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Post by melly on Mar 15, 2021 2:01:32 GMT
My son will be 18 this December. We could not afford Driver’s Ed, so we decided to just have him get his license when he turns 18. He studied and passed the written exam to get his driving permit a year ago, and we have taken him out driving about once or twice a week.
Lately he hasn’t wanted to go driving, because it scares him a little...he still doesn’t want to go onto the highway yet and just feels that fear of being in control of a giant machine. He’s a shy and quiet kid and I think he lacks some self confidence behind the wheel.
Now we have some extra money from the stimulus and I’m trying to decide whether it would be beneficial or a waste of time and money to enroll him in a driving school. It’s around 30 hours of class time and 5 hours of driving with an instructor.
Do any of you have teens that were apprehensive drivers? Should I enroll him, or let him wait until he feels more ready? He does want to go to college when he graduates in 2022, and will need a job soon too. Since his 18th birthday is this year I could just take him out driving more with me and try to help him get over his fears, and get his license any time after his birthday. But I’m wondering if another adult besides a parent taking him driving would help. (Plus, we haven’t had any super close calls or anything and he is a good driver so far, though it’s hard to hide how nerve wracking it feels to be in the car with your inexperienced teen driving it! 😆 I do my best!)
Any insights from you who have older kids? Or maybe experiences from when you learned to drive? Thank you! ☺️ 🚙
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,703
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Mar 15, 2021 2:04:07 GMT
My youngest was the same way and was almost 18 before she got her license. She just didn't want to drive. We tried to teach her ourselves, but she was very timid. We finally enrolled her in driving school and lesson ONE they made her drive right onto the freeway. Poor girl! LOL But you know what? She learned and she learned quickly. She still doesn't love to drive, but she is no longer intimidated by it. Money well spent.
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Post by freecharlie on Mar 15, 2021 2:05:32 GMT
Check and see if you can just do the driving part. I know the driving school the boys went to allowed that.
The driving with the instructor was 100% worth it. It was those 6 hours that gave my kids the final push toward being comfortable driving.
Also, it gives a discount on their insurance.
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Post by mom on Mar 15, 2021 2:06:08 GMT
I dont think driving school is ever a bad idea. It gives the kids a chance to become confident without mom and pop screaming (or being overly critical) in the car.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Mar 15, 2021 2:13:49 GMT
Driving school or at least another adult not related.
In the dark ages I had my son drive me everywhere I needed to go.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Mar 15, 2021 2:30:25 GMT
Yes, completely worth it! Your point about it being another adult was spot on accurate for my DD. She did well with me and her dad, but an impartial person removes a layer of stress.
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Post by cmpeter on Mar 15, 2021 2:32:01 GMT
My dd had a lot of anxiety about driving too. She’s 20 and had her permit since she was 16. She just did 5 drives with a driving instructor and took her test and got her license. Hearing she was ready from the instructor was really helpful for her.
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Post by kristi on Mar 15, 2021 2:38:29 GMT
My daughter didn’t want to drive. We used a small driving school & the owner was a prior DMV test driver. They spent 40 hours together driving. Made all the difference in the world to her confidence behind the wheel. Highly recommend!
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 15, 2021 2:44:34 GMT
He studied and passed the written exam to get his driving permit a year ago, and we have taken him out driving about once or twice a week. How long is his permit valid? DS was finally motivated to book his test when I pointed out that his permit was going to expire in 5 weeks and the testing appointments were booked up for the next 4 weeks. His fear of having to go through the permit application again was stronger than his driving anxiety. I highly recommend lessons with a professional. IME, they take the kids on and off the highway way before I would have and the kids did just fine.
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,770
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Mar 15, 2021 2:48:00 GMT
Definitely worth every penny. I’m the nervous wreck when the boy drives. We even paid the extra fee to have the driving company take my son to the DMV for his test (and drive around for half an hour before).
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,092
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Mar 15, 2021 3:08:34 GMT
When my son was in high school, his Driver's ed teacher told the kids they were driving a weapon that could kill someone. My kid with anxiety (takes meds) decided he would never drive because he did not want to hurt someone.
He will turn 25 in May. Still refuses to drive. I have offered to pay for driving practice for people with anxiety. Won’t even discuss it.
I wish you luck.
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Post by scrappychick on Mar 15, 2021 3:14:17 GMT
If you can afford driving school, then sure. The best way to get a kid to get over the anxiety of it is to make it a daily occurrence. Trips to the store, a random drive through the neighborhood, etc. Ask them how they want input. My son has add and needed a good 10 seconds between my instructions and the action for him to process what I said. Loads of praise about the good bits- “I like how smoothly you took that turn.” I didn’t keep hammering at the things that needed improvement. Building confidence is just as important as teaching the skills.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 15, 2021 5:07:21 GMT
It would probably be money well spent.
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Post by malibou on Mar 15, 2021 6:34:46 GMT
Ds20 just got his license about a month ago. He was very reticent about freeway driving. He understood the rules of the road, but the driving made him nervous. We got him 5 hours with an instructor and it made all the difference.
