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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Oct 23, 2021 1:11:55 GMT
That is so frustrating.
Personally, If you camp frequently, you should have a camping bag (clothes, shoes, underwear, hoodies, swimsuit, hats, gloves, etc...) for each person, that is solely designated for camping. When you get home from camping and do the laundry, immediately repack the camping bags and put it in the camper or where you store the camping stuff.
I would also have a camping toiletry bag that stays in the camper or "camping stuff" area of your home. That way that stuff is already packed, waiting and ready to go or be loaded into camper. Do a quick inventory(toilet paper, toothpaste, etc...) a day or two after getting back home from camping to see what needs to be replaced.
Same with the condiments, paper goods, cookware, canned goods, canned soda or juice boxes, non perishable food, etc.... leave it in the camper or in a "camping box" that is packed and ready in the camping storage area of you home (closet, corner of garage, corner of laundry room, etc...).
That way, the only thing that "needs" to be packed is perishable type food, drinks, ice, etc...
Packing each and every time for something done frequently, can be a chore.
I think they way you are currently doing things, is making too much work for you each time. You wouldn't have to pack everything each time, if you had designated "for camping" stuff (clothing, shoes, toiletries, etc...), that was already packed and ready to go.
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Post by hookturnian on Oct 23, 2021 1:42:01 GMT
None. Our last trip was a week and boy I made sure he knew how much I have to put into our trips. It’s been a learning year dor sure. It’s the same even if we’re not camping. He’s pissed that we’re all packing bags while he stands around fuming ready to go amd it’s like we’ll somebody has to pack!!!!! A big 'hell no' on that. Write out a task list and tell him to choose what he'll be doing. If he isn't willing to do that, don't go. I disagree slightly. She is not his mum or his manager. Figuring out what needs to be done and writing the task list is part of the mental load of planning a 'project'. The easiest (though probably a very painful) way to get her point across is for her to book the trip and him to take the reins from there. Resist the temptation to give advice or assistance or take on the mental load in any way. Let him figure it out himself. In other words, switch roles. |
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by muggins on Oct 23, 2021 1:58:27 GMT
You are married to an irresponsible man-child.
You’ve received lots of advice on how you can prep the camper and supplies in advance for future trips. We used to have a pop up camper and it takes some time to get into the swing of things regarding prep and packing.
However, he needs to do his fair share. My DH and I had specific jobs we both needed to do prior to a trip. And we both helped each other to do what needed to be done.
Your actual trip sounds miserable. I’d stay home next time and let him see how much prep work is involved if he wants to go alone.
Stop letting him treat you like shit.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 23, 2021 2:35:38 GMT
We have a lake cabin which is leagues better than camping but it’s still work to get things together to go for the weekend. DH packs the cooler and any tools or miscellaneous stuff he knows he might need. I pack up my stuff, DD’s stuff, our electronics that we bring along from home and the tote with the snacks.
Our place is year round now, but by this time of year I’m really over being gone all weekend every weekend. It’s fine in the summer when there is less going on. But once school starts and DD is busy all week, it is nice to just be home to get other things done on the weekends.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,621
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Post by julie5 on Oct 23, 2021 14:27:24 GMT
You are married to an irresponsible man-child. You’ve received lots of advice on how you can prep the camper and supplies in advance for future trips. We used to have a pop up camper and it takes some time to get into the swing of things regarding prep and packing. However, he needs to do his fair share. My DH and I had specific jobs we both needed to do prior to a trip. And we both helped each other to do what needed to be done. Your actual trip sounds miserable. I’d stay home next time and let him see how much prep work is involved if he wants to go alone. Stop letting him treat you like shit. I’m heeding the advice I’ve gotten. I started truly standing up for myself a year ago. We haven’t had sex since then but boy do I feel better telling him how it is when he is acting stupid. I sleep better. I’m happier. And he listens. I usually only have to address an issue once amd he sees what I mean. We’ve definitely had kinks to work out with camping. And I’ve told him after each trip what I will not be doing again. The issue this time was the night before we left, he said it would be dark by the time we got to the campsite because of work. He hasn’t worked in over a month due to kidney stones. Now all of a sudden he wants to work. I said I will not set up in the dark. After my near death experience he’s lucky I help at all with set up. But he insisted he would go to work. So when I woke up and he was home, I was instantly irritated. He thinks it’s because I’m disappointed in him skipping work and I said no it’s not that. It’s that you’re doing exactly what I said I wanted done but when I said it was stupid and when you say it it’s genius. I cried pretty hard after tearing up the back end of the camper. The outside is fine but the kids room is shredded on the inside. It’s fixable but it was my last straw amd I told him everything and that if he wanted to continue camping he needed to listen to what I was saying and understand that I’m stressed just like he is. Case in point. 