mimix3
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Jun 15, 2020 0:56:27 GMT
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Post by mimix3 on Aug 2, 2020 15:24:47 GMT
As stated in a previous thread, I am getting a divorce. The kids know, parents know, he is house hunting, money is being divided etc. One minute I know this is the only way to go, but another minute I feel lost, scared and like maybe I made a mistake. We were married for almost 29 years. We are friends, but nothing else.
How the hell did you survive this? What should I be doing for my mental and physical health to get through this? I am tired of crying over the what "should" have been. It sucks being 46 and starting over. And I do not know if I will ever be ready to date. Period. I dont know that I can go through the pain of dating/bf/shit ever again.
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Post by mom on Aug 2, 2020 15:31:10 GMT
You are going through the grieving process. Everything you feel right now is normal. It will take time to get to a good spot, but you will get there.
When I was going through my divorce, I experienced the same feelings...and my xDH was abusive. I was happy to get away but still somehow sad about 'what could have been, if only...'. I choose to surround myself with people who could keep me focused on moving forward. I didn't date for awhile but when I met my now DH, I knew I was ready and he was the one.
My best advice is to move your body, everyday. Go for a walk after dinner, workout, whatever you choose. But do something besides sitting on the couch and watching tv. My boys were little so I walked every night after dinner and before their bath as part of their 'bedtime' routine.
You will get through this. Its a marathon and it will take time.
❤️
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Refupea #146
Posts: 6,340 
Location: Down by the bay....
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Aug 2, 2020 15:32:31 GMT
Just take it one day at a time. Make a list of things that have to be done and do them when you can. One step at a time.
Understand it's not easy, and give yourself time to grieve. My first marriage fell apart so fast I didn't have time to think. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
((Hugs)) I know it's hard.
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
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Post by luckyexwife on Aug 2, 2020 15:35:41 GMT
I'm sorry. I'm in the same place as you, and some days I have no idea how I will survive.
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Post by malibou on Aug 2, 2020 15:40:00 GMT
I sorry you are going thru this. I wish there was a crystal ball that would let you see ahead so you would know that you are going to be okay.
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Post by Really Red on Aug 2, 2020 15:46:56 GMT
When I divorced, I did not have a job and I had three youngish (pre-teen) kids. My ex dropped out of the picture. It was all I could do to hold our lives together, but I found a job and I found childcare and I found a routine. And every day I came home from my job and there was no car in the driveway, a complete and total joy entered into my very being. There was no more strife at home (besides lots of kids!!) and it was incredible. I focused on that.
Later, I got a routine and I made myself go out and plan things. That took a while (many months) and I remember taking my kids to the beach for a long weekend and seeing one of my daughter's friends' moms there. She had been with her husband 30 years (since they were 14!) and he cheated. She was at the beach with her new beau, a friend of her who had been married 30 years and whose husband had also cheated. Both of them found someone within 2-3 months of leaving their spouses. I mean I barely knew my ex was gone after 3 months! It took me TWO YEARS before I could even think of dating again. Quite frankly, I did not because I had my kids 24/7 and no one drove and they were in a lot of sports.
My one regret was not putting myself out there a little more in my 40s. You're still fresh!! I don't even mean dating, but going out with friends, etc. Making yourself a priority. I have had friends date so many duds you cannot imagine, but most of them have found someone - someone good! - after the many duds. I wish I had the energy to do that.
I digress - you were with your ex a very long time. Give yourself some time. It may come quickly like those two ladies (they still impress me!), or it may be slower or it may be never. But give yourself some time to learn about yourself a little.
Good luck!
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Post by SallyPA on Aug 2, 2020 15:56:31 GMT
Really, it’s just taking things one step at a time. For right now, you have to get through the actual divorce process so try and just focus on that without giving too much worry about after that. The one thing that really helped me was a notebook to write lists in and keep track of things. I suppose a large planner would’ve worked too, but I just wrote dates and deadlines in my notebook.
My friend always told me not to borrow trouble. Not to worry about the things that I really can’t control or that are not very concrete problems (loneliness and being alone).
I am an exception to this, but I’ve never dated. My kids were 4 and 6 and the time of my divorce and I just have never felt like something was missing. Maybe when they’re older (they’re now 15 and 17) but I still feel like between my job, my kids and their activities, and my own hobbies that I don’t have my left to give to anyone else. I think that has helped me be content in this phase. I definitely would not date right away, but again, I know that seems impossible or unpleasant to most women.
