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Post by chitchatgirl on Feb 23, 2020 21:24:10 GMT
So at my family’s church we don’t do wrapped gifts for showers and it’s a time thing. Women go all out at the showers (FWIW I’m in the south). My bridal shower was small compared to other women in my family. The gift tables covered three walls of the fellowship hall. There’s no possible way we could unwrap each gift individually within two hours on a Sunday at the church. The entire time you’re busy greeting and talking to people. You might get to sit down long enough to to eat a slice of cake. However, there are usually enclosure cards/ gift tags(usually monogrammed) attached to each gift by the gift giver. The ladies who throw the shower are really good about writing down everything that was gifted and who it was from. That list is then given to the bride for thank you notes. And those thank you notes are done no excuses. usually within 30 days although I did mine within a week cause I wanted to get them done before I got busy and while it was fresh in my memory. Also, we don’t do a separate gift for the shower and the wedding. I think I had two at mine. One from someone who couldn’t make the shower and the other from my MIL who I gathered that’s what they do. When I told DH that he needed to hang around and come to the church after the shower he didn’t understand what I meant. He saw everything before the shower and immediately came up to me and said he understood what I meant. We lived an hour and a half away and there were 3 or 4 carloads of stuff.
I’ve also had showers in other places where I sat in front of the group and opened presents. I absolutely abhor it. I can’t stand being put on display like that. I am 100% introvert and it’s the most uncomfortable thing you can ask me to do. I’d rather have a mammogram and pelvic exam followed by a colonoscopy. But your definitely going to get a thank you note from me or every ancestor of mine would roll over in their grave. I also hate having happy birthday sang to me in front of a group for the same reasons.
We also don’t do shower games. The first time I went to a shower with games it was a baby shower. I found them to be tacky. And some were just gross.
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 23, 2020 21:37:11 GMT
My nephew wrote along with his bride, on every thank you. And he just did the same with baby shower gifts That boy was raised right. My husband wrote all of the thank you notes to his side of the family and friends. He wasn't raised right, he had a wife who called bullshit and told him that was how we were going to do things. We both grew up in very traditional homes. I just had to put my foot down right away or I knew I was going to be a very unhappy wife. |
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Post by christine58 on Feb 23, 2020 21:42:42 GMT
That boy was raised right. My husband wrote all of the thank you notes to his side of the family and friends. He wasn't raised right, he had a wife who called bullshit and told him that was how we were going to do things. We both grew up in very traditional homes. I just had to put my foot down right away or I knew I was going to be a very unhappy wife. To this day he and his siblings write thank you notes for gifts. So yes they were raised “right”. |
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Post by tc on Feb 23, 2020 22:06:23 GMT
Yes! I feel like I've seen all the traditions broken at this point-couples not opening gifts at showers, being told not to wrap my shower gift, addressing my own thank you note, not receiving a thank you note at all, being asked to give money for honeymoon experiences, etc. However, what I have yet to see is a wedding invite asking me not to bring a gift. (I have heard other people say they have received that type of invitation, but I sure haven't!) For my second marriage we were merging two households worth of "stuff" and we felt extremely selfish thinking that wedding invitations meant loved ones would bring a gift . We just wanted to celebrate our union with them. I started searching for ways to politely word "no gifts" on the invitations and found that asking for "no gifts" was rude because if people decide they want to give you a gift, you should graceiously accept it and never should you expect one. So we got a few decorative plates and some cookware that we lovingly acknowledged and thanked the givers for and moved on. |
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 23, 2020 22:08:11 GMT
My husband wrote all of the thank you notes to his side of the family and friends. He wasn't raised right, he had a wife who called bullshit and told him that was how we were going to do things. We both grew up in very traditional homes. I just had to put my foot down right away or I knew I was going to be a very unhappy wife. To this day he and his siblings write thank you notes for gifts. So yes they were raised “right”.  |
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Post by t2x on Feb 24, 2020 13:00:24 GMT
I think it’s unusual to have so many showers, especially with the same people being invited to more than one. I had three baby showers, which felt like a lot (almost 40 years ago now). But one was given by a family friend for my mom’s friends, my grandmother, and a few old friends of mine. Another was given by a girlfriend for the crowd we hung out with at the time. Neither of those was very large by to day’s standards, maybe about a dozen people each. The last one was just a big family dinner my MIL gave for DH’s huge extended family. I wasn’t working at the time, but I think often there’s a workplace shower, too. DH or I wrote a thank you note for every one of those shower gifts. Even if it was like pulling teeth to get extended family addresses out of MIL. She had to make some calls.  Also, mlana , you win. I have a horrific baby shower story from when my sister and I stupidly volunteered to give one for our cousin’s wife (pretty sure I’ve shared it here before). But yours may be worse. hee
What are you lucyg, a monster?! It's so impolite to taunt, tantalise and tempt us with this hint but then not follow up with the story!!  We're waiting...   |
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Post by summer on Feb 24, 2020 15:51:42 GMT
Also, mlana , you win. I have a horrific baby shower story from when my sister and I stupidly volunteered to give one for our cousin’s wife (pretty sure I’ve shared it here before). But yours may be worse. hee
