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Post by delila on Sept 6, 2019 15:11:29 GMT
For the ones who know my story & how my mother has her little Friday evening get togethers this could be interesting!!! My dad is coming over to my house this afternoon so see the pic I took of his family while I was in Seattle last week. When he gets here I am fully prepared to tell him the story of me not ever being invited to her get together. He will have been told some excuses by my mother why I don’t show up as if she has been inviting me all along. I’ve thought about this for too long & I am ready to cut ties with her & her daughter, my sister!
Last night I was remembering that the very very first time my mother told me she loved me, actually used those words, I was 15. I remember it so well & for some reason she was forced into saying it and that it was really difficult for her to say. She is just very cold & doesn’t love me but does love her other daughter.
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Post by scrapbookwriter on Sept 6, 2019 16:22:41 GMT
I recently read and loved “CALLING INVISIBLE WOMEN” by Jeanne Ray.
The main character wakes up one day and can’t see herself in the mirror. She is scared and shocked. What will her family say?
Her family doesn’t notice - because to them she was *already* invisible.
Fabulous book, especially for women of a certain age.
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Post by lbp on Sept 6, 2019 18:39:22 GMT
I'm not even reading the replies. I am 55 and have said for YEARS that as a middle-aged white woman I am invisible. I also use that to my advantage to create chaos and go on adventures where shenanigans run RAMPANT. ![:smile:](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) I am having the best time ever because of it. On the other hand, I miss being SEEN for the productive member of society I AM. Do you live near me? I love creating shenanigans!! I am 58. I remember when I was 30. Tall, slim, blonde, not too bad looking. Got hit on all the time, guys giving up seats so I could sit down, waiters smiling and gushing, GAG! I hated it! Now invisible, so like Farmgirl, I create my own shenanigans! I am an extrovert so that helps. I have been known to say "Hey, y'all making lunch plans without me, that ain't gonna fly". "Hey you Barista, I was in front to the gorgeous big boobed girl so you are going to take my order now", I will call rude people out in a heart beat now! Don't care what they think! I am so sorry for those who are invisible to their family, I can't imagine how painful that is. I have lived long enough to the one of the matriarchs of our family! (We tend to kick off early). If I catch one of my relatives doing what your families have done to you I would be up their butt in a New York minute! Just know you are enough without toxic family members. Make your own families (they don't have to be blood related), find your passion and find your voice.
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Post by Mel on Sept 6, 2019 18:46:10 GMT
All the time. I have always been overweight and am approaching my 50s it gets worse. I get tired of trying to make plans with friends and no one including me in their plans. I told friends I would love to X and Y this summer, then I see that they did it when they post photos on FB. Lots still have younger children and mine are mostly gone, so I am not included in a lot of their activities. DH and I both quiet people and we would probably never get invited anywhere if we didn't try. Dh is perfectly happy being at home and going fishing by himself. While I don't want be social every day, I would like to have lunch once a week with a friend. Honestly, I feel that way here too over the years. I have posted questions and gotten 4 responses and seen the same questions posted and get many many more responses. Ah well. It's the opposite for me. I do have adult kids, but I also have a "late" baby, she is only 13, but all of the other families whose kids are that age are younger(mid 30s?) and we're the older ones (just turned 50), so we're never invited to things.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Sept 6, 2019 19:47:33 GMT
I'm so sorry, everyone! The stories from delila and @tracyart in particular almost made me cry. That's so horrible, and certainly puts my petty little whinge into perspective. Aren't we all lucky to have this place, where we can come and grumble, and be heard and validated, whatever we look like?
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 6, 2019 19:49:17 GMT
[ She never wanted me & I feel like she doesn’t want me now. I have tried to be the good daughter & do right by her but I just can’t seem to do it while my sister is always perfect. Sister was perfect growing up & apparently she still is to her mother. A few months ago I told my mother that her cousin molested me as a child & she said that he would not do that. She took his side & said I was lying. This is the mother who would drop me off at their house & I would cry & scream that I was scared to be there but she left me there anyway. My first memory is of being molested by one of her friends sons when I was around 4ish. She didn’t want to talk about that one at all. I wouldn’t even try anymore. Make that cut—delete her from your life. How awful. What does your sister say?
