purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,801 
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Post by purplebee on Mar 7, 2021 19:53:44 GMT
Unless this person is your own child and under the age of 5, I will reiterate that they already know that they have gained weight and there is no need to enlighten them of this fact. The only person who can do anything about it is the person who has gained, and they will do it if and when they make that decision. Telling them is a terrible idea.
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Post by pjaye on Mar 7, 2021 20:02:13 GMT
About someone's weight? No, never - unless you want to ruin that relationship.
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Post by nellej on Mar 7, 2021 20:06:04 GMT
DON'T!
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Post by elaine on Mar 7, 2021 20:18:02 GMT
Don’t bring it up. You will accomplish nothing positive. It isn’t your place to say anything about anyone’s weight but your own. They know they’ve gained weight.
Just put yourself in this family member’s shoes - how would you feel if the rest of the family ran an intervention to tell you what a fat slob you’ve become during the pandemic. How would that feel? Be honest, would you ever want anything to do with the family members who did their best to shame you?
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Post by catmom on Mar 7, 2021 20:27:32 GMT
Agree with everyone else. If you want to check in on their mental health, and ask if there is any way you can support them during the pandemic, that's caring. We're all doing what we can to cope, and seeing someone who's struggling or managing the best way they can is not an invitation to shame them. Or gossip about them.
I've also gained weight during the pandemic. I've stayed pretty mentally healthy but cooking, baking and enjoying good food has been a real comfort to me. Anyone who tried to 'help' me would probably be met with a dropkick. Not really, but they would be quickly unfriended.
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sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
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Post by sassyangel on Mar 7, 2021 20:32:23 GMT
Never. Unless you hate them and they have no value to you, I guess.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 7, 2021 21:02:59 GMT
That would be one giant OH HELL TO THE NO! Not even if it’s your spouse or your child. This pandemic has been one giant big bag of suck for so many people. Saying anything at all about that would amount to just piling on. I *KNOW* I have gained some weight during all this (all of us in my family have), in large part from being stuck at home with my kid pretty much 24/7/365, LITERALLY. There has been nothing to do and nowhere to go and it has taken a toll. Plus “winter” started in mid-October last year, so the weather outside has sucked for the last five of those months.
We’ve been taking baby steps as a family to try to eat healthier and get outside and be more active, but someone else poking their nose in telling us what we all already know isn’t going to be helpful. At all.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,405
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Mar 7, 2021 21:04:16 GMT
Don’t go there. It would be unbelievably rude. If they ask for help or advice it would be a different matter altogether.
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Post by KelleeM on Mar 7, 2021 21:06:19 GMT
I’m fat and I know I’m fat. Fat people know they’re fat. They’re fat not stupid. Please don’t say anything.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 24, 2024 7:34:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2021 21:53:05 GMT
I think that If they are an adult it is their business what they weigh and what they choose to eat.
If you want to help this person , there are other ways to be supportive that are non - judgemental .
I think if you criticise their weight ( however you bring it up ) they could end up feeling worse and then not feel comfortable and be themselves around you.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,616
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on Mar 7, 2021 22:02:00 GMT
You don't.
Unless you and this person have talked openly many times about weight, health, losing weight, food, excerise AND this person now brings up that they have gained this quarantine weight and would like to get back on track only then can you start talking about it.
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Post by mollycoddle on Mar 7, 2021 22:04:39 GMT
If nothing else, bear this in mind; they will not thank you for it.
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Post by NanaKate on Mar 7, 2021 22:11:25 GMT
NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT under any circumstances. Not any of your business and certainly not your place to approach them concerning such a personal matter.
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Post by femalebusiness on Mar 7, 2021 22:13:24 GMT
Stop talking about someone's weight behind their back or to their face. How would you like family and friends talking about your faults behind your back? We know you have them, we all do. Stay out of it and discourage those who keep bringing it up. Just No!
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Post by Laurie on Mar 7, 2021 22:20:52 GMT
It is very rare for the peas to all be in agreement. If there is any doubt in your mind what to do after reading this thread or if you think that this situation is unique because you are going to handle it delicately just remember you have a narwhal thread and that tells you how foolish it would be for you to approach the said person.
