julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611 
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Post by julie5 on May 9, 2021 16:44:40 GMT
If you are in a relationship, do you exchange gifts on gift giving holidays? Or do you have a one sided gift relationship?
My husband is a terrible shopper. But he also doesn’t expect or even want gifts on holidays. I always find him something he needs or will like and if all else fails, I make him something. He feels appreciated. He never asks what i spend on my own gifts. He trusts that I’ll be reasonable and I’m guaranteed to love it. Lol
My first ever poll!!!!
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Post by nlwilkins on May 9, 2021 16:51:20 GMT
I voted for the first option. BUT I have to give hubby a list of what I want. He will then purchase every thing on the list. Kind of takes the fun out of it. Oh, and he also waits til the last minute to shop so some things are no longer available. I also have to be care of what I ask for cause he expects me to know what we can afford and not ask for things that are too expensive.
I can deal with all that. The problem is he won't reciprocate. He always says not to get him anything even for his birthday. So I have no idea of the kinds of things he want or could use. It makes it hard.
Oh if I don't get him a list? He either does not get anything, or he gives me things like toothpaste, toilet paper and laundry detergent.
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Post by myboysnme on May 9, 2021 16:51:39 GMT
I do give gift ideas or links and they (my family) usually choose from that. I ask what they want. We buy the gifts for the other person, not for ourselves.
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Post by myshelly on May 9, 2021 16:53:53 GMT
I intensely and passionately hate gift giving between adults.
We are adults. We have our own money. We can buy whatever we want.
DH and I only exchange gifts because the kids get upset when we don’t have anything to open. We buy ourselves some things to open and open them in front of the kids, but we could care less.
Gifts don’t even register as a love language to me.
I would much rather go somewhere together. Memories and experiences, not things.
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Post by gar on May 9, 2021 16:55:32 GMT
I am very lucky that my husband is a fantastic gift giver. And he gives them to me in very creative and fun ways too - for example a ring was hidden in a Christmas tree decoration that he’d taken apart and reassembled and I had to do a little treasure hunt to find it. He outshines me easily on this front 😊
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Post by lisae on May 9, 2021 16:57:41 GMT
I voted that we don't exchange. We don't exchange for Valentine's day, Christmas. We only exchange every 5 years on our anniversary or our 5 year birthdays which happen to both be on the same year but not the same as an anniversary year.
This year will mark 20 years of marriage. I've already told DH that I want a hand held vacuum like the one we used at one of his customer's locations more than a year ago. That isn't very romantic but it is what I need and he can easily determine any options that come with it and order the item. Now the challenge is getting him to think up something.
We love this system. Basically, if we want something any other time we buy it. We have a max limit we can spend on ourselves without running our purchase by the other one. I bought myself a painting for my birthday. I'd been wanting something from this artist for a very long time. I loathe surprises. Life has enough surprises and stress without adding gifting to the mix.