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 6, 2019 20:07:41 GMT
I am seeing a therapist but I will fully admit that this rejection has been too much for me to deal with. I have been the loyal daughter & have even built a home large enough for my parents to move into one day when they need to. I made it 100% handicap accessible for them or myself one day if needed but as time has gone on I have decided that my sister can have her mother & I will happily take my daddy. I have a good relationship with him & know he would not be happy if he knew all the shit that has happened to me because of those 2. A few months ago I told y’all about the meeting my sister & mother wanted to have with me. I was terrified & told them it was going to be at my house so I could shove them out the front door if necessary. I really have not seen them since & they live only 10 minutes away. It’s time for me to cut ties & just understand that I can’t make a relationship that isn’t there. As hard as it is to do—you HAVE to do it for your own well being. I made a choice years and years ago to stop trying with my mom & siblings. Told my mom if she needed me I was here. I was not close with her at all, and I just stopped calling and visiting. I had told them how it made me feel, and it never mattered, I was ridiculed and told I was imagining things (I wasn’t as others saw it and commented on it). I still saw my mom like once a month maybe at family gatherings. She told people that I hated her (not true at all). I went a few years not really talking to a few of my siblings. Our mom died last summer and I was the one who sat all day with her for a month in the hospital while she died. Siblings came and went but I was there every day, 12 hrs or more a day. Dynamic with siblings has changed—some good some bad. And the bad doesn’t have anything to do with he, it stems from the two who were closest to our mom—they’ve become very negative and hateful people. It broke my heart, I cried for a long time when I decided to not be a doormat anymore for my mom and siblings. However I feel to this day, it’s the best thing that I did for me regarding all that. Take care of you, put yourself first, don’t even give a fuck as to what they think (you already know and trying to talk to them about it is just going to make you feel worse). Wounds will heal, never to be forgotten, but replace them with positive things. One of the best things a therapist told me is when my mind starts to thinking about them and negative thoughts, is to say (out loud) STOP!!!!!!!! And to repeat that until you can move to more positive thoughts.
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Post by delila on Sept 6, 2019 20:14:34 GMT
[ She never wanted me & I feel like she doesn’t want me now. I have tried to be the good daughter & do right by her but I just can’t seem to do it while my sister is always perfect. Sister was perfect growing up & apparently she still is to her mother. A few months ago I told my mother that her cousin molested me as a child & she said that he would not do that. She took his side & said I was lying. This is the mother who would drop me off at their house & I would cry & scream that I was scared to be there but she left me there anyway. My first memory is of being molested by one of her friends sons when I was around 4ish. She didn’t want to talk about that one at all. I wouldn’t even try anymore. Make that cut—delete her from your life. How awful. What does your sister say? My sister is the twin to her mother. They feed off each other & I think they both just don’t like me. One of my friends feels like they are jealous because my DH is very successful in his career, he actually hired my brother in law & started him in his career. Now Brother in law is doing very well in same career. A few weeks ago while the whole family was at the parents house for my dads birthday my brother in law asked why I wasn’t coming over tomorrow night as it was Friday. Then he said oh I know why, it’s because they don’t invite you!!!! He’s aware of the situation & the pain it is causing me but he treads lightly around his mother in law because she only likes my DH not him & she makes that painfully obvious. My brother in law is an awesome man full of integrity, I really can’t say much bad about him, he’s just a good dude. In just a few hours my mothers get together will start & I will be at home alone as I usually am. My not so DH is doing something with his people & I wasn’t invited to that either. I obviously am the common denominator in this problem.....
