oh yvonne
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Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Apr 1, 2021 18:41:32 GMT
DH and I are in the market for a new mattress and it caused me to recall something a friend told me about mattress sales a long time ago. Her really good friend owns a local mattress shop and she says when people split up its good for her business because both parties always want new mattresses.
She's said it so often sometimes I look at her in surprise (skepticism really) but she is insistent on it, like its a known thing and a given, of course you need a new mattress.
I think that's weird and I don't think I believe it. I mean, yeah, someone moving out is going to need a new mattress but unless he brought the tramp into your marital bed why would you care? Are people that attached to a mattress? IDK. Maybe I'd feel differently if I went through it.
Just a fluff question throwing it out there because it always bugs me when I hear her say it because I kinda think its ridiculous. I'll own it if I'm wrong. But, Peas? Chime in please.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Apr 1, 2021 18:43:25 GMT
I'm thinking at least one of them will need a new mattress if they're moving out... and if you're 'starting over' then you might want to spend the $$ on upgrading your mattress? Since spending $$ is sometimes a source of marital discord, maybe it's one of those 'I can finally spend the $$ on what *I* want' type of things??
(and there could be something to a psychological factor, of wanting a mattress- or an entire new BED- that you never shared with the person.)
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Post by Mel on Apr 1, 2021 18:43:38 GMT
When I divorced, I moved out so I needed a new one. He didn't get a new one until a year or so later when he decided to get a Twin sized bed because the Queen was too big for just him. LOL
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oh yvonne
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Post by oh yvonne on Apr 1, 2021 18:47:06 GMT
I'm thinking at least one of them will need a new mattress if they're moving out... and if you're 'starting over' then you might want to spend the $$ on upgrading your mattress? Since spending $$ is sometimes a source of marital discord, maybe it's one of those 'I can finally spend the $$ on what *I* want' type of things?? (and there could be something to a psychological factor, of wanting a mattress- or an entire new BED- that you never shared with the person.) yeah but if you are starting over is one of your top priorities a high ticket item like a mattress if your existing one is perfectly fine? That's the thing, she makes it sound like you are replacing the toilet seats in a new home. |
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Post by leannec on Apr 1, 2021 18:48:46 GMT
I've been separated for about a year and a half ... didn't get a new mattress ... mine is fine  I think ex is now sleeping on his girlfriend's mattress  |
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smcast
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Post by smcast on Apr 1, 2021 18:55:07 GMT
I moved out and so I needed a new mattress, otherwise I would've kept old one if he moved out. I could see if spouse was caught with someone else in the bed. Gross!
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Post by SnoopyFan on Apr 1, 2021 18:59:40 GMT
When I moved out of the bedroom I started sleeping in my middle son's bedroom (he was away at college). When I moved out of the house when we divorced I took that mattress with me and I still sleep on it. I needed to buy quite a few things for my new apartment. Replacing a perfectly good mattress wasn't something I needed or wanted to do.
When I sleep at my boyfriend's house I sleep in the bed on the mattress that he and his wife shared.
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oh yvonne
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Post by oh yvonne on Apr 1, 2021 19:01:09 GMT
When I moved out of the bedroom I started sleeping in my middle son's bedroom (he was away at college). When I moved out of the house when we divorced I took that mattress with me and I still sleep on it. I needed to buy quite a few things for my new apartment. Replacing a perfectly good mattress wasn't something I needed or wanted to do. When I sleep at my boyfriend's house I sleep in the bed on the mattress that he and his wife shared. thank you, I think that's actually the norm and my friend doesn't know wth she's talking about lol. |
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Post by travelsoul on Apr 1, 2021 19:05:32 GMT
My mom didn’t buy a new mattress, she bought all new under garments  |
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scorpeao
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Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Apr 1, 2021 19:09:32 GMT
I divorced 16 years ago. I took the mattress...it was finally replaced three or four years ago. Mattresses weren't cheap, and it wasn't an expense I could afford. The mattress I have now was purchased of Amazon for ~$400.
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River
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Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Apr 1, 2021 19:14:22 GMT
In my world it's true. When my ex moved out, I bought a whole new bedroom suit and mattress. It was very liberating for me.
Of my 3 friends that divorced, they all also bought either the whole shebang like me or got at least a new mattress within 6 months to a year.
In my case, I suffered a lot of abuse in that bed/bedroom and my therapist recommended the change to help with my nightmares and PTSD. In my friends cases the mattress just wasn't suited to their bodies as much as it was their ex's.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 1, 2021 19:24:33 GMT
Friends bought their house from someone they knew going through a divorce. Husband had moved on and the wife included the bedroom furniture and mattress in the sale. I'm still a little squicked out about that 12 or so years later.  oh yvonne, I think it really depends of the finances of the divorcing couple and whether infidelity was part of the break up. If your friend's store is in an affluent area, I'd believe her about her experience with divorcing couples. I don't think it is over all true though. |
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Post by nlwilkins on Apr 1, 2021 19:34:01 GMT
Could it be because they are downsizing the bed from a king to a double or twin size?
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Post by beebee on Apr 1, 2021 19:39:57 GMT
In our case, this would be true. We meet in the middle on the mattress debate, but neither are really happy. I like very soft mattresses and he likes them as hard as the floor. We would both buy new ones if we divorced.
