|
|
Post by cakediva on Nov 1, 2021 23:36:26 GMT
Hugs - I'm sorry for your loss.
|
|
|
|
Post by grammadee on Nov 1, 2021 23:37:37 GMT
(((((HUGS))))) as you process this, @gajenny. Glad you have a good friend to lean on.
I love the photo you posted. Roads like that speak to me of journeys into the unknown. He sounds like a troubled man. I hope he saw angels, too.
|
|
|
|
Post by Merge on Nov 2, 2021 0:05:17 GMT
I’m so sorry for your loss.
|
|
peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,764 
|
Post by peasquared on Nov 2, 2021 0:20:00 GMT
I am so sorry. I'm sure this will bring all sorts of emotions for you. I wish you didn't have to go through that.  So very true. I’ve got emotions and having recollection of things I haven’t thought about since I was a little kid I'm so sorry. I hope they are fond memories. (((Hugs))) |
|
kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,441
Location: Lost in my supplies...
|
Post by kelly8875 on Nov 2, 2021 0:30:20 GMT
I’m sorry to hear this. I understand how you can have all the feelings at the same time. My own father went through this with his parents.
I hope he’s at peace in whatever way he needs it most.
|
|
|
|
Post by busy on Nov 2, 2021 0:30:57 GMT
Thinking of you.💜 I've been there and it's a weird place to be. How long ago? I almost wonder if dealing with the complexities of estrangement is more difficult than a solid relationship He died almost 23 years ago. We'd only been estranged for a year, but given the nature of the estrangement, it was without a doubt permanent. That's when I grieved the loss of him. When he passed, it was a relief in a lot of ways. I experienced a whole messy tangle of emotions, but it wasn't quite grief then. I was still grieving the original loss, but the new wave of emotion was something different. Something I found difficult was when other people who'd lost a parent young-ish (I was 25) empathized with me. I appreciated their care and kindness, but it was an *entirely* different set of emotions from a normal situation. I did not want to make them feel awkward or unappreciated, so I had a lot of emotional labor to conduct in that time. Obviously, it's not really accepted in society to say "I'm not really sad my parent died." Anyway, it's a complicated situation to navigate and please don't feel like there's anything wrong with whatever you feel. You feel what you feel, period. Your experience is likely different from that of many people; give yourself grace if you don't feel like you think you "should." |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 25, 2024 5:23:52 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2021 0:53:22 GMT
So very true. I’ve got emotions and having recollection of things I haven’t thought about since I was a little kid I'm so sorry. I hope they are fond memories. (((Hugs))) Unfortunately not a lot of good memories. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 25, 2024 5:23:52 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2021 1:01:39 GMT
How long ago? I almost wonder if dealing with the complexities of estrangement is more difficult than a solid relationship He died almost 23 years ago. We'd only been estranged for a year, but given the nature of the estrangement, it was without a doubt permanent. That's when I grieved the loss of him. When he passed, it was a relief in a lot of ways. I experienced a whole messy tangle of emotions, but it wasn't quite grief then. I was still grieving the original loss, but the new wave of emotion was something different. Something I found difficult was when other people who'd lost a parent young-ish (I was 25) empathized with me. I appreciated their care and kindness, but it was an *entirely* different set of emotions from a normal situation. I did not want to make them feel awkward or unappreciated, so I had a lot of emotional labor to conduct in that time. Obviously, it's not really accepted in society to say "I'm not really sad my parent died." Anyway, it's a complicated situation to navigate and please don't feel like there's anything wrong with whatever you feel. You feel what you feel, period. Your experience is likely different from that of many people; give yourself grace if you don't feel like you think you "should." My life isn’t even close to anyone else I know. I haven’t lived with either of my parents since I was in 7th grade. Alcohol destroyed my family and took my childhood. I realize now even in high school I never fit in because my life was so drastically different than my classmates. My BFF has no pity for either of my parents. She knows my story…and knows all I went through. I tried with my father until I became a mother. It was then I had the realization that I wasn’t going to put my children through what I went through…and I walked away…never looking back. I do hope he has peace now. |
|
Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,300
|
Post by Mystie on Nov 2, 2021 1:03:17 GMT
I'm very sorry. So many emotions and memories to work through, I'm sure.
|
|
|
|
Post by stumpedagainof3 on Nov 2, 2021 1:07:09 GMT
I'm sorry.
|
|
pamelakay
Full Member
Posts: 102
Oct 14, 2021 22:33:22 GMT
|
Post by pamelakay on Nov 2, 2021 1:14:15 GMT
I'm sorry for this loss. My mother passed away earlier this year and it has been a hard experiance with some regrets, for many different reasons. I hope peace finds you.
