sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,596 
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Oct 29, 2019 2:48:39 GMT
**UPDATE** Well the overnight ended up being at the girl's house. Normally it's been at a cabin or something like that. DD was even less happy when she found out it was "on her turf" (dd's words, not mine). I did try to encourage her to take the high road, especially in this instance.
The affirmation circle lasted over 2 hrs. They had to say something nice to the 2 people to their right. Then all the captains said something nice about each of the girls (DD said she can't remember what was said about her. I will ask her again at another time when she has had time to rest and get over it all). Then they all had to say something nice about the captains. When she had to say something about this particular girl, she said "I like how you try to be a leader". So, I guess the least passive aggressive thing she could say.
There is a lot of background to all of this and the season. I love watching my daughter do what she loves. But we are counting down the days for this season to be over (2 weeks from yesterday).
DD is supposed to go to a team bonding overnight this Sat. Supposedly they have a tradition of doing an affirmation circle. They all go around and say something nice about each other. There is one girl that DD cannot find anything nice to say about. This girl is a team captain. 2 weeks ago, DD had an injury that caused her to miss an event. She was able to go support the team but did not compete with them. Same girl was talking about DD, saying she was faking. After finding out about this, DD was mad and I am guessing a little hurt too. I am having a hard time coming up with something to help her. Any suggestions on what to say nice about someone when you can’t think of anything? |
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 29, 2019 2:51:38 GMT
That is a tough one. All I can think of is the quote about getting rid of an enemy by turning them into a friend. Not sure how to turn that into compliment. Maybe something about her accomplishment of being the team captain. She must have put in some extra effort for that.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,596
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Oct 29, 2019 2:55:57 GMT
That is a tough one. All I can think of is the quote about getting rid of an enemy by turning them into a friend. Not sure how to turn that into compliment. Maybe something about her accomplishment of being the team captain. She must have put in some extra effort for that. Not really. She’s a senior, so pretty much all seniors get it I think. It’s supposedly voted upon but not sure. |
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Oct 29, 2019 2:56:03 GMT
She is unique, one of a kind, interesting. It’s all I’ve got.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 29, 2019 3:02:39 GMT
Hmmmm, that's a tough one. Maybe something like "I'm sure you're not really as much of a bitch as you seem" ??  No? |
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Post by kkrenn on Oct 29, 2019 3:05:37 GMT
It's really nice how you can talk about people behind their backs without consequences???
Passive aggressive at its best! LOL
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,082
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Oct 29, 2019 3:08:54 GMT
I really appreciate how supportive Kate was when I was injured a couple of weeks ago.
Compliment? Or not?
Perfectly double edged.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,189
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Oct 29, 2019 3:14:06 GMT
I really appreciate how supportive Kate was when I was injured a couple of weeks ago. Compliment? Or not? Perfectly double edged. Ooh, genius!  |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 29, 2019 3:24:53 GMT
Instead of going passive aggressive... why no say something like "I appreciate that XXX is healthy and ready to play for the team"
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 9, 2024 22:26:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2019 3:26:30 GMT
Hmmmm, that's a tough one. Maybe something like "I'm sure you're not really as much of a bitch as you seem" ?? No? This works for me! 🤣🤣🤣 |
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Post by nlwilkins on Oct 29, 2019 3:44:58 GMT
Say something nice about her hair or make up that has nothing to do with the sport or the team or her captain type abilities. Also she can make it a compliment with a zinger in it:
"I like the color of her hair, she must spend a lot of time on it"
"her nails are always so pretty I wonder how she manages that and still participates in our team?"
"she always has a great tan even in the winter"
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 9, 2024 22:26:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2019 4:08:42 GMT
I'm grateful that (teammates name) taught me how important it is to be supportive and compassionate without judgement towards all of our teammates when they need it.
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Post by ~summer~ on Oct 29, 2019 4:38:45 GMT
I would make it superficial but sincere:
“She has really pretty hair” etc
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 29, 2019 4:41:24 GMT
She is very confident in her convictions.
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Oct 29, 2019 5:21:14 GMT
My yelling NICE TIE DUDE to the GM, (8.5 months pregnant with my first child knowing I was not returning after he was born) at my last team building event became legendary. The story of my Jack Nicholson from the Shinning style compliment moment was still being discussed at team building meetings, 10 years after I left the company  . Saying NICE TIE to someone in my home is family speak for stop being an ass. NICE EARRINGS SWEETIE, maybe? |
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 29, 2019 10:55:34 GMT
I really appreciate how supportive Kate was when I was injured a couple of weeks ago. Compliment? Or not? Perfectly double edged. That is perfect!!! |
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,596
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Oct 29, 2019 11:18:10 GMT
Hmmmm, that's a tough one. Maybe something like "I'm sure you're not really as much of a bitch as you seem" ?? No? That was along the same lines as something she already thought of.
I'm grateful that (teammates name) taught me how important it is to be supportive and compassionate without judgement towards all of our teammates when they need it.
I really appreciate how supportive Kate was when I was injured a couple of weeks ago. Compliment? Or not? Perfectly double edged.