4 years ago I had my hysterectomy. For years before that I was in so much agony. My back hurt constantly. A couples months before my surgery we were on a trip and my back was hurting so bad and we were like 2 miles from our hotel and I had to walk it. It was Mardi Gras time in New Orleans. No streets were open for cars. I was sprinting to the hotel because I hurt so bad amd he accused me of faking I started screaming at him. Basically went bat shut crazy at him. Last week we go to preop appointment for his kidneys. He started crying that I didn’t understand the pain he was in and boy did I let him know I knew exactly what kind of pain he was in and that I was way more understanding than he was when it was my pain. I had to go through my stuff all alone. It’s really all about him most of the time and I’m trying to change that. |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 23, 2021 14:29:51 GMT
It’s really all about him most of the time and I’m trying to change that. You both need counseling..this is bigger than a camper/camping issue. |
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
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Post by muggins on Oct 24, 2021 12:00:09 GMT
You are married to an irresponsible man-child. You’ve received lots of advice on how you can prep the camper and supplies in advance for future trips. We used to have a pop up camper and it takes some time to get into the swing of things regarding prep and packing. However, he needs to do his fair share. My DH and I had specific jobs we both needed to do prior to a trip. And we both helped each other to do what needed to be done. Your actual trip sounds miserable. I’d stay home next time and let him see how much prep work is involved if he wants to go alone. Stop letting him treat you like shit. I’m heeding the advice I’ve gotten. I started truly standing up for myself a year ago. We haven’t had sex since then but boy do I feel better telling him how it is when he is acting stupid. I sleep better. I’m happier. And he listens. I usually only have to address an issue once amd he sees what I mean. We’ve definitely had kinks to work out with camping. And I’ve told him after each trip what I will not be doing again. The issue this time was the night before we left, he said it would be dark by the time we got to the campsite because of work. He hasn’t worked in over a month due to kidney stones. Now all of a sudden he wants to work. I said I will not set up in the dark. After my near death experience he’s lucky I help at all with set up. But he insisted he would go to work. So when I woke up and he was home, I was instantly irritated. He thinks it’s because I’m disappointed in him skipping work and I said no it’s not that. It’s that you’re doing exactly what I said I wanted done but when I said it was stupid and when you say it it’s genius. I cried pretty hard after tearing up the back end of the camper. The outside is fine but the kids room is shredded on the inside. It’s fixable but it was my last straw amd I told him everything and that if he wanted to continue camping he needed to listen to what I was saying and understand that I’m stressed just like he is. Case in point. 4 years ago I had my hysterectomy. For years before that I was in so much agony. My back hurt constantly. A couples months before my surgery we were on a trip and my back was hurting so bad and we were like 2 miles from our hotel and I had to walk it. It was Mardi Gras time in New Orleans. No streets were open for cars. I was sprinting to the hotel because I hurt so bad amd he accused me of faking I started screaming at him. Basically went bat shut crazy at him. Last week we go to preop appointment for his kidneys. He started crying that I didn’t understand the pain he was in and boy did I let him know I knew exactly what kind of pain he was in and that I was way more understanding than he was when it was my pain. I had to go through my stuff all alone. It’s really all about him most of the time and I’m trying to change that. TBH I’m not sure why you’re bothering to put in so much work to try and change him. Sorry to say this but your marriage sounds tedious and it doesn’t seem as though you like or care about each other much. What’s the point? |
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Post by bearmom on Oct 24, 2021 12:47:15 GMT
I with some pp, this is way bigger than camping. I would suggest counseling for both of you.
But, back to your camping post:
We tent camp, but we have bins filled with common stuff we use every trip. Cooking pans, utensils, cooking supplies, extension cords, fire stater, etc. When we get home, everything is washed and put back.