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,069
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Post by pinklady on Mar 7, 2021 22:25:47 GMT
I hope this person tells you to shove your “help” up your ass!
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,104
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Post by mimima on Mar 7, 2021 22:28:35 GMT
None of this is for you to bring up or comment about.
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by MaryMary on Mar 7, 2021 22:40:50 GMT
Nope nope nope nope nope. Please don’t.
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jeanninem
Junior Member
Posts: 97
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Post by jeanninem on Mar 7, 2021 22:57:18 GMT
You could be talking about me and - trust me - I know.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2021 23:00:34 GMT
Actually if the person has gained a significant amount of weight during the pandemic the thing you should very delicately bring up is not their weight but their mental health. Think of things you can do to ease some of their stress and trouble. Pandemic weight gain is a thing and it's really a symptom of not handling the pandemic well. Instead of talking about weight, how about you just be a friend. Reach out to this person and make sure she knows she is loved by you. Try to zoom or do a social distant meet up. Encourage new projects to keep her busy. Send funny memes that will make her laugh. In other words, no weight discussion just be a friend.
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Post by mom on Mar 7, 2021 23:12:24 GMT
Agree with everyone else. If you want to check in on their mental health, and ask if there is any way you can support them during the pandemic, that's caring. We're all doing what we can to cope, and seeing someone who's struggling or managing the best way they can is not an invitation to shame them. Or gossip about them.
I've also gained weight during the pandemic. I've stayed pretty mentally healthy but cooking, baking and enjoying good food has been a real comfort to me. Anyone who tried to 'help' me would probably be met with a dropkick. Not really, but they would be quickly unfriended. I think this bears repeating. What you are asking and doing is not caring. They know they are gaining weight. And unless you have been with them 24/7, you probably don't have a freaking clue as to why. Maybe its hormones. Or depression. Or many other things. So unless you are their physician you would only be guessing as what the problem is. |
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Post by myboysnme on Mar 7, 2021 23:44:00 GMT
Please don't. I have since years later had weight loss surgery but I will never forget nor forgive my cousin for telling me "in a loving, caring way that she was very concerned about my health because of my weight." I sat there with tears streaming down my face. It made me not want to talk to her for a long time and though she apologized profusely but I could not get over that she thought she was telling me something about myself that I didn't know, that she cared more about me than I care about myself, and that her telling me would possibly motivate me. It made me embarrassed to be around her judging me.
Even if she/he brings it up to you, you are not a weight expert, and even if you are, just refer them to their doctor. My uncle made his teenage daughter walk 5 miles a day and exercise until she dropped because she had put on a lot of weight. Turns out she had an enlarged spleen and leukemia. The lesson I learned right there is all health issues, and weight is one, refer to the physician.
If you care at all about this person, stop talking about them with other family members, stop thinking you know better or best, and worry about yourself.
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Post by busy on Mar 7, 2021 23:49:26 GMT
The person knows they have put on weight, they don’t need another person to tell them. When and if they want help, they will ask. This. 100% this. I cannot imagining thinking it’s even remotely appropriate. Also, quit gossiping about someone’s weight with others. |
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Post by refugeepea on Mar 7, 2021 23:55:39 GMT
I think this bears repeating. What you are asking and doing is not caring. They know they are gaining weight. And unless you have been with them 24/7, you probably don't have a freaking clue as to why. Maybe its hormones. Or depression.  |
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Post by myboysnme on Mar 8, 2021 0:07:51 GMT
Giving this a slight bit more thought with a different slant, one thing you could possibly do is say, "Now that the weather is nice I've been wanting to get back to walking a bit, but I have to take it slow. Would you like to join me and we could walk together? It would help me if I had a partner."
Or, "There is this fabulous new restaurant with really fun new food options. Would you like to go to lunch, my treat, and try some of their dishes?" Then find a restaurant with some fresh food options, salads, maybe protein/keto type dishes. Then talk about anything BUT weight, pandemic, or health. Make it a truly nice casual lunch date. Associating food with pleasure is often how we pack on pounds, so eating healthier options while having fun without drawing attention to it can be a real feel good option sometimes.
