zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884 
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Post by zella on Nov 14, 2021 20:03:55 GMT
Oh Lesley, you qualify as one of those people that just can't catch a break.
I don't know what to say except to tell you I've seen 2 people like this. One was my ex. The other is a daughter's ex. Both men are at the least sociopaths, and possibly psychopaths. That's how they can behave that way, and turn the affection off and on, swear eternal love then ghost you. They are both probably dangerous and DD and I are WAY better off without them. I suspect your friend is the same.
I swear there are good people out there. Finding them can be hard, I know. Just please keep hanging on, and believe that despite all the losses one day there'll be good. I know that your DD is doing better than you imagined she could (unless things have changed since last time you mentioned her). If she can hang on, you can too. You really are so strong. Crying and feeling the way you do doesn't negate that you know. Why do some of us go through so much? I have no idea. But I believe good WILL come. Hugs and love to you sweetie from across the pond.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,341
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Nov 14, 2021 20:35:09 GMT
I do hope you're not feeling bad about that...about resigning. You absolutely need to concentrate on yourself first before you can take on the pain of others and there's no shame in that and I'm glad you recognise it, for your sake. How have you ben feeling today? I’m still in a state of disbelief to be honest gar , and feeling very lonely. I’ve also got a terrible ear infection that my GP prescribed an antibiotic spray for on Friday, but it’s getting worse, and I’ll need to speak to him tomorrow. ☹️ In one way, I do feel bad about resigning. Sams have lost a lot of volunteers since the start of the pandemic, but the demand for the service has rocketed. Sometimes callers have to wait thirty minutes or more to speak to a Samaritan, which isn’t acceptable. But getting new people recruited and properly trained takes several months, so it’s not an easy fix. And not everyone who applies is suited to do it, so we can’t just take everyone. However I know absolutely that I can’t help anyone when I feel so low, and could do more damage than help if I were to take calls. And it’s been a big part of my life; not just taking calls, but I was also heavily involved in training and recruitment, mentoring, and outreach with schools. I’ll miss it. Anyway, JoP texted me last night and insisted I get my butt out to Florida! DS and I had thought about going out to his GF’s family for Thanksgiving, but flight prices doubled in just a few days, even though the official FCO advice was not to book yet, and were ultimately just too expensive. But on JoP 's orders, we fly out instead on the 6 December for 10 nights. His GF is so happy to host me for a change and has promised to spoil me rotten.  She lives in Kissimmee, so I’ll get a wee Disney fix while I’m there. And a change of four walls and some sunshine never hurts, right? |
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Post by gar on Nov 14, 2021 20:51:19 GMT
lesley how fabulous! And way to go JoP! Nothing like a huge change of scenery to shift your focus  I can imagine the shock is going to take a while to wear off, not surprisingly...one day at a time eh? And I hope you get that ear infection sorted too! Ouch!
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Post by christine58 on Nov 14, 2021 20:55:03 GMT
She lives in Kissimmee, so I’ll get a wee Disney fix while I’m there. And a change of four walls and some sunshine never hurts, right? This is awesome!! Go, enjoy the sun and friends!! His loss....maybe it's time to get another dog?? They are so good at healing our broken hearts |
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,341
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Nov 14, 2021 21:24:28 GMT
She lives in Kissimmee, so I’ll get a wee Disney fix while I’m there. And a change of four walls and some sunshine never hurts, right? This is awesome!! Go, enjoy the sun and friends!! His loss.... maybe it's time to get another dog?? They are so good at healing our broken hearts You’re the fourth person today to suggest this! My DD’s fiancée suggested that they just bring me a puppy  , but DD knows better than to do that! And my friend told me her neighbours run award-winning kennels, and that as soon as I’m ready, they will find me the perfect match. You’re right, they are the best at healing broken hearts, and I miss Turriff so much right now. I know he would have spent the last day in my lap constantly licking my face until I stopped crying and started laughing. And he would have brought me his pig and rubber chicken because they always cheered up everyone.  |
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Post by Lexica on Nov 14, 2021 22:02:49 GMT
Oh, there is something very wrong with that boy. No wonder he has had disastrous relationships. Ya think the problem is you, buddy? Anyone that can turn on a dime like that scares me. And no one needs that kind of instability in their life. I prefer a nice, steady, calm personality to someone who bounces back and forth to extremes like this guy.
And it truly is a good thing that you saw this side of him now, and not after you invested a few months and some deep feelings into a relationship. I'm sorry the friendship had to be detonated in the process.
And you know the issue lies within him, not you, right? You didn't do anything wrong. He is having some internal struggles and didn't have the ability to contain them and remain, at the very least, polite to you. I'm just so angry that he blasted you as if you were hotly pursuing him and making a nuisance of yourself. He initiated the physical. Remember that. And you DID have plans. When the dust settles, he will realize that this is his loss. And that he owes you a serious apology. But please, don't get into a romantic situation with him again, no matter how much he apologizes. He is just too volatile.
