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Post by gar on Oct 31, 2014 7:32:13 GMT
I just don't understand how Christmas works if it's not a managed experience. I'm a control freak, I admit it. You don't have to understand, just accept that for a lot of people, it does. We go out shopping, we see something we think 'X' will love and we buy it. They open it and 9 times out of 10 they love it. If they don't we can give them the receipt and they (or we) can exchange it. Is it a little disappointing for them, or us, at that occasional moment? Yes, briefly but so what? That person has a load of other gifts and we have more to give out. The giver's shopping experience is so much nicer too, so much more in the spirit of Christmas and less contrived. ETA - been thinking about this in the shower.....you know...some of the best presents my kids ever had were things that would never have made it on to any list....handmade things, things picked up on travels by relatives, things that were in shops I didn't have in my area, things that were just unusual and wouldn't have been seen in the majority of chain toy shops or wherever. |
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Post by gar on Oct 31, 2014 7:36:39 GMT
OP, I am guessing you don't have children. If you bought art supplies and play dough for my child, we would be coming over to YOUR house to play with it. And we would keep it there so we would always have something to do at your house incase it is boring. Seriously, do you have any idea what children do with crayons and play dough? Just buy what is on the list..... sigh... That's really sad and actually, it's my money so I'll spend it how I choose. Of course those things can be messy but you don't need to have kids to know that - that sounds pretty patronising. I used to have 'messy mornings' when we did 'baking' or painting or potato printing or model making....you prepare the kitchen, do the activities with them, clear away and the messy stuff goes away, high up in the cupboard until next time. I bet your kids would love to go to and visit Auntie GrinningCat to have some messy fun  grinningcat it's fun to buy something the child would LOVE even though Mum might freak out. I saw that you're going with the flow on your S/Os side of the family and having fun with your side of the family.......I hope they all love their gifts  |
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AllieC
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Post by AllieC on Oct 31, 2014 7:46:41 GMT
I just don't understand how Christmas works if it's not a managed experience. I'm a control freak, I admit it. You don't have to understand, just accept that for a lot of people, it does. We go out shopping, we see something we think 'X' will love and we buy it. They open it and 9 times out of 10 they love it. If they don't we can give them the receipt and they (or we) can exchange it. Is it a little disappointing for them, or us, at that occasional moment? Yes, briefly but so what? That person has a load of other gifts and we have more to give out. The giver's shopping experience is so much nicer too, so much more in the spirit of Christmas and less contrived. I totally agree with you Gar.
I grew up with very little but my parents always made sure we had some nice gifts and we were very grateful for them. My nieces are much more fortunate than we were however they have all been brought up to appreciate whatever someone has chosen for them. Having the whole gift thing micro managed just makes me feel so uncomfortable.
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BarbaraUK
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Post by BarbaraUK on Oct 31, 2014 9:22:15 GMT
You don't have to understand, just accept that for a lot of people, it does. We go out shopping, we see something we think 'X' will love and we buy it. They open it and 9 times out of 10 they love it. If they don't we can give them the receipt and they (or we) can exchange it. Is it a little disappointing for them, or us, at that occasional moment? Yes, briefly but so what? That person has a load of other gifts and we have more to give out. The giver's shopping experience is so much nicer too, so much more in the spirit of Christmas and less contrived. I totally agree with you Gar.
I grew up with very little but my parents always made sure we had some nice gifts and we were very grateful for them. My nieces are much more fortunate than we were however they have all been brought up to appreciate whatever someone has chosen for them. Having the whole gift thing micro managed just makes me feel so uncomfortable.