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Post by delila on Sept 6, 2019 20:24:42 GMT
I am slowly working on that final cut. I’ve been doing it for awhile now but a few weeks ago seems to be the final straw when she said she didn’t think her cousin molested me. When I told her about being so scared to be at that house she said I was dramatic, a baby, looking for attention & mean for saying such horrible things about such a good person.
My whole life I have been given labels by my mother & sister. Dramatic Fragile Baby Attention seeker Bad tempered Foul mouthed messy disorganized hair unkempt Never did she think I could be sick & maybe take me to a dr. She didn’t because she didn’t care. When I was 7 I had an appendix attack. She was watching” It’s a Mad Mad Mad World “on tv. She did not believe I was sick because I was interrupting her tv. This is in 1975 I think. Finally my grandparents saw me & took me to the ER but by then my appendix had ruptured & I had gangrene! So strange how I can remember what was on the TV!!
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Post by mom on Sept 6, 2019 20:48:13 GMT
I agree. My DH is essentially the 'Prom Queen' of my life. Wherever we go, as soon as we walk in, he is being waved to, people coming up to him. Everyone knows him. He's friends with everyone. He's tall (6'5) and slender and everyone remembers him. I, on the other hand, am pretty forgettable and invisible. Not to me. I think you are the kindest soul, and you are hilarious, too. Oh thank you for saying this! I needed this today! ❤️
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 6, 2019 20:59:24 GMT
I don't think I have ever felt invisible (other than for short periods of time). I have an outgoing personality and I tend to seek out others when I feel like I am fading. I can (and do) talk to anyone. I don't have much for family, so I have always relied on friends/coworkers for interactions. If I feel like I am not being invited places (it happens), I call other people and ask them. If they say no, I'll call other people. I think I am good at getting rid of toxic people out of my life and forgiving other people who just make a misstep (and pray they do that to me). Most of my good friends are younger than I am and are in the raising kid stages that I am out of. I got a zoo pass so I can invite my friends to the zoo (for free) and they can bring their kid with them. I try to meet people where they are since I remember how hard it was to be the person who had kids when my friends did not. It makes me sad when people think that their weight affects how other people interact with them. Honestly, if you are a good person who is fun to be around, I don't care what you look like. I realize not everyone feels this way, but I certainly do.
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Post by claire on Sept 6, 2019 21:01:51 GMT
delila, I am so sorry! Do you know the book ‘Will I ever be good enough?’ You might recognize some of the family dynamics described in there...
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Post by delila on Sept 6, 2019 21:20:15 GMT
delila, I am so sorry! Do you know the book ‘Will I ever be good enough?’ You might recognize some of the family dynamics described in there... I don’t know the book but Amazon will be dropping it off at my house in a few days. Thanks so much for the recommendation.
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Anita
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Post by Anita on Sept 6, 2019 21:44:10 GMT
I have always been invisible around my husband. He is so outgoing and memorable that my invisibility has become a running joke in my household. Case in point: I do all the banking. When we lived closer to our bank, I'd go in at least three times a month and dealt with the same teller almost every time. Maybe 5 or 6 people total worked at that bank, so not a big and bustling place, to set the scene. For YEARS I went there and did my banking, made idle chit chat with this teller and the receptionist. I always showed my ID because they didn't know me by name. Which in and of itself is not a huge deal. They have lots of customers. But...about every six months, it would happen that my DH would be with me when I went into the bank, and every damn time they'd say "Mr. LASTNAME!" like he was Norm from Cheers or something. Then they would all chat him up. Never remembered me unless I was with him. Sigh.
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Post by kristalina on Sept 6, 2019 23:06:50 GMT
I also think those of us that are always there, always doing the job, and keeping our heads down, get looked over. A little praise and a little noticing is worth a lot, isn't it? This is so true. I've been at my job for almost 30 years and have to constantly toot my own horn. grrr!