You know, either of these might work. She wanted to say something like "I like how Suzie taught us to not talk crap about others and then gave us an example of what not to do." I like yours. Says the same thing but different.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 29, 2019 11:26:41 GMT
It's team bonding. I wouldn't advise my daughter to undermine it with passive-aggressive, veiled comments in rebuttal to the other girl's bad behavior. Take the high road. Just give a bland universal compliment like, "She is a strong member of our team."
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Post by hockeymom4 on Oct 29, 2019 11:32:49 GMT
I would be planning all the passive aggressive (or not so passive) replies....BUT.... I would encourage my daughter to be a better person and if she couldn’t think of a genuine compliment something very neutral and generic.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 29, 2019 11:45:36 GMT
I really appreciate how supportive Kate was when I was injured a couple of weeks ago. Compliment? Or not? Perfectly double edged. Ooh, genius! Yeah. I actually love this. Don’t encourage her to do it — but it’s fun to laugh about together. Maybe something about her appearance. Suzy always has such great shoes... |
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Oct 29, 2019 14:26:49 GMT
"You look pretty in purple." "I love those jeans on you." "Your parents are so kind." "I like how you care for animals." "You're a leader." Some very generic kind of statements.  |
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
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Post by luckyexwife on Oct 29, 2019 14:31:59 GMT
It's team bonding. I wouldn't advise my daughter to undermine it with passive-aggressive, veiled comments in rebuttal to the other girl's bad behavior. Take the high road. Just give a bland universal compliment like, "She is a strong member of our team." I agree with this. I would totally want to do a passive aggressive compliment with a jab in it, but in the spirit of team building, a bland compliment would be the better option. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 9, 2024 22:26:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2019 14:34:41 GMT
It's team bonding. I wouldn't advise my daughter to undermine it with passive-aggressive, veiled comments in rebuttal to the other girl's bad behavior. Take the high road. Just give a bland universal compliment like, "She is a strong member of our team." I agree with Spongemom, while I love a bit of passive-aggressiveness as much as the next person I wouldn't be encouraging it in a team bonding situation. |
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Post by maryland on Oct 29, 2019 14:41:40 GMT
Hmmmm, that's a tough one. Maybe something like "I'm sure you're not really as much of a bitch as you seem" ?? No? That was along the same lines as something she already thought of.
I'm grateful that (teammates name) taught me how important it is to be supportive and compassionate without judgement towards all of our teammates when they need it.
I really appreciate how supportive Kate was when I was injured a couple of weeks ago. Compliment? Or not? Perfectly double edged.
You know, either of these might work. She wanted to say something like "I like how Suzie taught us to not talk crap about others and then gave us an example of what not to do." I like yours. Says the same thing but different.
I love your daughter's idea!  And yes, the peas have some great ideas here!
It sounds like she must have a lot of confidence in your daughter being a strong part of the team. Because she sounds mad that your daughter isn't playing.
I hope your daughter has a great time with her other teammates!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 29, 2019 14:49:52 GMT
The kids all had to do this for each other in second grade at my DD’s school and all of the comments were written on a big star for when it was that kid’s turn to be “star of the day”. Some of the comments on my kid’s poster were so, ah,  . Things like, “I like your shirt.” Or “You always have good snacks.”  Really? I would tell her to say something like that, but secretly I would be thinking all the passive aggressive stuff other people here have mentioned. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 9, 2024 22:26:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2019 14:50:46 GMT
It's team bonding. I wouldn't advise my daughter to undermine it with passive-aggressive, veiled comments in rebuttal to the other girl's bad behavior. Take the high road. Just give a bland universal compliment like, "She is a strong member of our team." Yes. IMO, saying any of the passive aggressive comments would make your dd look far worse. Don't let her be a b*itch in front of the team. The team captain wins in that scenario and I know a few coaches who would bench your dd for comments like that. I like "she is a strong member of our team" or something equally generic but supportive. |
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basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,623
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Post by basketdiva on Oct 29, 2019 15:04:53 GMT
It's team bonding. I wouldn't advise my daughter to undermine it with passive-aggressive, veiled comments in rebuttal to the other girl's bad behavior. Take the high road. Just give a bland universal compliment like, "She is a strong member of our team."  |
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Post by jenr on Oct 29, 2019 15:13:00 GMT
It's team bonding. I wouldn't advise my daughter to undermine it with passive-aggressive, veiled comments in rebuttal to the other girl's bad behavior. Take the high road. Just give a bland universal compliment like, "She is a strong member of our team." This^^^. I LOVE the passive-aggressive comments, trust me, but I think it would be better in this case to be the bigger person. |
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Post by Delta Dawn on Oct 29, 2019 15:31:33 GMT
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Post by pierkiss on Oct 29, 2019 15:54:18 GMT
Just say something dumb, like “I like that Kate’s eyeshadow is always on point for game days”. I’m sure this girl isn’t ugly, your daughter can find something about her appearance to compliment. Even if she doesn’t really mean it.
Or she can just make up something random and maybe not even true. Just something that sounds nice and will fit the context of the activity. It’s all bullshit anyways.
I am not a fan of forced affirmations. I think this whole exercise is dumb.
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No?
And yes, the peas have some great ideas here!
. Things like, “I like your shirt.” Or “You always have good snacks.” 
Really? 