I agree, this exactly! |
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BarbaraUK
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Post by BarbaraUK on Oct 31, 2014 9:45:13 GMT
If I don't give an exact list people are going to get my kids duplicate gifts or gifts they already have. Then the giver is upset because they don't get that moment of pure actual delight when the child opens the present. My kids are polite and say thank you, but that's not the same as actual excitement. It's disappointing for both the giver and the recepient when you go off list. In my family the point of gift giving is that moment when the child opens your present and you see the excitement in their face and watch their reaction. The picking out or shopping for the gift isn't some magical spiritual thing. It's the reaction/moment of opening. That moment is ruined if you go off list and cause a duplicate. I just don't understand how Christmas works if it's not a managed experience. I'm a control freak, I admit it. My kids are verryy hard to shop for. It's hard to find toys they don't already have. And it's hard to keep up with what they do or don't had because we shop a lot. It's hard to find enough things to tell every person who wants to shop for them. So if you go off list you will be messing up someone else's gift. In my family we have very specific lists (down to listing UPC codes) and no one goes off list. Everyone likes the lists though. To be honest, I would really dislike spending Christmas organised by someone who is a control freak and it's all micro managed almost down to how many gasps of surprise one has to give when opening the carefully selected listed presents and kids are watched to see what level of delight they show when opening a present!  Some events are nicer when there is an element of spontaneity and, to me, Christmas is definitely one of them! |
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ginger
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Post by ginger on Oct 31, 2014 10:26:44 GMT
I disagree that getting duplicate gifts is a disappointment. It all depends on the people and their attitudes. A few years ago my niece had asked for leopard print pajamas. So being the good aunt I am, I searched and searched until I found a pair. By the time present opening was finished she had received four pairs of leopard print pajamas! Every time she opened another one it was a surprise and every one enjoyed it. She was only 10 but she just laughed it off also. And of course we all now have the happy Christmas memory of the pajama gifts!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2014 10:30:36 GMT
OP, I am guessing you don't have children. If you bought art supplies and play dough for my child, we would be coming over to YOUR house to play with it. And we would keep it there so we would always have something to do at your house incase it is boring. Seriously, do you have any idea what children do with crayons and play dough? Just buy what is on the list..... sigh... That's really sad and actually, it's my money so I'll spend it how I choose. Of course those things can be messy but you don't need to have kids to know that - that sounds pretty patronising. I used to have 'messy mornings' when we did 'baking' or painting or potato printing or model making....you prepare the kitchen, do the activities with them, clear away and the messy stuff goes away, high up in the cupboard until next time. I bet your kids would love to go to and visit Auntie GrinningCat to have some messy fun grinningcat it's fun to buy something the child would LOVE even though Mum might freak out. I saw that you're going with the flow on your S/Os side of the family and having fun with your side of the family.......I hope they all love their gifts Couldn't have said it better Gar. Totally agree with you. We love messy days in our house  and yes, when they were younger they were put away out of reach ( the messy stuff that is, not the children) when we were finished. Nanna, in the past has had " beautiful" cards that have had more dried up glue on them than anything else but she loved getting them. " Santa" bought DD a " plastic toy crap" watch in her stocking one Christmas.........she loved it.EVERYONE that called saw the watch.......could have saved a lot of money that Christmas if I'd have known  grinningcat - I'm sure everyone on your side of the family will be thrilled with your gifts. Just ignore the other side and as Gar said ...just go with the flow. |
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Post by anxiousmom on Oct 31, 2014 12:36:26 GMT
Please don't think that I am being ugly, but do you not allow your kids to play with play dough and crayons at home? Just curious...I had wild things. They had crayons, paints...all kinds of messy stuff. The messier the better in our world. I guess it never occurred to me that some families wouldn't be allowed to play with that kind of thing? This wasn't directed to me, but I'll answer it. I don't do messy. My kids don't do messy. My house is never messy. I don't allow play doh. If they want to paint they do it outside. My kids (3 boys) never played in mud. They don't make huge messes. Since they were babies they have known to out one you away before they get out another. The house gets company ready clean every night before bed. It's just the way we are. I appreciate your answering my question. I am not sure that I completely understand, but I recognize that we all parent differently. In my world, sometimes the results of play time ended up with huge messes, but they always got cleaned up. I am older now, and my boys are either out of the house or older teens, and I have some pretty nostalgic feelings about those times, so that probably shapes how I feel about the messy times. In fact, even as laid back as I am, there are a couple of incidents that I remember and wish I hadn't been so uptight about. Although, I will admit that play doh was on the top ten list of toys that I hated, that stuff is off the devil. LOL |