After forgetting something a few trips in a row, we created a checklist. It has everything on it, even the stuff we keep in our bins and common food stuff (chocolate bars, marshmallows, peanut butter, crackers....). We then decide on meals and what is needed for those gets written in. As we (joint effort) each of us takes a section and gets that stuff together, marks it off, and pits it in the garage. Once our girls were old enough, there were responsible for their clothing sections.
Because I get anxious when we travel, we always set a clear: this is what time we plan to leave time. This helps me not start tapping my foot and getting frustrated because I am ready and others aren’t. If we say we are leaving at 5, dh and younger dd will be ready at 4:59:59.
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Post by guzismom on Oct 24, 2021 13:03:40 GMT
Why are some of you packing for grown men?
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,621
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Post by julie5 on Oct 24, 2021 13:46:43 GMT
I’m heeding the advice I’ve gotten. I started truly standing up for myself a year ago. We haven’t had sex since then but boy do I feel better telling him how it is when he is acting stupid. I sleep better. I’m happier. And he listens. I usually only have to address an issue once amd he sees what I mean. We’ve definitely had kinks to work out with camping. And I’ve told him after each trip what I will not be doing again. The issue this time was the night before we left, he said it would be dark by the time we got to the campsite because of work. He hasn’t worked in over a month due to kidney stones. Now all of a sudden he wants to work. I said I will not set up in the dark. After my near death experience he’s lucky I help at all with set up. But he insisted he would go to work. So when I woke up and he was home, I was instantly irritated. He thinks it’s because I’m disappointed in him skipping work and I said no it’s not that. It’s that you’re doing exactly what I said I wanted done but when I said it was stupid and when you say it it’s genius. I cried pretty hard after tearing up the back end of the camper. The outside is fine but the kids room is shredded on the inside. It’s fixable but it was my last straw amd I told him everything and that if he wanted to continue camping he needed to listen to what I was saying and understand that I’m stressed just like he is. Case in point. 4 years ago I had my hysterectomy. For years before that I was in so much agony. My back hurt constantly. A couples months before my surgery we were on a trip and my back was hurting so bad and we were like 2 miles from our hotel and I had to walk it. It was Mardi Gras time in New Orleans. No streets were open for cars. I was sprinting to the hotel because I hurt so bad amd he accused me of faking I started screaming at him. Basically went bat shut crazy at him. Last week we go to preop appointment for his kidneys. He started crying that I didn’t understand the pain he was in and boy did I let him know I knew exactly what kind of pain he was in and that I was way more understanding than he was when it was my pain. I had to go through my stuff all alone. It’s really all about him most of the time and I’m trying to change that. TBH I’m not sure why you’re bothering to put in so much work to try and change him. Sorry to say this but your marriage sounds tedious and it doesn’t seem as though you like or care about each other much. What’s the point? Yours is actually a good question. What is the point? Well. I love him. Plain amd simple. He’s flawed. But he loves me and my children. He makes sure we don’t go without. I’ll never be homeless or hungry again. He makes me feel safe when I can’t handle the world. He’s ok with mt soon to be adult disabled child staying home with us and me staking care of him. We’ve for sure had some growing pains but we love each other enough to work it out and listen to the other. Yesterday we talked a great deal. I told him I’m overwhelmed and I do t know what to do to make camping a better experience but I need him to listen when I tell him something. A lot of people here know my past but what I haven’t said is that about a year and a half ago he started a new med that took his temper down about a hundred notches. The dr recently tried to stop the med and within days hubby was screaming like his old self. He went right to the dr and got back on it. So for those who say they worry-thank you. But it really has gotten better. He likes to yell when he’s upset but now, he’ll stop himself and apologize. He has a good heart. He just spent too many years unmedicated and alone-so no one called him out on his shit and required change. Should I have stuck around and sat thru the bad times? Probably not. But I’m 44. I’ve seen so much shit. I’ve been hurt so deeply. My first husband hated me so much he tried to kill me on front of our kids. My 22 year old still believes I deserved it. I’m a broken person too. |
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,801
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Post by purplebee on Oct 24, 2021 14:13:15 GMT
Julie, sounds like your RV has become way more stressful for you than it’s worth. I would seriously think about getting rid of it.