What are you lucyg , a monster?! It's so impolite to taunt, tantalise and tempt us with this hint but then not follow up with the story!! We're waiting... I want to hear the horrific baby shower story too! Please tell us the story! |
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Feb 24, 2020 15:52:40 GMT
What are you lucyg , a monster?! It's so impolite to taunt, tantalise and tempt us with this hint but then not follow up with the story!! We're waiting... I want to hear the horrific baby shower story too! Please tell us the story! - Your fan club has spoken. We MUST hear the tale of this story! |
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Post by baylorgrad on Feb 24, 2020 16:58:59 GMT
During my freshman year of college, I went to a wedding shower for one of my sorority sisters from the marching band. It was in a big room at a church off campus. On a table next to the door was a collection plate with a sign that read: "Please donate to help defray the costs of the shower." I was immediately  My feeling at the time was -- and still is -- if you can't afford to host a big shower, then host one you *can* afford. I went to another wedding shower a couple of years later. The couple had registered at Dillard's, and I bought a couple of cookie sheets that were on the registry. As the bride-to-be was unwrapping gifts and got to mine, she exclaimed: "Oh! I wondered who had gotten the cookie sheets!" Turns out she and her fiance had gone to Dillard's the night before the shower and printed out the registry to see what had been bought. It struck me -- and several others at the shower -- as very odd. |
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Post by tc on Feb 24, 2020 18:38:17 GMT
I went to another wedding shower a couple of years later. The couple had registered at Dillard's, and I bought a couple of cookie sheets that were on the registry. As the bride-to-be was unwrapping gifts and got to mine, she exclaimed: "Oh! I wondered who had gotten the cookie sheets!" Turns out she and her fiance had gone to Dillard's the night before the shower and printed out the registry to see what had been bought. It struck me -- and several others at the shower -- as very odd. My sister did this to me. She got married in November. Christmas was obviously coming up as was her birthday, which is in mid-January. I got a couple of items off her registry for Christmas/birthday gifts - things that I knew her new husband had no interest in and were very much her choices. At the gift opening she's ranting and raving that "someone" bought that set of DVDs and it WASN'T THERE. She started to come up with theories like gifts were stolen or that the store had messed up her registry or that someone was being "mean to her on purpose". I kept rolling my eyes. She wasn't even embarassed when she got the set of DVDs for Christmas a few weeks later. |
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Post by deekaye on Feb 24, 2020 21:10:50 GMT
Put me in the fuddy-duddy group.... I think this just screams no manners and entitlement! A couple of years ago I attended a baby shower for a cousin's daughter. We were not only to bring a present, but also in lieu of a card we were to bring a book for the baby. We were also told on the shower invitation that we could participate in a diaper raffle by bringing a pack of diapers (I didn't bother so not even sure how the raffle went). We never received a thank you/acknowledgement for this girl's wedding shower gift, wedding gift, nor for the aforementioned baby shower gift(s). This same girl had a second baby and a baby shower a couple of years later but guess who was conveniently "out-of-town" and had to send her regrets? |
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Post by wholarmor on May 11, 2023 15:59:49 GMT
I went to a baby shower for someone who told the people throwing the shower to make sure to invite certain people- even though she didn't know them that well- because they gave good gifts. Not only did we have to address our own thank you cards, she had preprinted them with the thank you, and we were supposed to fill in the blank what we got her.
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Post by lainey on May 11, 2023 16:09:36 GMT
The thread is old but I'm still sorry to hear about your experience at the bridal shower. Bringing unwrapped gifts is becoming more common as it saves time, but it sounds like this particular event wasn't handled very well. The bridesmaids should have at least made sure that the bride knew who each gift was from and showed appreciation for them.The thread is old but I'm still sorry to hear about your experience at the bridal shower. Bringing unwrapped gifts is becoming more common as it saves time, but it sounds like this particular event wasn't handled very well. The bridesmaids should have at least made sure that the bride knew who each gift was from and showed appreciation for them. It's understandable to feel frustrated after putting thought and effort into a gift and not knowing if it was even received well. Hopefully, they will handle things better in the future. Maybe, the event will be planned better with henpartychs.com/ in the future. It's better to have real professionals nearby. If I ever need a male stripper I'll be sure to use your link! |
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Post by epeanymous on May 11, 2023 16:16:10 GMT
I am now waiting for the hand slappers to come in and tell us they give gifts because they want to, not because they’re expecting a thank you, and that we’re selfish biddies for expecting an acknowledgment. I don't mind if I give a gift because the spirit moved me and I don't get a response -- eg, I gave a work friend a gift yesterday because she is switching jobs, and she said thank you--that's plenty! But the whole thing about a shower is it is a €£#*+ ritual -- I show up, I am socially required to give you a gift, now you have to write me a thank-you. You want to participate in the mandatory gift-giving ritual? You do the mandatory gift-receiving thank-you. That's how it works! |
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Post by lucyg on May 11, 2023 16:38:31 GMT
Now I’m going to have to reread this entire thread that I don’t remember. Will be back later. If the terrible shower referred to above is the one I’m thinking of, the couple split up during COVID so now I can repeat the story. |
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,238 
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Post by Gennifer on May 11, 2023 16:58:16 GMT
christine58 will you update the title to say Old Thread?