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 7, 2019 0:10:23 GMT
I wouldn’t even try anymore. Make that cut—delete her from your life. How awful. What does your sister say? My sister is the twin to her mother. They feed off each other & I think they both just don’t like me. One of my friends feels like they are jealous because my DH is very successful in his career, he actually hired my brother in law & started him in his career. Now Brother in law is doing very well in same career. A few weeks ago while the whole family was at the parents house for my dads birthday my brother in law asked why I wasn’t coming over tomorrow night as it was Friday. Then he said oh I know why, it’s because they don’t invite you!!!! He’s aware of the situation & the pain it is causing me but he treads lightly around his mother in law because she only likes my DH not him & she makes that painfully obvious. My brother in law is an awesome man full of integrity, I really can’t say much bad about him, he’s just a good dude. In just a few hours my mothers get together will start & I will be at home alone as I usually am. My not so DH is doing something with his people & I wasn’t invited to that either. I obviously am the common denominator in this problem..... Stop the negative depreciation talk right now young lady!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Cut your mom and sister off right quick —hard yes but oh so good for you! With hubby, I have similar—he does his friends things and I’m not usually ever invited. I often go to bed early on those nights and just enjoy not doing anything! Find something else that brings you joy—I’ve given myself permission to ditch everyone and go do things on my own—coffee, farm markets, shopping, out to eat—whatever! Do you have friends that you can do things with? Get a massage on Friday nights. Is there a local charity you could get involved in?
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TankTop
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Post by TankTop on Sept 7, 2019 0:29:08 GMT
I am invisible. Always have been. Always will be.
To be honest with you, the wall is so thick now that I don’t even think I have the ability to be loved any longer.
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Post by delila on Sept 7, 2019 1:58:12 GMT
My sister is the twin to her mother. They feed off each other & I think they both just don’t like me. One of my friends feels like they are jealous because my DH is very successful in his career, he actually hired my brother in law & started him in his career. Now Brother in law is doing very well in same career. A few weeks ago while the whole family was at the parents house for my dads birthday my brother in law asked why I wasn’t coming over tomorrow night as it was Friday. Then he said oh I know why, it’s because they don’t invite you!!!! He’s aware of the situation & the pain it is causing me but he treads lightly around his mother in law because she only likes my DH not him & she makes that painfully obvious. My brother in law is an awesome man full of integrity, I really can’t say much bad about him, he’s just a good dude. In just a few hours my mothers get together will start & I will be at home alone as I usually am. My not so DH is doing something with his people & I wasn’t invited to that either. I obviously am the common denominator in this problem..... Stop the negative depreciation talk right now young lady!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Cut your mom and sister off right quick —hard yes but oh so good for you! With hubby, I have similar—he does his friends things and I’m not usually ever invited. I often go to bed early on those nights and just enjoy not doing anything! Find something else that brings you joy—I’ve given myself permission to ditch everyone and go do things on my own—coffee, farm markets, shopping, out to eat—whatever! Do you have friends that you can do things with? Get a massage on Friday nights. Is there a local charity you could get involved in? I am just in tears reading this, thank you so much. I know you are right about all you said, I just need to execute it now. I have a few very good friends that I can rely on for things but I think I’m in a bigger funk right now because my best ever girlfriend died in February. We had been friends for 30 years & spoke daily, multiple times a day. I miss her terribly. I know what I need to do but I just can’t get myself out of this nasty ass rabbit hole of depression I’ve fallen into. I’ve been been depressed before, I’m not sure how to handle it other than with my therapist. I know my family won’t be of any help & I don’t think my DH is either. My DH just doesn’t understand me & why I feel the way I do. Thank you ladies for loving me. I’ve actually been hiding here since 2Peas started & only recently came out! I’m so glad I did.
