Update #3: Vent - I'm tired, so very tired

I'm so sorry that you're in such a rotten place. I'm not sure what to say; my advice jar seems to be empty. The only thing I can think of is this: sometimes we have kids that make us adjust our hopes and dreams.

I wanted to see my kids go to college, maybe get married one day and have kids if that's what they wanted. My older DD has been so so difficult. I should tell the whole story sometime. She still doesn't have her GED. She does have 3 kids (2 biologically hers, one step). Every time we think she's got things together, nope. Current issue is drinking the far right kool aid and being mean to her sweet sister. Still, she is alive. And for years that's all we could hope for, every day.

Younger DD is a doll, but disabled, can't work, severe anxiety, still lives with us at 29. But she was another one I had to readjust my hopes and dreams and just be glad she's alive. 

I have no idea if this helps, but we don't all have high-functioning kids. And that's okay. So try to take feeling bad over that out of the equation.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Big hugs to you. I don't post a ton but I'm always on here and you are one of my favorites. You are always so kind and take the time to respond to everyone. I also really appreciate you sharing your mental health journey. I have really learned a lot from you.

How old are your children again? I agree that it might be time for them to take care of themselves or take more responsibility. I think I remember that their dad isn't in the picture? Is there another relative or family member that could temporarily take them in or help out?

I know you posted about the gym and I would really encourage you to go. I think your mental health outweighs the chance of you getting really sick from Covid especially since you are vaccinated.

I'm feeling a lot like you are and I'm trying to find ways to bring gratitude back into my life. I have become so negative that don't like myself anymore. I never used to be like this and I hate it. I read about an exercise before: set a timer for 10 minutes and write down everything that makes you happy or smile. Titles of songs, smells, memories, hobbies, people. Try to incorporate more of those things into your everyday life.

I'm also thinking about taking a break from Facebook. It really is just a highlight wheel and not an accurate representation of everyday life. Some good friends of ours who constantly post about vacations, how much they love each other and seemed like the perfect family, just announced that they are divorcing. I posted the other day about the real possibility of my senior not graduating high school and it is hard to see everyone else going on college tours and planning for their futures.

Please know that you are not alone and we are all here to help and support you

I'm so very sorry. I hope that you can get a few hours of peace. I understand what you mean about being on vacation (or even physically getting away from the stress). Dd33 gives me such streses and I'm tired of having to tell her what she should be doing every minute. It's draining. I'm so sorry. 

It's important for you to be heard. It's important that you know that you are loved in this world. There are many of us on this board who care very deeply for you. You mean a lot to me, more than you'll ever realize.


I had a fantasy going just before my husband suddenly died that I was going to take off for a week or two by myself and leave all responsibilities to him. 

I know what it is to feel like I'm a tiny pebble being pushed along underneath the edge of a glacier.

Other people are able to be in control of their lives, or at least parts of their lives, that's completely out of my control in my own life and it does indeed create emotions that are challenging to deal with. There was a point where my children and I simply went out to eat and it felt so surreal to be around all these normal families I couldn't even feel my feet. I felt like I wasn't even walking on solid ground.

I have this odd, almost deja vu feeling of following in my grandmother's footsteps. She had a difficult life.


The only thing that has gotten me through so far is an absolute belief in God the Father, Son & Holy Ghost. I'm not searching for faith or for something to believe in; I have it.  As did my grandmother.

My grandmother's faith nourished and sustained her and our entire family for several generations.

Despite the abject poverty she lived through, today she would be called a privileged white person guilty of the historic crimes of a country her ancestors didn't even live in.

The values that enabled her to raise the most amazing children, several with very difficult medical conditions, are the ones I see torn down and mocked every.single.day now. Yet if my grandmother hadn't stood strong... I don't think my siblings or cousins and our families would even be here today.  

As hard as her life was, she never faced the erasure of all sense of right and wrong that we are seeing today.


So, I stand before you today in this broken world and tell you that my faith alone is what continues to carry me through, just as it did for one I loved so dearly.

Sharing this testimony is the only thing I have to give you. I can't give you more vacation time. I can't offer you therapy. I can't relieve you of Mom duties for a day. I can't even give you a real hug or offer you a good cup of coffee.

I can only suggest that instead of continuing to search, just begin talking to God like you would talk to the most concerned, loving parent you can imagine. 

I think you're working from home right now, is that correct? I was working from home and decided I *had* to go back to the office, just to get some separation between "home" and 'work' for my own sanity. Would that help?? Just to be PHYSICALLY away from it all for a period of time?

I do get what you're saying, though... there was a period of time when I was super-stressed about stuff at home, where the closer to home I got in my afternoon commute, I could FEEL the dread palpably increase.  I just did NOT want to be there, with all its attendant stresses and issues.  That's what struck me about your post, that you felt great when you were away (on vacation, but also away from home)... so maybe changing something about the physical space would help.  

(((Hugs))) I am so sorry. I’m sitting on my hands re: suggestions, because I think I really just want you to know that I hear you about your struggles.

