RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,743 
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Sept 5, 2019 20:38:18 GMT
The other night I had a church worship group meeting. I only found out about it a few days before because I hadn't received the minutes (including the next date) from the previous meeting which I hadn't attended because I lost my voice. The Rector apologised for the minutes having gone to everybody except me, and then the next item was a new piece of software which they had been trialling. I had originally been asked to be on the trial team and had agreed, and then had heard nothing more. The Rector asked me a question about it and I said "I don't know, I was never invited to the team" and he was again very surprised that he had forgotten to include me.
The following day at work I could hear everyone arranging their breaks while I was dealing with customers on the front desk, but when I finished my 2 hours' stint, they had had their breaks and started on lunches so I couldn't take mine. I had to go without my paid break.
15 minutes (also unpaid) after the end of my shift, I went to get my bag out of the locker to go home and got asked to wait outside until the manager had finished talking to one of the partners.
Any other day I would have shrugged it off but on top of all the other stuff, I feel properly miffed. Pfft.
If you've made it this far, thank you. Please feel free add your own grumbles.
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Post by destined2bmom on Sept 5, 2019 20:52:12 GMT
Hugs RedSquirrelUK. You are one of the most beautiful peas that I have ever known. I can understand why you feel so invisible. It was really awful that you have been treated so poorly. Just know that I am here for you! |
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,355
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Post by DEX on Sept 5, 2019 20:57:21 GMT
When I weighed over 250#'s I often felt invisible. Now, I am slimmer but I am fast approaching 70 so I feel that way a lot again. Unless it is some snot nosed kid in the checkout line that asks, "How you doing today young lady?"  We all notice you here@redsquirrel. You are not invisible here. |
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Post by tappingmaples on Sept 5, 2019 21:01:48 GMT
I remember my mom used to say, as a woman the older you get, the more you get ignored. She’d say she felt like she blended in to the furniture in the room.
I thought that was crazy when I was young and pretty. But now in my 50’s, I feel the same way. I blend right into the furniture.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Sept 5, 2019 21:04:30 GMT
Let me piggyback on DEX's comments that you are very much not invisible here on the boards, and are a well liked pea.
(((Hugs)))
I'm sorry church and work treated you badly. Just remember that it speaks negatively about the people who chose to act rudely, and does not reflect on you.
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Post by tara on Sept 5, 2019 21:05:34 GMT
Yes, all of my life. I always felt like a ghost.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,743
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Sept 5, 2019 21:56:38 GMT
tara Big hugs. Those around you are obviously not taking the trouble to get to know you. Their loss.  Thanks everyone. You make me feel better - you always do. Thank you! 
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Post by mom on Sept 5, 2019 22:00:23 GMT
Yes, all of my life. I always felt like a ghost. I agree. My DH is essentially the 'Prom Queen' of my life. Wherever we go, as soon as we walk in, he is being waved to, people coming up to him. Everyone knows him. He's friends with everyone. He's tall (6'5) and slender and everyone remembers him. I, on the other hand, am pretty forgettable and invisible. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 5, 2019 22:04:36 GMT
I actually kind of like blending into the background, but I’ve never really liked being the center of attention either. The church things though where someone was supposed to follow up and didn’t would kind of chap my hide. I’m sorry you feel invisible. As others have said, you’re not invisible here in the Pod!
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Post by delila on Sept 5, 2019 22:09:59 GMT
My mother has a little get together every Friday night with my sister, her friend, my niece, my nephews girlfriends mother. I have never once been invited to it. My niece asked my mother why I wasn’t invited & her answer was because I don’t drink wine. 2 of the people there don’t drink at all & one only drinks vodka. At these Friday night get togethers they plan their trips overseas & don’t invite me on those trips either. This has been going on for 6-8 years. I am so hurt by this, just hurt that they can’t bother to include me or to take my feelings into consideration. I’m done trying to put my feelings aside to make everyone else feel better when no one really cares how I feel.
I have spent my whole life trying to make my mother & sister like me. I have to accept that they just don’t. It has always been those 2 against me.