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Post by gar on May 9, 2021 17:17:50 GMT
I intensely and passionately hate gift giving between adults. We are adults. We have our own money. We can buy whatever we want. . To me, it’s not that we couldn’t buy ourselves xyz but that we like to treat each other, to show that we’ve heard when either of us has mentioned something we’d enjoy having etc. It’s indulgence I suppose. I wouldn’t have bought myself that ring because it was an extravagance but it is beautiful and he wanted to see me wearing it and enjoying it. It’s fun, a treat, not something that’s meant to be entirely sensible and black and white. |
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Post by myshelly on May 9, 2021 17:20:05 GMT
I intensely and passionately hate gift giving between adults. We are adults. We have our own money. We can buy whatever we want. . To me, it’s not that we couldn’t buy ourselves xyz but that we like to treat each other, to show that we’ve heard when either of us has mentioned something we’d enjoy having etc. It’s indulgence I suppose. I wouldn’t have bought myself that ring because it was an extravagance but it is beautiful and he wanted to see me wearing it and enjoying it. It’s fun, a treat, not something that’s meant to be entirely sensible and black and white. If I see a ring I want I just buy it. I don’t only buy myself things that are sensible. I have no problem being extravagant or indulgent, I just don’t understand why you {general you, not picking on you, you} need someone else to do it. Treat yo self. |
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Post by gar on May 9, 2021 17:22:58 GMT
To me, it’s not that we couldn’t buy ourselves xyz but that we like to treat each other, to show that we’ve heard when either of us has mentioned something we’d enjoy having etc. It’s indulgence I suppose. I wouldn’t have bought myself that ring because it was an extravagance but it is beautiful and he wanted to see me wearing it and enjoying it. It’s fun, a treat, not something that’s meant to be entirely sensible and black and white. If I see a ring I want I just buy it. I don’t only buy myself things that are sensible. I have no problem being extravagant or indulgent, I just don’t understand why you {general you, not picking on you, you} need someone else to do it. Treat yo self. I do sometimes treat myself and I don’t NEED someone else to do it we just enjoy doing it to make each other happy. I would imagine you’re in a very fortunate position financially to be able to buy rings at the drop of a hat. |
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Post by Basket1lady on May 9, 2021 17:27:15 GMT
When we were newly married and didn’t have any money, gifts were a bigger deal. Now we just buy whatever we want. But when the kids were young, they expected us to have gifts, too. The last time DH was deployed to Afghanistan, it was over Christmas and the kids were in middle school. They were devastated for me when they realized that I didn’t have any gifts. So I told them that they were probably stuck in the mail.
But now, we just give each other a wish list. Since that Christmas, DH has been more conscious about making sure that I have gifts.
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Post by myshelly on May 9, 2021 17:30:40 GMT
If I see a ring I want I just buy it. I don’t only buy myself things that are sensible. I have no problem being extravagant or indulgent, I just don’t understand why you {general you, not picking on you, you} need someone else to do it. Treat yo self. I do sometimes treat myself and I don’t NEED someone else to do it we just enjoy doing it to make each other happy. I would imagine you’re in a very fortunate position financially to be able to buy rings at the drop of a hat. I only used ring because that was your example. I don’t particularly enjoy fine jewelry. I tend to look at an item and think “that could be a Hadestown ticket” or “that would buy plane tickets to Chicago” and then I’d rather have the experience. But I don’t hesitate to buy myself anything I look at and compare to an event and think “but I still want that” 🤣 |
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Post by gar on May 9, 2021 17:34:41 GMT
I do sometimes treat myself and I don’t NEED someone else to do it we just enjoy doing it to make each other happy. I would imagine you’re in a very fortunate position financially to be able to buy rings at the drop of a hat. I only used ring because that was your example. I don’t particularly enjoy fine jewelry. I tend to look at an item and think “that could be a Hadestown ticket” or “that would buy plane tickets to Chicago” and then I’d rather have the experience. But I don’t hesitate to buy myself anything I look at and compare to an event and think “but I still want that” 🤣 To each their own then I guess 😊 |
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Post by busy on May 9, 2021 17:38:22 GMT
We’ve really gotten away from gift-giving for each other. We go out to an extra nice meal or a weekend getaway or something. There just are not many tangible things either of us want that we don’t buy ourselves. Occasionally one of us may see something we know the other would like but doesn’t know about, so we buy it. But we don’t hold on to those things for gift-giving holidays. It works for us.
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Post by gar on May 9, 2021 17:57:53 GMT
We’ve really gotten away from gift-giving for each other. We go out to an extra nice meal or a weekend getaway or something. There just are not many tangible things either of us want that we don’t buy ourselves. Occasionally one of us may see something we know the other would like but doesn’t know about, so we buy it. But we don’t hold on to those things for gift-giving holidays. It works for us. I definitely consider weekends away/theatre trips/events to be gifts 😊 My favourite type of present I think! |
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Post by jenna on May 9, 2021 18:15:56 GMT
We exchange but I really hate getting gifts that aren't practical or experience based. I have a difficult time with wants vs needs but we've been together long enough he knows either to not ask me what I want or to make me specify one big want that I won't buy myself.