Hope your weekend got better.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 24, 2021 14:16:07 GMT
I'm fairly new to camping but Jeremy and I just did our first trip alone together. There's was a lot of preparation and planning. There is a lot of work in camping and I can honestly say that if he wasn't pulling his weight with it, there's no way I would go. He is very good about doing his share so we can have a great time and a lot of time to just relax together.
If that wasn't the case, there's no way I would go at all.
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Post by maryland on Oct 24, 2021 14:28:44 GMT
That would drive me crazy too! I hate to travel because of all that is involved. I have a schedule that I work around the time he wants to leave. If he surprised me with leaving earlier I would not be happy. I spend about 30 min. checking the house that I already cleaned (because of the trip). That has to be a stressful time, so having to rush it would not be fun.
I take pictures of the stove, oven, washer dryer, outlets. I have a fear of soemthing happening while we are out of town, and I feel much better when I can look at my pictures to make sure I unplugged necessary things.
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Post by gizzy on Oct 24, 2021 14:44:52 GMT
Growing up, my parents would fight as they got ready for us to leave. They'd continue the bitchiness the entire trip.
I hate camping and avoid it like the plague.
Here's to hoping your weekend ended on a high note.
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Post by SockMonkey on Oct 24, 2021 14:48:44 GMT
So, other than booking the sites, what does he do to help prepare for the weekend? None. Our last trip was a week and boy I made sure he knew how much I have to put into our trips. It’s been a learning year dor sure. It’s the same even if we’re not camping. He’s pissed that we’re all packing bags while he stands around fuming ready to go amd it’s like we’ll somebody has to pack!!!!! Girl. I'd book myself a spa weekend without him. UPDATE: After reading more responses, I'd book a full solo vacation and some therapy appointments for myself. |
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Post by ntsf on Oct 24, 2021 16:07:03 GMT
I have to admit I used to pack all the camping stuff for weekends.. but my dh would take the kids and go for the weekend and I would have a glorious weekend home alone.
one time (kids were maybe 6 and 8) I forgot to pack the tent poles. they coped.
but I mostly pack now cause I know where the stuff is.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 24, 2021 16:38:57 GMT
You are married to an irresponsible man-child. You’ve received lots of advice on how you can prep the camper and supplies in advance for future trips. We used to have a pop up camper and it takes some time to get into the swing of things regarding prep and packing. However, he needs to do his fair share. My DH and I had specific jobs we both needed to do prior to a trip. And we both helped each other to do what needed to be done. Your actual trip sounds miserable. I’d stay home next time and let him see how much prep work is involved if he wants to go alone. Stop letting him treat you like shit. I’m heeding the advice I’ve gotten. I started truly standing up for myself a year ago. We haven’t had sex since then but boy do I feel better telling him how it is when he is acting stupid. I sleep better. I’m happier. And he listens. I usually only have to address an issue once amd he sees what I mean. We’ve definitely had kinks to work out with camping. And I’ve told him after each trip what I will not be doing again. The issue this time was the night before we left, he said it would be dark by the time we got to the campsite because of work. He hasn’t worked in over a month due to kidney stones. Now all of a sudden he wants to work. I said I will not set up in the dark. After my near death experience he’s lucky I help at all with set up. But he insisted he would go to work. So when I woke up and he was home, I was instantly irritated. He thinks it’s because I’m disappointed in him skipping work and I said no it’s not that. It’s that you’re doing exactly what I said I wanted done but when I said it was stupid and when you say it it’s genius. I cried pretty hard after tearing up the back end of the camper. The outside is fine but the kids room is shredded on the inside. It’s fixable but it was my last straw amd I told him everything and that if he wanted to continue camping he needed to listen to what I was saying and understand that I’m stressed just like he is. Case in point. 4 years ago I had my hysterectomy. For years before that I was in so much agony. My back hurt constantly. A couples months before my surgery we were on a trip and my back was hurting so bad and we were like 2 miles from our hotel and I had to walk it. It was Mardi Gras time in New Orleans. No streets were open for cars. I was sprinting to the hotel because I hurt so bad amd he accused me of faking I started screaming at him. Basically went bat shut crazy at him. Last week we go to preop appointment for his kidneys. He started crying that I didn’t understand the pain he was in and boy did I let him know I knew exactly what kind of pain he was in and that I was way more understanding than he was when it was my pain. I had to go through my stuff all alone. It’s really all about him most of the time and I’m trying to change that. Years of red flags everywhere. You need to respect/value yourself more. You’re allowing your child to see how to treat women. |
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Oct 24, 2021 20:13:23 GMT
I will validate ur reasons for staying...
