Update #3: Vent - I'm tired, so very tired

Just read your post and update. That sounds so tough.
I’m just a stranger on the internet and not remotely qualified to say anything, but my dissertation was on burnout in the pandemic and what you describe sounds like burnout.

It’s sounds like you’ve been using available resources to cope as well as you can. At a certain point though, the only way to deal with burnout is to remove/ deal with the origin of the burnout. It’s like your hand is in the oven - you can put on oven mitts but eventually you need to just get your hand out of the oven (probably a bad analogy).

That’s easier said than done, but it sounds like you took steps toward that today. I’m glad you feel at peace.
And toxic positivity can suck it.

It’s not easy to draw a line but sometimes it’s very necessary. I’d expect it put your other daughter on notice as well if she follows her sister’s footsteps. It’s natural to worry but raising kids involves tough decisions like you just made.

Tough love is the hardest thing you'll do and it's the best thing you'll do for your dd and yourself. The alcohol is exacerbating her mental health issues and you can't fix that. It's scary and sad, but you have to unload your plate in order to take care of yourself and your other dd. No one is allowed to be violent or abuse you. That's a hard line and you just did a very brave thing by taking a stand. Stay strong and don't give into her. Let's see if this helps her in the long run.

Do something loving for yourself tonight. Pamper pamper pamper.

I'm so sorry for all your troubles with your DD. I've been there, with my youngest DD. I had to cut her out of my life several years ago, and while it broke my heart, it did make my life so much more peaceful. I could deal with the sadness; I could not deal with the volatility and anger. We now maintain an occasional but careful relationship, in that we text back and forth maybe once or twice a month, but there is little personal contact. We have a saying in our family about her - that she 'takes up all the air in the room'. I hope that you can someday have a better relationship with your daughter, but I don't think now is the time for that. She needs to take responsibility for her own health, and start realizing that she is hurting the people who love her.

Sending you big hugs - take care of yourself! We all care about you here.

I'm sorry.

Gosh, I'm so sorry. It's so damn hard to see our kids struggle and let them go for our own good. Like the above poster said, tough love is hard.

I do know that self medicacating with alcohol or drugs is par for the course with mental illness. Unfortunately I've seen it up close and it's absolutely heartbreaking. I had to distance myself from someone I love very much cause their self destruction was too much for me. There's only so much you can do until you can't. I had to be OK for the people that I could and wanted my help. I didn't abandon them completely, but I realized they are the only ones that could help themselves. I could support them once they made the decision to get help or get on a better path, but not before that.

I sure hope things get better now that you've set some boundaries. Big hugs once again.

That sounds simplistic, but there's really a lot of truth in that. As hard as the altercation with your daughter was, perhaps it helps to clarify some thoughts for you. Setting firm boundaries in your relationship with her is healthy for you right now, and truth be told, for her too.

Just wanted to let you know, I can relate to what you are going through. This has helped me with my oldest child.

It sounds as if this had to happen before essential changes could be made. As it was before, your eldest couldn't change and the rest of your family couldn't live your lives comfortably. Cliched as this is, fire doesn't only destroy, it also makes way for new growth. Hugs from me.

Thinking of you this morning. Keep busy, get outside for some fresh air, take a nap if you can. Smile at yourself in the mirror. And breathe. Just breathe. In other words, take care of YOU. You made the right decision. I know it's hard, but I pray it will help your family.

Just read your OP and update. I’m so sorry you’re in this state of mind, and I’m even sorrier about the situations/events that have contributed to it.

I hope your older daughter gets the help she needs and you can reunite. 

(A small detail, but FWIW, this is the only personal social media I use. Whenever I wonder if I am woefully out of touch, I remind myself that being blissfully unaware of the minutiae of others’ lives, boasts and opinions has been a very good thing.) 

I'm sorry to read your update jeremysgirl that can't have been an easy decision to make.  Under the circumstances. I think it was the right one for you to make and I admire you for making the decision, you need to take care of yourself and you have a right to live in peace with your DH and your younger DD. I hope that this will be a wake up call for your DD and that she will seek out the help she so obviously needs.