Birthdays and Christmas are gift giving holidays, Valentine's Day and our anniversary are more "lets make a fancy meal/go to our favorite expensive place" holidays.
For our anniversary this year he bought season tickets to our Broadway touring venue, a couple years ago I surprised him with a weekend stay at a (so totally not haunted) bed and breakfast in SF.. these gifts tend to be more expensive but the ones we enjoy more.
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Post by lisacharlotte on May 9, 2021 18:32:15 GMT
DH is a buyer. I have to say, “don’t buy me that” when I point out things I think are neat. I can objectively think something is cool AND not want to actually own it. He also buys for himself, so it’s harder for me to find the right thing for him. Plus I’m much more frugal, and he has $$$ taste in things he likes. We typically only exchange gifts Christmas/birthday. I’m happy to receive guilt free cash that I can spend on scrappy stuff I won’t splurge to buy for myself. Anniversary is usually something for our home. I don’t care and have low expectations for manufactured holidays.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,464
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on May 9, 2021 18:49:19 GMT
I intensely and passionately hate gift giving between adults. We are adults. We have our own money. We can buy whatever we want. DH and I only exchange gifts because the kids get upset when we don’t have anything to open. We buy ourselves some things to open and open them in front of the kids, but we could care less. Gifts don’t even register as a love language to me. I would much rather go somewhere together. Memories and experiences, not things. I agree 100%. Whether it's between spouses or grown siblings or whatever the relationship. If you are telling your spouse buy me xyz it's at abc store. What is the point? If two people are exchanging gift cards of the same value that's insane. All the stress I see on this board every holiday and people saying everyone loves wine, candles, bubble bath, cozy throws etc no they don't, you didn't get the right flavour so they will never use it or it's more clutter. |
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Post by librarylady on May 9, 2021 19:15:56 GMT
Many years ago, when DH was in a "jerk" phase, I purchased my gifts. After about 5 years of me doing that, he got into suitable behavior and purchases all gifts for me.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,668
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on May 9, 2021 19:18:30 GMT
We give each other gifts, for the most part. We needed a new mattress and I really wanted a specific one so we're getting it for Mother's Day and we just went and picked it out. So, sometimes we buy things together for specific holidays and other times we just buy each other gifts.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
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Post by julie5 on May 9, 2021 19:34:27 GMT
I intensely and passionately hate gift giving between adults. We are adults. We have our own money. We can buy whatever we want. DH and I only exchange gifts because the kids get upset when we don’t have anything to open. We buy ourselves some things to open and open them in front of the kids, but we could care less. Gifts don’t even register as a love language to me. I would much rather go somewhere together. Memories and experiences, not things. I agree 100%. Whether it's between spouses or grown siblings or whatever the relationship. If you are telling your spouse buy me xyz it's at abc store. What is the point? If two people are exchanging gift cards of the same value that's insane. All the stress I see on this board every holiday and people saying everyone loves wine, candles, bubble bath, cozy throws etc no they don't, you didn't get the right flavour so they will never use it or it's more clutter. Same here. My husband is very much a “if you want something get it” kind of person. |
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Post by freecharlie on May 9, 2021 19:42:53 GMT
I love to gift. I will gift even if it isn't a holiday.
Dh is hit it miss. Sometimes he sucks, sometimes he forgets, and sometimes he nails it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 24, 2024 12:29:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2021 19:47:23 GMT
Dh gets a wish list and I get one too.
A few times I bought a gift I wanted as it was on super sale (Le Creuset) but dh opened it, made sure it was perfect, and wrapped it.
He has done the same with a few big tools. But I wrap it.
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Post by mnmloveli on May 9, 2021 19:53:53 GMT
My DH and I gift each other all the time. It doesn’t even have to be a holiday. We are both great gifters.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on May 9, 2021 19:54:09 GMT
DH and I gift each other. Some things that we tell each other that we would like, and other things that we find on our own and think that the other person would like.