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Post by librarylady on May 11, 2023 18:48:44 GMT
DS knows how I am about Thank you notes.
When he got married, we hosted the wedding etc. At the time I told him, all my friends and relatives better receive a thank you note......and they did...or no one reported they did not. Several friends would comment that they had received a thank you and some reported that my son had written the note.
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Post by MichyM on May 11, 2023 19:36:06 GMT
The thread is old but I'm still sorry to hear about your experience at the bridal shower. Bringing unwrapped gifts is becoming more common as it saves time, but it sounds like this particular event wasn't handled very well. The bridesmaids should have at least made sure that the bride knew who each gift was from and showed appreciation for them.The thread is old but I'm still sorry to hear about your experience at the bridal shower. Bringing unwrapped gifts is becoming more common as it saves time, but it sounds like this particular event wasn't handled very well. The bridesmaids should have at least made sure that the bride knew who each gift was from and showed appreciation for them. It's understandable to feel frustrated after putting thought and effort into a gift and not knowing if it was even received well. Hopefully, they will handle things better in the future. Maybe, the event will be planned better with henpartychs.com/ in the future. It's better to have real professionals nearby. could you look into this account please? They have 6 posts and while I've only glanced at them, nearly all include links that I would consider questionable (I did not click on them). They are bumping old posts when they reply. Thank you. |
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,411
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on May 11, 2023 19:43:47 GMT
The BRIDESMAIDS opened the cards, then put a large PINK note that said "Thanks from Jack and Jill" (not real names). Not one card opened by the bride...not one gift acknowledged.. .oh and we got to address our own envelopes for the thank yous..HELLO you used an excel list to do the invited...use it the fuck again. Oh and there At least they are planning on sending thank you's. I've given gifts with zero acknowledgement. Sometimes I don't even know if they received the gift. I could have just thrown my money in the street! |
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Post by cmpeter on May 11, 2023 23:24:01 GMT
For those on their phones: OLD THREAD BUMPED BY A TROLL
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Post by lucyg on May 11, 2023 23:38:08 GMT
Please don’t get me started. Some people will excuse any bad behavior by reasoning that it makes things easier for the guest of honor. Not interested. They can address the damn envelope themselves. Not my job. NOW all that said ... I’m sure I was complaining a few weeks ago on a pea thread about girls throwing their own baby showers. Well, I’ve just been invited to my nephew’s girlfriend’s baby shower and I’m pretty sure they’re giving it themselves. And you know what? I don’t care. I love them and I’m thrilled they’re having a baby after all these years. So call me a hypocrite, I deserve it. (Maybe they’ll even get married now.) I’m just quoting myself to say, that baby shower mentioned here? It was scheduled for the middle of March, 2020. Needless to say, it got canceled at the last minute. But my big disappointment is that they were planning a surprise wedding at the baby shower, and I missed it due to COVID. grrrrr They did have their parents show up and got married in the pouring rain. I sent baby and wedding gifts after the fact, and received thank you notes. Baby girl is turning 3 next week. She is adorable and looks just like my nephew.  |
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Post by littlemama on May 11, 2023 23:45:28 GMT
I have been to a shower where the bridesmaids opened the gifts and passed them to the bride to hold up and thank the giver. Quickest shower Ive ever been to! I dont like not wrapping the gifts and the bride's rudeness makes it worse.
And addressing my own envelope is a pet peeve. I took the time to go shopping, wrap a gift and spend precious time away from my family to celebrate yours, the least you can do is address the damn thank you!