This.  Absolutely, this.  I’m sitting here quietly listening, empathizing and supporting you. Maybe when your therapist helps you sort through some of these issues, someone here gave offer some guidance and reassurance for any decisions and actions you may decide to pursue on your path to peace and stability.  I don’t want to complicate things with a thousand ideas, but so want to express my empathy and understanding.  You are being heard. 

I wish I had something brilliant and insightful to say but I don't. Just know you are a valued member of this community who has, time after time, shared your wisdom with those in need. It is appreciated so much.

While my situation is not the same as yours, I get it.  I am so sorry that you have so many heavy things going on with no end in sight.   I think it is good that you wrote it all out and shared with us.  I am sorry you are struggling and I am going to read everyones replies when I have a chance. 

I wake up everyday thinking I didn't get a good nights sleep, I am sick of constant ibs/stomach aches and headaches. I hate so many things about my physical house and dynamics of my household, I can somedays only see what is wrong and not what is right.  Sometimes I can barely handle my own issues never mind everyone else including supporting my children the best way possible.  I feel so responsible for everything around me.  It is so hard to see the kids struggling mentally.  I feel like I can not access the help we need because of effects of covid and the backlog of appointments with specialists. 


I truly feel like "you can not heal in the same environment that made you sick".  I want to pack up the essentials and start over with me and my boys.  I want peace and clarity.  I am stressed with the winter months coming because that isn't good either for my mental health.  I have come to "own" and validate this is a really hard time of year.  The switch from summer to back to school, the people cheering on the upcoming holidays and all I feel is stress about it.  

What you have said is raw and honest.  It is hard and no amount of sleep or rest will take care of the "tired" feeling.  

I really don't have any advice but the only thing that has really calmed my mind is Deep relaxation tones and music on youtube and spotify.  There are a lot to choice from and some are almost hypnotic in a good way.  

I am so sorry you are dealing with all this. I sure hope that things begin to improve little by little. You can only handle what you can handle, and it sounds like you reached that limit awhile ago. Do the bare minimum to get by until you have more ability to do more. You are tapped out and nothing is going to change that right now.

Know that you have my respect and admiration and that you are a very valued member of our little Refupea community.
I won’t attempt to add to the very sage advice that you have received here, but I will keep you and your loved ones in my prayers and send lots of good vibes for a better future. You deserve a happy and peaceful life, I hope you can find some help, through therapy, exercise or whatever you find beneficial.
Hugs…

Anything I might have suggested has already been said, far more eloquently than I could express. But can you hear that tapping? That’s me knocking on your door and when you open it - and you will because I’ll keep tapping till you do - I will hand you your favourite take away coffee and we will walk and you will talk. And we will keep on walking and you will keep talking. Then you will talk some more and you will notice more tapping but it’s the sound of feet walking as every Pea here joins us to listen to you and offer support and friendship to help you get through this. You WILL get through this, with cyber help here and professional help irl. Keep coming here, keep venting away and making your very valid, honest points.

Oh, and those people with their perfect lives on social media? They are being economic with the truth.

First, I applaud you for acknowledging your feelings. No good comes from ignoring, denying or stuffing them away; they will just come back and they will be even worse. That is one of the big things I learned with grieving my husband's death. I am much more open about what I feel, and I’m more honest with people about what it’s like for me. I don’t accept all the BS toxic positivity either. And, as I said on Facebook the other day, you can feel more than one thing at a time, so even though you may be grateful for what you have, you can also be worried, fearful, sad, grieving, etc., at the same time.

I was struck by what you said about your week away, camping with Jeremy. It sounds like you needed it, and that you felt good then. Question is, how to get that into your life now, even in small bits? I know that I do better when I get some fresh air, sunshine if possible, and don’t just sit in the house in a funk. Sometimes I work in the flower beds, sometimes I sit on the screen porch, sometimes I just drive around looking at scenery or seeing what’s changed.

I exercise at home (I sweat to the point of looking like a drowned rat so would rather do that in private) and have been continuing to use my recumbent bike that I got before my knee replacements. Even though I don’t always WANT to do it, it has now become a habit, and the day doesn’t feel normal unless I do. Yeah, sometimes I tell myself I’ll do a shorter session if I’m not feeling it, but most of the time I get in the whole 45 minutes I aim for. And I try to do at least one chore, task, or cleaning project each day. I also have lists of things that need to be done; I like crossing them off, and seeing pages of completed items. The lists help organize what needs to be done or what’s scheduled, but also is a reminder of what I’ve accomplished.

Like many others, I find you to be an incredibly insightful, honest, caring person. I’ve learned so much from your posts over the years. And, as I have an extended family member, a young adult, who has a bipolar diagnosis, I really appreciate your posts about mental health.

I hope you can find a way to incorporate some of the things about your vacation that made you feel good. And that you find the strength to deal with what you need, so that you can then be a support for your kids.

But right now, it’s okay to say you’re tired, and to vent. We hear you, we care about you, we are here.

Just ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))).