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Post by librarylady on Aug 23, 2021 21:25:24 GMT
Today my son asked if we waited for an invitation to visit his grandparents (when he was young).
This inspired my poll.
In my family, no one ever waited for an invitation to another family member's home. We call and ask if it is convenient to come on a particular date. This is true for my siblings and was for parents when they were alive.
I wondered if we were out of the norm.
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pancakes
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Post by pancakes on Aug 23, 2021 21:27:29 GMT
We ask beforehand…but we don’t live in the same state as my parents or my in laws.
That said, I still would ask.
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scrappinspidey2
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Aug 23, 2021 21:27:39 GMT
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Post by busy on Aug 23, 2021 21:27:52 GMT
Our schedules are more difficult, so generally we tell them when we are available and see if the dates work for them.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 23, 2021 21:32:51 GMT
No one in my family waits for an invitation - they just check and see if the date works - and that includes aunts/uncles and cousins.
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lesley
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Post by lesley on Aug 23, 2021 21:38:40 GMT
My mum only lived a five minute drive away from me so I rarely gave her notice I was coming and just dropped in as I was passing, or when I realised I hadn’t seen her for a couple of weeks. My ex-ILs lived four hours away, so we always made sure to let them know we wanted to come visit for a couple of days. They tended to wait for an invite from us though, as they would never have dreamed of imposing themselves. As far as extended family went, I remember aunts and uncles, and my mum's cousins, would just arrive. We didn’t have a phone at home until I was 12-ish, so there probably wasn’t any way to give quick notice. 😄 And after I got married, my brothers and I would all just drop in on each other. I miss those times.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 23, 2021 21:43:15 GMT
We never wait for an invitation and neither do they.
When we lived in Seattle, MIL loved to surprise us and we NEVER knew how long she planned to stay. If sis-in-law put her on the bus, I at least had a 4 hourish warning to prep the guest room and pick her up. If bro-in-law decided to drive her, I found out when they rang the doorbell.
With everyone else, an email, text or phone call starts the conversation with the proposed dates and 95% of the time they work and plans are made.
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Post by melodyesch on Aug 23, 2021 21:53:26 GMT
Do you mean for an overnight visit or just to visit for a couple of hours? My Dad is 8 hours away so we tell him and his live in girlfriend when we have time off and let them know we are planning to visit. We have to confirm ahead of time because they have the bed freshly made and groceries bought. I always ask if it’s ok, but it’s never NOT OK.
My brother lives in the same town as my Dad and he never asks. He just shows up and visits if they are there or goes home if they aren’t. My Dad’s girlfriend makes lunch every day so my brother will confirm ahead of time if he’s wanting to be fed just to make sure that they will be home and have enough food. He usually just texts the day before with “ok if I come for lunch tomorrow?” He eats over there about once every week or so and they like having him.
My MIL is in our home town and wouldn’t dream of stopping by without checking first, which I appreciate. We do the same for her, most especially since MIL is known for not wearing pants during the summer. :-)
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Post by lisae on Aug 23, 2021 22:26:43 GMT
My parents are deceased. However, none of the answers would have fit us. We seldom called ahead; we lived close by and just showed up. They did the same. Sometimes it got on my nerves to have them just walk right in but it was what we had done with my grandparents.
My stepdaughters would never just show up since they live several hundred miles away but if they want to come, they tell us and we make whatever arrangements are necessary. We don't have enough space for more than one other couple at a time.
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Post by myshelly on Aug 23, 2021 22:26:47 GMT
There’s not a poll option for me.
We have a set schedule.
Before we had kids it was family dinner at the ILs every Thursday (because that’s what worked for BIL who had the only grandkids at the time) and my parents every Sunday.
Since we’ve had kids it’s been ILs every Saturday and my parents every Sunday.
We may arrange special events in addition to those times, like going out to dinner or to the theatre, but we make sure to see everyone at least once a week.
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dawnnikol
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Post by dawnnikol on Aug 23, 2021 22:33:44 GMT
I voted "confirm the date" option, but we actually have 3 scenarios: 1 - my Dad is in town, I just text to tell him we're planning to visit, so he can alert my Grandma who is always home. 2 - my Mom is at the beach, so we'll decide what dates work for the kid's school schedule and verify they work since we'll stay with them for over a week. 3 - in laws in Nebraska (pre-COVID) would plan a weekend to drive down or we'd plan a visit up there, usually with a month+ notice.