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Post by lucyg on May 12, 2023 0:12:47 GMT
Also, mlana , you win. I have a horrific baby shower story from when my sister and I stupidly volunteered to give one for our cousin’s wife (pretty sure I’ve shared it here before). But yours may be worse. hee
What are you lucyg , a monster?! It's so impolite to taunt, tantalise and tempt us with this hint but then not follow up with the story!! We're waiting... I want to hear the horrific baby shower story too! Please tell us the story! lucyg - Your fan club has spoken. We MUST hear the tale of this story! Sorry I’m responding three years late. Short version: sister and I volunteered to give a baby shower for our cousin’s wife. We grew up very close to him, like a little brother. Her, we had less use for, but whatever. So we booked a Victorian bed & breakfast for afternoon tea, got a list of her friends, and invited some of our family members as well. Issue #1: she pitched a fit when she discovered we’d invited our aunt (her MIL), who lived out of state, without asking her first. She said then she’d have to invite her own mother (also out of state). We said fine. She said never mind and canceled the shower. All righty then. Then she asked if we could reschedule for after the baby was born. Okay, we did it, with misgivings, but also being clear, our aunt would be invited to any party we were giving. She said okay. We booked the B&B, sent the invitations. Had to call most of her friends the week of the shower to confirm if they were coming or not because they didn’t bother to RSVP, and we had to give the proprietor a head count, and (important) we had to pay for each person we reserved for. Issue #2: Middle of the afternoon on the day before the shower, one of the guests emails me to ask if she can bring her toddler. I called the B&B lady to discuss. She had tight quarters and lots of Victorian doodads all over. She said no, admittedly with my encouragement. I email the guest back with “sorry, not going to work.” Guest says “sorry, not coming then.” I said “we’ll miss you.” Fifteen minutes later, I get emails from two more guests that since their carpool isn’t attending, neither are they. Since we’d already confirmed the head count, that was well over $100 worth of 2001 dollars down the drain. We show up for the shower/tea party. The guest of honor isn’t speaking to us. (Everyone else was nice, though.) We keep it simple, no games or anything, just afternoon tea and gift opening. We are crowded around a big table in the dining room, very tight quarters, surrounded by china cabinets and tall chests crowded with those Victorian doodads, hardly any room to move. Issue #3: And then there’s a frickin’ earthquake. The room is shaking and I’m thinking, we’re all going to die in this B&B under a pile of broken china and furniture. (Obviously, we survived.)  So then we adjourned to the parlor and she opened her gifts. My cousin shows up with the newborn baby so everyone can see her for a minute. Cousin’s wife still isn’t speaking to us or her MIL, who, btw, she wouldn’t allow to stay at her house. She had to go stay with her sister-in-law. Finally, as she walked out the door at the end of the shower, the guest of honor muttered “thank you” in our general direction and then took off. There was more. Those are the highlights. Our relationship went downhill from there. We’re very happy to have our cousin and his daughter back again now. But Marcy mlana really had the best/worst shower story. |
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Post by twinks on May 12, 2023 1:10:24 GMT
My nephew’s oldest children both had babies a couple of month’s apart. I was invited to the baby showers. Lovely invitations were emailed to me. Fun and great baby showers. Both moms to be were appreciative and darling as they opened the gifts. I have received a handwritten thank you note from each mother. One of the mother’s ended up hospitalized about a week after she gave birth. I was asked to come and take care of the baby that first night and then for several nights afterwards. It was a pleasure to help out and I got the baby on a good routine. The mother keeps on telling everyone how she appreciates my help.
Third daughter of my nephew is much younger and is unmarried. Invitation to a baby shower was texted to me from my SIL. On the invitation was to bring a box of diapers to be entered in a raffle. About 2 weeks before the baby shower my SIL (not the hostess) called and asked if I was coming to the baby shower because the hostess wanted to get an idea of how much food was needed. Since the mom is young (still high school age) and not with the father of the baby, I tried to purchase something practical but very much needed. I arrived at the baby shower and my SIL and my sister were the only other 2 people that I knew. Hostess was very welcoming and showed me where to put my gift. Mom-to-be was sitting eating a cupcake. I greeted her and asked how she was doing (has gained at least 70 pounds and has to have weekly infusions of vitamins and iron because her “nutrition is so bad”). She responded with, “Tired!” She didn’t smile and she wasn’t happy. Mom-to-be had no intentions of opening the gifts while we were there. She never got up and just sat there eating sweets. It was kind of awkward to say the least. I offered my congratulations again and left. Baby shower/open house was the middle of April and baby is due June 10th but he is “vacating my body on June 1st.”
To me, it felt like a gift grab. No acknowledgment of a gift either verbally or so far written. I doubt I will get an acknowledgment. I tried to think that she is young but that doesn’t cut it because even young people can and do have manners and can and are gracious.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,158
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Post by teddyw on May 12, 2023 1:15:54 GMT
I was invited to one Saturday that requested no gifts be brought to the shower. Ship them to the bride’s apartment because she will not be opening any gifts.
I declined attendance and sent an e- gift card.
Why even bother with a shower?
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Post by Zee on May 12, 2023 8:31:30 GMT
I loathe and despise wrapping presents. It's a huge pain in the ass and a waste of time and paper. I really, really, REALLY hate it. I wish someone would tell me not to wrap anything!
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