary you're hearing about "bubble" and lack of discussion of news and current events probably centers around that but paigepea is more than capable of answering for herself.
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lurkyloo
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Dec 5, 2018 6:53:08 GMT
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Post by lurkyloo on Jul 3, 2019 15:31:16 GMT
If your 12 year old doesn’t know what abortion is, and your in laws would have never answered the question asked if you had been sitting there, it’s possible your kids are feeling a bit sheltered and in the dark, and are seeking out other adults to give them information. They know the world holds bigger ideas and knowledge and they’re ready for it. Open it up to them, or they will find people who will. My 12 year old asked why they didn't like Hillary Clinton. Didn't ask about abortion. Also - not really sure what Hillary Clinton has to do with abortion? In my world that's not a jump I make. I’m saying they hear things, all over the place. My 12 year old wakes up and asks, “well, what did Trump do yesterday?” She has a few carefully selected news websites bookmarked on her phone. I’m saying, your kids are asking other people questions about life. You can’t control how people will respond. If you want to be a part of that, now is your chance. The inflammatory things that go around are out there, and you have a great opportunity here to instill some critical thinking skills in your kids instead of shutting down discussions you don’t feel are appropriate. At this age, they are going to hear it anyway, appropriate or not.
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lurkyloo
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Dec 5, 2018 6:53:08 GMT
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Post by lurkyloo on Jul 3, 2019 15:33:09 GMT
Do your kids learn current events at school or watch the news with you? Huh??? Current events? Hillary Clinton kills babies is a current event? No, but this constant garbage rhetoric from the alt right neo-nazi groups that are gaining speed IS and kids need to know about it.0
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Post by karinec on Jul 3, 2019 15:34:34 GMT
Excuse me, but where can I get my “Too Slutty for Hobby Lobby” shirt? that is a money-maker right there!!!
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jennamama
Full Member
Posts: 114
Jul 13, 2018 18:42:10 GMT
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Post by jennamama on Jul 3, 2019 15:55:58 GMT
My 12 year old asked why they didn't like Hillary Clinton. Didn't ask about abortion. Also - not really sure what Hillary Clinton has to do with abortion? In my world that's not a jump I make. I’m saying they hear things, all over the place. My 12 year old wakes up and asks, “well, what did Trump do yesterday?” She has a few carefully selected news websites bookmarked on her phone. I’m saying, your kids are asking other people questions about life. You can’t control how people will respond. If you want to be a part of that, now is your chance. The inflammatory things that go around are out there, and you have a great opportunity here to instill some critical thinking skills in your kids instead of shutting down discussions you don’t feel are appropriate. At this age, they are going to hear it anyway, appropriate or not. I hear what you are saying. I have three kids and each one of them is different. Each one of them is interested in different things and each of one of them knows and inquires about different subjects. The 12 year old boy I'm referring to does NOT bookmark political websites or really give a shit what Trump is up to. I will also follow up that statement with the fact that I know A LOT of 12 year old boys and none of them care about politics/abortion/immigration right now either, so he is not odd, sheltered, or abnormal. That's not to say he doesn't know anything about what's going on, or form his own opinions on issues, he does. I also think there are many, many exceptions to what I am saying and there are many 12 year olds who are mature and interested in the news and all the constant drama every day. I think he was generally interested in why they might say they didn't like Clinton, he was looking for a response and thought it might be interesting and then probably would have moved on. That's not what happened. While I think it's totally awesome that some of you are having big discussions about pregnancy termination with your pre-teens, I'll stand by my decision that my individual 12 year old was not ready for that information. He didn't "ask" what abortion was or why they were pro-life. He is entering 6th grade and has been through many birds and bees conversations at home and school and it was probably nearing the age where he would learn about pregnancy options and how to make his own belief. My 14 year old does know about reproductive issues, obviously. I will also stand by the statement that I and my husband are the ones who should get to decide when he is ready. If I had sent him up to march at a pro-life rally, I guess I might have expected this. I have been married for almost 17 years and would have never guessed this conversation would have happened. Due to the fact that I don't discuss politics with this side of the family, I would guess they wouldn't discuss it with my kids either and have 100's of examples and visits with them to submit as evidence to that guess. As I said, we have always had a very close relationship and there hasn't been issues or hard feelings before, so that's why this one hurts.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Jul 3, 2019 16:57:36 GMT
My question is how does your husband feel about the way HIS parents talked to your kids? In my household, he deals with his family and I deal with mine when there's a conflict.
IF I were going to choose to say something to my in-laws about it, it'd be something like, "The kids are exposed to enough negativity in today's political climate, I'd really like for them to come and have a stress free time bonding with family without having to worry about anyone getting all riled up over politics and other things that the kids have no control over"
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Post by annaintx on Jul 3, 2019 17:08:28 GMT
When the election was going on, I schooled my then 7 year old on how to politely tell her grandparents "I do not want to discuss that with you." AND that it was OK to tell them that she needed to talk to me if she was uncomfortable there in any way, she could ask to call me. They are staunchly republican (to the point of racism) and I was deeply concerned about my kid being with them during that time. I could not be with her. Thankfully, they did not say anything to her.