I truly am the invisible child in my family & my heart is broken because of it.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,613
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Sept 5, 2019 22:18:06 GMT
My mother has a little get together every Friday night with my sister, her friend, my niece, my nephews girlfriends mother. I have never once been invited to it. My niece asked my mother why I wasn’t invited & her answer was because I don’t drink wine. 2 of the people there don’t drink at all & one only drinks vodka. At these Friday night get togethers they plan their trips overseas & don’t invite me on those trips either. This has been going on for 6-8 years. I am so hurt by this, just hurt that they can’t bother to include me or to take my feelings into consideration. I’m done trying to put my feelings aside to make everyone else feel better when no one really cares how I feel. I have spent my whole life trying to make my mother & sister like me. I have to accept that they just don’t. It has always been those 2 against me. I truly am the invisible child in my family & my heart is broken because of it. That is truly terrible. WTF is wrong with your mother?!?!?! |
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Sept 5, 2019 22:30:13 GMT
delila I’m sorry your family treats you this way. That’s just crappy. They don’t sound like people I would wanna spend my vacation with anyway.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Sept 5, 2019 22:38:15 GMT
Speak up! Follow up! When you hadn't heard anything about the software trial group, you could have emailed the person in charge to find out what was going on. At work, did you say "Oh hey, before you guys start lunches, I still need my break"?
As far as having to wait outside the locker room, were you singled out and told you couldn't go in, or was no one to go in during a private meeting that could have been disciplinary or sensitive in some other way?
I hope I'm not coming across harshly, but I really want to encourage you to be an advocate for yourself. Don't sit around waiting for someone else to do it for you, because you will never be someone else's top priority.
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Post by *sprout* on Sept 5, 2019 22:38:21 GMT
Oh, my goodness, delila. That's just awful. I'm so sorry you are treated so terribly. My heart hurts for you. Big pea hugs!! |
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craftymom101
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,633
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Post by craftymom101 on Sept 5, 2019 22:48:09 GMT
My mother has a little get together every Friday night with my sister, her friend, my niece, my nephews girlfriends mother. I have never once been invited to it. My niece asked my mother why I wasn’t invited & her answer was because I don’t drink wine. 2 of the people there don’t drink at all & one only drinks vodka. At these Friday night get togethers they plan their trips overseas & don’t invite me on those trips either. This has been going on for 6-8 years. I am so hurt by this, just hurt that they can’t bother to include me or to take my feelings into consideration. I’m done trying to put my feelings aside to make everyone else feel better when no one really cares how I feel. I have spent my whole life trying to make my mother & sister like me. I have to accept that they just don’t. It has always been those 2 against me. I truly am the invisible child in my family & my heart is broken because of it. How awful.  I’m so sorry you are being treated this way. (((Hugs))) |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Sept 5, 2019 22:52:26 GMT
We talked about this on the 50ish group. I agree. As we get older we start to be more invisible. Less noticed. I also think those of us that are always there, always doing the job, and keeping our heads down, get looked over. A little praise and a little noticing is worth a lot, isn't it?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:56:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2019 22:55:23 GMT
The other night I had a church worship group meeting. I only found out about it a few days before because I hadn't received the minutes (including the next date) from the previous meeting which I hadn't attended because I lost my voice. The Rector apologised for the minutes having gone to everybody except me, and then the next item was a new piece of software which they had been trialling. I had originally been asked to be on the trial team and had agreed, and then had heard nothing more. The Rector asked me a question about it and I said "I don't know, I was never invited to the team" and he was again very surprised that he had forgotten to include me. The following day at work I could hear everyone arranging their breaks while I was dealing with customers on the front desk, but when I finished my 2 hours' stint, they had had their breaks and started on lunches so I couldn't take mine. I had to go without my paid break. 15 minutes (also unpaid) after the end of my shift, I went to get my bag out of the locker to go home and got asked to wait outside until the manager had finished talking to one of the partners. Any other day I would have shrugged it off but on top of all the other stuff, I feel properly miffed. Pfft. If you've made it this far, thank you. Please feel free add your own grumbles. I used to feel invisible a LOT. But, I've learned to stop being nice. When I hear everyone arranging break times I speak up that they either have to remember me, or I WILL take it without my post being covered. If I am asked to be on a team (which means you aren't truly invisible!) I make sure to follow up every few days about meeting times etc until I have answers. I don't think you are invisible but are wearing camouflage in that they can invite you, then forget about you. You sound like the kind of person who doesn't make waves and can be counted to do the responsible thing. When you get invisible it is time to make some major waves in the pool of tranquility! |
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Post by delila on Sept 5, 2019 23:01:59 GMT
Thank you for all the kind, loving words & Pea hugs. This is my safe place that I can come to without judgment, I hope.
