luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428 
|
Post by luvnlifelady on Nov 16, 2014 21:44:03 GMT
DH's parents are 70 and have been married for nearly 50 years! We took them to dinner last night and while talking, I learned that his dad just recently learned how to do laundry! His mom had back surgery and was at a rehab facility and then her DD's home while recuperating, so he had to learn how to do laundry while she was gone. I was a bit surprised that he hadn't done any before that.
MIL worked outside the home before kids but then they had 5 kids and she's been a stay-at-home mom/wife ever since. I can see where she would be responsible for most of the domestic chores but to not even know how to do laundry seems surprising. She even packs him for his many business trips. I would not want to do that for fear I would forget something that he needed. I'm glad this set-up works for them though.
Do your parents have similar traditional (albeit somewhat old-fashioned) roles?
|
|
|
|
Post by KiwiJo on Nov 16, 2014 21:49:14 GMT
My parents shared stuff, but in DH's family, his dad dis all the cooking while the kids were growing up. They had 6 kids, and his mother was a stay-at-home-mum; but dad still did the cooking. He used be a cook in the merchant navy, so just kept on doing the cooking once he left (before the kids were born). Nothing fancy, very basic, but it was just something he did.  |
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 16, 2014 21:50:15 GMT
Oh yea. My parents are bad. My dad has NO clue how to cook,clean, or do laundry. Nada. If my mom passes before him, he's in trouble. I see a lot of this every day at work. One of the couple is hospitalized and the other spouse is lost.
|
|
calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
|
Post by calgal08 on Nov 16, 2014 21:52:38 GMT
Definitely. My Mum does the cooking, cleaning, laundry. Dad does the garden, cleans the cars, pays the bills (I don't think my Mum has ever paid a bill in her entire life).
Completely different to my household - I do pretty much 100% of everything ;-)
|
|
|
|
Post by holly on Nov 16, 2014 22:01:57 GMT
My dad lets his wife do most everything for him. She does the cooking and laundry. I think he could do both if he had to though. He does everything with the yard and cars including getting gas for her so I'm sure she'd be lost in that dept. plus the fact she's about 12yrs older than him so she's 82.
DH and I know how to do "each other's" stuff. He was in the Navy so I was on my own a lot and I had to do it all. DH knows how to cook and do laundry. He'd be fine.
|
|
|
|
Post by eebud on Nov 16, 2014 22:10:38 GMT
My parents are divorced. My dad can do a little cooking but nothing fancy. Actually, I suspect he can do more than he does.........he just doesn't want to. He used to eat out 3 meals a day. These days, he still doesn't cook much but is more likely to buy a sandwich to take home instead of going to a sit down restaurant. He can't afford it. I think he fix breakfast most of the time but there was a time that he walked into a restaurant, the waitress came over and said "the usual" and "the usual" showed up a few minutes later. LOL
When my mom remarried, they have fairly traditional roles. My mom cooked, did laundry, etc. but this is what she wanted to do. He had to learn to do these things after his wife died so he could fend for himself. My mom liked to take care of him. She didn't do anything she didn't enjoy doing and he wasn't a demanding type or anything like that. If my mom had a busy day, he was the first to say "Let's go out to dinner. You have been busy all day." and the being busy could have been her many hobbies that keep her occupied or other things she wanted to do, not necessarily cleaning and doing laundry.
My DH can do it all.......he can and does cook and clean. I typically do laundry but he can. We have a friend who was completely helpless when his wife died. Another widowed friend spent time with him showing him how to run the washing machine, dryer, dish washer, basic cooking, etc.
|
|
back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
|
Post by back to *pea*ality on Nov 16, 2014 22:16:05 GMT
Yes, my dad will be 80 next month. My mom died 15 years ago and until that time, he never did any cooking, laundry and housecleaning. He worked as the sole income provider - did all the outside work and took care of the cars, finances etc. and my mom didn't work outside the home.
They had the stereotypical 1950's middle class lifestyle. It worked for them, no judgment.
It isn't typical of the two working parents middle class lifestyle today. We all do what we have to do.
I often wonder what the next generation will have to do to have a roof over their head, food on the table, health care, ability to educate their children, family vacation.
I feel the middle class works harder and harder and each successive generation doesn't necessarily get ahead.
|
|
|
|
Post by jumperhop on Nov 16, 2014 22:19:27 GMT
Not really my Mom makes dinner and does all the grocery shopping. But my Dad pitches in and helps a lot. I would say that my husband and I have more traditional rolls. I do all the cooking, cleaning and shopping. And he brings home the bacon.
