missing Gabby Petito from Wyoming, traveled in van with bf

It came from her admitting that she had hit him in the van to the cop that pulled them over.

wgntv.com/news/bodycam-footage-shows-gabby-petito-boyfriend-after-911-call-weeks-before-disappearance/

The full bodycam video of the stop is available on YouTube. It clears this up really easily.

They could both be abusive.  I have unfortunately known couples that both hit each other.  

I read this earlier this morning, posted on a U.K. page Don’t Look Back , run by a fantastic woman, Rachel Williams, herself a victim of DA, which included being shot by her ex husband. She is a strong advocate for DA survivors and educateds organisations on the whole DA picture.

This is what she posted —-

I am sharing this from a private American domestic abuse group because the points are spot on.

"Important lessons to learn from Gabby’s tragic life and death.

1. Based on the body camera video posted by the officers who pulled Gabby and her fiancé over for suspicious driving, some viewers assumed Gabby was suffering from mental illness and Brian was the stable one.

2. Some people may have assumed both partners were equally abusive and equally at fault. The old “it takes two” myth that doesn’t really apply to most abusive situations.

3. Some people may have even assumed Gabby was the abuser and Brian was the victim.

4. These assumptions are classic. Why? Because, in many cases, the target manages to keep things together until her breaking point, at which time others may see her crying or hear her yelling or see her breaking, and then they assume she’s “crazy.”

5. Meanwhile, the abuser plays the part of the poor, patient partner who has to deal with this crazy person. But all the while, he’s been acting very differently behind closed doors, pushing her to this point intentionally and feeding on her emotional break. He LOVES to see evidence that he has hurt her. He LOVES to see her pain.

6. For this reason, “breaking her” has been his goal from the start. It may take him hours or weeks or months or even years to break her, but he won’t stop until he gets that reaction, and then he’ll point the finger and say, “See? She’s crazy. I’m just trying to keep her calm.” And then he’ll do it again. And again. And again.

7. As a result, some people will buy into that false narrative. Even the target. Which brings me to my next point.

8. In the video, we see Gabby making many excuses for Brian’s behavior, and she takes all the blame for everything he does.

9. We also see Brian blaming Gabby and saying he was just trying to keep her calm.

10. This is also the norm for victims of long-standing abuse. A target becomes conditioned to believe everything the abuser does is her fault.

11. Also, she clearly doesn’t want Brian to be in trouble. She’d rather pay the price and protect the man she loves. Also, remember she truly believes he only acted this way because of her, so she doesn’t want him to be blamed. This is also the norm.

12. Smart officers see right through this. Others buy the cover-up story. (And because some officers are also abusers, they all too frequently side with the abuser even when they know exactly what’s going on.)

13. I actually credit the police in Gabby’s situation. They were calm, they separated the couple, they interviewed them individually, they split them up for the night, they did everything right. I’m sure the officer has tremendous guilt about the end result and wonders if he could have prevented it, but I don’t blame the officers in this case. I was actually pretty surprised and impressed with how well they treated both Brian and Gabby (and, sadly, I was thinking how rare it is to see that.)

14. Many people have been shocked by Brian’s family’s refusal to cooperate with police. I’m not shocked at all. Let’s look at that a little more closely.

15. I’m also not surprised to learn that Gabby lived with the Laundrie family for a year. We all see this family will do anything to protect their son, even at the cost of an innocent young woman who was a real part of their family and soon to be their daughter in law. While most of us can certainly understand them wanting to protect their child, they crossed a moral line when Gabby went missing.

16. But I think it goes deeper than that. I think it shows them as a system of enablers who not only allowed Brian to abuse Gabby over a long term (which probably led to her intense anxiety) but also a system of gaslighters who were probably always shifting the truth to keep Gabby confused and make her believe she’s the problem. She was caught in an entire system of abuse. And once you’re in that web, it’s very very very difficult to see a way out.

17. I imagine they probably contributed to her abuse from the start and encouraged their son’s abusive behaviors by rewarding him, making excuses for him, blaming Gabby, flipping the script, and keeping her in the fog that breaks down a person’s psyche and spirit over time.

18. Gabby and Brian had been together since their teens. This is also common. These immature relationships work beautifully when both partners grow together and mature emotionally. But when one wants to keep the other down, naive, and under his control…and the other is growing, learning, and maturing, it doesn’t work.

19. We hear Gabby tell the officer that Brain didn’t think she could do her travel blog. It seems clear that he didn’t believe in her and was trying to make her not believe in herself.

20. She also says he didn’t like her working and that he locked her out of the van because she wouldn’t calm down. But when you listen to the full video, it sounds like he was upset because they’d spent too much time at the coffee shop with her working on her website when he wanted to go hiking. She wasn’t in her seat when he was ready to leave. Control issues?! He squeezed her face with his hand in anger. He cut her down and criticized her, verbally abusing her until she was a wreck of tears. He was breaking her spirit, intentionally.

21. Why? Because her focus wasn’t 100% on him. And because she had found a job she enjoyed and was good at and that allowed her to connect with other people, when he wanted her all to himself.

22. She now had this one little piece of her life that he couldn’t completely control, so he wanted fo get rid of that. It angered him. He punished her for it. See the pattern?

23. The overall takeaway? When you see someone crying like this, don’t assume she’s crazy. Don’t buy into the false narrative given by the abuser. Don’t believe the cover-up story by the target who has been conditioned to carry all the blame and shame. And don’t assume she’s going to be okay. She just may end up your next recovered body.

