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Post by christine58 on Feb 23, 2020 0:13:23 GMT
Can someone please explain this to me>? I just returned from a bridal shower for my cousin's future DIL. We were asked to bring the gifts unwrapped. I understand that unwrapping gifts takes forever. So we kind of thought what would happen is it she’d go gift to gift, open the card ,thank whoever then go onto the next one. It probably would’ve taken her a half an hour maybe 45 minutes. OH no that's not what happened at all.
The BRIDESMAIDS opened the cards, then put a large PINK note that said "Thanks from Jack and Jill" (not real names). Not one card opened by the bride...not one gift acknowledged...oh and we got to address our own envelopes for the thank yous..HELLO you used an excel list to do the invited...use it the fuck again. Oh and there were door prizes...I think. TWO HOURS AND 45 MINS into the shower...they were going to "do the prizes in 10 mins". We left.
Now the only good point...food was really good. Someone please explain this to me....I--along with my mom--put a lot of thought into their gifts. They are huge fans of the local pro football team so we went with that as a theme. I was hoping to at least know she liked what we put together. I.JUST.DON'T.GET IT.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Feb 23, 2020 0:27:52 GMT
DD went to a shower recently where all the gifts were requested to be wrapped in clear cellophane which is just odd. Definitely not very eco friendly. Not sure if that's any better than what you experienced though. oh and we got to address our own envelopes for the thank yous..HELLO you used an excel list to do the invited...use it the fuck again.  This is my biggest peeve of all with showers now. |
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Post by lisae on Feb 23, 2020 0:31:36 GMT
What was the bride doing?
If I were in your position, I'd remember this if a baby comes along and I got invited to a baby shower. If I wanted to gift, I'd buy a baby gift and find another time to give it to the mother-to-be and skip the shower.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 22, 2024 15:25:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2020 0:43:34 GMT
You lost me at "cousin's future DIL." I don't think I could even name all my cousins' kids!
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Post by christine58 on Feb 23, 2020 0:45:35 GMT
You lost me at "cousin's future DIL." I don't think I could even name all my cousins' kids! We are a large tight knit Italian family and I could name them all. LOL. The bride was mingling but I never saw her come over near where we were sitting. It’s just that the whole thing was bizarre. Oh and there will be no baby shower gift bought or anything like that. |
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,613 
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on Feb 23, 2020 1:48:19 GMT
I could see if you wanted to be environmentally friendly and save in the wrapping paper. But I'd except the bride to open the cards and look at the gifts. Even with opening gifts it should be 1.5 - 2 hours.
I went to a shower where we wrote our addresses on a sheet of paper because we had been invited via FB or phone calls.
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Post by lucyg on Feb 23, 2020 1:58:22 GMT
Please don’t get me started. Some people will excuse any bad behavior by reasoning that it makes things easier for the guest of honor. Not interested. They can address the damn envelope themselves. Not my job. NOW all that said ... I’m sure I was complaining a few weeks ago on a pea thread about girls throwing their own baby showers. Well, I’ve just been invited to my nephew’s girlfriend’s baby shower and I’m pretty sure they’re giving it themselves. And you know what? I don’t care. I love them and I’m thrilled they’re having a baby after all these years. So call me a hypocrite, I deserve it. (Maybe they’ll even get married now.)  |
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Feb 23, 2020 2:47:04 GMT
I've been to showers where they requested no wrapping paper for environmental reasons, but the gifts were all acknowledged as she opened the cards/books. I'm from a big Polish family in MI and attended many showers held in reception halls, and I've never seen this kind of rush job. At least the food was good!  |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 23, 2020 2:47:31 GMT
I know it’s just my grumpy old lady tendencies showing, but this kind of thing bugs me immensely. Is it really, really that hard to properly thank the people who have gone out of their way to spend their time, money and effort on you? I don’t understand it either.
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QueenoftheSloths
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Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Feb 23, 2020 3:01:38 GMT
I went to a shower for one of DH's relatives. Gift unacknowledged. We went together to their wedding, gift unacknowledged. Also, the bride was going around the reception from table to table and deliberately skipped ours. A year goes by, I am invited to their baby shower. Gift unacknowledged. They had another baby, I told DH I was done going to showers. He sent an expensive gift directly to their home. Gift unacknowledged.
If it were my choice, the gifting would have stopped long ago.
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FurryP
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To pea or not to pea...