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Post by gmcwife1 on Oct 31, 2014 13:56:44 GMT
I disagree that getting duplicate gifts is a disappointment. It all depends on the people and their attitudes. A few years ago my niece had asked for leopard print pajamas. So being the good aunt I am, I searched and searched until I found a pair. By the time present opening was finished she had received four pairs of leopard print pajamas! Every time she opened another one it was a surprise and every one enjoyed it. She was only 10 but she just laughed it off also. And of course we all now have the happy Christmas memory of the pajama gifts! I love it I also don't get the duplicate hate. My kids have gotten duplicate items and it's really no big deal. I have yet to return something because they already have it. Duplicates can be in their activity bag, at grandma's house or a second toy for a friend to play with. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:00:02 GMT
Its one thing to offer sugestions when someone ASKS but to send a list of pre approved gifts, thats pushing it. I love suggestions. I welcome them. But I dont like someone telling me the exact gift I have to buy to fit your standards. I know who I shop for. I like going out and picking that perfect gift. But it stinks that when I dont go by the approved list, the item I bought gets put on Craigs list. Yes that has happened. It sucks. Return it for crying out loud. Its hurtful. Especially when child loved the gift. That sucks. I'm sorry. I don't think this mommy is that bad. But who knows? |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:01:01 GMT
It's a Lalaloopsy or whatever they are called. Creepy freaking dolls. Lalas are my favorite dolls EVER!! We have ALL of them  Well that's great for you. I think they are creepy and ugly as hell. But it's what was commanded thus what the little snowflake will get. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:02:03 GMT
Aw, Lalaloopsies are so cute! Lucky girl! I don't see the cute. Please help me see the cute so I don't burn this thing for being creepy. (and I'm being sarcastic about burning it) |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:03:11 GMT
I'm experiencing a new form of gifting that I am not used to. I'm trying to sort it out. I apologize that you hate my point of view and my posts. Feel free to ignore me if I bother you that much. I thought this board was about talking things out and sorting things out. As I have said multiple times that I'm letting him deal with his family and different gifting policies. I'll continue to do things the less stressful and easy way in my family. Is that acceptable to you? That seems really defensive. I've never said that I hated your posts or want to ignore you. No? That's the impression that I've gotten from you. That you think I am an entitled control freak who annoys the crap out of you. If that's not the case well then I apologize for assuming that. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:04:51 GMT
grinningcat Avatar Oct 30, 2014 20:22:00 GMT -4 grinningcat said: momof3pits Avatar Oct 30, 2014 17:17:08 GMT -4 momof3pits said: I can't be the only one who wants to see the creepy doll??! It's a Lalaloopsy or whatever they are called. Creepy freaking dolls. Is it the one that poops charms? My daughter is obsessed with it. Lots of little girls I know are obsessed with it. It will probably be a hit! And I don't think jj meant anything with you don't have children comment. I babysat quite a bit before having a kid, helped out in a preschool even and the messes are different in that they are PLANNED messes. With your kid instead of cleaning up from cute activities that you planned it is your kid shoving play-doh into all of their matchbox cars or putting stickers on your TV while you are cooking dinner. So you get to cook, clean up dinner and then spend 45 minutes of precious, precious post-bedtime prying play-doh out of their toys to prevent their "help" because that means it will take twice as long. It is different because your time is already so limited and then you lose more dealing with the messes that always happen. You have less time, patience, and enthusiasm for those creative messes and constant vigilance to be aware of what is accessible to prevent it in the first place. I never realized how different it was until my daughter hit 3 years old but sorry, it is. You're right. I did live with the kids at one point, but sure. I have no idea how different it is. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:05:59 GMT
I hear you... that would make me really not want to buy gifts for that person. When my daughter was a kid. we would make a list. Then I would split it up and give the grandmas (she had 9 at one time) all different lists with different things on it... Only because I didn't want 9 of one thing. I'm feeling the same way. I don't really want to buy gifts for them because they are making this and other stuff hard. But it's his family, he wants to so what he wants to do we're doing. Still annoying though. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:07:11 GMT
It's a Lalaloopsy or whatever they are called. Creepy freaking dolls.  At least it's not a Bratz doll. Those were the only ones I actively discouraged anyone from buying DD. I would have stood my ground if Bratz had been on the list. I will NOT support the purchase of that crap. No way. No how. I don't care if it's the one thing precious wanted, that trash is not coming from me. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:09:35 GMT