My mother isn’t very kind to me & I have seen more of if as I’ve gotten older. A few years ago she told myself & a friend that she wanted an only child. She is an only, my DH is an only & I have an only. When she said this to us we were floored & I felt sick. I am her second child, the child she did not want & the child that was born with major epilepsy. I was very sick as a child but no one noticed that I was having seizures. My mother wasn’t interested in me, I was trouble & she liked my sister who was quite & pretty, I was neither one.
Thanks again for all the kind words, it’s so appreciated.
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Post by katiekaty on Sept 5, 2019 23:03:10 GMT
We all live busy lives. I doubt, unless you are a high schooler or maybe a crazy family member, anyone is intentionally leaving anyone off of a work list, project group, social activity (unless you are a problem there), etc. These days everyone has a to-do list miles long and rarely gets to the end of it. If you don't want to miss out, be left out, or feel ignored, skipped over, etc, you need to look out for yourself by emailing, texting, calling or whatever is needed to keep in contact with those who are in charge, managing, coordinating any events you want to be a part of.
And you shouldn't get bent out of shape if you feel like you always have to do so. I would be will to bet you that someone who wanted those breaks mentioned it to the supervisor and everyone who got one, spoke up-you heard them speaking but said nothing. You were invited to test the software but didn't follow up. You knew the date of the meeting, and you knew you should have gotten a copy of the minutes in advance, yet did not send a request before hand when you didn't get them.
It is so easy to presume "they" are against, but how many others didn't get the follows, etc., yet stood up and got the info they wanted? If you really want something, you have to reach out and grab it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:56:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2019 23:22:27 GMT
delila that is awful how your mother and sister treat you! Cut toxic people like that out of your life. Spend your energy on those who value you like us peas. 
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 5, 2019 23:28:11 GMT
My rant is about my coworkers. Most of them are far younger than I am and they seem to be trying to make me break so I will quit.
It won’t happen but it doesn’t keep them from driving me crazy. Even the old manager is a total pain in the ass but at least my supervisor can see the real me and that I am dutifully doing my work that I was hired to do in the first place.
Tons of drama with the young girls that is completely unnecessary. They are trying to make me look bad but my work proves otherwise.
One of the coworkers challenged my commitment to the bakery. I told her my significant other moved four hours away and wanted me to go with him. I declined since I didn’t want to leave my employer high and dry at their busy season. If that’s not commitment, then I don’t know what it is and she can go pound sand.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 6, 2019 0:03:26 GMT
Unfortunately not recently. I keep getting put in the middle of things.
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Post by beaglemom on Sept 6, 2019 0:27:49 GMT
Hugs!! I see you, I hear you, and I totally feel you!! I am constantly feeling like I am only "seen" when someone wants something from me.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 6, 2019 0:28:06 GMT
Im sorry you feel that way—I *see* you! ❤️
Perfect thread for today. I was just talking to my sister that I often feel lonely but invisible is a better word choice.
I sometimes feel lost or missing in all that I’m doing, around the house and for others.
My sister said the same but she called it being taken for granted/advantage of especially when on the presence of others.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 6, 2019 0:29:40 GMT
I forgot to add my vent.
Please do your damn job AND do it right. You being a slacker ends up reflecting badly on me.
And if you aren't going to do it, give me enough notice so that I can do it properly. I'm not having my name attached to that trash you wrote.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
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Post by LeaP on Sept 6, 2019 0:30:12 GMT
Yeah, I know how you feel. I fade into the woodwork a lot.