Posts: 7,278
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Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Feb 23, 2020 4:04:26 GMT
Well some of the entitled snow flakes have grown up. You should feel honored that they let you address your own thank you card.  For the record, I would have not done it because I already knew how NOT thankful they were for the gift. Why do I need a card? |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 23, 2020 4:14:47 GMT
I went to a shower for one of DH's relatives. Gift unacknowledged. We went together to their wedding, gift unacknowledged. Also, the bride was going around the reception from table to table and deliberately skipped ours. A year goes by, I am invited to their baby shower. Gift unacknowledged. They had another baby, I told DH I was done going to showers. He sent an expensive gift directly to their home. Gift unacknowledged. If it were my choice, the gifting would have stopped long ago. Nope, nope, nope. That’s just rude to not even acknowledge that they received the gifts. I have plenty of people in my life that are actually grateful for the things I do for them, so I wouldn’t hesitate to cut off those who aren’t. |
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Post by lucyg on Feb 23, 2020 4:24:28 GMT
I am now waiting for the hand slappers to come in and tell us they give gifts because they want to, not because they’re expecting a thank you, and that we’re selfish biddies for expecting an acknowledgment.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,446
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Post by amom23 on Feb 23, 2020 4:44:40 GMT
I was invited to a shower requesting no gift wrap a while ago. The gifts were all nicely displayed. It was fine.
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SuPeaNatural
Full Member
AUSTRALIA
Posts: 424
Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Feb 23, 2020 5:12:09 GMT
I'm not up on the modern way of doing things when it comes to showers or even the wedding for that matter. But half the fun of getting presents is opening them - no way would I want them unwrapped, and no way would anyone else be opening the cards or the gifts.
I happily own it - I'm just an old fuddy duddy who prefers the way things used to be done. When you got (wrapped) gifts that the giver chose themselves, there were no registries - you accepted every gift with grace and thanks, even if you didn't like it. You wrote and addressed your own thank you cards. All the new trends I read about, give me the impression that these occasions are nothing more than gift grabs. I'm sure they're not, but it appears that way to this oldie.
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SuPeaNatural
Full Member
AUSTRALIA
Posts: 424
Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Feb 23, 2020 5:19:01 GMT
You'll get no hand slap from me LucyG, I agree with you. Thank you notes are just good manners, and that should never go out of fashion.
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Post by cmpeter on Feb 23, 2020 5:22:26 GMT
No clue why they didn’t want wrapped gifts. I’m really surprised the bride didn’t even come say hello...that seems super rude.
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Post by Jessica on Feb 23, 2020 5:24:49 GMT
I can almost understand not wanting gifts wrapped from an eco-friendly view, but I love to open presents and having them unwrapped would make it unexciting. I *hate* having to fill out my address for a thank you envelope.
I actually attended a friend's SIL's baby shower a few years ago and didn't receive a thank you card until 10 months later. I laughed when I saw it because it was so generic "thanks for the gift for baby and me." I called my friend and she apologized and said that her mom went over and basically sat the SIL down and made her fill out the thank you cards...because that's what you do.
You had a good and awkward party there no way I would have stayed almost 3 hours. Bless you.
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Post by sawwhet on Feb 23, 2020 5:34:22 GMT
I went to a shower for one of DH's relatives. Gift unacknowledged. We went together to their wedding, gift unacknowledged. Also, the bride was going around the reception from table to table and deliberately skipped ours. A year goes by, I am invited to their baby shower. Gift unacknowledged. They had another baby, I told DH I was done going to showers. He sent an expensive gift directly to their home. Gift unacknowledged. If it were my choice, the gifting would have stopped long ago. I'm still blown away by my nephew and his new bride. They sent out "save-the-dates" so we booked time off of work to attend an out- of-town wedding. Then we received the invite and they changed the date so I couldn't go. My dh drives for 4 hours out of town without me to attend. Paid for the hotel, food and a generous gift. Dh gets to the wedding and all the nieces/nephews are there and our kids weren't invited. The only immediate family members that weren't invited. Like WTH? Then lets top it off with no thank you note for the generous money gift. Honestly. I'm sure the other members of our family think our kids are arses for not attending. They just weren't invited. If they have a baby shower, I'll be busy. |
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,436
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Post by theshyone on Feb 23, 2020 11:15:25 GMT
I’ve attended showers, filled out the envelope myself then never received the thank you.