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msliz
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Post by msliz on Sept 7, 2019 2:12:26 GMT
I read your story delila and just wanted to send you a few more big {{{hugs}}} TankTop , you have never been invisible here. You're a top tier Pea, you are! And you matter a great deal to us.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 7, 2019 3:17:10 GMT
Stop the negative depreciation talk right now young lady!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Cut your mom and sister off right quick —hard yes but oh so good for you! With hubby, I have similar—he does his friends things and I’m not usually ever invited. I often go to bed early on those nights and just enjoy not doing anything! Find something else that brings you joy—I’ve given myself permission to ditch everyone and go do things on my own—coffee, farm markets, shopping, out to eat—whatever! Do you have friends that you can do things with? Get a massage on Friday nights. Is there a local charity you could get involved in? I am just in tears reading this, thank you so much. I know you are right about all you said, I just need to execute it now. I have a few very good friends that I can rely on for things but I think I’m in a bigger funk right now because my best ever girlfriend died in February. We had been friends for 30 years & spoke daily, multiple times a day. I miss her terribly. I know what I need to do but I just can’t get myself out of this nasty ass rabbit hole of depression I’ve fallen into. I’ve been been depressed before, I’m not sure how to handle it other than with my therapist. I know my family won’t be of any help & I don’t think my DH is either. My DH just doesn’t understand me & why I feel the way I do. Thank you ladies for loving me. I’ve actually been hiding here since 2Peas started & only recently came out! I’m so glad I did. If you’re not on meds for depression, talk to your doctor about going on them—at least to help you through the rough time now. You don’t have to stay in them forever. Get out in the sunshine ☀️ move your body around...take little walks. See things that might bring you joy. I go to a small family owned coffee shop by myself sometimes in the morning after everyone leaves the house. I’ll take a book or magazine and leisurely sip my latte and peruse whatever I’ve brought to read. I sometimes just people watch! I also spend a lot of time gardening—it brings me great joy to nurture plants. (To the point that I have taken on a few projects for others getting their gardens planned and container gardens set up). That brings me joy and I do it by myself. I also brunch with friends one day a week. Very casual come if you can kind of thing. I’ll also call on friends that have similar interest when I want to go see a new/far away/ garden center..we go and make a trip if it. It’s up to you to create joy in your life—start off by not giving those awful relatives anymore free rent space in your head. You don’t even have to tell anyone that you’re cutting them out—just stop communicating and let them wallow together. Their existence is shallow and hateful—time for you to get away from their ugliness.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 7, 2019 3:21:34 GMT
And..if you are on their social media, cancel them!
You don’t need to be reminded of their adventures.
Mark my words—-once you’re out of the picture and they don’t see how upset you are, they’re going to find someone else—or turn on each other! Let them implode on their own.
And yes, absolutely it is hard to cut the cord...but the days get easier and easier.
I suggested getting outside and in sunshine walking... you need a change of scenery to start reprogramming your outlook.
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tincin
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Post by tincin on Sept 7, 2019 3:43:44 GMT
[ She never wanted me & I feel like she doesn’t want me now. I have tried to be the good daughter & do right by her but I just can’t seem to do it while my sister is always perfect. Sister was perfect growing up & apparently she still is to her mother. A few months ago I told my mother that her cousin molested me as a child & she said that he would not do that. She took his side & said I was lying. This is the mother who would drop me off at their house & I would cry & scream that I was scared to be there but she left me there anyway. My first memory is of being molested by one of her friends sons when I was around 4ish. She didn’t want to talk about that one at all. You need to consider cutting this woman out of your life. She doesn’t deserve to be your mother.
