"Bring your gifts unwrapped" to a Bridal shower.

Often, the invitation is an evite and they may not have the home address. But you know what? It’s okay to ask for it. Either send an email after you RSVP requesting it, or collect them at the party (I would have no objection to writing it on a list, which is not at all the same thing as filling out your own envelope), or just email a decent thank you message after the event.

It’s the attitude that it’s my responsibility to make their life easier, and to be a good sport about it no matter what, that annoys the snot out of me.


ETA I realize an email thank you isn’t standard, but I don’t mind about that. Just remembering to say thanks is a nice thing.

Regarding the rules of etiquette. They developed for a very important reason. For anyone who has ever wondered who is invited in an invitation, what to wear, how early to arrive, how long to stay, gift required or not. Etiquette answers those questions. It also helps to prevent hurt feelings, like appreciation and acknowledgement that a gift was received and not lost in the mail; as well as not making you look like a money grubbing gift requester for your own wedding, birth of baby, birthday, anniversary, etc. People don't follow social norms/cues for these events look indifferent to others feelings or at worst like entitled assholes.

I would appreciate no wrapping if it shortened up the party - eat, drink, socialize, leave - but it sounds like this one wasn't shortened up at all by not waiting for the unwrapping.  The bridesmaids aren't party planners, though, so I'm always thinking, well- they do the best they know how.  I usually make an appearance and an excuse to leave after an hour. 

While it isn't my favorite, I would be happy to get an email thank you. That would be better a better response than what I get from many brides or moms-to-be these days. Heck, I've even had thank you for a wedding gift through Facebook messenger. At least it was an acknowledgement that that the gift was received. What I don't like is the growing attitude that gifts are owed in the situations, with the bride/mom calling all the shots on what can/cannot be given and in what manner. Yet thank you notes/messages are not necessary.

especially when the gift was cash, in a card, in a card box.
I would like to know they actually got it

From what I see though, the parts of the traditions they are happily giving up are the parts that take an effort on their behalf. They want the attention, they want the party, they want the gifts, but they don't want to take the time out of their busy lives to thank others for taking time out of their busy lives to do things for them.



I'm with you 100 percent on this. It's a two way street but way too often it seems like it's just their way.

I'm just here to say that showers are dumb, highly gendered events and we should stop doing them altogether! Everyone wins!

And also gender reveal parties are trash!

Enjoy your Sunday!

My SIL invited me to co-host a baby shower for her stepson and DIL a few years ago. I knew she asked because she and the Mom-to-be did not have a good relationship and she was hoping my involvement would smooth things over.

We spent a lot of time on the shower details - decorations, invites, food, favors, etc. We each put in about $300 plus whatever we spent on the gifts/

The MTB had 3 showers before ours, so she decided a week before to ask what we were doing and then informed us we couldn’t do any of it as what hadn’t been done already was going to be done in a future shower. Um, no. When we told her no, she lost her shit! If we couldn’t follow her SIMPLE requests, we could just cancel it...

When I asked for the emails of anyone who had accepted via email to her, she asked why I needed them. I told her it was only polite to let everyone know the shower was cancelled...Again, she lost her shit. I laughed at her, in her face, and told her to grow the hell up and learn some manners.

I live some distance away, so she couldn’t really pitch many fits with me as I just turned off FaceTime. My poor SIL caught hell though. This chick would storm over to SIL’s house, rant and rave, and then take herself to the ER because she was sure SIL had caused her BP to go crazy.

We did do the shower, but we did it our way. MTB came and was very gracious - right up until she had her aunt stand up and tell her that she (the aunt) didn’t want MTB to take time to send Thank-you cards, she just wanted MTB to spent the extra time with her new baby - only, baby wasn’t due for another 8 weeks... Of course, all of her family immediately chide in that they didn’t want thank-your either. My family just sat quietly; we knew a setup when we saw one. Turned out, she’d had a family member do this at every one of her showers.

As you can imagine, neither SIL or I are close with this chick. For months after the shower she wouldn’t speak to SIL, even when she went to her house for dinner. Six months after the baby was born, SIL forced the issue at a family event. The new mother told her that SIL ha made it obvious how little she cared for MTB or the baby she was carrying when she cheated out on the shower. SIL told her to get her ass out of her house and not come back unless her husband, SIL’s stepson, was with her. To my surprise, my brother actually backed SIL up and told his DIL she could mind her manners or stay home.

LOL so the thank notes were not sent for any of the showers, 6 in total. Some of the guests went to multiple showers, which is how we found out someone asked for no thank you s at each shower.

Marcy

Yes!  I feel like I've seen all the traditions broken at this point-couples not opening gifts at showers, being told not to wrap my shower gift, addressing my own thank you note, not receiving a thank you note at all, being asked to give money for honeymoon experiences, etc.  However, what I have yet to see is a wedding invite asking me not to bring a gift.  (I have heard other people say they have received that type of invitation, but I sure haven't!)

That boy was raised right.

Go Marcy mlana!  You are my hero. Way to call her bluff!

I agree that social conventions are there so that people know what to do and don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s ok to change the way things are done, but saying thank you is never wrong. I’m fine with a verbal thank you then and there, handwritten, email, text... just say thank you. 

BUT.... with showers, usually the person throwing the party is not the honoree.  That means that the addresses need to make it from the party thrower to the honoree.  Sometimes that doesn't happen.  

I never mind addressing my own envelope.  Makes it a bit easier on the honoree when doing thank you cards.

I'm with you.

And having guests address their own thank you notes is just super rude and tacky.