The big exception I have found, however, is that there is a secret handshake of sorts among women of a certain age. I was at the DMV getting some paperwork done for my husband. The woman at the counter was friendly, relaxed and helpful. She even gave me the benefit of the doubt. I almost fainted. I have had this experience several times in several places. It shocks me every time. It is the I know that you know that I put up with a lot of BS so lets be nice to each other.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 6, 2019 0:30:44 GMT
My mother has a little get together every Friday night with my sister, her friend, my niece, my nephews girlfriends mother. I have never once been invited to it. My niece asked my mother why I wasn’t invited & her answer was because I don’t drink wine. 2 of the people there don’t drink at all & one only drinks vodka. At these Friday night get togethers they plan their trips overseas & don’t invite me on those trips either. This has been going on for 6-8 years. I am so hurt by this, just hurt that they can’t bother to include me or to take my feelings into consideration. I’m done trying to put my feelings aside to make everyone else feel better when no one really cares how I feel. I have spent my whole life trying to make my mother & sister like me. I have to accept that they just don’t. It has always been those 2 against me. I truly am the invisible child in my family & my heart is broken because of it. We must have shared the same mom I wish that the moms/sisters out there doing this realize what everlasting hurt and damage they do to the one daughter/sister in the outside. I never got over the feeling. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 6, 2019 0:31:54 GMT
Thank you for all the kind, loving words & Pea hugs. This is my safe place that I can come to without judgment, I hope. My mother isn’t very kind to me & I have seen more of if as I’ve gotten older. A few years ago she told myself & a friend that she wanted an only child. She is an only, my DH is an only & I have an only. When she said this to us we were floored & I felt sick. I am her second child, the child she did not want & the child that was born with major epilepsy. I was very sick as a child but no one noticed that I was having seizures. My mother wasn’t interested in me, I was trouble & she liked my sister who was quite & pretty, I was neither one. Thanks again for all the kind words, it’s so appreciated. I hate your mother. |
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Post by delila on Sept 6, 2019 0:54:43 GMT
Thank you for all the kind, loving words & Pea hugs. This is my safe place that I can come to without judgment, I hope. My mother isn’t very kind to me & I have seen more of if as I’ve gotten older. A few years ago she told myself & a friend that she wanted an only child. She is an only, my DH is an only & I have an only. When she said this to us we were floored & I felt sick. I am her second child, the child she did not want & the child that was born with major epilepsy. I was very sick as a child but no one noticed that I was having seizures. My mother wasn’t interested in me, I was trouble & she liked my sister who was quite & pretty, I was neither one. Thanks again for all the kind words, it’s so appreciated. I hate your mother. [ She never wanted me & I feel like she doesn’t want me now. I have tried to be the good daughter & do right by her but I just can’t seem to do it while my sister is always perfect. Sister was perfect growing up & apparently she still is to her mother. A few months ago I told my mother that her cousin molested me as a child & she said that he would not do that. She took his side & said I was lying. This is the mother who would drop me off at their house & I would cry & scream that I was scared to be there but she left me there anyway. My first memory is of being molested by one of her friends sons when I was around 4ish. She didn’t want to talk about that one at all. |
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Sept 6, 2019 1:04:22 GMT
My mother has a little get together every Friday night with my sister, her friend, my niece, my nephews girlfriends mother. I have never once been invited to it. My niece asked my mother why I wasn’t invited & her answer was because I don’t drink wine. 2 of the people there don’t drink at all & one only drinks vodka. At these Friday night get togethers they plan their trips overseas & don’t invite me on those trips either. This has been going on for 6-8 years. I am so hurt by this, just hurt that they can’t bother to include me or to take my feelings into consideration. I’m done trying to put my feelings aside to make everyone else feel better when no one really cares how I feel. I have spent my whole life trying to make my mother & sister like me. I have to accept that they just don’t. It has always been those 2 against me. I truly am the invisible child in my family & my heart is broken because of it. I feel you & validate you Years ago my MIL took her two daughters and DIL away for a girls weekend get away. When my DH found out about it he asked his mother why I wasn't invited and her response was that we didn't have kids and that I didn't need a weekend away. |
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I’m so sorry you are being treated this way. (((Hugs)))
