Parents who control what their kids get for gifts (vent)

Are they doing it so the kid doesn't get the same gifts as Santa is bringing?

My kids get a lot of gifts from other people (2 sets of grandparents, lots aunts and uncles, etc.). I give people lists every year though I try to include a bunch of choices all at different prices (and DD's bday is February so many times they save what they don't buy for then). Sometimes they buy from them and sometimes they come up with their own ideas, which is cool. Usually they'll at least ask "Are you getting them xyz"? so I have a general idea.

It kind of ensures that the kids aren't getting the same thing from everybody and from Santa. Who wants to spend time planning, shopping and wrapping when the kids open their gifts and say "Oh I already got that from Grandma and Grandpa or Aunt Suzy". That could easily happen 10x over for my kids. It happened at Easter will a small gift that both my mom and mil bought DD when she was one and my mil was SO disappointed and talked about it incessantly as though my mom and I were somehow to blame. Do I want a repeat at Christmas with a big gift? No thanks, I'll give my lists out and spare myself the drama.

It might not be what everyone does but it works for our large, gift-giving families. Just a perspective from the parents side.

Sometimes the funnest "side gifts" for the little snowflake are the ones that have lots of bells, whistles, bangs and whizzes...and batteries. Lots of batteries.   

Hope your SO learned his lesson! In addition to the "super creepy doll," consider giving a craft supply (e.g. box of 64 crayons, 24-ct colored pencils, small drawing pad). This approach is a win-win-lose: The mom receives the gift she ordered/expects, you give the gift you want, but your SO does not get to shop for clothes. Hope the preschooler enjoys his/her 4th birthday!

I get it! I have grandkids to buy for. When DSS and the two oldest mother were married, she used to like to tell me exactly what to buy for gifts and what I had to bring to the kids birthday parties, etc. She didn't ask or wait for me to offer to help out. I still did what I wanted. If I ask for suggestions or what can I do to help, etc. then by all means, tell me. Now that they are divorced, DSS will give me ideas if I ask and wait for me to offer when it comes to helping with parties, etc. I love this! He always tells me that I find really cool gifts for the kids. If I can't come up with anything, he is more than happy to help.

If you're considering play-doh as a "side item", let me urge you to consider Moon Dough. It is of the devil! It's very light and fluffy, and when crumbled in small fingers is basically just like bright colored lint that floats around and gets EVERYWHERE!

Oh yes it would! I can usually find it at the Dollar Stores..

You can buy them the highest dollar gift ever. Toss in a tub of fart putty.... fert. fert. fert. fert. fert. YEP That was the best gift!

www.walgreens.com/store/c/flarp!-noise-putty/ID=prod383353-product

I do not dole out specific items for people to buy, although I will provide ideas if asked. BUT, I have asked a family member to return a gift before it was given before.

We had 4 people living in a home that was under 900 sq. ft. And this person bought a toy that was the size of an actual piece of furniture. There was literally no where we could put that without having to give away a current piece of our own furniture (unless we just plopped it right in the middle of the living room which would have rendered the TV useless).

Either we were going to return it or she could. But if we did it, then there would be a sad child who had to give away their gift. It seemed better for everyone involved if she could give him something that he would love and could actually keep. Luckily the relative seemed to understand and acted fine with returning it.

I don't like the gift lists either, because we like to give books and art supplies at birthdays or Christmas. One year, my SIL decided she wanted to have these miniature horses for her two girls. They were kind of animatronic, and EXPENSIVE, so she sent an email to both sides of the family, asking that they pool their money to get these gifts - it would have worked out to be $25 per family member. (I had already made the girls fleece blankets for Christmas, so we opted out of the pool.) A few weeks later, we got an email from her saying HER side of the family wanted to do something different, so she asked if we all would give $50 instead of $25 so each girl could have their own horse. I was appalled, but the rest of the family doubled their contribution.

Here's the kicker - the horses were given to the girls at my MIL's house, and when the girls pulled the "wrapping" off the horses, their mom said "See? Santa knew the horses would be here, that's why they weren't at home!" The fact that the mom implied that the horses were from Santa, and not from their aunts and uncles, caused a HUGE rift in the family, and we don't get those kind of requests anymore.

It stressed me out so much when people give my kids surprise gifts. I hate it.