Visiting parents and inlaws

We just always talk it out. Hey I want to come visit when would be good. My Mom is in FL and my MIL Is 8 hours away so each one takes coordination. Now my adult children are about 6 hours away but its also a simple hey we have this extra time off can we come visit kind of thing. Im headed to my son's next weekend and I just texted them and said hey I have three days off, clean off the couch and let my granddogs know Im coming over

No one in my family waits for an invitation - they just check and see if the date works - and that includes aunts/uncles and cousins.

We never wait for an invitation and neither do they.

When we lived in Seattle, MIL loved to surprise us and we NEVER knew how long she planned to stay. If sis-in-law put her on the bus, I at least had a 4 hourish warning to prep the guest room and pick her up. If bro-in-law decided to drive her, I found out when they rang the doorbell. 

With everyone else, an email, text or phone call starts the conversation with the proposed dates and 95% of the time they work and plans are made.

My parents are deceased. However, none of the answers would have fit us. We seldom called ahead; we lived close by and just showed up. They did the same. Sometimes it got on my nerves to have them just walk right in but it was what we had done with my grandparents.

My stepdaughters would never just show up since they live several hundred miles away but if they want to come, they tell us and we make whatever arrangements are necessary. We don't have enough space for more than one other couple at a time.

I voted "confirm the date" option, but we actually have 3 scenarios: 1 - my Dad is in town, I just text to tell him we're planning to visit, so he can alert my Grandma who is always home. 2 - my Mom is at the beach, so we'll decide what dates work for the kid's school schedule and verify they work since we'll stay with them for over a week. 3 - in laws in Nebraska (pre-COVID) would plan a weekend to drive down or we'd plan a visit up there, usually with a month+ notice.

All are deceased. But though I lived a fair distance away from my folks for almost 50 years, I flew out at least once a year. I usually coordinated my visits with my parents and siblings because most of them worked and wanted time off to spend with me when I was there. I still visit my siblings and we coordinate dates that are convenient for all. It never was/is an invitation-type thing, just getting everyone on board with dates when we were all available.

And it was pretty much the same when we lived away from my in-laws.

We live within 45 minutes of my parents and my inlaws (in different directions).

For the most part we just let them know and they let us know when coming. Occasionally my inlaws just show up and my parents have done that once or twice.

We didn't visit my dad's side very often and my mom's mom lived 10 minutes away.

We are a no invitation but not quite drop in family. Call and let anyone know you want to visit and the door will be unlocked when you arrive.

My DIL recently mentioned to me that we should come visit whenever we want and not wait for an invitation. We don't visit very often and I guess she wants us there more often - which is very sweet, of course.

When I was the DIL, we would just call and ask if it was convenient for us to stop by. We didn't wait for an invitation.

When I was a kid we dropped in on my grandparents and aunts and uncles whenever and without notice. No one even knocked. Even as a teen and driving I would often drop in on my grandparents, and my aunt's house was close to my high school, so my brother, cousins, and I would often hang out there after school.

I've never lived in the same town as my parents or in-laws as an adult, so they pretty much always know when we'll visit. We'll let them know if we're in town for something specific, or coordinate a convenient time if we're just overdue for a visit, and vice versa. I'm pretty sure everyone who still lives near one another just drops in, though.

They have all passed now but...

my mum - we lived a 2-day drive from her so when we were thinking of visiting, she and I would work out dates. We had an open invitation to stay there but we would never show up unannounced - with ONE exception. For her 80th birthday, my sister and BIL made plans to come down overnight (they were closer - a 6hr drive) to take her out to dinner but mum didn't know that I had flown in for a long weekend with my sister/BIL and was also coming. She was thrilled by the birthday surprise.

my MIL - we lived a few minutes away to about 30 minutes away (we both moved several times)- she had an open door policy, family wasn't even expected to knock. I'm not comfortable with that (nor do I have an open door policy - if you're stopping by, please call/text/email and let me know) so DH would call and ask if it was a good time for us to stop by (I suspect when he went by himself he just showed up and walked in). And to her credit - she ALWAYS called before stopping by our house.

my oldest doesn't live at home and hasn't in 6 years. We always know when he's coming because he's military and he has to put in leave. He always asks 'would it be okay?' but it's always more than okay for him to visit. He doesn't need to knock because we're always looking out the window waiting for him to arrive.

growing up, we often weren't living in the same country as one or both grandparents - Dad's parents were in the UK and mum's were in the UK. Because Dad was military and they were all retired - visiting the UK grandparents was definitely an arranged ahead of time visit - we went a couple of times while we were living in Germany (1972 and 1974 I think - and just a day visit (couple of hours*) as part of a longer trip - we never stayed with them) and then once when we were back in the UK (1976) and again once (just Gran by then) when we went back to the UK again (1979) before coming to the states - that was the last time I saw Gran until my Uncle/Aunt took me to see her in the Old Folks home when I was staying with them when I was 16. My US grandparents - pretty sure mum just called and let them know when she was able to come for a visit (we went in 1971, 1972, 1975, and 1976 for about a month each time. And then we lived with them for 3 years when we moved to the States in 1980. Once we moved out - we always stopped by after Mass on Sunday (Granny lived a block from Church) and I think that was just a given rather than arranged each week. But otherwise, we would call before stopping by (and we always rang the bell) or she would call and ask us to dinner or what have you...same deal when she visited us.


*Now that I'm the mum of an active duty sailor, I think about how hard it must have been for gran - Dad enlisted at 17 and retired at 55 and promptly emigrated. He had mostly overseas postings and went years without seeing his folks and they weren't at either of his weddings (1st in Germany and then to my mum in London) and rarely saw his children.

My parents are only about 15 minutes away from me. We still check in with each other, just to make sure that the other is home. My brother is an hour and a half, and he'll call to see if we're free on a particular weekend, or if they are coming down on a particular weekend & see if it works to visit. With the kids, it's just easier to plan ahead. Pre-Covid, you'd never know if my parents would be home. Sometimes we plan ahead by a week or so, and sometimes it's the day before. Even for me to visit with my parents, it's usually the day before. Truthfully, it's too stressful for me to have my mom over without 24 hours notice, because I have to make sure the place is super tidy. And she usually likes to feed me if I come over.

I would ring and ask if it’s OK to come over. As long as my family are at home they always say yes.