Your ILs are in the wrong. Use this however as a learning experience and tell your kids about other points of view, how to VERIFY YOUR SOURCES, and start teaching them CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS if you aren't already.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jul 3, 2019 17:11:48 GMT
I’d be livid too.
The best thing you can do is educate your kids on how and where to seek out truth and factual information , as well as steer them clear of known propaganda machines.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jul 3, 2019 17:20:50 GMT
Oh and contrary to what another has posted, There is a HUGE difference between “differing viewpoints” and telling a child that a political adversary kills babies.
I would absolutely not stand for the grandparents telling out right lies and propaganda bullshit. Especially because now mommy has to tell said child that grandma/pa is not telling the truth/lying/confused/wrong.
It pisses me off that some here push the “different viewpoint” excuse when the real name for it is that they are outright lying and spreading such propaganda. (Example—HRC does not support, condone, encourage the killing of babies/children as it’s being presented ). You know who said that? A Republican. A lying one.
Again, show your kids how to seek out the facts and truth and how to separate them from all the lying.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jul 3, 2019 17:42:06 GMT
That means restricting your child from CNN, MSNBC, NBC, etc. I bet that's not what you intended though. Booooooooo! Not one person turned this “political” until your comment. Seriously, WTF? Why do that? Your comment just hit me sideways. Here the OP is already struggling with crap and you have to bring it to this thread. Boo on you. This.
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jennamama
Full Member
Posts: 114
Jul 13, 2018 18:42:10 GMT
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Post by jennamama on Jul 3, 2019 19:18:03 GMT
My question is how does your husband feel about the way HIS parents talked to your kids? In my household, he deals with his family and I deal with mine when there's a conflict. IF I were going to choose to say something to my in-laws about it, it'd be something like, "The kids are exposed to enough negativity in today's political climate, I'd really like for them to come and have a stress free time bonding with family without having to worry about anyone getting all riled up over politics and other things that the kids have no control over" Thank you - one of the very few helpful comments I have gotten. I might just quote you word for word to them. Husband is not happy but seems to not want to call out as we weren't there. Which is a somewhat valid point - but think he's also well aware that I probably won't be able to leave it alone. Honestly, he wouldn't really care if they ever went camping (insert family event here) again. It's me who tried to facilitate that relationship and also - my kids love their family. I have the hurt feelings. However, I've talked to both and explained some things I had to explain to 12 year old and they are fine and good and ready to move on. I'm hoping this won't close questions that my son has in the future because that is the real danger in the language in-laws chose to use.
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jennamama
Full Member
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Jul 13, 2018 18:42:10 GMT
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Post by jennamama on Jul 3, 2019 19:23:34 GMT
I would absolutely not stand for the grandparents telling out right lies and propaganda bullshit. Especially because now mommy has to tell said child that grandma/pa is not telling the truth/lying/confused/wrong. That's where he is confused. "Why would aunt/uncle/grandma lie? Does HRC kill babies - Mom, why do we like someone who kills babies, that's wrong and I don't like her now." Etc. Etc. Etc. He loves and trusts his family and these deliberate false statements were meant to sway his future views. NOT to give him a "balanced viewpoint".
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 3, 2019 19:49:34 GMT
If your 12 year old doesn’t know what abortion is, and your in laws would have never answered the question asked if you had been sitting there, it’s possible your kids are feeling a bit sheltered and in the dark, and are seeking out other adults to give them information. They know the world holds bigger ideas and knowledge and they’re ready for it. Open it up to them, or they will find people who will. My 12 year old asked why they didn't like Hillary Clinton. Didn't ask about abortion. Also - not really sure what Hillary Clinton has to do with abortion? In my world that's not a jump I make. I'm amazed at the judgment being thrown your way. You don't strike me as naive or the type to shelter your children. Your in-laws didn't provide anything but inflammatory, frightening propaganda to your children. I think you are right to be angry.
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Post by annaintx on Jul 3, 2019 19:50:39 GMT
It pisses me off that some here push the “different viewpoint” excuse when the real name for it is that they are outright lying and spreading such propaganda. (Example—HRC does not support, condone, encourage the killing of babies/children as it’s being presented ). You know who said that? A Republican. A lying one. Again, show your kids how to seek out the facts and truth and how to separate them from all the lying. YES!!!!!!!
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Post by roberta on Jul 3, 2019 19:51:08 GMT
At 12, your child is old enough to understand that family members can disagree on certain topics and still love and respect each other. Open conversations are never a bad thing. Respectful, balanced, accurate open conversation is never a bad thing. This conversation was none of those things.