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Post by compeateropeator on Feb 23, 2020 11:36:56 GMT
I am also not a fan of addressing my own envelope because I find it very disconcerting to get an envelope, addressed to me, in my own handwriting in the mail. And most times it has been a long enough time after the shower that I had forgotten about it - so it really surprised me. I am not sure why but it just weirds me out.  |
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Post by christine58 on Feb 23, 2020 11:59:56 GMT
I am now waiting for the hand slappers to come in and tell us they give gifts because they want to, not because they’re expecting a thank you, and that we’re selfish biddies for expecting an acknowledgment. I think what bothered me the most is that I spent a lot of time and thought on the gift I gave. I texted my cousin to make sure they didn't already have the items for tailgating that I bought. I am just baffled by the whole thing and I KNOW the groom's mom (My cousin) was NOT happy with the "unwrapped" gifts...or at least the non-acknowledgement. |
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Post by christine58 on Feb 23, 2020 12:00:41 GMT
I was invited to a shower requesting no gift wrap a while ago. The gifts were all nicely displayed. It was fine. BUT did the bride even look at them??? |
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 23, 2020 12:59:28 GMT
I've been to showers where they requested no wrapping paper for environmental reasons, but the gifts were all acknowledged as she opened the cards/books. I'm from a big Polish family in MI and attended many showers held in reception halls, and I've never seen this kind of rush job. At least the food was good! Oh, the memories! Showers in my mom's big Polish family were held in halls, too. |
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 23, 2020 13:01:00 GMT
I’ve attended showers, filled out the envelope myself then never received the thank you. You win! I think the practice of having guests address their own envelopes is incredibly tacky. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Feb 23, 2020 13:11:46 GMT
I am now waiting for the hand slappers to come in and tell us they give gifts because they want to, not because they’re expecting a thank you, and that we’re selfish biddies for expecting an acknowledgment. I'm often the one on these threads who advocates giving grace to those who choose to do it differently. Which has been a growth process for me because I was inculcated with the most proper of manners by my mini-Emily-Post southern grandmother. But I'm on the bench with the rest of you this time. Bride-to-be deserves roasting for multiple offenses here. Carry on. |
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QueenoftheSloths
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Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Feb 23, 2020 14:06:01 GMT
I went to a shower for one of DH's relatives. Gift unacknowledged. We went together to their wedding, gift unacknowledged. Also, the bride was going around the reception from table to table and deliberately skipped ours. A year goes by, I am invited to their baby shower. Gift unacknowledged. They had another baby, I told DH I was done going to showers. He sent an expensive gift directly to their home. Gift unacknowledged. If it were my choice, the gifting would have stopped long ago. Nope, nope, nope. That’s just rude to not even acknowledge that they received the gifts. I have plenty of people in my life that are actually grateful for the things I do for them, so I wouldn’t hesitate to cut off those who aren’t. Unfortunately, these people are close enough relatives that DH can't/won't stop the gifting. I no longer attend the events, he goes alone. Really, the things that bother me more than the lack of thank yous are 1. The bride skipping our table. Bride and groom together were going down the line, visiting each table. When they got to our table, bride skips and groom comes alone. I was honestly shocked at the rudeness. 2. Not ever mentioning the second baby gift that was sent to their home. This was an expensive gift and DH had no way of knowing if they even received it, or if it was stolen off their doorstep. He finally knew they had received it when he saw it being used in a pciture on FB months later. |
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Post by SockMonkey on Feb 23, 2020 14:19:51 GMT
I am 100% fine with not wasting paper and energy on wrapping. I actually HATE the unwrapping part of the shower. I'd rather just enjoy a meal or snack and some drinks and chat with people, wish the couple/new parents well, and then GTFO.
I don't mind addressing an envelope. Finding people's addresses is hard. I'm cool with it if it makes your life easier. It takes 30 seconds.
I do think a thank you note is still proper, but if I don't get one I'm not mad about it. I just figure it either got lost in the mail or they got so busy it never happened and now they're too embarrassed to send one. (This happened with a close friend. Life happens.)
Shower/wedding culture is generally stupid anyway. Getting worked up over people who don't follow the exact procedure/traditions you may have been taught is really a choice.
Not a hand slap, just an opinion from a fellow old biddie who notices that the younger folks really don't give a shit about our old ass traditions! And good for them!
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Post by auntkelly on Feb 23, 2020 14:56:26 GMT
I think if the bride and groom don’t want to bother opening gifts at a shower, the occasion should just be called a party. Guests shouldn’t feel obligated to bring a gift. I’m assuming the people who are invited to the party are close friends and family and will be buying the couple a nice wedding present regardless of whether there is a shower. So what’s the point of having guests bring gifts if the couple doesn’t even want to open the gifts? Why not just enjoy the party and let the guests bring presents to the wedding reception where no one will expect the couple to open gifts?
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,446
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Post by amom23 on Feb 23, 2020 15:09:53 GMT
I was invited to a shower requesting no gift wrap a while ago. The gifts were all nicely displayed. It was fine. BUT did the bride even look at them???
Yes she did. The bride was greeting people as they arrived too. I also received a very nice thank you note.
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This is my biggest peeve of all with showers now. 