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tincin
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Post by tincin on Sept 7, 2019 3:52:10 GMT
Absolutely. My manager at work pretty much ignores me unless she’s criticizing me for something small that I am apparently not doing to her liking. She and her boyfriend, along with our supervisor were eating their lunch in the back room the other day. I was also sitting there eating mine and she never once acknowledged me. She has been there since the time of the dinosaurs and acts the part. Not sure what her issue is with me as I dutifully show up and do my work and try to stay out of the drama but it’s getting old quickly and I’ve only been there three months. I’m also virtually invisible and/or nonexistent to my son but that’s a whole different thread. I am maybe making some inroads with my SO’s family (in theory) but he is the one that is invisible to them most of the time. There is a family wedding coming up for his nephew and his three sisters and mother were invited and he wasn’t. The sisters and mother go to another sisters house often for holidays and he isn’t invited. He has now moved away and if they are wondering why, it shouldn’t come as a great surprise. He was shocked this year when his mother invited him out for a birthday dinner. They have taken fairly warmly to me but it’s sad to see him on the outside of his own family. Until some years ago now, I used to host family events for my side of the family. I then came out about my brother molesting me when I was young and ever since then, I feel like I am the outcast. My mother still has a bit of a relationship with me at least on the surface. However, after that event, she would host family get together’s like holidays and such and me and my family were never invited despite me having two of her only four grandchildren and only granddaughter. My kids barely know her Even though they only live about an hour apart. It’s actually rather sad but her loss. I’m sorry to hear your family has ostracized you because of your brother’s assault. I think that many times families know the truth but it’s easier to believe your a liar than it is to believe they raised s sexual assailant.
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tincin
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Post by tincin on Sept 7, 2019 3:58:07 GMT
I don't mind being invisible in "society". Most of the time I just want to be left alone anyway. I totally get the family shunning though. My mom was bad about it. I mean in a mentally pathological way too. She actually tried to erase my existence sometimes. Telling people she only had one child, my dead brother. Some of her siblings and neighbors kept the lie up after she developed Alzheimer's. You can imagine how things went down if I showed up somewhere they had told this lie. It happened a few times. I ran into my mom in a beauty salon after I had moved out and went over to talk to her about some random family matter and she blew a gasket because she had told the stylist she only had one child, a son who died in infancy. And I had humiliated her by exposing the lie, and because of me she could never go back there again. Many years later, went to visit my mom in a new nursing home she had been moved to after she no longer received any benefit from being in a memory care residence (assisted living for people with dementia) to see what it was like and make sure she was okay there. Her siblings had told the administration that she only had one child, a son who died in infancy and it really freaked them out that a woman claiming to be her daughter showed up wanting to visit her. So I was bustled into an office with a security guard until calls could be made verifying my identity and determining that there was no restraining order or anything to prevent me from visiting her. There's more to it too... When she was in the memory care residence one of the things that they did was have a poster board on her room's wall with a "fact sheet". Her name, where she was from, family relationships, friends, pets, things she enjoyed. At the nursing home, a neighbor of hers had remade the poster completely omitting my existence. It listed my brother, but not me. If it wasn't so dehumanizing it would have been absurd. I eventually confronted her siblings and neighbor over it after she died, asking why they lied about me existing, and they wouldn't look me in the eye, were extremely agitated, got very angry and evaded the question with narrative-flipping and gaslighting. Like I said, if it wasn't so dehumanizing, it would have been absurd. How do you try and pretend a living child, in the same city, doesn't exist and expect the lie not to be exposed by sheer happenstance? Not only were they a pack of Cluster Bs and their flying monkeys, they were bumblefuck morons as well. Wow, just wow. I can’t even imagine why these people would perpetuate your mother’s lie about only having one child.