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Post by chitchatgirl on Aug 23, 2021 22:38:06 GMT
For us it depends on whose parents. DHs parents we have specific date time we will be there. Most of the time we just go for the day and drive back (3 hours each way)
My family just sort of rolls with whatever and usually we just call when we are on our way. My parents keep a room specifically for us so it’s not that big of a deal. In fact my mom called me Friday and said I’m on my way and will be there in an hour. I have a box of clothes and toiletries I’ve dubbed the “mom box” just for those occasions. Same on their end.
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purplebee
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Post by purplebee on Aug 23, 2021 22:43:07 GMT
All are deceased. But though I lived a fair distance away from my folks for almost 50 years, I flew out at least once a year. I usually coordinated my visits with my parents and siblings because most of them worked and wanted time off to spend with me when I was there. I still visit my siblings and we coordinate dates that are convenient for all. It never was/is an invitation-type thing, just getting everyone on board with dates when we were all available.
And it was pretty much the same when we lived away from my in-laws.
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Post by compeateropeator on Aug 23, 2021 22:44:07 GMT
My parents only live an hour away. Typically I call before coming but if I was in the area I would certainly stop by without calling. I have a key so actually no one even needs to be there. 😉. It is my child home I come and go as I please.
For other family members…I would/do call and see if it is a good time to stop by. No need one waits for an invitation as we all extend a perpetual invitation.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 23, 2021 23:03:16 GMT
We live within 45 minutes of my parents and my inlaws (in different directions).
For the most part we just let them know and they let us know when coming. Occasionally my inlaws just show up and my parents have done that once or twice.
We didn't visit my dad's side very often and my mom's mom lived 10 minutes away.
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 23, 2021 23:09:42 GMT
I live very close to my dad and my in-laws - it's only a 5 minute drive to both of them. So any of us will just drop in whenever we feel like it or whenever we're passing by. My mum moved to a country town 1 hour 15 min away a few years ago, plus she's still working, so any visits to her house require planning around both of our work.
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Post by voltagain on Aug 23, 2021 23:19:04 GMT
We are a no invitation but not quite drop in family. Call and let anyone know you want to visit and the door will be unlocked when you arrive.
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momto4kiddos
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Post by momto4kiddos on Aug 23, 2021 23:22:39 GMT
My parents live nearby, most of the time it's a last minute thing, but I confirm that they're around if i'm going to go over. They drop by my house whenever they feel like coming by.
ds who lives on his own has a key to the house still and is always welcome. He usually will call/text if he's in the area and thinking of stopping in. We do the same with him...we've been in the area and wanted to stop by so we'll text to make sure it's ok.
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Post by peasapie on Aug 23, 2021 23:26:17 GMT
My DIL recently mentioned to me that we should come visit whenever we want and not wait for an invitation. We don't visit very often and I guess she wants us there more often - which is very sweet, of course.
When I was the DIL, we would just call and ask if it was convenient for us to stop by. We didn't wait for an invitation.
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pinklady
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Post by pinklady on Aug 23, 2021 23:29:46 GMT
I live about 1 mile from my parents. If it's not a preplanned visit, I usually text them and tell them I am stopping by and wait for them to respond to make sure I'm not interrupting anything. They typically do the same when they come to my house.
ETA: Just showing up unannounced at anyones house is just rude.
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Post by supersoda on Aug 23, 2021 23:39:06 GMT
When I was a kid we dropped in on my grandparents and aunts and uncles whenever and without notice. No one even knocked. Even as a teen and driving I would often drop in on my grandparents, and my aunt's house was close to my high school, so my brother, cousins, and I would often hang out there after school.
I've never lived in the same town as my parents or in-laws as an adult, so they pretty much always know when we'll visit. We'll let them know if we're in town for something specific, or coordinate a convenient time if we're just overdue for a visit, and vice versa. I'm pretty sure everyone who still lives near one another just drops in, though.
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Post by compeateropeator on Aug 24, 2021 0:01:50 GMT
Not necessarily. IMO it depends on your relationship. My grandparents lived next door when I was growing up. No one called before stopping by. We may have called if we were looking to borrow something specific, just to make sure they had it before running over.