I'm sorry you had to give up your rewarding work, but I agree that it is the best thing for now. You need to refill your tank before giving anything to anyone else.
Your upcoming trip sounds wonderful and just what you need. And when you return, you will have a new perspective on things.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 14, 2021 22:08:50 GMT
You’re right, they are the best at healing broken hearts, and I miss Turriff so much right now. Harper was my godsend when my dad dies in 2020 and then 3 months later when my great nephew died at birth. I hope you find a new pup to help you heal but in the meantime...read what Lexica said over and over. This is about him, not you. |
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Post by Jockscrap on Nov 14, 2021 22:46:08 GMT
Lesley, I’m so happy for you. That’s brilliant that you’ve got yourself motivated to book a break. What a great time to get away.
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Post by AussieMeg on Nov 14, 2021 22:53:15 GMT
It sounds as though resigning was the right thing to do. Thank you for doing the job as long as you did, it must have been brutally hard at times. I'm so glad that you booked the trip, it will give you something to look forward to. I think my daughter plans to move out by the time she's 26, so in two more years there will be a spare bed at my house. How about you plan a trip to Aus in early 2024! |
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,022
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Nov 14, 2021 23:02:09 GMT
I’m so glad that you have some plans for a trip to FL! Enjoy your trip!
I’m so sorry about that man and the way he treated you. That’s not cool. I’m also sorry that you had to resign but it’s I think you’re doing the right thing. You need to focus on yourself. I think that a new puppet isn’t such a bad idea!
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,341
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Nov 14, 2021 23:03:24 GMT
It sounds as though resigning was the right thing to do. Thank you for doing the job as long as you did, it must have been brutally hard at times. I'm so glad that you booked the trip, it will give you something to look forward to. I think my daughter plans to move out by the time she's 26, so in two more years there will be a spare bed at my house. How about you plan a trip to Aus in early 2024! Oh don’t tempt me Meg! That would be amazing. I tell you though, if I did come, I’d be forcing that bloody enabler JoP to come with me! She just sent me a link to an Amazon deal (a Disney quiz book) which I naturally had to buy.  I think I actually just need to delete her from my WhatsApp, she’s the worst influence.  |
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Post by AussieMeg on Nov 14, 2021 23:09:55 GMT
Oh don’t tempt me Meg! That would be amazing. I tell you though, if I did come, I’d be forcing that bloody enabler JoP to come with me! YAY, I'd love to see you both! |
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Post by gillyp on Nov 14, 2021 23:53:05 GMT
I tell you though, if I did come, I’d be forcing that bloody enabler JoP to come with me! She just sent me a link to an Amazon deal (a Disney quiz book) which I naturally had to buy. I think I actually just need to delete her from my WhatsApp, she’s the worst influence. Oh that made me laugh out loud! I’m so glad you have a trip planned; some sunshine on your face, some fun things to do, fun places to go, it will do you the world of good and give you a chance to re-evaluate. Have a wonderful time! Your ear infection isn’t connected to your dental treatment, is it? |
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,341
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Nov 14, 2021 23:58:58 GMT
I’m so glad you have a trip planned; some sunshine on your face, some fun things to do, fun places to go, it will do you the world of good and give you a chance to re-evaluate. Have a wonderful time! Your ear infection isn’t connected to your dental treatment, is it?I don’t think so, they’re on opposite sides. The left side of my jaw is still really sore, and it’s my right ear that is killing me. Lucky white heather, eh? |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 24, 2024 8:02:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2021 10:01:06 GMT
A holiday in the sun and resigning could be the turning point for things to get easier ahead. Hope all your wishes come true and a happier future begins.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Nov 15, 2021 12:32:25 GMT
Ye gads. What a colossal jerk. I’m so sorry.
I always look askance at the idea of people who “newly” turn hateful during, say, break ups or divorces or even friendship rifts. I just can’t believe those coping behaviors lurk so deep that the propensity remains totally hidden. This guy showed his propensities relatively early (in the intimate relationship) and clearly. As painful as it is to endure his actions and the loss, maybe his little fear tantrum saved you from much worse down the road.
But, easy for me to say, right? I’m so sorry for your pain, for the loss of a good friend, and the for the loss of promise. Block him; shun him; exorcize him. He showed you who he is. Now show him who you aren’t.