When my three were little we made an Amazon wish list. It had all types of items and prices and were just suggestions. I would email the list to family and say in the email these are things the kids saw on Amazon you can choose from the list buy something similar or do your own thing. Since we lived overseas it was very easy for my family to shop from the list and have it shipped. We never dictated or said they had to buy anything specific. It was just a helpful tool. That's awesome. Help is always good. Dictating "you will buy the stuff on this list or else" is not cool. That is what I am up against and what I am quite ornery about. But his family, he can deal with it how ever he wants. I've basically tapped out. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:13:45 GMT
I just don't understand how Christmas works if it's not a managed experience. I'm a control freak, I admit it. You don't have to understand, just accept that for a lot of people, it does. We go out shopping, we see something we think 'X' will love and we buy it. They open it and 9 times out of 10 they love it. If they don't we can give them the receipt and they (or we) can exchange it. Is it a little disappointing for them, or us, at that occasional moment? Yes, briefly but so what? That person has a load of other gifts and we have more to give out. The giver's shopping experience is so much nicer too, so much more in the spirit of Christmas and less contrived. ETA - been thinking about this in the shower.....you know...some of the best presents my kids ever had were things that would never have made it on to any list....handmade things, things picked up on travels by relatives, things that were in shops I didn't have in my area, things that were just unusual and wouldn't have been seen in the majority of chain toy shops or wherever. Exactly. Lists are not all encompassing nor hit the mark perfectly. Particularly lists that are actually commands. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:16:23 GMT
OP, I am guessing you don't have children. If you bought art supplies and play dough for my child, we would be coming over to YOUR house to play with it. And we would keep it there so we would always have something to do at your house incase it is boring. Seriously, do you have any idea what children do with crayons and play dough? Just buy what is on the list..... sigh... That's really sad and actually, it's my money so I'll spend it how I choose. Of course those things can be messy but you don't need to have kids to know that - that sounds pretty patronising. I used to have 'messy mornings' when we did 'baking' or painting or potato printing or model making....you prepare the kitchen, do the activities with them, clear away and the messy stuff goes away, high up in the cupboard until next time. I bet your kids would love to go to and visit Auntie GrinningCat to have some messy fun grinningcat it's fun to buy something the child would LOVE even though Mum might freak out. I saw that you're going with the flow on your S/Os side of the family and having fun with your side of the family.......I hope they all love their gifts I've tapped out because I've realized that it's fruitless to be thoughtful on his side (I've received more lists... sigh). His side, he can make the choices. I'll do what I want on my side and take joy in that. But thanks. Messy days are the best. We had one with pumpkins yesterday... and there were no kids present. And more are coming... can someone say letting 9 year olds handle royal icing for gingerbread building? That's worse than paint! LOL |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:17:10 GMT
I disagree that getting duplicate gifts is a disappointment. It all depends on the people and their attitudes. A few years ago my niece had asked for leopard print pajamas. So being the good aunt I am, I searched and searched until I found a pair. By the time present opening was finished she had received four pairs of leopard print pajamas! Every time she opened another one it was a surprise and every one enjoyed it. She was only 10 but she just laughed it off also. And of course we all now have the happy Christmas memory of the pajama gifts! It would be awesome to have so many pairs... so that when one wears out there are still more to wear! Not to mention, what a great memory and giggle. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:18:34 GMT
I disagree that getting duplicate gifts is a disappointment. It all depends on the people and their attitudes. A few years ago my niece had asked for leopard print pajamas. So being the good aunt I am, I searched and searched until I found a pair. By the time present opening was finished she had received four pairs of leopard print pajamas! Every time she opened another one it was a surprise and every one enjoyed it. She was only 10 but she just laughed it off also. And of course we all now have the happy Christmas memory of the pajama gifts! I love it I also don't get the duplicate hate. My kids have gotten duplicate items and it's really no big deal. I have yet to return something because they already have it. Duplicates can be in their activity bag, at grandma's house or a second toy for a friend to play with. That's generally how I've seen it handled. Or the kiddo gets the fun of going shopping to return and pick something out. Kids love shopping with their own money. |
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Oct 31, 2014 14:19:46 GMT
This thread makes me sad.
