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Post by kelly316 on Sept 16, 2019 22:42:01 GMT
i know what i want to say... but wouldn't have my 3 terrific kids.... so.... everything else i can think of has been kinda "live and learn" for me. i do think i have been lucky... i also know someone who is coming to terms with the consequences of poor judgment and will have the rest of their lives to continue to be reminded of that decision. Same. It’s hard to regret my first marriage because of my kids. But as I get older and see all the damage in my soul from that union, including turning one child against me, I often wish I had made different choices regarding who I married. It’s the nightmare that never stops c See for me I would change it, because I would have chosen a better father for my child.
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,350
Location: Dallas Texas
Jun 26, 2014 12:16:22 GMT
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Post by SabrinaP on Sept 16, 2019 22:42:01 GMT
I wish I had put myself out there in high school. I had friends but didn’t date at all. I didn’t go to prom and I really regret not going. I wish I had gone even if only with friends.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Sept 16, 2019 23:00:34 GMT
I try really hard not to “what if”now that I hit my mid-50’s. I think it’s natural at this stage of life to take stock of the choices that got you to this point. However, any different decision could have gone good or bad. Plus, I don’t think it helps, especially if you are really regretting where you are today. Regret sucks too much joy out of the limited time I have left.
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Sept 16, 2019 23:19:16 GMT
I would have never married my son's father. I would have decided to be a single mom out of the gate and finish the degree I wanted. I knew within one hour of marrying him I'd made a mistake, and within a month I'd made a horrible mistake. But I stuck it out for 8 years. 8 wasted years. Same. I have more wasted years than that. 😢 I’m so sorry!! My wasted years did have a lot of joy and love (my family, friends and children) I hope you had the bright spots as well. 12ish years post divorce... I love my life ❤️ I hope you do too!!
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Post by ilikepink on Sept 16, 2019 23:28:14 GMT
I have always tried to live with no regrets. Both marriages led to the three boys, now men, that are productive citizens of whom I am proud
Wish I had made better financial decisions since the divorce. Had I planned better and gone out to eat less, I wouldn’t be struggling as much. But it’s all good.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Sept 16, 2019 23:40:09 GMT
Same. It’s hard to regret my first marriage because of my kids. But as I get older and see all the damage in my soul from that union, including turning one child against me, I often wish I had made different choices regarding who I married. It’s the nightmare that never stops c See for me I would change it, because I would have chosen a better father for my child. after the anguish my ex has caused our son this year, I am starting to feel this way too. I used to think he was a good father but this year changed that.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Sept 17, 2019 8:15:59 GMT
Can’t wish I had not married XH because of kids. So I’ll wish I paid attention when I read of dr Dean Ornish’s research decades ago and started eating high card low fat back then. All those years of unhappiness, frustration, shame and bad health could have been avoided. I’m glad I finally figured it out, but I wish so much I started sooner. My life could have been so different.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,730
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Sept 17, 2019 13:17:08 GMT
I've made lots of mistakes. Most of them lead to good things happening that would not otherwise have happened. Even with the toxic boyfriend I shared some great experiences and memories, although if I had let him storm out into the night (drunk) without following him nearly 30 years ago, it could have saved me a few years of anxiety and fear, and I still may have met my DH, possibly even earlier. But that is all part of my history.
I just wish that I could stop my brain from remembering every stupid, hurtful thing that I have ever said or done, and bashing me down with them at my lowest moments.
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Post by leslie132 on Sept 17, 2019 13:38:12 GMT
I wish I would have insisted they induced my labor on week 39. Had I told the doctor that I was beyond uncomfortable they could have induced, and I could have delivered a healthy baby girl. She wouldn’t have had the kink form in her umbilical cord. She wouldn’t have passed the tar like bowel movement and she never would have ingested it. She would still be alive, and turning 9 next month if only I would have insisted. If only I could have known something was happening.
That is a hard one to live with.
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Post by KikiPea on Sept 17, 2019 15:38:48 GMT
My biggest regret in life is not going on the family cruise with my DH's family before my MIL passed away, and not being able to go see her when she was in the hospital. She kept asking about me, but we lived an hour away, and I worked till 5PM, so it just wasn't really possible. She was only there 4 days.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,593
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Sept 17, 2019 15:55:11 GMT
I really, really hurt a lovely guy when I was in my early 20s. If I could go back in time, I would erase that. I still feel really badly about the way I treated him and wish I'd been more mature and kind.
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Post by kelly316 on Sept 17, 2019 21:00:15 GMT
I really, really hurt a lovely guy when I was in my early 20s. If I could go back in time, I would erase that. I still feel really badly about the way I treated him and wish I'd been more mature and kind. Your regret is something you did to someone, not something someone did to you. I love that.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 17, 2019 23:19:28 GMT
I would not have given my ex a second chance after he cheated.
But on a more personal level, I would have completed my four year degree before getting married and having children.
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Post by idahomom on Sept 18, 2019 2:19:14 GMT
I'm very sorry. And I understand. My biggest regret has always been not trusting my instincts. When I was 25 weeks pregnant with my first son I had severe cramping and pressure. I called the doctor on call who was at a Christmas party and dismissed me, told me to go to bed and call the office in the morning. Later that night/early morning I nearly delivered him at home. We got the hospital where I was diagnosed with incompetent cervix and he was already crowning. Attempts were made to push him back in and sew my cervix shut, but that failed. He was born alive, perfect, and I had to say goodbye hours later. Christmas Eve 1992
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Sept 18, 2019 12:17:27 GMT
I don’t know that I would change too much, but I’ve developed some life rules to adjust future outcomes like traveling with someone before you make a serious commitment (adopted this rule 2 days into a trip).