Good luck.
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Post by Basket1lady on Mar 15, 2021 11:18:20 GMT
Our son was the same way. I made him drive whenever he was in the car. It helped a lot to just get used to driving familiar roads and to already know the route. I mostly forced him into getting his license his senior year, but also promised that he didn't need to drive on his own often. But that it would be good if there was ever an emergency.
He got his license in August and a month later, our carpool for school fell apart. Another mom had my kids in her car without enough seatbelts for everyone and didn't give them the choice to get out before she drove off. We dropped out of the carpool by 8am and DS decided to drive them to school the next day. It was all right turns, he could stay in the right lane, and he did great. He drove that route for the next year. He wasn't super comfortable about driving other places, but quickly realized the freedom he had with being able to drive himself. I did impose a family rule that he couldn't drive with anyone else other than DD for 6 months and that helped with fewer distractions. Even at 24 he doesn't love to drive, but will do what he needs to do.
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Post by volunteergirl on Mar 15, 2021 11:34:29 GMT
Mine was in no hurry to get her permit or her license. None of her friends were either. I told her I was not going to be there to drive her around college, so she had to get it if she wanted to take a car to college. If she didn’t want a car at school, she didn’t have to get it.
That seemed to make a difference to her, and then once her friends finally started getting theirs, she did too.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,947
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Mar 15, 2021 11:46:47 GMT
You can do just the driving part in most areas. I would just do that. Sitting in a classroom won't give him confidence.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 15, 2021 11:47:48 GMT
My son has high functioning autism. He passed easily the classroom instruction. But he had terrible nerves driving on the road. He drove on a permit for 2 years. Finally, my mom started dating a retired teacher who spends his retirement years teaching people to drive. My son went driving with him for a few months and got over his fear. I would not pay for classroom instruction for a kid who can easily pass the test and knows the traffic laws. But I would absolutely pay for more drive time with the instructor until your child feels comfortable. My son is a great and safe driver now. And the comfort he felt and the instruction he got from a real driving instructor was much better than the bundles of nerves that is mom sitting next to him.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Mar 15, 2021 12:03:15 GMT
I dont think driving school is ever a bad idea. It gives the kids a chance to become confident without mom and pop screaming (or being overly critical) in the car. TOTALLY agree.
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Post by mollycoddle on Mar 15, 2021 12:28:12 GMT
My son will be 18 this December. We could not afford Driver’s Ed, so we decided to just have him get his license when he turns 18. He studied and passed the written exam to get his driving permit a year ago, and we have taken him out driving about once or twice a week. Lately he hasn’t wanted to go driving, because it scares him a little...he still doesn’t want to go onto the highway yet and just feels that fear of being in control of a giant machine. He’s a shy and quiet kid and I think he lacks some self confidence behind the wheel. Now we have some extra money from the stimulus and I’m trying to decide whether it would be beneficial or a waste of time and money to enroll him in a driving school. It’s around 30 hours of class time and 5 hours of driving with an instructor. Do any of you have teens that were apprehensive drivers? Should I enroll him, or let him wait until he feels more ready? He does want to go to college when he graduates in 2022, and will need a job soon too. Since his 18th birthday is this year I could just take him out driving more with me and try to help him get over his fears, and get his license any time after his birthday. But I’m wondering if another adult besides a parent taking him driving would help. (Plus, we haven’t had any super close calls or anything and he is a good driver so far, though it’s hard to hide how nerve wracking it feels to be in the car with your inexperienced teen driving it! 😆 I do my best!) Any insights from you who have older kids? Or maybe experiences from when you learned to drive? Thank you! ☺️ 🚙 I know someone who was in the exact same situation. They chose a driving school, and it worked out well. Their daughter is now a confident driver.
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Post by Mel on Mar 15, 2021 13:58:24 GMT
In Iowa kids have to take Driver's Ed before they can get their "regular" license. It's pricey here too!! My 14 y/o DD will be doing hers in a few weeks. EEK!! My SO has taken her driving several times, and I've ridden with her too. She's not a bad driver, just a little nervous too.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,816
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Mar 15, 2021 14:28:33 GMT
I took my son around for all his driving lessons. His dad promised to be the one to do it, but alas, he let the responsibility fall on my shoulders. One star/would not recommend!!! It was incredibly stressful for me! Fortunately, DS is a very confident driver, so it all worked out.
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psiluvu
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:26 GMT
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Post by psiluvu on Mar 15, 2021 14:32:40 GMT
Everyone here takes driving lessons, you get a break in insurance. It is 14 hours of in class and 10 hours in car.
I think it would definitely be beneficial for a timid driver.
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,305
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:16 GMT
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Post by gina on Mar 15, 2021 14:44:40 GMT
Actual behind-the-wheel lessons are totally worth it. I'd skip the book stuff he can read on his own. My kids all took driver's ed through school and did the driving hours with us, and I still paid extra for five behind-the-wheel lessons with a certified instructor. My daughter's took her to her road test appointment and she got to take the road test in their car (I paid extra for that).