Jen
|
|
Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,963
Location: North Idaho
|
Post by Nink on Nov 16, 2014 22:40:04 GMT
Yes they did. Mom was a stay at home mom to all of us kids. She did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. dad worked his job, took care of the yards and the bills. My dad passed away about 9 years ago. If mom had gone first, I'm not sure what he would've done.
|
|
|
|
Post by bc2ca on Nov 16, 2014 22:40:35 GMT
My parents had very traditional roles until my mom started working when I was a teen. Dad took on the laundry and us kids were each given a night to make dinner which meant my mom only cooked on her days off. Most of the weekly cleaning was already being done by us kids at that point anyway.
|
|
Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,710
|
Post by Dani-Mani on Nov 16, 2014 22:42:32 GMT
Nope; my dad was in the military. He was a great cooker, did his own laundry, and cleaning was like a hobby to him.
|
|
|
|
Post by maryland on Nov 16, 2014 22:49:40 GMT
In my family, my mom was a SAHM and my dad worked. So she did the cooking, shopping, laundry, mowed the grass, etc. because she was home and had more time to do it. My dad did the "fix it" stuff, and had a workshop in our basement. But he could do laundry, cook, etc. My mom didn't do the fix it stuff.
My husband's parents both worked, so they shared household responsibilities. My husband and his sister did a lot of work around the house. They could both do stereotypical "women's" work and "mens" work (I hate to use those terms!). It's great, because they thought by teaching the kids how to do it all, they would make a good wife and husband! My husband said his sister was lazy, so he did most of the housework.
In our house, I have a law degree, but am a SAHM. I do the household stuff, take out the trash, and the lawn mowing and shoveling snow. He plants the flowers and does the landscaping because he loves to. He does any fix it stuff (his hobby) and anything involving technology (computer stuff, etc.). He is the only one in the house who can sew, so he the little sewing projects that come up! I hate to sew, so I never learned. We have three girls, and they do nothing (haha)! Actually, they prefer the lawn mowing and shoveling to any cleaning chore! They will make a good wife someday, as long as they can learn to clean, do laundry and cook!
I will say that with my friends, our husbands are better cooks than we are! When my best friends husband goes out of town, her parents take her and the kids out to dinner because they know she doesn't cook!
|
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Nov 16, 2014 22:50:36 GMT
my parents? Yes - mum did all the childcare, housework, school stuff and most of the gardening. Dad worked and did handyman-type stuff. Not sure who paid the bills - I suspect mum once we moved to the states because she was more familiar with American bills/money (she was American, Dad was British]. Dad died in 1989 - he was 63, mum was 52. She transitioned well - probably because 1) Dad had been military so she was used to handling stuff when he was gone and 2) she married late - 32 - and had been out on her own for close to a decade by then. Dad knew how to do the domestic stuff - 37 years in the Army taught him well...he even knew how to knit.
I have a traditional marriage myself - I cook, clean, garden (although I hate it) and do most of the child care as a SAHM. DH works and takes care of the bills (except the groceries) and the cars (I don't drive). It works for us. I think if I died first, he would eat a lot of bologne and cheese sandwiches and eggs/bacon/sausage and takeaway but otherwise he would be fine (the house on the other hand would be a mess - he doesn't notice messes and he's a borderline hoarder). If he goes first, I'm screwed.
|
|
QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
|
Post by QueenoftheSloths on Nov 16, 2014 22:51:06 GMT
Oh yes. My mom can't even drive.
|
|
|
|
Post by gar on Nov 16, 2014 22:51:25 GMT
Very much so. They have been married 53 years, he would struggle to feed himself if she wasn't there, she wouldn't know where to begin to change a plug. Mum never worked once she had children, my Dad worked in his family business for most of my childhood. We don't do things the same way but it's worked all these years for them  |
|
|
|
Post by deep on Nov 16, 2014 23:04:29 GMT
My Dad has always done all the cooking and a large portion of the cleaning too.
|
|
|
|
Post by just PEAchy on Nov 16, 2014 23:10:43 GMT
My parents are in their 70s and while I was growing up , they had somewhat traditional roles. Mom did all the cleaning, laundry and most of the cooking. My dad did love to cook and had quite a few signature dishes he made and they would often cook together, mom did all the clean up , though. My mom didn't learn to drive until she was 50 so dad did all the car stuff. They did the bills together, I remember them sitting down every Sunday night to do it. They got divorced in their late 50's and each remarried. My stepfather does nothing around the house except mow the lawn and take care of the cars. He was a bachelor for a number of years so he knows how to do household things, he just chooses not to. My dad and step mom ran a daycare and they did everything together- both for the daycare and their household.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:33 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 23:17:38 GMT
Yes but my parents were old. They were even old than some of your grand parents.
