Vent your holiday stress and drama HERE!

Dh is participating in a world record attempt. It began last Tuesday and goes through Saturday morning. It has meant that he hasn't been home much. He has also taken 4 vacation days to accommodate it. We have 4 kids (8, 6, 3, 1). Yes, I am a Sahm, but I am used to him helping out at least a little. He has done 1 thing for Christmas, bought a switch lite for our 6-year-old. And my guess is that will be the only thing he does. And he will complain about me overdoing it.

I am tired. The baby has decided to fight nap time and bedtime. Last night be was pissy because she was having a really hard time going to sleep and he wanted to be sleeping because he had to get up in the middle of the night for his thing. I was trying everything to help her. I ended up sitting on the floor next to her crib shushing and singing till she fell asleep so it wouldn't "disturb" him.

I am dreading spending Dec 31 - Jan 6th with his family. We lucked out at thanksgiving and our flights got canceled due to snow. So we rescheduled. I thought we were going to get lucky and my inlaws would have already headed back home (where we live), but no. They are flying out Christmas Eve, so they can be with their favorite child and coming back the same day we are. This was after they spent a week out there for Thanksgiving, came home for 5 days, but were too busy to see us, before they headed to Patagonia. They will be back for 4 days or so before heading back out to see dh's sisters for Christmas. I can't stand them, but it sucks for my kids. They keep asking why my inlaws spend so much more time with their cousins when we live 15 minutes away and the cousins are a plane flight away.

I am burned out. I am tired of being the one that makes the holidays happen. I am tired of being the one that does 99% of the stuff at home, but dh gets the credit because he is the "fun" one. I am tired of being looked down on because I am a sahm.

I wish for once someone saw me and thought of me. But I'm not holding my breath on that one!

Dh is participating in a world record attempt. It began last Tuesday and goes through Saturday morning. It has meant that he hasn't been home much. He has also taken 4 vacation days to accommodate it. We have 4 kids (8, 6, 3, 1). Yes, I am a Sahm, but I am used to him helping out at least a little. He has done 1 thing for Christmas, bought a switch lite for our 6-year-old. And my guess is that will be the only thing he does. And he will complain about me overdoing it.

I am tired. The baby has decided to fight nap time and bedtime. Last night be was pissy because she was having a really hard time going to sleep and he wanted to be sleeping because he had to get up in the middle of the night for his thing. I was trying everything to help her. I ended up sitting on the floor next to her crib shushing and singing till she fell asleep so it wouldn't "disturb" him.

I am dreading spending Dec 31 - Jan 6th with his family. We lucked out at thanksgiving and our flights got canceled due to snow. So we rescheduled. I thought we were going to get lucky and my inlaws would have already headed back home (where we live), but no. They are flying out Christmas Eve, so they can be with their favorite child and coming back the same day we are. This was after they spent a week out there for Thanksgiving, came home for 5 days, but were too busy to see us, before they headed to Patagonia. They will be back for 4 days or so before heading back out to see dh's sisters for Christmas. I can't stand them, but it sucks for my kids. They keep asking why my inlaws spend so much more time with their cousins when we live 15 minutes away and the cousins are a plane flight away.

I am burned out. I am tired of being the one that makes the holidays happen. I am tired of being the one that does 99% of the stuff at home, but dh gets the credit because he is the "fun" one. I am tired of being looked down on because I am a sahm.

I wish for once someone saw me and thought of me. But I'm not holding my breath on that one!

My aunt died a few months ago.  I found out via google a month after the fact.  No one to this day has called or said one word.  She couldn't stand my sister and I, anyway.  Her obituary didn't include her two nieces who both tried to include her in our lives.   Still, it would have been nice to be told.  Oh well, it's not like we were besties.   I'm sorry about your dh's uncle.  

You are worthy and you have value.  I'm sorry that your DH doesn't get that.  My DH did the same thing when my kids were little, then was upset when I complained that he went Christmas shopping for me on the 24th when I really just needed help with the kids while I prepped for the big family dinner the next day that we hosted--complete with 2 sets of grandparents as out-of-town guests!  What you are doing is important and the ripples will be there for generations.  Be kind to yourself today.  

This is long (and sappy!), but was sent to me when my youngest was about your youngest's age.  You are in the trenches and these are some tough years.  But it's the most important work of all.

The Invisible Mother
By Nicole Johnson

One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, “Who is that with you, young fella?”

“Nobody,” he shrugged.

Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only five, but as we crossed the street I thought, “Oh my goodness, I’m nobody?”

As Nobody, I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family, like “Turn the TV down, please.” And nothing would happen. No one would get up or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, “Would someone turn the TV down?” Nothing.

That’s when I started putting all the pieces together. I don’t think anyone can see me.
I’m invisible.

It all began to make sense! The blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’d think, “Can't you see I'm on the phone?”

Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner. No one can see me, because I’m the Invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more. Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I’m merely a clock to ask, “What time is it?” I'm a satellite guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?”

Some days I’m a crystal ball: “Where's my other sock? Where's my phone? What’s for dinner?”
Hands, a clock, a crystal ball—but always invisible.

One night, some girlfriends and I were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and was telling wonderful stories. I sat there, looking around at the others all so put-together, so visible and vibrant. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic when my friend turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package and said, “I brought you this.” It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: “With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”

In the days ahead I read—no—I devoured the book. And I discovered what would become for me, four life-changing truths:
1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals—we have no record of their names.
2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

In the book, there was the legend of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built. He saw a worker carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.” And the worker replied, “Because God sees.”

After reading that, I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.

“No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no last minute errand is too small for Me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become. But I see.”

When I choose to view myself as a great builder—instead of Invisible Mom—I keep the right perspective.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, “My mom gets up at four in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand-bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.” That would mean I’d built a monument to myself! But I don’t want that—I just want him to want to come home with a friend and share a wonderful meal as a family.

The author of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. I disagree.

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right—which is why we may feel invisible some days. But one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

But if some woman wants my DS to not be home for christmas, she better watch out. Oh crap...I might be that MIL.