Mixed emotions-my father passed away yesterday

I haven’t spoken to him in nearly 30 years. I lost my father many years ago. I don’t have regrets that I didn’t try in the last 10-20 years to reconnect…that ship had sailed years prior…his choice. He made no effort to nourish a relationship with either of his children. I told many people over the years (when explaining the estrangement) that he was going to die alone…and that’s the way he wanted it.

I hoped that he had a peaceful passing with no fear, struggle or pain. But he died alone. That’s something I’m struggling with.

Spent the last two days in the mountains with a good friend. Lots of talking and some tears.

I talked to my mom today. I knew his death would conjure memories for her of my sister’s death in 1967. She told me that on the night my sister died, of something that happened, something my sister said and did (she was 2 yrs 9 months old) that makes my mother believe that my sister saw angels as she passed.

My mom told me that she hopes my father saw angels.

My father will be cremated and his ashes places in the plot at Arlington, on top of my sister’s casket.

The roads spoke to me today