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Sept 18, 2019 14:41:13 GMT
I would have tried harder in school. My parents never talked about expectations or the future or career. I don’t know why. I did fine. Have two university degrees. But I think I could have done more, gotten involved more, had more foresight. I wish I’d gone away to university but I was too scared so I lived at home and went to our local university.
With my own kids i see there is a big world out there with tons of opportunity and tons of career choices.
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Post by KelleeM on Sept 18, 2019 16:26:46 GMT
I wish I had learned how to be a good friend. I failed pretty miserably and am virtually friendless at 57.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Sept 18, 2019 16:36:59 GMT
Marrying my ex, but then it would mean I wouldn't have my daughter, so I'd probably do it again just to get her.
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Post by worldwanderer75 on Sept 18, 2019 17:24:07 GMT
I don't regret too much because some of it is life lessons that shape you and some is just life circumstances (shouldn't have a bought a house in that economy type stuff). My only real regret is that I didn't finish my Master's degree in my 20s. I was pregnant with my first child and my husband got a great job offer across the country. I decided to drop out instead of figuring out a way to finish. Now I'm in my 40s with 4 kids and I'm juggling grad school. I'm a much better student at this age but I also have a lot of things pulling me in different directions that I didn't have in my 20s.
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Post by Jamie on Sept 18, 2019 23:02:42 GMT
I would have never gotten married.
I should have pushed harder In high school for a relationship with my best friend. He always said if we dated and broke up he didn’t know if we would be able to stay friends because of how much we knew about each other. I lost contact with him for 22 years after he graduated and just got back in contact this spring. From day one it’s been like we were never apart for those 22 years. It’s more and more obvious each time we talk or get together just how alike we are. I will always wonder what if we had taken that chance....
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Post by lauradrumm on Sept 19, 2019 7:07:58 GMT
Wish I would have bought Intel, Microsoft and Apple stock in the 80s
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Post by gryroagain on Sept 19, 2019 8:25:30 GMT
It’s one thing to say “well, I wouldn’t have them “ but it’s another to think well, they wouldnt be them, and have this. So I’d undo it all, really. Better they were them without all that. Even me, really, I would trade me for another life without this for them.
I’d undo them not marrying DH, and I bet these days they would say that’s fine. I hitched my wagon to a star that was a black hole, and I will always regret that.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 20:35:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2019 13:38:54 GMT
Thoughts of kindness to all who shared difficult histories. Makes me so grateful my kids' generation is so much LESS willing to put themselves into unequal relationships (or at least they way my kids seem to talk about it w/their friends). We continue to get smarter as a society (not in every case Gives me hope.
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
Jun 17, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
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Post by ashley on Sept 19, 2019 13:46:00 GMT
Honestly... I think the only thing I’d go back and I do is my tattoo!!
Everything else lead me to where I am today, and I love my beautiful life so much, I can’t imagine being in a different place right now. Perhaps if I hadn’t had my first child so young, I wouldn’t have the four lovely girls that I do now. Or if I hadn’t taken time off school to stay home with them, I might not have had my scrapbooking career and my own book. Or maybe if I’d just concentrated on a career in biochemistry, I wouldn’t be part of the nascent cannabis industry now...
Without the depressions and hardships, would I appreciate the joys of my life today? If I hadn’t struggled and fought for my marriage, or without having experienced a devastating heartbreak (a year later and I’m still bruised..), would I know how capable I am of loving so deeply and how valuable that is?
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Sept 19, 2019 13:54:38 GMT
I feel like I would have worked harder to maintain friendships from my teens and twenties. There are a few people now that I wish I could just have a conversation with etc, but so much time has passed, situations have changed. I wonder about them often and hope they are happy. I appreciate all the old memories - the good ole days kwim?
I don't like regrets and try not to think of them much, but I do wonder what if...like what if I did move to NYC when I was 22? what if I did more artwork or put myself out there career wise etc? I really feel like my 30's were a blur lol. I think I was sleep deprived maybe?
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Post by kelly316 on Sept 20, 2019 22:34:10 GMT
It’s one thing to say “well, I wouldn’t have them “ but it’s another to think well, they wouldnt be them, and have this. So I’d undo it all, really. Better they were them without all that. Even me, really, I would trade me for another life without this for them. I’d undo them not marrying DH, and I bet these days they would say that’s fine. I hitched my wagon to a star that was a black hole, and I will always regret that. This! It’s amazing how one person can make your life a black hole.
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Post by shannoots on Sept 21, 2019 0:14:09 GMT
I had a terrible boyfriend in high school for 3 years. I wouldn't change dating him because I learned a lot but I wish I wouldn't have stayed with him so long. Pretty much ruined my high school experience.
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Post by refugeepea on Sept 21, 2019 1:26:54 GMT
I'm not sure if I could have changed that one thing my life would be any different.
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Post by shescrafty on Sept 21, 2019 8:19:47 GMT
I would not have married my DH. I have never felt truly loved by him,not even when we were 1st married. 25 years later I feel stuck for many reasons.
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Post by kelly316 on Sept 21, 2019 21:23:50 GMT
I would not have married my DH. I have never felt truly loved by him,not even when we were 1st married. 25 years later I feel stuck for many reasons. I’m so sorry, 25 years is way too long.
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