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oh yvonne
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Post by oh yvonne on Apr 1, 2021 20:08:12 GMT
Friends bought their house from someone they knew going through a divorce. Husband had moved on and the wife included the bedroom furniture and mattress in the sale. I'm still a little squicked out about that 12 or so years later. oh yvonne , I think it really depends of the finances of the divorcing couple and whether infidelity was part of the break up. If your friend's store is in an affluent area, I'd believe her about her experience with divorcing couples. I don't think it is over all true though. this. This is an affluent area the store is in. My friend is just being a snot. She knows most people don't toss mattresses away like they are bags of chips. And she knows I know and to keep saying it like its the norm for everyone just..annoys me to no end. I'm totally here for the validation. Thank you! |
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Tearisci
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Post by Tearisci on Apr 1, 2021 20:16:19 GMT
I replace the sheets, the bedding. Not the bed. I did the same thing and gave my sheets and comforter cover to my niece. it was always a comfortable bed so it made sense to keep it. |
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 1, 2021 20:17:22 GMT
My sister did... he brought a skank into their home... (not just a girlfriend, a prostitute) disgusting. She got rid of it pretty dang quick.
So yeah, when he moved out, he had to get new bedroom stuff...
AND you scared me with your post girl!!!
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Post by lisae on Apr 1, 2021 21:17:12 GMT
I did not buy a new mattress. However, the bed we had been using belonged to my ex. His father had made the headboard. So he brought an old bed of mine over that was in storage and swapped it out for the bed he was taking. Our split was mostly amicable. The problem was that the slats he left didn't quite fit and my mattress kept falling into the frame! I sometimes wonder if he trimmed them off a little to sabotage them but he was the one who left. I don't think it was on purpose.
I didn't buy a new mattress but I did have to get new slats.
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FurryP
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Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Apr 1, 2021 23:06:54 GMT
Could it be because they are downsizing the bed from a king to a double or twin size? Nah...you still need room for the dog. When my BIL moved out he took the mattress. My sister bought a new one. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Apr 1, 2021 23:14:45 GMT
I moved out and so I needed a new mattress, otherwise I would've kept old one if he moved out. I could see if spouse was caught with someone else in the bed. Gross! I don't get that? do you go to hotels? yea, strangers are having sex in that bed too. I would think you would have all the same bedding and stuff that you can change. To me it would be the least of my worries. |
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 2, 2021 0:35:18 GMT
I moved out and so I needed a new mattress, otherwise I would've kept old one if he moved out. I could see if spouse was caught with someone else in the bed. Gross! I don't get that? do you go to hotels? yea, strangers are having sex in that bed too. I would think you would have all the same bedding and stuff that you can change. To me it would be the least of my worries. I think it is more the mental image of the ex with the homewrecker in the bed (male or female). A new mattress could be the fresh start to get rid of the bad memories |
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smcast
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Post by smcast on Apr 2, 2021 0:45:32 GMT
I don't get that? do you go to hotels? yea, strangers are having sex in that bed too. I would think you would have all the same bedding and stuff that you can change. To me it would be the least of my worries. I think it is more the mental image of the ex with the homewrecker in the bed (male or female). A new mattress could be the fresh start to get rid of the bad memories Yes, the repeated reminder of a betrayal in MY bed, in MY house with MY husband. It would be part of a fresh start to buy a new mattress. |
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Post by Jen in NCal on Apr 2, 2021 1:11:03 GMT
I moved out so I bought a new mattress about 3 months later. Far as I know, he is still sleeping on the old one. I imagine if someone new ever moves in or starts spending the night often she will want it replaced.
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Post by peace on Apr 2, 2021 2:44:18 GMT
I wanted a new mattress after ex left. I dragged the old one into the spare room and when he saw that, he asked if he could have it. I said sure.
I don't think he ever had anyone in our bed. That wasn't part of my reasoning. I just didn't want that bed to be my bed. There were so many issues we had and I didn't want to lay my head down at night and have any memory of him floating around thinking about us together in that bed. Weird, maybe. But when I got my new bed, I slept a whole lot better.
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Post by pierkiss on Apr 2, 2021 3:23:17 GMT
If I were going to divorce my husband I would want a brand new mattress. We conceived our kids on this bed. 🤣. I’m not sharing it with someone else, and I’m not sleeping in it anymore by myself. No thank you.
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AllieC
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Post by AllieC on Apr 2, 2021 3:54:57 GMT
I don’t know if it’s the norm but I would 100% replace the marital bed mattress as a priority if I separated from my husband. New start and all that and I think it would be very liberating. It doesn’t necessarily mean I would toss it into a skip. I would probably put that one int the spare room as that one is quite old.
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Mary Kay Lady
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Apr 2, 2021 5:21:09 GMT
Before we split up DH and I shared a waterbed. He insisted on it. I hated changing the sheets on that bed!! After we parted ways I bought a new mattress, bed, and bedroom furniture. I also discarded all of my sexy lingerie and bought a whole new wardrobe.  |
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Post by Lexica on Apr 2, 2021 5:40:43 GMT
It is true in my case. I learned that he snuck his tramp over the back wall and into our house while I was at my sister's house with our newborn son for a week. I told my mom and she immediately offered to buy me a new mattress and bedding and to have me stay in her guest room until it could be delivered. She said she would be damned if I had to spend one second in that bed when she and Dad could afford a new one for me. I was very grateful to them.
I didn't offer the old one to my ex, even though it was less than a year old, so he had to buy a new one.
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julie5
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Post by julie5 on Apr 2, 2021 11:22:54 GMT
When I divorced the first time I slept on the floor until someone gave me an unused mattress. Ex h made his new woman sleep on our old one for a year. That always cracks me up. Second ex was a pos and we lost everything. Slept in my car until I got back on my feet mostly due in part to my now husband. His sister gave me a bunch of furniture for me amd my kids to start over. Eventually he amd I moved In together.
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Anita
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Post by Anita on Apr 2, 2021 13:24:30 GMT
I can understand it. A mattress is a very intimate object you shared as a couple. I can see why for some it can be helpful to sleep on "neutral territory" if you will. I won't judge for that. People have to do what they have to do for their mental health in a really difficult situation.
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