We just had our anniversary. DH bought me a beautiful print of 2 sloths personalized with our names and wedding date. Could I have bought it for myself? Yes, probably, I don't know how much it cost. But he saw it online and thought that I would like it and wanted me to have it. It was a thoughtful gift.
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Post by Linda on May 9, 2021 20:19:09 GMT
birthdays? I buy him something, some years he buys me something, some years not.
Mothers day/Fathers day - I usually buy/make him something, mothers day is never a big deal here, its super close to DD21's birthday so that's what we focus on
Anniversary? I usually make a nice dinner, some years, he'll take me out instead. Last year, he brought home a nice dessert.
Valentine's Day/Easter - I am the buyer of candy for everyone
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Post by lbp on May 10, 2021 16:47:03 GMT
I am very lucky that my husband is a fantastic gift giver. And he gives them to me in very creative and fun ways too - for example a ring was hidden in a Christmas tree decoration that he’d taken apart and reassembled and I had to do a little treasure hunt to find it. He outshines me easily on this front 😊 Mine too! This Easter there wasn't a chocolate bunny for me and I was a little disappointed but didn't say anything. After breakfast he is looking out the window and says "What in the world is in the back yard?" I went outside and there is a chocolate bunny tied to a new cherry tree that he had planted for me! I loved it! |
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Post by gar on May 10, 2021 16:52:13 GMT
I am very lucky that my husband is a fantastic gift giver. And he gives them to me in very creative and fun ways too - for example a ring was hidden in a Christmas tree decoration that he’d taken apart and reassembled and I had to do a little treasure hunt to find it. He outshines me easily on this front 😊 Mine too! This Easter there wasn't a chocolate bunny for me and I was a little disappointed but didn't say anything. After breakfast he is looking out the window and says "What in the world is in the back yard?" I went outside and there is a chocolate bunny tied to a new cherry tree that he had planted for me! I loved it! Aww, that's lovely!  |
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Post by crimsoncat05 on May 10, 2021 17:46:38 GMT
I voted Oprah... sometimes we buy each other gifts, and sometimes we agree to buy one gift together (something for the house, etc.). And sometimes we agree to NOT get gifts, then one of us goes ahead and gets the other one a gift anyway... making for a very awkward situation.
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Post by mikklynn on May 10, 2021 18:19:18 GMT
I've given up on DH. He wasn't raised in a generous, gift giving family. His parents loved them, but were kind of cold and self focused. Gift giving is not his love language.
I buy my own gifts. I usually buy him gifts on birthdays, etc.
Sometimes I am quite generous to myself, LOL!
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Post by Mel on May 10, 2021 18:59:07 GMT
I voted for the first option. BUT I have to give hubby a list of what I want. He will then purchase every thing on the list. Kind of takes the fun out of it. Oh, and he also waits til the last minute to shop so some things are no longer available. I also have to be care of what I ask for cause he expects me to know what we can afford and not ask for things that are too expensive. I can deal with all that. The problem is he won't reciprocate. He always says not to get him anything even for his birthday. So I have no idea of the kinds of things he want or could use. It makes it hard. Oh if I don't get him a list? He either does not get anything, or he gives me things like toothpaste, toilet paper and laundry detergent. You MUST be married to my SO!! I could have written this!!! Every word! He is "bad" at gift giving... his words. My DD usually helps him by showing him things and making him pick between A & B. LOL I LOVE to give, and put a lot of thought into gifts for him, but I have realized over the course of our 6 years together that the more thoughtfulness I put in, the less he really uses the gift... I have gotten him things that I KNOW he wants and he still rarely uses them. I got him a "lift kit" for his truck when we got it in 2018 and it's STILL in the box on the dresser (it's little lol). I got him a new laptop for his Birthday last year. Never used. A drone... still in the box. It's maddening!! I even told him once that I'm not going to listen and put a lot of thought into his gifts anymore... socks, underwear, undershirts from now on!! LOL |
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