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Post by tealpaperowl on Oct 1, 2021 12:48:37 GMT
I should know this by now.. but I'm struggling! I'm 39 and my family is gone. My parents died when I was 19 (only child) and over these years more and more family has passed. My last close relative, my aunt was put to rest yesterday.
I'm sad. No holidays or family gatherings. I miss the "old days" when everyone was still here. Now it's just hubby and I, our two teen boys and his mom.
Anyone deal with this? Any advice?
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Post by disneypal on Oct 1, 2021 12:59:05 GMT
I am sorry, I can relate. My family was already pretty small but all that is left now is my mom, sister and me (sis lives in same time but mom is in another state). I do have a niece, who has a family but they live in New Zealand and therefore never see them.
Holidays are just regular days pretty much to us - it is hard when you see others getting together or talking about what they did together and you just think - it is only the 3 of us now.
I know it is easier said then done, but try to build new traditions with your DH and boys. Try and focus on the family you DO still have.
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PLurker
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Post by PLurker on Oct 1, 2021 13:03:20 GMT
Yeah, it is tough. All that's left of my childhood family is me and my brother and he's not a big talker or communicator.
Luckily we have kids and I adore them so it helps tremendously. It is hard though when I stop and think about it.
(hugs)
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 5:01:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2021 13:19:24 GMT
Wow that's rough. I'm sorry you lost your parents so young and that "handling death" is getting to you with the recent loss. I would expect you will adjust in time but that if not therapy might help, too. Talking it out can help to figure out specifics of what if any changes you might like to make for the future. Our church holds holiday dinners for people with no or few family members and I've known single moms who join up with other families for holidays. Doesn't seem exactly your situation...but I am sorry for your pain. I think it is totally normal to find it hard.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 5:01:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2021 13:30:42 GMT
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 5:01:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2021 14:36:23 GMT
I have not got any advice but just wanted to offer my understanding , there has been a lot of loss on my side of the family too . Hugs .
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 1, 2021 15:22:10 GMT
I just want to offer (((HUGS))).
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,294 
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Oct 1, 2021 16:12:51 GMT
My family is all gone too. Both of my parents and my two brothers. I also became estranged from all of my older brother's family and some others a couple of months before he died in 2014. It’s painful not having anyone to reminisce with about family stories, parties, characters, etc. We were a close family, and socialised together a lot. I’ve actually found it harder since I moved back to my mum's house, because there are so many, many memories embedded in the place. Sometimes I find them comforting, and sometimes they make me really sad.
I try hard to remember the good times, and my kids indulge me by letting me pass on all the stories to them. My XDH is also happy to talk to me about them any time he visits. (We got together in 1984, so he was around for a lot of the history.) I remind myself that this is what life is; one generation fades out as subsequent ones step in. Sometimes I’ll listen to (happy) music that my dad liked, and I can imagine him sitting across from me, his eyes closed and his fingers tapping. That mostly makes me smile.
I’m not sure I can give any advice as such; most days are fine, and on those that aren’t, I will let myself feel sad and mourn the loss of "the good old days", but only for a half hour maximum. I then try to redirect my brain (not easy with ADHD!) onto subjects that will distract me, and make me feel better.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 1, 2021 16:30:49 GMT
I miss the old days, too. Right about when I was 20 was the sweet spot in my memory. When I was a kid, we went to my mom's parents' house for Christmas on Christmas Eve. When they sold their house, an aunt took over hosting. When my sister and I were adults, we'd go to mom's after the family get together. After my mom died in 2007, the family re-did Christmas and so we now get together like the second weekend in December. It's not the same. And because of other family dynamics, I never really have a magical Christmas eve/day anymore. My sister and I get together for Christmas in January, but that's not quite the same, either. That side of the family also vacations together, which I always loved as a kid. But with my mom gone, it's hard not to feel like a third wheel anywhere. Everyone else is in their little family unit, headed by each of my mom's five siblings, plus their spouses, kids, and grandkids. No one ever makes us feel unwelcome, but it's just a vibe. Maybe it's all in my head. Sometimes, I just sit and be sad about it for a little bit. But I eventually realized that I really just miss the Norman Rockwell memories that I have. For the most part, I actually don't really like big shindigs. And there is a good deal of toxicity in my family that I really didn't recognize when I was younger. And so then I am less sad. But I still miss the old days. I suspect that for you, you'll be able to recapture some of the "old days" feeling if/when your boys start families. You'll be able to create a lot of magic for grandkids, I'm sure. But in the meantime, I feel you.  |
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Post by flanz on Oct 1, 2021 16:37:11 GMT
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Post by ss on Oct 1, 2021 18:42:09 GMT
I was lucky to have my mom for 62 years. She passed away this morning under hospice. Lost my dad in 2016, sister in 2017.
