@olan

I recently read a line about how racism has harmed all of us. It was an intriguing line for me because as a white person, the wealth of our nation and relative stability I’ve enjoyed so my life was built on the backs of enslaved humans. So I had to ponder how racism has hurt people like me.

I was raised for the most part by people who were as non racist as that era produced. I worshipped in a completely integrated church, calling everyone my brothers and sisters unhypocritically. And yet, I was born in the 50’s. In recalling my family and friends from the early 60’s, I have to wince now. The polite way to refer to blacks was “colored”. There was a sense that black peoples should be grateful for the opportunities open to them. We totally agreed with the saying that a black person has to be twice as good and work twice as hard to get to the same position as whites, but we were glad at least that they could.

I bring this up to bring up the subject of progress. And progress is tricky. Ever made so much progress in many individuals in the last 50 years. And yet Olan is not wrong in saying in many ways progress is going backwards. I blame backlash, how else to explain 74 million people voting for Trump even after they’ve seen the last four years? And the backlash started with Obama’s presidency.

So individuals who are truly working on themselves like @peano, and for that matter, me, ( I haven’t called anyone colored since the 60’s, and an understanding there’sa lot more to being an anti racist than having black family members and not feeling superior to blacks), are making important progress. But our nation, not so much.

And that’s one of the ways racism hurts of us. It created this society with ingrained ideas and preconceptions that need to be recognized and painfully pulled out. It created unjust systems that harm millions, and immeasurable hate, fear, guilt and a stew of other feelings that tear apart those that might have otherwise loved.

That two people who AGREE on so much find themselves at odds, rather than being united against the common enemy of systemic racism, is to me another example of how racism harms all growing up surrounded by it.

I for one am deeply concerned at the direction this country is going. I do believe that those of us who are trying to erase racism do well to look for the good in each other.




I’m too tired to go back and edit all the typos. I hate typing in my phone.

Duuuude....do you not see how you just made your reply again all about how awesome white people are and how we should all bend over backwards for their effort? Guess what... as other pea suggested, don’t say anything. Sit, read, listen and learn.

Let me see if I can make this easy to understand with an example.

A grandma visits Holocaust museum and remembers her days in the nazi camp when she was a child.
A white dude standing next to her starts saying how nazis are humans too and they also I am sure regret what they did while also saying, “I am sure you were hurt lady but.....”blah blah blah

Is it the job of the grandma to now apologize to the white dude for “offending” fucking nazis? Because from where I am standing, I would love for the grandma to flip the white dude off and tell him to shove his support.

Did you just equate white people who are sincerely trying to be allies and make progress in their anti racism with nazis?

Of course my comment was about my experience. It’s the only one I can draw from. It would be beyond wrong to assume I know anything about a black person’s lived experience.

And I am totally mystified where you got the idea I want even a smidgen of praise for anything I’ve done. Much less “bend over backward “. No where did I say anybody needed praise for their anti racist thoughts it actions. I meant to share my experience of how that looks and sound different today than it did 50 years ago, and not everybody is at the same place.

The only message I’m getting is to say nothing on this subject, as it will only be wrong. I really don’t see how that will help anything. I like learning. I’m open to changing. And then changing again. Olan ‘s threads always give me something to think about.

Thank you. Sincerely. The life I’m leading right now is very lonely so if I had to walk away from the board tonight thinking everyone was in agreement with her apology...well it would have been rough. Thank you to every single pea who has shown their support. It really means a lot.

If you are pea who for whatever reason don’t get it. Listen I know I said I hope you don’t have a moment of restorative sleep in 2021 but please know the moment I see even a little shift in how society treats Black people I’m going to come here and celebrate with you. I don’t get any real pleasure from telling you what a shit job you are doing. None.

I’m sorry Olan.

“ Did you just equate white people who are sincerely trying to be allies and make progress in their anti racism with nazis?”

Nope. Read again what I wrote.

A1: A2 hit me every night for the four years we have been married. I don’t care if he found in er peace and is a good person now.
B1: A2 feels very sorry about it. I think you should listen to him and read his “I have changed” messages that he has been sending you.

Me: yo B1, it is not the job of A1 to do shit. It is not the job of A1 to listen to anyone she doesn’t want to. Why are you calling her over and over asking her to read/listen?

In this example, you are B1, I did not call you nazi/b2.

Oh for fucks sake, Olan should not have to have a cause. That is the problem. She should be able to live exactly like a 'white' person. I am sure Olan is imperfect but being black and imperfect is a different thing to being white and imperfect. You seem to have a thing against Olan... try again

Exactly. I'm actually sickened that this was posted as something good.

“and as I’ve previously said—for my human right to protect my own mental health, I do not engage in double-binds.” peano


When I said I don’t watch Black people treated poorly on video as a way to protect my own mental health, do you recall your response? I bumped the thread and as always the board makes posting history chronological. Also the comment you made about Black people not being the only voting group carrying democracy on their backs? Follow the scent and see the ONE pea who thought yep I concur with that statement. Why do you think she did?

No one asked you to participate in double binds. Again anyone reading can view our posting history and see exactly how this transpired. Your story doesn’t reflect the progression of how we find ourselves in this apology thread peano. Just like the women who’ve come before you, you cause harm then feign innocence. This isn’t you demonstrating personal growth even if that’s why you believe is happening right now.

Immediately after I posted the links that contradicted the lie you told, you responded again. Life didn’t get in the way. You just didn’t address the harm you caused just like you are refusing to do now. That would be an easy fact checking find hunt for the 25 peas who liked your creative writing project.

The way peas are allowed to purport a lie as truth in order to spin their arguments against me should be called out every time. Privately or in the thread it happens in. When flanz says:

“I don't know your backstory with one another but it seems to me that @peano is genuinely trying to learn and to grow and to engage here with you and us in a sincere way. Also with good intentions.”


What she is really saying is:

1. It isn’t important for me to read through the progression of responses and see what actually happened. I’ll trust peano account of events instead

2. I have researched the backstory and I’m going to join the pea in the alternate reality she creates. The one where her intentions are good and mine are less than good.


That’s the type of ally-ship a lot of liberal white women provide maybe not realizing it’s the opposite of advocacy. It gives power to the person who needs correcting. And then you end it will love to all? That’s very Kumbaya of you.

The need to be seen as right or good ruins a lot of potentially good allyship work.


A really good read from a source I’m not exactly sure about:
www.katykatikate.com/the-blog/2020/5/26/5-racist-anti-racism-responses-good-white-women-give-to-viral-posts?format=amp

I swore I would not post on the NSBR board after the last time I was flamed but I just can't keep reading and nodding my head for this thread. And keeping silent is privilege.

This is it, this is the crux. As an ally, you don't freaking go around stating, "Look at me! Look at what a good ally I am being! Look at how I have changed! See me do good work!" You just go f*cking do it. It will be noticed. And if it's not? Well, who cares. Work harder-do more. And look inside yourself. And keep working.

(As a parent of a child who was asked to stand in front of a room of 7th graders and explain their culture-I am so pissed right now)

I’ll give it to you. You are spinning this beautifully.