Give yourself grace and time to process. The peas were INVALUABLE to me during that time and I am forever grateful. I’m sure you’ll find support and guidance here too shall you reach out. Hugs to you!
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Post by hop2 on Aug 2, 2020 16:02:41 GMT
Hugs.
Your grieving
I cried for 2 years before my divorce - because I was telling him no, we should do counseling, we should try counseling. I was in denial. I cried throughout the months of the entire divorce process, at each mediator meeting, the days before each meeting, the days after each meeting. I cried in court in front of the judge and an entire courtroom of people. There were girls in their 20’s with babies who were strong AF in that court room and I’m a blubbering mess. Yes, everyone noticed. The judge even had a conversation with me about it.
I spent a year in limbo after the divorce while he was required to pay the mortgage I couldn’t afford while I looked for a place to live. I was divorced but still sort of attached, no one really new but my family & friends. I could not do anything to the house because it was ultimately his. I won’t say I was miserable but I wasn’t quite happy yet either.
Then I moved into my own place and could decorate, organize, set up a dedicated craft area, make my own decisions. It’s been a very healing process. And most days I’m happy. Who would have thought.
Hugs. You can do this. You really can do this. Your a strong competent woman. You’ll have some bad times, but there will also be good things coming.
Hugs. We are here if you need a shoulder to cry on or a few words of encouragement.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 2, 2020 16:13:00 GMT
My marriage had just completely fallen apart and I had already grieved it before I actually separated. So I'm not sure I can help you with that. I was done. And not having him around on a daily basis made me feel relieved. He was a hot mess. He thwarted me on every level. He screwed up our divorce in Indiana so I had no choice but to withdraw my motion wait six months to become a resident of Michigan and start over. I went 8 months without a child support order and finally after ten months I had child support coming in. I had no job when I separated as the recession had kept me unemployed. So I was job hunting but I found one and I took it even though it was barely enough to keep a roof over the kids and my head. I focused on writing my divorce. I did my entire divorce without a lawyer and I wrote the entire agreement myself. It helped that because we had lost nearly everything in the recession there wasn't much to divide. He didn't play nice so it was an emotional rollercoaster for me. And not only that but until I had a job, I had no insurance so I was not taking my bipolar meds. I was a mess. I did some dating and some of that was fun but some of it was annoying. So if you're not in a place mentally to handle the dumbfucks you're bound to run into, don't do it. But I agreed to a blind date set up by my friends. And I met Jeremy and he was incredible. We navigated our divorces together. He helped with the kids. It made everything more fun. And truth rickmer has it right, I wish there was a crystal ball so you could see your future. I think a lot of women spend so many years doing everything for our husband and kids once we are beyond that and have the world at our fingertips we don't know exactly what to do with ourselves. And my biggest piece of advice is...try it. Try everything. 29 years is long time to be with someone. I'm sure with that longevity your kids are grown. So the world really is your oyster. Try everything. See who you are and what you like on your own without him. It's ok to go a little bit crazy right now. |
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Post by Pahina722 on Aug 2, 2020 16:43:39 GMT
My marriage disintegrated so quickly that it took a couple of months to really believe it was ending. Luckily, I had two close friends who had also been through divorces from cheating spouses, so they provided constant moral support and companionship. If you have people like that to lean on, do so! And then pay it forward down the line.
I agree with others’ suggestions: set up a routine, get active, try new things you’ve always wanted to do. Whatever you can do to focus on YOURSELF and keep your mind and body sharp will help you navigate through the inevitable low points. For example, when I divorced, Tae Bo was really popular, so I bought some tapes and kicked and punched my frustrations out almost every day. (visualizing my ex as what I was kicking and punching was a BIG bonus!) I was also working full time + which gave my days focus and I added a couple of grad classes to my schedule, again to give me something else to focus on.
Whether you want to date is up to you. My ex had given my self-esteem such a body blow that I was thrilled when single men began paying attention and quickly started dating. I dated some duds and some good ones—and a year after my ex moved out, I met my wonderful Jeff; we’ve been married for 19 years now.
Eventually, you will get past the initial grieving and realize that your life is so much better now than you had ever thought it could be. Until then, lean on the Peas, keep yourself busy and focused, and let yourself grieve without guilt.