Or send a lovely fruit basket like Harry and David and say, "Hope this brightens your day."
However, if you would normally not ask this person to walk with you or dine with you, then don't do it now.
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
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Post by kibblesandbits on Mar 8, 2021 0:22:39 GMT
No. There is literally, absolutely no way to bring this up. Please don't. Please, I beg you, don't. If you think they don't realize it? You're mistaken. Please, as a person who had parents who were clearly unhappy with my weight, it has affected me for my entire life. It's my opinion that we should all MYOB, but it's become a big deal within our family and I'm being shouted down. I think everyone should just shut up about it, honestly but in the interest of info gathering  I figured it would be a good discussion topic here. |
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
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Post by kibblesandbits on Mar 8, 2021 0:24:20 GMT
please kibblesandbits, please come back and tell us you aren't going to do this and you are going to actively dissuade the others you've been gossiping with against doing this. You will damage this person. You will not be helping them. I know you think you will, but I swear to God, you will not. I have not been gossiping - it was a topic brought to me and I've been of the "MYOB" opinion throughout. |
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Post by Merge on Mar 8, 2021 0:26:36 GMT
Please don't. I have since years later had weight loss surgery but I will never forget nor forgive my cousin for telling me "in a loving, caring way that she was very concerned about my health because of my weight." I sat there with tears streaming down my face. It made me not want to talk to her for a long time and though she apologized profusely but I could not get over that she thought she was telling me something about myself that I didn't know, that she cared more about me than I care about myself, and that her telling me would possibly motivate me. It made me embarrassed to be around her judging me. Even if she/he brings it up to you, you are not a weight expert, and even if you are, just refer them to their doctor. My uncle made his teenage daughter walk 5 miles a day and exercise until she dropped because she had put on a lot of weight. Turns out she had an enlarged spleen and leukemia. The lesson I learned right there is all health issues, and weight is one, refer to the physician. If you care at all about this person, stop talking about them with other family members, stop thinking you know better or best, and worry about yourself. I’m so sorry. One of my earliest memories was overhearing my paternal grandmother complain to my mom that she was letting me get too heavy. I was about ten, and while I was not a string bean, I was nothing approaching overweight. Like many girls that age, I had put on a little pre-puberty weight. That started a cycle of frantic crash diets every summer - facilitated by mom - to try to be “slimmah” (I can just hear Grandma’s Long Island accent) in time for her yearly August visit. I think years of diet cycling contributed to the weight problem I developed in adolescence and have to this day. Family disapproval of your body is one of the most traumatic rejections we can face, I think. I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with that, too. |
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
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Post by kibblesandbits on Mar 8, 2021 0:26:44 GMT
Agree with everyone else. If you want to check in on their mental health, and ask if there is any way you can support them during the pandemic, that's caring. We're all doing what we can to cope, and seeing someone who's struggling or managing the best way they can is not an invitation to shame them. Or gossip about them. I've also gained weight during the pandemic. I've stayed pretty mentally healthy but cooking, baking and enjoying good food has been a real comfort to me. Anyone who tried to 'help' me would probably be met with a dropkick. Not really, but they would be quickly unfriended. This was my position - I am aware that there is a mental component and thought that support in that area would be more appropriate. However. . . . I'm really just a bystander trying to talk some others out of trying to be "helpful" |
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
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Post by kibblesandbits on Mar 8, 2021 0:28:10 GMT
Actually if the person has gained a significant amount of weight during the pandemic the thing you should very delicately bring up is not their weight but their mental health. Think of things you can do to ease some of their stress and trouble. Pandemic weight gain is a thing and it's really a symptom of not handling the pandemic well. Instead of talking about weight, how about you just be a friend. Reach out to this person and make sure she knows she is loved by you. Try to zoom or do a social distant meet up. Encourage new projects to keep her busy. Send funny memes that will make her laugh. In other words, no weight discussion just be a friend. Thank you, this has been my position. |
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I figured it would be a good discussion topic here. 