that is all.
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 14:20:55 GMT
How so? Because it makes me sad and ornery at the same time.
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Post by shanni on Oct 31, 2014 15:24:26 GMT
Aw, Lalaloopsies are so cute! Lucky girl! I don't see the cute. Please help me see the cute so I don't burn this thing for being creepy. (and I'm being sarcastic about burning it) I will admit that I think Lalaloopsy's are creepy looking too. But my DD LOVES them! They are huge with the 4-7 year old girls. There are Lalaloopsy cartoons and even my 12 year old watches and loves them! haha! Honestly, seeing the cartoon made me like them a little more. The characters are sweet and it's a cute cartoon. I'm totally with you on the Bratz thing. I'm pretty laid back about presents, but Bratz are the one toy I made clear I didn't want in the house. I still remember when my daughter was looking at one when they first came out. There was one in a soccer outfit that looked more like a sexy school girl outfit. The caption on the box read "It doesn't matter if you win or lose! All that matters is how FABULOUS you look playing the game!" Ugh. Those things are horrible. |
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Post by shanni on Oct 31, 2014 15:46:24 GMT
OP- I get it. This is your first year with your SO, and his family does things differently than you are used to. You are coming here to work it out rather than saying things to him or his family about it. That's good. I remember my first year with my DH, I was pretty shocked at how his family did holidays.
I am a youngest child, and he is an oldest child. Since all my siblings were already married with children, and had already gone through the poverty part of being newly married, we drew names on my side and only bought for one person each. We didn't buy for aunts and uncles and cousins. Grandparents were only given a small token gift. (My grandparents had 45 grandkids on one side and 20 on the other. If every grandkid bought them a gift, they would have been overrun!) My husbands family still bought for each sibling and they did buy for aunt and uncles. They still drew names for the cousins and the cousins kids. Grandparents were given large gifts. It was VERY different from what I was used to, and it was really hard for me as we were poor newlyweds who really didn't even have money to get each other presents. So the little money we would have spent on each other was spent giving to people that I really didn't even know yet. I was frustrated and honestly a little bitter. Looking back, I feel bad about my attitude. I have gotten used to the way they do things, and while some of it still makes my teeth itch (but I smile and pretend it's normal), there are other parts that I have embraced.
Blending two families and all their traditions is hard. It will get easier as you get used to the way his family does things, and SO gets used to yours. The one piece of advice I would give as you navigate this is to force yourself to think of it this way: The way his family does things is not better or worse, it's just different. I wish I had done that starting from the first year rather than allowing myself to feel annoyed and bitter. Honestly, after 15 years, I STILL have to remind myself of that sometimes! lol!
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Post by melonhead on Oct 31, 2014 15:54:41 GMT
Here's an evil one for you: a pottery spinning thing. Messy real clay AND batteries required. My DD always wanted to pull it out 1/2 hour before dinner. I got to be the bad guy a lot on that one since it took up a lot of space when being used, and then there was the special protective clothing/gear. LOL!
But it never occurred to me to tell someone not to give it to her.