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Post by karinec on Aug 2, 2020 16:52:14 GMT
I will echo what others have said, you have to give yourself a chance to grieve. I grieved the loss of my marriage many times and still have moments, even though we split up more than six years ago. I just let myself feel the feelings and know that they will pass. My ex is a very nice guy, but a conversation with him reminds me - he's a nice guy, but he's not the guy for me.
For context, we were married for 18 years, but I did feel that we were living as just friends for more that a few years before we decided to end it.
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by MaryMary on Aug 2, 2020 17:41:06 GMT
My therapist was invaluable. My best advice for divorcing women is get a good lawyer and a good therapist.
It is very normal to swing back and forth emotionally. I would come from therapy filled with confidence that I was doing the right thing, and then within a day or two start to second guess myself because I would be turning my kids lives upside down. And because my ex kept trying to manipulate me into staying with a bunch of promises and guilt trips. My therapist would set my head right every time.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 2, 2020 17:57:37 GMT
The old "one day at a time" is so very true.
The divorce was my idea, and I knew we had not chance of staying together, yet there were days I doubted it and cried.
I had him begging to get back together and a sibling telling me what an awful idea it was to leave such a wonderful man.
She shut up when I told her to go live with him and then get back to me.
The first date I had (a friend set us up) I came home and cried because I had to endure all that again.
However, I lived through it. I came out with a good life and met and married a very nice man to be my DH.
You can do this. You will survive and be better off.
I used to play that song "I will survive" very loudly and sing along. It was good therapy.
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Post by arrow on Aug 2, 2020 20:58:27 GMT
Some days even a day at a time seems too much. But as long as you are creeping forward, no matter how slowly, you will be ok.
Don’t let anyone tell you when you should be over it, take as much time as you need. We all grieve at different speeds. Personally I would feel ‘stuck’ and then suddenly I would realise that I had made great progress and not realised it. It’s been two years since my divorce, eight years since I realised there was OW, and I still occasionally have bad days, but they don’t last long.
I agree with the others, move every day - walk, garden, dance, go to the gym, swim but do move. Keep an eye on your health, check in with your doctor. Sometimes medication in the short term can be very beneficial. Ask a trusted friend to keep an eye open for signs of depression and give them permission to intervene and drag you off to the doctor if they think you aren’t coping (I was a great one for putting on a brave face and denying anything is wrong when inside I was a total disaster).
And know that it does get better, you will come through this 😊
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Post by peasapie on Aug 2, 2020 21:08:51 GMT
Darling, you are a baby at 46. Believe that to be true. You will start a whole new life with a partner who loves you and with whom you enjoy life, or on your own and enjoying an independent life -- whatever makes you happy. I did and I'm so glad. Life is too short to stay in a bad marriage. Dating was SO fun - meeting all kinds of people, staying loose and not seeking anything in particular. (I ended up reconnecting with college bf as I have stated in previous posts, but I wasn't seeking that.)
My female friends, some family members, and even my kids were my greatest support network. They made it fun.
The hardest part was my ex didn't pay the child support he was supposed to pay, so financially I had a tough time. But I would do it all again in a heartbeat rather than stay married. Enjoy every moment.
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Post by ~summer~ on Aug 2, 2020 21:34:09 GMT
I haven’t been divorced but as a fellow 46 year old I just want to chime in that 46 is so YOUNG. You don’t feel it now but hopefully you’ll fairly soon see that these are prime years for living, feeling and becoming you.
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Post by Zee on Aug 2, 2020 22:26:29 GMT
I didn't get divorced in the end, but our year long separation was very hard for a while. It was my idea but when he secretly started screwing someone (actually, multiple someones), after making me promise i wouldn't see anyone until we were divorced, I wanted to both kill him and die at the same time.
Running, lifting weights, and listening to Girl Power type songs definitely helped me stay sane along with focusing on work.
I think putting our marriage back together was harder than a clean cut would have been; it took years to get over all the shit we did to each other. I'm happy now but was miserable over it all for so many years. I wondered many times if I was making the right choice. Work, art, and exercise have all been really important in helping me let go of the stress, the anger, and the hurt. Also focusing on my kids was good, and I have to say whatever complaints I had about DH as a husband, I've never had any complaints about him as a dad. We did very well as far as sharing child bills and care. Our kids adore him and so do I (now).