|
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 2, 2021 1:17:41 GMT
Hugs to you and your family and wishes for peace.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 25, 2024 5:23:52 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2021 9:42:50 GMT
I'm sorry for this loss. My mother passed away earlier this year and it has been a hard experiance with some regrets, for many different reasons. I hope peace finds you. I pray you find peace as well |
|
|
|
Post by bbkeef on Nov 2, 2021 12:29:01 GMT
Multiple times today, I googled in search of an obituary. Not really sure why I feel the need to see it. If you ever need to talk, I am here. I understand the need for closure. Hugs! |
|
Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
|
Post by Dalai Mama on Nov 2, 2021 16:17:24 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss, if not for the loss of the person, then for your opportunity to have a healthy relationship with him. <3
|
|
|
|
Post by pixiechick on Nov 2, 2021 22:55:34 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm glad you don't have to deal with regrets, but sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you soon find peace with it.
I do like to think that there are angels that help us pass over. Hugs to you.
|
|
|
|
Post by floridagirl on Nov 3, 2021 1:27:04 GMT
I am truly sorry for your loss.
|
|
kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,597
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
|
Post by kate on Nov 3, 2021 1:32:27 GMT
Wishing you peace of heart. I hope your father also has peace.
|
|
moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,277
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
|
Post by moodyblue on Nov 3, 2021 1:52:35 GMT
I’m sorry for all your losses, including the childhood you didn’t get to have and the relationship with your father that couldn’t be.
Be kind to yourself; you have a complex grief situation - even if you don’t think you feel grief at his death, it’s there in different ways.
|
|
|
|
Post by Tamhugh on Nov 3, 2021 2:01:30 GMT
I am sorry. Just remember that mixed emotions are ok.
|
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Nov 4, 2021 10:04:34 GMT
I’m so sorry. You may find yourself with emotional responses you didn’t expect. For good or bad, memories have a way of inserting themselves. You might find yourself grieving the man and father you wish he was. But don’t be scared if you think you SHOULD feel certain emotions and don’t. {{{gentle hugs}}} as you process this.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 25, 2024 5:23:52 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2021 15:34:42 GMT
Yesterday was a bad day.
I did ask my sister if she had good memories that I either forgot or wasn’t there for. (She’s older than me)
I was almost relieved to hear she was in the same place I was…no memories.
I was in line at Starbucks this morning and sent pic and text to my eldest daughter. The image was a mattress store that used to be a restaurant that we frequented as a family…long before the divorce.
I made a few comments about things that were said/done there and she remembered things I had not. I realized that when I’m gone, my kids will have good memories to reflect upon. That made me happy and brought peace today.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 25, 2024 5:23:52 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2021 15:35:13 GMT
Multiple times today, I googled in search of an obituary. Not really sure why I feel the need to see it. If you ever need to talk, I am here. I understand the need for closure. Hugs! Still no obituary. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 25, 2024 5:23:52 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2021 15:36:07 GMT
Wishing you peace of heart. I hope your father also has peace. Thank you |
|
|
|
Post by cme37 on Nov 4, 2021 15:46:36 GMT
I tried with my father until I became a mother. It was then I had the realization that I wasn’t going to put my children through what I went through…and I walked away…never looking back. This is the same with my father. I tried really hard when I had kids to have him be a part of our lives. He was okay (marginally decent) the first few years, then he started to do the same things to my kids that he did to my brother and me and I said no more. My dh finally came on board with that decision after one particular incident with my father and we haven't spoken to him since then. I was determined to break that cycle right then and there. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 25, 2024 5:23:52 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2021 15:54:12 GMT
I tried with my father until I became a mother. It was then I had the realization that I wasn’t going to put my children through what I went through…and I walked away…never looking back. This is the same with my father. I tried really hard when I had kids to have him be a part of our lives. He was okay (marginally decent) the first few years, then he started to do the same things to my kids that he did to my brother and me and I said no more. My dh finally came on board with that decision after one particular incident with my father and we haven't spoken to him since then. I was determined to break that cycle right then and there. You recognized it…that’s good. I’m sorry for you but I know exactly how it is. |
|
|
|
Post by bbkeef on Nov 4, 2021 16:18:58 GMT
Thinking of you GAJenny. Sending more hugs your way.
|
|
purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,802
|
Post by purplebee on Nov 4, 2021 18:49:50 GMT
So sorry that you are dealing with this kind of loss. Sending wishes for peace and comfort.
|
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Nov 4, 2021 19:14:54 GMT
I’m sorry for your loss.
I know many people think that estrangement softens grief but that isn’t really the truth. You can still grieve for the relationship you never had/will never have.
I wish you peace
|
|