If my mother had gone first my father would not have lasted very long, but mother outlived him by 23 years. Unfortunately my brother took over being the spoiled man in the house.
My mother also had at least 4 marriage proposals because those men (quite wealthy)were looking for somebody to take of them like she took care of my father.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:33 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2014 23:21:00 GMT
Yes. My father is helpless without my mother.
|
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on Nov 16, 2014 23:34:16 GMT
My dad is only helpless because we let him be helpless. If he was truly out of clean underwear he would know how to use the washer and dryer. If he was hungry he could manage to feed himself.
On the other hand, if there were a mouse in the house my mother would have a complete meltdown.
|
|
Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,039
|
Post by Nanner on Nov 16, 2014 23:41:42 GMT
No, my step-father can do it all. Mom was badly injured in a car accident over a year ago and my step-dad has done most of the housework and cooking since then because Mom has a really difficult time doing a whole lot of things since the accident.
ETA: Mom is 73 and stepdad is 80
|
|
DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,438
|
Post by DEX on Nov 16, 2014 23:48:31 GMT
I think they split pretty well. After my Mom died my Dad took good care of my Stepmother, and she,him.
In my second marriage,I did it all, and then some. He went first and I will be fine. I do appreciate the little chores my family does for me.
|
|
caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
|
Post by caro on Nov 17, 2014 0:26:02 GMT
My parents were very traditional but my dad did some cleaning after they retired but that was all. My DH and I are not as traditional although I was a SAHM for the most part when the kids were home.
My DH does his own laundry, cleans a lot but doesn't cook much. I call him the kitchen fairy as he keeps it tidy for me.
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,412
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Nov 17, 2014 5:45:01 GMT
My mother never lifted a finger and my Dad did everything.
|
|
|
|
Post by creativegirl on Nov 17, 2014 6:00:32 GMT
No, not at all. They are in their mid 50s and both worked full time when I was a kid. In my teens, my mom took a high stress promotion in law enforcement and my dad did a lot of the cleaning, grocery shopping, etc after that. She is now retired and does all the household stuff but they always shared the responsibilities in a way that made sense with their work schedules.
My grandparents are in their 80s and are/were very traditional. Before my grandfather passed, my grandmother would occasionally go for a weekend away with her church group. She would leave every single meal labeled and laid out for him and still worried he couldn't figure it out!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:33 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2014 6:01:28 GMT
They did for sure. Once my dad retired he started asking for more stuff like her make lunch for him, do this or that...He is better now. He vacuums and grocery shops and loves to take my mom to Costco. My mom makes salad (she has trouble with everything else i.e. leaving the stove on or water running etc). I do the rest. My mother's dementia/orwhateveriswrongwithher makes her think we need to do laundry at least 3x day. I think 3x week is ok to be honest. Washing one pair of underwear is not economical, but she believes we need to do it every day. It will be 10 or 11 pm and she will start a load of laundry.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:33 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2014 6:32:03 GMT
Yes, very traditional. And my DH and I are the same, by choice. we're in our mid thirties if that makes a difference to anyone. |
|
|
|
Post by pelirroja on Nov 17, 2014 10:32:58 GMT
My stepdad was a bachelor for most of his life so he knows how to do everything and does it well. He doesn't do it to my Mom's liking so she hassles him but if the end result is that the laundry is done, why complain? She's a control freak so nobody can do things as well as she can and luckily he's got the ability to tune her out when needed.
My father is a different story. He got married before the ink on the divorce was fully dry. You had to wait 14 days and he got married on day 15. I swear he found my stepmother because he couldn't figure out the washing machine. He was in the military for a few years so maybe he bamboozled all of us and he can do it, he just won't do it. There's a big difference between ability and willingness.
|
|
Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,316
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
|
Post by Country Ham on Nov 17, 2014 12:53:26 GMT
My husband works 6 days a week. He leaves the house at 6:30am and gets home over 12 hours later. He preaches 3 sermons on Sundays. Throw in a few funerals and what not and the last thing I guess that even crosses my mind when he gets home is for him to do laundry, cook or clean. All of that gets done while he is at his job. I consider it mine. He's not a dumb man so I am not worried about his abilities. We both have our "roles" so to speak.
|
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on Nov 17, 2014 13:17:57 GMT
My parents were married only 15 years and divorced in 1971, so I can say with certainty, they had traditional roles back then. But my mom entered the work force at that point and stayed in it after remarriage. She still did the cooking and laundry, etc, and spouse did the outside work. But I believe my mom always did the bill paying, although I believe when she remarried they split the bills and each did the ones they were responsible for. She said after her divorce, "Never ever be dependent on a man (to take care of you). So that sunk in very well with me and in our house we have roles almost flipped, but I still do laundry most of the time.  |
|