Also--don't laugh--my cat was my closest confidante. He loved only me, let me cry into his fur, and never let another woman touch him. 🤭🥰 I miss him every day.
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Post by Lexica on Aug 2, 2020 23:08:27 GMT
Change can be very scary. You would naturally feel anxious because you are not sure how things are going to shake out in the divorce and what your life will look like in the next year or two. That is all very normal. For most people, even if they were the ones seeking the divorce, there are typical feelings that you must go through to get to the other side. If you don't process those feelings now, they will hit you harder down the line.
Someone told me that divorce recovery is two steps forward, one step back. I think it does start out like that. You will be feeling great and suddenly you will open a drawer or cupboard in your house and see something that strikes an emotional cord. Or you will burst into tears at a show on television. And of course there will be all of the "firsts" that you spend apart. First Christmas, first anniversary, first vacation, etc. Your life is changing and although it is a little scary, it is for the better. Eventually you will suddenly realize one evening that you haven't thought about your ex for an entire day. That stretches into weeks and then when you do think of him, it no longer comes with pangs of pain.
Dating is different for everyone. For me personally, I had no desire to date until I had finished going through all the emotional turmoil. I wanted to relearn who I was and what I wanted out of life. If I had dated too soon, I wouldn't have known what to look for to make me happy because I had no idea what that even looked like.
I know some women immediately jump into dating and say that it makes them feel desirable again. That's fine for them, but it wasn't right for me. Plus, when I divorced my son was an infant. I needed to be just Mom for a few years. You and only you will know when the time is right to consider dating again. Until then, don't even worry about it. Fill your life with friends and family and be sure to give yourself plenty of alone time to discover yourself as a person instead of someone's wife and someone's mom.
You will get through these weird and emotional days. You will eventually thrive and be happier than you thought possible. It just takes time.
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Post by leannec on Aug 2, 2020 23:29:08 GMT
I'm not divorced but I've been separated since last September ... I'm 53 and it was tough at first but now I'm actually living my best life  I have the freedom to do what I want when I want ... I don't cook for anyone but me ... I don't clean up after anyone but me  (Our 17 and 21 year old dd's chose to live with him ... complicated situation but they are happy and that is all that matters!) I started dating right away ... I needed it to feel good about myself ... it's been an interesting experience  I'm in the process of completing a legal separation agreement as we are not planning on divorcing right now ... we have a good relationship at the moment ... we say we were excellent roommates  It gets easier as time goes by ... hang in there! |
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Deleted
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Apr 26, 2024 20:21:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2020 0:18:48 GMT
Im so sorry!! My ex and I tried counseling for a while, but it made me more convinced that he'd never try to save the marriage. Strangely, I felt relieved and okay. I was 47 when he "encouraged" me to move out (of my own house). At that point it felt good to move out. I only wish I could have stayed in my house with our kids (18 & 16) but he made it nearly impossible.
I think because our Legal Separation was long until the final divorce (almost 5 years), I didn't really grieve our marriage, and we were together from 1980 until 2008, and most of it was idealic (in my head anyway)... I felt like I was stronger and moving on. Honestly, it gave me the strength to see things clearly. I had to fight for my son's life and help get him off of heroin and drugs. His dad was in denial.
I moved in with my friend and we wound up getting engaged and married. I never thought I'd want to go down that path again. My ex took everything from me. He set things up for years and even scammed me on taxes that were his. I began fighting back. I fought for my son's life. I fought for my own rights and I found real love with my 2nd husband.
There can be happiness down the road!!! Hang in there!!!! DS got sober with his stepdad's guidance. It's been 7 years. He and DD moved to FL with us and we were a happy family unit. DS moved back to NY and he's been doing great.
All throughout the separation, divorce and after, I haven't encouraged my kids to cut ties with their dad. Their dad even did heinous things (financial and emotional) to DS, but I encouraged both kids to talk it out and to remember that he's their dad.
I wish you the best. I know it's a huge change, especially after such a long time, but, surround yourself with true friends and family, try not to hold grudges with this divorce, get everything you deserve, and live a happy life. Xoxo
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,363
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Aug 3, 2020 3:01:48 GMT
It will get better. It doesn’t seem like it right now but it will. Take it a day at a time, an hour at a time, whatever it takes. Be gentle with yourself and remember it could get uglier before it’s over.