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Post by craftedbys on Mar 15, 2021 14:47:08 GMT
My almost 23 yo DD has terrible anxiety (on meds for anxiety and ADHD) about driving and still has not gotten her license.
I think we need to find a therapist that deals with driving anxiety before enrolling in driving school. Having seen one of her panic attacks from just a short drive, pretty sure a regular instructor wouldn't help.
Not to derail the OP, but any idea how to go about finding someone like that?
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Post by peano on Mar 15, 2021 14:47:44 GMT
DS wasn't a super timid driver, but I wanted him to have as much time behind the wheel as possible before he went out there alone. When I grew up, kids could get permits at age 14 to drive with a parent. That is not legal in CT, but I took him out to deserted large parking lots in our town starting at that age. We did a lot of slow driving forwards, slow reversing, circles, turning and parking.
Once he was legally able to get a permit, we enrolled him in drivers' ed and I consider it money well spent, not just for the insurance savings. I also did a lot of driving around town with him at the wheel. As an added bonus, this was a great time for mother-son bonding.
I think postponing it won't help. The way to get over fears is to challenge them, not avoid them and watch them magnify. I would say that if you get very nervous driving with your son, I would definitely enroll him in DE. A parent losing their shit on the road isn't a great way to start. I lose my shit at little things but am strangely calm about stuff like this. I can only really recall two incidents that were hair-raising, and only hit the invisible brakes a few times.
However, that ratio of classroom time and behind the wheel time seems disproportionate. Maybe I just can't remember four years ago, but it seems he had more driving time than that. Good luck!
Oh, I would get one of those Student Driver signs off Amazon. The worst experience of all was the tailgaters who were really insufferable. And we were doing the speed limit. The sign seemed to moderate the tailgating, or at least helped people understand why we had the nerve to do just the speed limit.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,276
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on Mar 15, 2021 15:22:53 GMT
My kids were the polar opposite of timid drivers, which is scary in it's own right. But I think the more time behind the wheel, the better the driver. Having a 3rd party instructor would be a fantastic experience. I would go for just the road time only, and not class instruction if possible. In Iowa kids have to take Driver's Ed before they can get their "regular" license. It has been a minute since we did Driver's Ed (also in Iowa). I don't remember it costing a lot, or anything... but it was through the school and the kids got a grade for it on their report card. I seem to remember if kids from out of our district want to be in it, they had to pay more. My kids all took it the summer between 8th grade and freshman year, so that they could drive to school/sports right away. They all had a lot of driving hours under their belt way before Drivers Ed though.
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Post by huskermom98 on Mar 15, 2021 16:11:43 GMT
My oldest son has never been nervous about wanting to drive, but he did like driving with me more than Dad. We needed him to have a school permit because of his sports activities so he had to take drivers ed.
I had intended to let the drivers ed people take him on the interstate for the first time, but they didn't get to it before shutting down a year ago because of Covid. They were out of class/driving for almost 2 months before finishing class online & doing the driving parts. In the meantime I continued to have a ton of flower deliveries for my neighbor & so I had DS drive me around town for most of them--including ones that required getting on the freeway or interstate. He's done great on the interstates & highways since then--he even drove the section of I80 between Des Moines & Iowa City that I don't like because it's fast, hilly & busy (and unfamiliar because we usually head the other direction).
My 13yo son has only shown a slight interest in driving (kids in Iowa can get a learner's permit at 14) so we won't be in a big hurry with him. We will have to deal with that before the end of his freshman year when our oldest graduates from high school. His attention span makes me nervous, but I don't want to discourage him from learning how to drive.
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Post by Mel on Mar 15, 2021 18:18:38 GMT
My kids were the polar opposite of timid drivers, which is scary in it's own right. But I think the more time behind the wheel, the better the driver. Having a 3rd party instructor would be a fantastic experience. I would go for just the road time only, and not class instruction if possible. In Iowa kids have to take Driver's Ed before they can get their "regular" license. It has been a minute since we did Driver's Ed (also in Iowa). I don't remember it costing a lot, or anything... but it was through the school and the kids got a grade for it on their report card. I seem to remember if kids from out of our district want to be in it, they had to pay more. My kids all took it the summer between 8th grade and freshman year, so that they could drive to school/sports right away. They all had a lot of driving hours under their belt way before Drivers Ed though. You will be shocked to know that it is $370!! My kids qualified for free/reduced lunches this year, so I got a much lower rate (good timing since I likely wouldn't have qualified for that if not for Covid lay-off, and likely never will again). When I took DE it was a class in school too, and yep, a grade. And we got a cool little "certificate" to show our insurance company for a discount on our insurance. LOL
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Mar 15, 2021 19:32:43 GMT
I did private driver's ed for Alison. She had to do a bunch of work sheets ahead of time then she had driving time with the teacher. Essentially, she did a semester's worth of driver's ed in a few days.
It was worth it for the insurance discount, but relevant to your question, it gave her confidence when she got kudos from someone other than mom.
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