My parents would ask “why do you keep calling, just stop by”. It just depends who you are visiting and their expectations. 🤷♀️
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Post by Linda on Aug 24, 2021 1:12:51 GMT
They have all passed now but...
my mum - we lived a 2-day drive from her so when we were thinking of visiting, she and I would work out dates. We had an open invitation to stay there but we would never show up unannounced - with ONE exception. For her 80th birthday, my sister and BIL made plans to come down overnight (they were closer - a 6hr drive) to take her out to dinner but mum didn't know that I had flown in for a long weekend with my sister/BIL and was also coming. She was thrilled by the birthday surprise.
my MIL - we lived a few minutes away to about 30 minutes away (we both moved several times)- she had an open door policy, family wasn't even expected to knock. I'm not comfortable with that (nor do I have an open door policy - if you're stopping by, please call/text/email and let me know) so DH would call and ask if it was a good time for us to stop by (I suspect when he went by himself he just showed up and walked in). And to her credit - she ALWAYS called before stopping by our house.
my oldest doesn't live at home and hasn't in 6 years. We always know when he's coming because he's military and he has to put in leave. He always asks 'would it be okay?' but it's always more than okay for him to visit. He doesn't need to knock because we're always looking out the window waiting for him to arrive.
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Post by peano on Aug 24, 2021 1:29:26 GMT
If I waited for an invitation to visit from my father and stepmother, hell, even for a phone call from them, I’d be dead. I bear the full responsibility for maintaining connection to them. It is an ongoing annoyance and an ongoing source of pain, but I put up with it because I love them.
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Post by Linda on Aug 24, 2021 1:31:18 GMT
Today my son asked if we waited for an invitation to visit his grandparents (when he was young). growing up, we often weren't living in the same country as one or both grandparents - Dad's parents were in the UK and mum's were in the UK. Because Dad was military and they were all retired - visiting the UK grandparents was definitely an arranged ahead of time visit - we went a couple of times while we were living in Germany (1972 and 1974 I think - and just a day visit (couple of hours*) as part of a longer trip - we never stayed with them) and then once when we were back in the UK (1976) and again once (just Gran by then) when we went back to the UK again (1979) before coming to the states - that was the last time I saw Gran until my Uncle/Aunt took me to see her in the Old Folks home when I was staying with them when I was 16. My US grandparents - pretty sure mum just called and let them know when she was able to come for a visit (we went in 1971, 1972, 1975, and 1976 for about a month each time. And then we lived with them for 3 years when we moved to the States in 1980. Once we moved out - we always stopped by after Mass on Sunday (Granny lived a block from Church) and I think that was just a given rather than arranged each week. But otherwise, we would call before stopping by (and we always rang the bell) or she would call and ask us to dinner or what have you...same deal when she visited us. *Now that I'm the mum of an active duty sailor, I think about how hard it must have been for gran - Dad enlisted at 17 and retired at 55 and promptly emigrated. He had mostly overseas postings and went years without seeing his folks and they weren't at either of his weddings (1st in Germany and then to my mum in London) and rarely saw his children.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Aug 24, 2021 2:27:21 GMT
We do the inviting snd they come here. We used to go there but not lately even before Covid.
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Aug 24, 2021 5:57:34 GMT
My parents are only about 15 minutes away from me. We still check in with each other, just to make sure that the other is home. My brother is an hour and a half, and he'll call to see if we're free on a particular weekend, or if they are coming down on a particular weekend & see if it works to visit. With the kids, it's just easier to plan ahead. Pre-Covid, you'd never know if my parents would be home. Sometimes we plan ahead by a week or so, and sometimes it's the day before. Even for me to visit with my parents, it's usually the day before. Truthfully, it's too stressful for me to have my mom over without 24 hours notice, because I have to make sure the place is super tidy. And she usually likes to feed me if I come over.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Aug 24, 2021 6:57:12 GMT
Our closest relatives are 45 minutes away. With all of them we ring and arrange visits. Even if we happen to be driving past and decide to drop in, we always ring and make sure it's convenient for them. That said, we have their keys so if they're out and we just want to drop something in, we can.
But wait for an invitation? No. Never mind relatives, I can't think of anyone we wouldn't visit without an invitation. We would call.
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joelise
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Post by joelise on Aug 24, 2021 9:05:10 GMT
I would ring and ask if it’s OK to come over. As long as my family are at home they always say yes.
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Post by Patter on Aug 24, 2021 9:38:31 GMT
Today my son asked if we waited for an invitation to visit his grandparents (when he was young).
This inspired my poll.
In my family, no one ever waited for an invitation to another family member's home. We call and ask if it is convenient to come on a particular date. This is true for my siblings and was for parents when they were alive.
I wondered if we were out of the norm.
Your family is like ours. We LOVE family. I have traveled north 3x already this year to see family. Just got back 3 weeks ago in fact from my latest trip. I hate that we live so far apart. I would have us all on the same street if we could!
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