I would not... BUT i am not walking in your shoes... i was a single mother but not of children with special needs.. i did have family to help watch my kids while i worked...
So we have never been homeless... we had beds.. even if we all shared 1 bedroom... we also had food.. my kids were never starving and wondering what they would have to eat next...
I believe ur husband knows in his head that you will never leave because of ur past... it is why he treats you the way he does.... because he can...
I am pretty sure you have resigned yourself to this is your life.. now n forever.. as long as yall have shelter n food you will put up with anything.. i get it.. i dont think its ok... but i understand why...
I hope your next camping weekend goes a lot smoother... im not a camper so there is no way i would do all the stuff you do to prepare...
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,104
Member is Online
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Post by mimima on Oct 25, 2021 2:02:13 GMT
I'm thinking that RVing is not for you.
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 25, 2021 2:27:24 GMT
Just because he doesn't try and kill you and he has money to support you doesn't mean that he's a good husband. You've never posted anything but problems w/him and I think it's time for you to get into individual counseling as well as marriage counseling. That there is no intimacy in the relationship is sad. You deserve so much more and you deserve to be in a marriage with someone who values you and treats you well. Don't settle. Therapy is essential. I really wish you well.
As for camping, it's too much work. I cook and clean at home and we don't have poison oak. Why would I want to do it on vacation? I'm a hotel kinda' gal. I don't have the energy to camp, but for those who do it's a great way to go on vacation.
If it's source of conflict or stress then don't do it anymore. A weekend w/your girlfriends might be lots of fun w/o the tension.
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Post by dewryce on Oct 25, 2021 15:04:42 GMT
Why are some of you packing for grown men? I can’t speak for anyone else, but my husband and I are a team. Sometimes I pack for him, sometimes he packs for me. depends on how we are each doing mentally and physically. If I’m well what works best for both of us is for him to grab what he wants and set it aside for me. Then I go through and make sure he’s got appropriate clothes for certain activities as he often forgets. And then I neatly pack everything. I am the details and organization person in our relationship. Meanwhile he is getting down suitcases, loading the car, gassing it up, getting oil changed, washing it and any of a million other things that pop up last minute. Like with anything else, some people prefer and/or are better with certain tasks. I’m sure the way we break up some of our load would raise eyebrows; but the thing is, it works for us. Now, I’m not speaking about the OP, she has acknowledged the issues. But for others, I don’t see why it’s an issue if that’s what the couple prefers. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 25, 2021 18:52:16 GMT
Why are some of you packing for grown men? Perhaps same reason my husband packs for me - he's better at it. He's some kind of space ninja. We do one carryon for 99% of our trips - I put out what I want and some how he gets it in the bag. Sometimes I think he packs less for himself to make it work, but whatever, no checked bags is important to him so he does the packing. When I'm traveling alone I inevitably fill the entire carryon for trips half the length of ours, so he truly is a packing genius. |
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 25, 2021 19:18:55 GMT
We have a lake cabin which is leagues better than camping but it’s still work to get things together to go for the weekend. DH packs the cooler and any tools or miscellaneous stuff he knows he might need. I pack up my stuff, DD’s stuff, our electronics that we bring along from home and the tote with the snacks. Our place is year round now, but by this time of year I’m really over being gone all weekend every weekend. It’s fine in the summer when there is less going on. But once school starts and DD is busy all week, it is nice to just be home to get other things done on the weekends. This. Going away in general is work but especially if you are going somewhere or in something and living like you live at home (camps or camping)…cooking, projects, yards/outdoor areas, etc. It is a huge difference to have everything on hand to cook your supper and being able to call for room service or delivery. 😁. We also have a camp and I thought it would save a lot of packing and unpacking and hauling stuff…but it really doesn’t…hahaha. Even after 7 years, it seems like my car is full every time that I go up. Ours is only seasonal and we have closed it for the winter. While I absolutely love it and miss it, it is nice to not have to think about it for a bit and mixup the weekends a little more. I think camping is very similar to owning a camp. julie5 - I hope your weekend got better and I hope that repairs to you camper are less expensive than you expect them to be. I am sorry it started so badly. |
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