24. If you or someone you love are in an unhealthy relationship, please don’t assume it will get better in time. I haven’t heard one single story where it got better. Not one. Not with therapy. Not with church. Not with prayer or forgiveness or complete surrender. Nothing works when the abuser is determined to destroy that target. He will not stop until she is erased from this world or from her life. And in many cases, he’ll walk away without any consequences.

Please don’t let the next Gabby be you or someone you love.

Domestic violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233 U.K.

I don't know much about the actual story and have no comment on who did what, but long story...I ended up watching that hour long video and the cops just had me shaking my head and hoping to god they both reflect on their interaction, bias and assumptions.

I have no doubt they have a difficult job and are trying to interpret 2 versions and work out what is legal and what is best for all, but there needs to be serious reflection from 2 cops who threw their ex-wife and current wife well and truly under the bus by disclosing their mental health problems to both Brian and Gabbie and now YouTube with both stating how much of a handful (my paraphrasing) they are to deal with. Much nudge nudge wink wink going on with Brian.  Good luck to the cop who has been married for 5 years to such a problematic wife. I can't imagine what she's thinking after seeing that. 

Then 1 cop laid out the facts as far as who can and can't be charged/cited and said well, because we can't be biased based on gender, we have to charge/cite her (my paraphrasing). His words implied he wasn't keen but said its the law. I use the words charge and cite because I think citations were discussed, but I'm not skipping back through the video to work it out.

More conversations followed between cops and that cop seemed to change his attitude of 'it's the law', to then 'what is easiest'. It's possible the sun was beating down on him and he was getting jack of the whole thing. He said to the other cop that it was his call but he suggested that one option was to let them both go seperately and to tell them they can't talk to each other for a night and then contact each other the next day.

One cop said they couldn't talk to each other but asked Gabbie do you want me to pass any messages on to him....like you love him etc? She didn't say yes. She just said make sure he gets his phone charger.
So that cop goes to Brian and says ok, Gabbie says she loves you and will talk to you tomorrow....and the phone charger message. 
Then he walks back to Gabbie and says ok, now, no contact tonight. Brian says he loves you etc etc. Brian said no such thing.

This cop is transmitting messages that no one said and creating a narrative to both of them (an abuser and a victim) that the other says I love you.

At the end Gabbie is starting to ramp up her crying and they just hand the keys over and let her drive off. She did not seem fit to drive to me. 

Anyway, I'm sure the facts will come out as far as Brian and Gabbie. The cops were nice and all but watching that cop interaction just made it so obvious to me why domestic abuse does not change. 

EDIT: forgot to mention the cop with the ex-wife walking up to Gabbie and saying to her, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to think long and hard about it. Don't answer automatically. This question has very serious consequences so think hard about your answer. And the question was what was your intention when you were hitting Brian. She said her intention was to make him stop telling her to calm down. The cop turns to the other cop and says, well she didn't say there was any intent to harm. As if to say - case closed. After that conversation is when the cops chit chatted and decided to just let them seperate for the night. He led a horse to water for a desired outcome that suited him.

They need more training. A LOT more training.

I agree with everything you have said. 

My God. I feel like any words I express will be so small but I am so very sorry you experienced such awfulness. Idk you but I AM glad you are here! ♥

twinks - I am dumbstruck and horrified. I am so sorry you experienced so much horror.  I am grateful you are with us. I am grateful to not live in the past and I hope that we move heaven and earth (mental health counseling, education, assistance, etc) so that this kind of domestic terror is minimized to zero.

You are heard and valued.

twinks Damn girl, I'm so glad you are with us. I'm grateful to your neighbor. Would I be horrible for hoping he is rotting in jail?

I just so wanted out and I had a great family support system. I just went after the divorce and not a tort case or charged him with assault. It was harder back then and thankfully we look at domestic violence differently now. We still have a ways to go and I believe that people (cops) need to be better educated to see the signs. I certainly missed the signs in Gabby’s case and I lived it. It took the post on this thread to open my eyes.

I will add that Karma is a bitch. From what I understand, he is a miserable person.

I am really angry at the people posting the picture of her crying in the police car with the paragraphs about DV. Remove that picture from the post. I feel awful for her family and friends who have to see that image. As a parent I can't even imagine how much it would pain me seeing my little girl crying like that knowing what the outcome is. I find it in extremely poor taste and those people should be ashamed of themselves.

    Twinks I am so very sorry that this happened to you. You went through so much pain and suffering. Thank God for your neighbor. I'm so glad you were able to get out!

    I share my story and have since it happened in 1993 because I want to educate whoever I can about domestic violence. I learned so much about the insides of domestic violence, the hows, the whys, the entire cycle and the history during the amazing therapy I got from my therapist after I got out. That helps me to better understand and recognize domestic abuse when I hear stories about it. The more people who hear about domestic violence, learn about it, the more victims we can save. 

My abuse story is that he got physical twice. It was emotional abuse for 7 years before that. I let him talk me into staying with him after the first physical abuse. After he went after me with a fireplace poker I seriously considered leaving for good. It was on a phone call to my dear sister that the "bubble" of brainwashing seemed to break and I said, "Yes, come and get me". I had a 4 year old son at the time. Thank God I didn't stay for years after that. I'm so glad for DS's sake that I got him out of that home when I did-I just wish I did it earlier. That night my sister picked us both up and drove us to our parent's home. Ex was under arrest and spending the night in jail so we had time to make our escape. It was so strange. The further we got away from the house the clearer and clearer my thinking became. It really is like being brainwashed. 

I am so proud of you for working on those laws for domestic violence. I have wanted to help domestic violence victims for years and hoped to work with them in a shelter but in my state that isn't allowed unless you have a Master's degree which I don't. 

We need to add a hug button.