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Post by roberta on Jul 3, 2019 20:00:56 GMT
]This all goes to the prevalent attitude that far-right Trumpism is just another, normal political view that we have to accept. And it's not. It's just not. I wonder if the people defending the grandparents here would have been so calm if they had come out with some straight up KKK racist stuff.
Sorry if that goes too far down the road of "political debate." I just can't honestly believe that so many people here think that a twelve year old should be expected/prepared to take the "baby killing" rhetoric in stride as just another political opinion.[/quote]
This!!
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Post by roberta on Jul 3, 2019 20:05:02 GMT
I would absolutely not stand for the grandparents telling out right lies and propaganda bullshit. Especially because now mommy has to tell said child that grandma/pa is not telling the truth/lying/confused/wrong. That's where he is confused. "Why would aunt/uncle/grandma lie? Does HRC kill babies - Mom, why do we like someone who kills babies, that's wrong and I don't like her now." Etc. Etc. Etc. He loves and trusts his family and these deliberate false statements were meant to sway his future views. NOT to give him a "balanced viewpoint". For this reason I personally would not allow my children to be alone with any of these relatives. (Until the age of 18 or 21)
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jennamama
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Jul 13, 2018 18:42:10 GMT
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Post by jennamama on Jul 3, 2019 20:22:23 GMT
For this reason I personally would not allow my children to be alone with any of these relatives. (Until the age of 18 or 21 That's where I'm at and it scares the shit out of me and brings tears to my eyes. Actually, his grandparents aren't really the issue - he is rarely alone with them anyhow and usually sees them at big family events. However, there is one aunt who has been one of his main caretakers most of his life and is extremely close to him. It also sounds like she is the one who was spewing a good majority of this bullshit. Her and I established we are on different sides of the political fence many, many years ago and in the interest of our family have put it aside. It SHOCKS me that she would say some of these things to my kids and it feels disrespectful to our entire relationship. Going back to my original post, I don't know how things can ever be how they used to be and that's why I'm sick. I hate this divisive world we are living in and I really try to be a good example to my kids of how to handle it.
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Post by roberta on Jul 3, 2019 20:25:40 GMT
To OP: mho on how to handle this.
.Explain that currently there is a lot of slanted info being presented as fact and sadly some family members believe it is the truth. .Talk to your in-laws or have your husband do it and explain gently how inappropriate you found their choice of terminology and adjectives. .Ask them to not discuss political topics with your children unless you are present or they are 21. If they will not agree then don’t allow your kids to be alone with them. . I love the “cite the source” mantra! Teach that to your kids. . Explain that you love the family and want your children to have a good relationship with them. At the same time explain your feelings of trust being violated or whatever is appropriate for you to say.
What is your dh saying & feeling about this.
If they will use a question by your son in this way I would wonder about other areas they may be working against your values. I don’t mean to create paranoia however it goes along with my belief that once a person lies to me, their word is never dependable again. They have shown a side that you did not know existed. I am NOT saying they can never be trusted or relied on I am saying you know something about them you did not before. My definition of trust: Knowledge based on experience.
I am sorry for the hurt this brings. It is disappointing, sad, and a violation of your trust. I really hope for you all that you can still be a strong family despite this pain and loss.
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Post by roberta on Jul 3, 2019 20:28:56 GMT
Just saw your additional post about the aunt. Can you talk to her about how much this hurt?
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jennamama
Full Member
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Jul 13, 2018 18:42:10 GMT
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Post by jennamama on Jul 3, 2019 20:38:10 GMT
Just saw your additional post about the aunt. Can you talk to her about how much this hurt? I'm guessing I will have to. My first instinct when I heard was to call her immediately and explain that she was never to talk to them like that again or...etc. However, I am very glad I didn't. She is so involved in our lives that I think it's inevitable she will see my frustrations very soon. I am not good at hiding my feelings when it comes to things with my kids.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jul 3, 2019 22:01:49 GMT
I would absolutely not stand for the grandparents telling out right lies and propaganda bullshit. Especially because now mommy has to tell said child that grandma/pa is not telling the truth/lying/confused/wrong. That's where he is confused. "Why would aunt/uncle/grandma lie? Does HRC kill babies - Mom, why do we like someone who kills babies, that's wrong and I don't like her now." Etc. Etc. Etc. He loves and trusts his family and these deliberate false statements were meant to sway his future views. NOT to give him a "balanced viewpoint". That is exactly why as a parent you need to be diligent in showing them how to sort out the facts and truth from the lies and propaganda. It’s exhausting that we have to continually do this, but we need to be diligent as we are shaping the minds for generations to come.
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Jul 5, 2019 4:44:03 GMT
Do your kids learn current events at school or watch the news with you? Huh??? Current events? Hillary Clinton kills babies is a current event? It’s more about dealing with controversial current topics. I’m not in the US so never hear about Clinton.
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