I don’t know how I will be without both parents.
But so blessed to have them for so long. Can’t imagine losing them so young. Gentle hugs
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 1, 2021 18:46:04 GMT
I was lucky to have my mom for 62 years. She passed away this morning under hospice. Lost my dad in 2016, sister in 2017. I don’t know how I will be without both parents. But so blessed to have them for so long. Can’t imagine losing them so young. Gentle hugs I'm very sorry for your loss. |
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,294
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Oct 1, 2021 19:15:00 GMT
I’m so sorry ss. I’m sending you big hugs across the ocean. |
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snickle
Junior Member
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Post by snickle on Oct 1, 2021 19:24:16 GMT
I am sorry you have lost a lot of your family. But, you do have a family. Your hubby, boys and his mom. Enjoy your gatherings with your family. I have never known big family gatherings. I always wondered what that would be like. Never entertained more than 6 or 8 people for the holidays.
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Post by jlynnbarth on Oct 1, 2021 19:41:45 GMT
tealpaperowl and ss I am so very sorry for your losses! Hugs to you both. My family was very small too. I only have my sister and my stepdad (who has dementia) left and they live in another state. My kids are grown and both live Military lives, so I'm lucky when I get to see them. Holidays are especially hard. It's just dh and I. His Parents and Grandparents are all gone also, so he only has his sister left and she also lives out of state. The only advice I can give, is to try and find a great group of friends to possibly enjoy holidays and gatherings with. It lessens the hurt of missing your family. Not completely, but it helps. Time also has a way of healing us a bit. Again, Hugs to you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2021 21:24:26 GMT
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FurryP
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Post by FurryP on Oct 2, 2021 0:10:29 GMT
I was lucky to have my mom for 62 years. She passed away this morning under hospice. Lost my dad in 2016, sister in 2017. I don’t know how I will be without both parents. But so blessed to have them for so long. Can’t imagine losing them so young. Gentle hugs Oh, I'm so very sorry. My mom died in 2014, and my dad in 2018. After he passed I felt so alone in this world. I may be a full grown adult, but I always knew he was there for me, no matter what. And my mom was just fun to hang out with. I have my sister and my DH (but he is just not the same as my dad). I adored him. tealpaperowl, I know exactly what you mean. When my parents and aunt and uncle were around we had big family gatherings. I miss those days. My cousins live in a different state now, and we don't see them as much. |
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Oct 2, 2021 0:19:41 GMT
I'm sorry. I'm sure you already know "make new memories" etc...
I just want to say that my parents are both gone now and I understand that sadness and melancholy.
Sending you my best.
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lesmcf
Full Member
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Jul 10, 2014 0:50:47 GMT
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Post by lesmcf on Oct 2, 2021 1:43:50 GMT
May I suggest creating new traditions at holidays to have new memories not associated with your losses. We decided to change my husband's birthday because it reminded us of the anniversary of the house fire. We celebrate it early and have a wonderful new tradition and it's lots of fun.
You've had so many losses. May you have strength, courage and peace as to deal with these losses.
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Post by gizzy on Oct 2, 2021 2:29:29 GMT
I'm so sorry you lost your parents so young, that's heartbreaking. Being the last one left is something that makes my stomach hurt to think about.
I have to wrench myself out of brooding for too long when I feel melancholy.
SS-My condolences to you and gentle hugs.
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Post by brynn on Oct 2, 2021 5:07:30 GMT
I was lucky to have my mom for 62 years. She passed away this morning under hospice. Lost my dad in 2016, sister in 2017. I don’t know how I will be without both parents. But so blessed to have them for so long. Can’t imagine losing them so young. Gentle hugs I'm so sorry about your mom. |
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Post by brynn on Oct 2, 2021 5:16:46 GMT
I have never known big family gatherings. I always wondered what that would be like. Never entertained more than 6 or 8 people for the holidays. It's awesome, but they are rare. My grandmother was one of 11 children. In 1968, my great aunt hosted a reunion and over a 100 descendants attended. On the 100th anniversary of my great grandfather proving his homestead in 2006, there was a reunion, but it was a lot of work for my mom's cousin, who lives on the original homestead. |
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Post by paulao on Oct 2, 2021 14:00:20 GMT
It’s just me, my sis, and BIL. We get together for the holidays but we have decided that holidays, especially Christmas, are no fun without kids. Holidays have become just another day to spend together, and that is special enough. I have established a new tradition of having Christmas Eve dinner at P and D’s, married couple with no kids. We have a nice roast beef dinner and play board games.
I do miss the old days and miss my parents.
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