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tincin
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Post by tincin on Sept 7, 2019 4:00:19 GMT
I agree. My DH is essentially the 'Prom Queen' of my life. Wherever we go, as soon as we walk in, he is being waved to, people coming up to him. Everyone knows him. He's friends with everyone. He's tall (6'5) and slender and everyone remembers him. I, on the other hand, am pretty forgettable and invisible. This is exactly my life!! I'm not married to him, but everyone knows him(because we live in a small-ish town) because of his job, or because of his parents/past (they owned/operated one of the biggest junk yard & parts places in SE Iowa). He also used to drive a race car, and was a champ several yrs back in the day. I do love going out with him, and knowing so many people know him etc. but I feel pretty invisible most of the time. Usually the folks he chats with aren't even really people he "knows" so much so I'm rarely introduced. Sometimes he will say "Oh, I should have introduced you" or something like that. I'm not the type of person who likes to bring attention to myself though, so I stand back quietly. I can't just step up and say "Hi, I'm Mel, Jerry's GF... nice to meet you..." Actually you can introduce yourself and should. If you do it a couple of times he will hopefully be embarrassed enough to remember to do it himself.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2019 4:01:39 GMT
I am slowly working on that final cut. I’ve been doing it for awhile now but a few weeks ago seems to be the final straw when she said she didn’t think her cousin molested me. When I told her about being so scared to be at that house she said I was dramatic, a baby, looking for attention & mean for saying such horrible things about such a good person. My whole life I have been given labels by my mother & sister. Dramatic Fragile Baby Attention seeker Bad tempered Foul mouthed Never did she think I could be sick & maybe take me to a dr. She didn’t because she didn’t care. When I was 7 I had an appendix attack. She was watching” It’s a Mad Mad Mad World “on tv. She did not believe I was sick because I was interrupting her tv. This is in 1975 I think. Finally my grandparents saw me & took me to the ER but by then my appendix had ruptured & I had gangrene! So strange how I can remember what was on the TV!!
Gosh delila, your Mom is a biotch! SMH at how she can be such a heartless and cruel individual. Channel your avatar and be that strong rottweiler who will bite the a$$ of anyone who chooses to hurt it.
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tincin
Drama Llama
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Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Sept 7, 2019 4:08:55 GMT
I am invisible. Always have been. Always will be. To be honest with you, the wall is so thick now that I don’t even think I have the ability to be loved any longer. I’m sorry you feel this way. I hate to think that anyone thinks they are unlovable.
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Post by delila on Sept 7, 2019 5:49:10 GMT
I am invisible. Always have been. Always will be. To be honest with you, the wall is so thick now that I don’t even think I have the ability to be loved any longer. When I read this I thought I had written it. It sums up exactly how I feel. I just had a big ugly cry & said that I hoped one day someone would love me for just being me. & I hope that day is sooner than later. I needed a big hug today from DH & instead he ignored me. I have horrible PTSD & epilepsy & certain things can trigger one or both. I just needed to tell him & him hug me & tell me that I’d be ok. He can’t do that for me. I’m such a broken woman.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Sept 7, 2019 8:13:38 GMT
I am invisible. Always have been. Always will be. To be honest with you, the wall is so thick now that I don’t even think I have the ability to be loved any longer. When I read this I thought I had written it. It sums up exactly how I feel. I just had a big ugly cry & said that I hoped one day someone would love me for just being me. & I hope that day is sooner than later. I needed a big hug today from DH & instead he ignored me. I have horrible PTSD & epilepsy & certain things can trigger one or both. I just needed to tell him & him hug me & tell me that I’d be ok. He can’t do that for me. I’m such a broken woman. Hugs to you both. There, see? That's a female thing. We automatically reach out and comfort each other. It's the built-in maternal instinct. Men don't have that. My man is the most affectionate, sensitive person, but he mostly doesn't notice if I need a hug. I could stand there all evening with puppy eyes, waiting, and he'll walk around me before he notices. If I want a hug, I have to hug him first, or ask him. Then he will willingly and lovingly hug me, but I have to make the first move. At first I would get all bent out of shape ('he doesn't love me any more', 'he never notices me') but I realised that I needed to know him better rather than trying to make him change. Most men are rubbish at picking up on hints or non-verbal communication. They may work really hard while they're dating and in the first throes of adoration, but it isn't natural to them. That's just them, NOT a reflection on you, but the sooner you realise that they aren't doing it on purpose and lower your expectations, the better for your own self-esteem. Did you ask him for a cuddle?
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Post by Jockscrap on Sept 7, 2019 8:30:00 GMT
Deleted as I should have read more of the posts before replying
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