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Post by andreasmom on Aug 3, 2020 3:09:15 GMT
(((((Hugs))))))
I’m not divorced but I think that in every stressful situation it is healthybto take a step back and focus on you and your well-being one day at a time. Heck, even one hour at a time works. Give yourself time to grieve. Give yourself time to heal. Do what’s best for you. I hope it gets better soon.
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Post by tiffanyr on Aug 3, 2020 3:39:24 GMT
You guys, I am typing through my tears! I didn’t write this post but it is exactly my current situation and I needed to read all these replies!! I don’t post much on this board but I read it everyday and this thread has brought me such comfort tonight as we are putting our home for the past 20 years on the market this week! I know the divorce is for the best but that doesn’t make it any easier. Thank you guys for being there to help other struggling peas and to let them know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Aug 3, 2020 4:17:08 GMT
I was so happy to escape an verbally and mentally abusive marriage. I left and in general never looked back. Although, because of being stalked I will always self protect and always look over my shoulder.
I was very broken and beaten down. No sense of self, no confidence, no self esteem. I started over with little money, and little material possessions. I had my freedom and for me that was everything.
My advice is...
Take life one day at a time.
It's okay to make mistakes.
It's okay to ask for help.
It's okay to ask for emotional support.
It's okay to cry and release all the emotions.
It's okay to rebuild your inner circle (not everyone has our best interest at heart).
It's okay to say no.
Let things go. Let toxic people go.
People are not perfect. Life is not perfect.
Don't worry about what other people think.
Do what makes you happy.
Live your life, your way.
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Post by emelle64 on Aug 3, 2020 11:04:39 GMT
I don't want to hijack this thread but it's very timely for me too. We've been living apart for two years but I still believed we were going to get back together. We're now going through a legal separation. I don't have any advice except all I try to do is get through each day. I'm trying to get a little more active and have started to listen to a podcast by a Yale professor called Laurie Santos. It's called the happiness Lab and she talks about how resilient we are in coping with hard situations. I listen to episode two yesterday while I went for a walk and it gave me hope. I wish you all the best.
Emelle
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Post by mrssmith on Aug 3, 2020 13:27:24 GMT
As stated in a previous thread, I am getting a divorce. The kids know, parents know, he is house hunting, money is being divided etc. One minute I know this is the only way to go, but another minute I feel lost, scared and like maybe I made a mistake. We were married for almost 29 years. We are friends, but nothing else. How the hell did you survive this? What should I be doing for my mental and physical health to get through this? I am tired of crying over the what "should" have been. It sucks being 46 and starting over. And I do not know if I will ever be ready to date. Period. I dont know that I can go through the pain of dating/bf/shit ever again. Got divorced at age 47 with all these same feelings. Re: mental health - I reached out to the people I felt were being most supportive. I couldn't deal with some people's reactions and questions. I decided to take a break from them. Do things you enjoy that maybe you weren't doing before. I was the primary caregiver for the kids and rarely had time for myself. It was so liberating to have a week off at a time. As an introvert/homebody, I had to be deliberate about making plans so I wouldn't become a hermit. Eventually I joined a dating site, just to see what would happen, only expectation being a nice conversation. I'm now 49, have a lovely boyfriend who adores me, and take every opportunity to enjoy my hobbies. Yes, the first year sucked and I was very angry. Then one day I realized my anger was only hurting me. So I decided to stop and be happy. (Note; my divorce was pretty amicable and there is no animosity. We just had bday brunch for my daughter w/ me, my ex, our 2 kids and my boyfriend). |
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by rickmer on Aug 3, 2020 14:25:40 GMT
i was 46. it was the worst 2 yrs of my life. i had to stay in that house with him for almost 2 yrs with the kids. we had a custody schedule for them, while living in the same house. we went to settlement meetings and then i had to go back to that house and see him.
he made it *incredibly* difficult...wouldn't settle for my reasonable offer - kept dragging it out - we would make some headway and then he work on me, needling and needling and i would go back to my lawyer and say "okay, what about this instead??". thank god for my lawyer.
so my advice:
-get a good lawyer and trust him/her, get your ducks in order and don't settle for less than you feel is fair (my first lawyer SUCKED and would have put me in a terrible situation if i had stayed with her, i have joked that i think ex might have been paying her because she sure wasn't working for me, to the point HE suggested i keep her "just so we can get thru this". i am SO glad in that haze of fear, hurt and confusion i had enough common sense to fire her).