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 16:00:26 GMT
OP- I get it. This is your first year with your SO, and his family does things differently than you are used to. You are coming here to work it out rather than saying things to him or his family about it. That's good. I remember my first year with my DH, I was pretty shocked at how his family did holidays. I am a youngest child, and he is an oldest child. Since all my siblings were already married with children, and had already gone through the poverty part of being newly married, we drew names on my side and only bought for one person each. We didn't buy for aunts and uncles and cousins. Grandparents were only given a small token gift. (My grandparents had 45 grandkids on one side and 20 on the other. If every grandkid bought them a gift, they would have been overrun!) My husbands family still bought for each sibling and they did buy for aunt and uncles. They still drew names for the cousins and the cousins kids. Grandparents were given large gifts. It was VERY different from what I was used to, and it was really hard for me as we were poor newlyweds who really didn't even have money to get each other presents. So the little money we would have spent on each other was spent giving to people that I really didn't even know yet. I was frustrated and honestly a little bitter. Looking back, I feel bad about my attitude. I have gotten used to the way they do things, and while some of it still makes my teeth itch (but I smile and pretend it's normal), there are other parts that I have embraced. Blending two families and all their traditions is hard. It will get easier as you get used to the way his family does things, and SO gets used to yours. The one piece of advice I would give as you navigate this is to force yourself to think of it this way: The way his family does things is not better or worse, it's just different. I wish I had done that starting from the first year rather than allowing myself to feel annoyed and bitter. Honestly, after 15 years, I STILL have to remind myself of that sometimes! lol! That's exactly it. I am trying to navigate this craziness and figure out how all of this combines together. I've been a little stressed about this week because all the speculation I've heard has finally come true and I'm seeing stuff I've never contemplated before for holidays and I'm a little bewildered. One reason why I'm just sitting back and letting him make the decisions for his family. I want this first Christmas to be a wonderful memory, so it's a little scary trying to figure it all out. Thanks. |
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grinningcat
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 16:01:15 GMT
Here's an evil one for you: a pottery spinning thing. Messy real clay AND batteries required. My DD always wanted to pull it out 1/2 hour before dinner. I got to be the bad guy a lot on that one since it took up a lot of space when being used, and then there was the special protective clothing/gear. LOL! But it never occurred to me to tell someone not to give it to her. I almost bought my niece one of those... but I got talked out of it by a friend who got one and said it was crap. So I got her FIMO instead. Way better choice on my part because she loved that stuff. |
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Post by melonhead on Oct 31, 2014 16:11:25 GMT
Here's an evil one for you: a pottery spinning thing. Messy real clay AND batteries required. My DD always wanted to pull it out 1/2 hour before dinner. I got to be the bad guy a lot on that one since it took up a lot of space when being used, and then there was the special protective clothing/gear. LOL! But it never occurred to me to tell someone not to give it to her. I almost bought my niece one of those... but I got talked out of it by a friend who got one and said it was crap. So I got her FIMO instead. Way better choice on my part because she loved that stuff. Yes, it was crap, but DD loved it anyway. She never made a single working thing, she just spun the clay under her hands for what seemed like hours. She liked the way it felt, I guess. I was glad when it finally stopped working. |
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Post by melanell on Oct 31, 2014 16:16:49 GMT
I just want to say that any and all art supplies and play-doh are welcome at our house. My kids spends hours, even whole days using their art supplies. Put down some paper, use them in the kitchen, wash up when we're done. So if you like to give those types of things take heart that not everyone hates them. They draw pictures and make things? So I'm curious, what the heck are your kids doing with them? |
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and yes, when they were younger they were put away out of reach ( the messy stuff that is, not the children) when we were finished. Nanna, in the past has had " beautiful" cards that have had more dried up glue on them than anything else but she loved getting them. " Santa" bought DD a " plastic toy crap" watch in her stocking one Christmas.........she loved it.EVERYONE that called saw the watch.......could have saved a lot of money that Christmas if I'd have known 
At least it's not a Bratz doll. Those were the only ones I actively discouraged anyone from buying DD.