-be there for your kids which i am sure you will! they were my biggest motivation, i knew they were watching me and i needed them to know that i have this under control. keep doing what you have always done for them, i was so scared i would not have a great place to live in the same neighbourhood, esp with ex refusing child support and lying about his income. i *never* let that on to them... we were gonna find someplace great.
-rely on your friends (they will show themselves to you and it may not end up being who you expect, people may disappoint you, people who you never imagined will be incredibly kind)
-be there for your friends (when i was struggling people didn't want to reach out to you. i can't tell you how many times people said "well, with everything you are going thru, my problems seem petty". i would BEG people to share their problems... it felt good to offer THEM support & advice back and actively participate in the friendship AND it was healthy for me to pull my head out of my own butt and think of others)
-give yourself permission to have a bad day, go to bed, cry and get your ass outta bed again the next morning and start over again
-do things for yourself... i did therapy and had several massages during that two years. wasn't really money i should have been spending but i needed it (i will suggest NOT having a massage straight after a therapy session... i did... i was so raw and when the RMT asked me why i was there today ie. what i wanted worked on i sobbed throughout the *entire* massage session. she was so lovely about it - but not the best massage i have ever had)
-lastly, think of the people in your life that are divorced, do their lives seem over? heck, think of the peas!! we are here to tell you, this too shall pass. life on the other side isn't perfect, but i wouldn't give it up for ANYTHING. august 1st was the one year anniversary of being in my own place - i have never been happier... lots of new worry, adjustments along the way but i am 49 years old and i wouldn't be anywhere else.
(((hugs))) to you and feel free to reach out via pmail if you want to talk.
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Post by scrapcat on Aug 3, 2020 16:32:39 GMT
TBH, I always tell people it gets worse, before it gets worse, but then, eventually it gets better, a lot better. It is a process. I would say at least a year, maybe more to really start into a new direction. Get a lawyer, get a therapist, talk to doctor about any other health concerns, have a support system that is not family or involved with you and him. Do not sign anything until you have consulted your own attorney. Check out some divorce related books, self-help type books. You are young. You have time. Make sure to take time for the little things to comfort yourself, a cup of coffee/tea, time to flip thru a magazine, a nice hot bath, etc. Take care of yourself, little by little, one day at a time. You will be fine.
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Post by donnab on Aug 31, 2020 17:36:26 GMT
I'm in this place also. We've talked about it a couple years ago and still soldiered on. Now it seems inevitable. I'm just so worried about the financial aspect. We had all these plans to travel when we retired. Our house would be paid off and we would be FREE! Now, I'm 50 years old and will be divorced. I'll have to sell the house we've been in for 20 years and have barely enough money to save each month. I forsee never traveling overseas again. It's not a bad divorce-we've just grown apart. We make the same amount so I will not be getting any extra money. I worry more for retirement funds. There was a stretch there where I did not put anything in my 401k. I was raising the kids and working less hours. I'm sure we can get that evenly divided-but I'm so sad. Even though I know it's for the best. We also help support our disabled daughter so I don't know what we will do about that.  |
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,507
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Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Aug 31, 2020 18:08:51 GMT
I'm in this place also. We've talked about it a couple years ago and still soldiered on. Now it seems inevitable. I'm just so worried about the financial aspect. We had all these plans to travel when we retired. Our house would be paid off and we would be FREE! Now, I'm 50 years old and will be divorced. I'll have to sell the house we've been in for 20 years and have barely enough money to save each month. I forsee never traveling overseas again. It's not a bad divorce-we've just grown apart. We make the same amount so I will not be getting any extra money. I worry more for retirement funds. There was a stretch there where I did not put anything in my 401k. I was raising the kids and working less hours. I'm sure we can get that evenly divided-but I'm so sad. Even though I know it's for the best. We also help support our disabled daughter so I don't know what we will do about that. I'm so sorry you are going through this. The financial hit was the hardest part for me. We had everything paid off including the house we built in 1994. Now I've had to get a mortgage on it in order to buy him out for half the value (which is more than double what we paid to have it built as we did a lot ourselves and my dad was the contractor). But I didn't want to sell and have to find a smaller cheaper place. Plus all the kids still live with me and it's been their home since they were born. I've come through and figured out most of the finances but it's nothing like before where we could go and do all the time. But for me it's all worth it in the end. |
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