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Post by gar on Nov 15, 2021 13:04:28 GMT
for the loss of a good friend, and the for the loss of promise Well said, it is the loss of what might have been, isn't it...as well as the friendship itself. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 15, 2021 13:10:07 GMT
I’m glad to open this thread and see your plans for the Florida trip. I know you feel a bit broken right now, but I can see the influence of your time helping others with the Samaritans. You are reaching out for positives to help with your healing process. That tells me you are going to be just fine, my friend. Meantime, curse him a few times each day. Righteous anger can help with healing too!
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,341
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Nov 15, 2021 15:28:52 GMT
Ye gads. What a colossal jerk. I’m so sorry. I always look askance at the idea of people who “newly” turn hateful during, say, break ups or divorces or even friendship rifts. I just can’t believe those coping behaviors lurk so deep that the propensity remains totally hidden. This guy showed his propensities relatively early (in the intimate relationship) and clearly. As painful as it is to endure his actions and the loss, maybe his little fear tantrum saved you from much worse down the road. But, easy for me to say, right? I’m so sorry for your pain, for the loss of a good friend, and the for the loss of promise. Block him; shun him; exorcize him. He showed you who he is. Now show him who you aren’t. You have no idea how much I love this. I will keep repeating it to myself. Thank you. |
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,341
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Nov 15, 2021 15:39:06 GMT
I’m glad to open this thread and see your plans for the Florida trip. I know you feel a bit broken right now, but I can see the influence of your time helping others with the Samaritans. You are reaching out for positives to help with your healing process. That tells me you are going to be just fine, my friend. Meantime, curse him a few times each day. Righteous anger can help with healing too! My friend Jane told me yesterday I need to get angry, and stop thinking kindly of him. So during the night I brought up his photo and said to it “You’re a pathetic little man, and I am not going to let your fears and inadequacies bring me down. I have survived worse than you, and I will prevail again.” And it actually helped a bit. Now I just need to keep repeating it until I fully believe it. |
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,884
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Post by Just T on Nov 15, 2021 15:42:22 GMT
Block him; shun him; exorcize him. He showed you who he is. Now show him who you aren’t. Wow. I think I am going to print this on a little card and keep it in my purse. I so need to live that way right now. lesley, my heart just ached for you reading your op. I'm so sorry for what this a$$hole has put your through. I hope he sees the error of his ways and you tell him to piss off. LOL A couple of months ago, I posted asking people for their worst insulting words to describe a jerk. IT was a great thread; I will see if I can find it for you. I got some good laughs from it at a time when I really needed them. |
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rgibson
Full Member
Posts: 467
Apr 26, 2021 22:49:21 GMT
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Post by rgibson on Nov 15, 2021 15:43:35 GMT
My friend Jane told me yesterday I need to get angry, and stop thinking kindly of him. So during the night I brought up his photo and said to it “You’re a pathetic little man, and I am not going to let your fears and inadequacies bring me down. I have survived worse than you, and I will prevail again.” And it actually helped a bit. Now I just need to keep repeating it until I fully believe it. When I was going through hell with the ex, I changed all my passwords to postive and uplifting thoughts - I am strong, I am going to be okay, etc etc - sort of a fake it until you make kind of thing. Not sure if it helped but it certainly didn't hurt to write those words daily. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Nov 15, 2021 15:50:58 GMT
Ye gads. What a colossal jerk. I’m so sorry. I always look askance at the idea of people who “newly” turn hateful during, say, break ups or divorces or even friendship rifts. I just can’t believe those coping behaviors lurk so deep that the propensity remains totally hidden. This guy showed his propensities relatively early (in the intimate relationship) and clearly. As painful as it is to endure his actions and the loss, maybe his little fear tantrum saved you from much worse down the road. But, easy for me to say, right? I’m so sorry for your pain, for the loss of a good friend, and the for the loss of promise. Block him; shun him; exorcize him. He showed you who he is. Now show him who you aren’t. This is excellent advice. He dropped his mask. I wish that I had realized it when I was younger. Sometimes a second chance is a bad idea, |
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,987
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Post by Nanner on Nov 15, 2021 15:56:40 GMT
Ahhh, I'm sorry this happened to you, lesley. You have a great time in Florida, regenerate, then come back and start anew. And that guy is a jerk.
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 15, 2021 16:05:38 GMT
Wow. This guy is a dick isn't he? Personally, I think that something scared him or he is just a jerk or both. Meanwhile, ITA w/anyone who suggests that after your trip you adopt a puppy. A furry friend who loves and adores you is the best medicine for a broken heart. Clearly, you love dogs and you'll give someone a loving, happy forever home. I truly hope you'll consider this. JoP is a very kind and lovely person and I'm so glad that she suggested the trip. Go and have a great time. You could go to Universal, too and see Harry Potter World. Focus on your trip and think about that puppy. Put your mind to much better use. |
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Post by gramasue on Nov 15, 2021 18:15:20 GMT
A couple of months ago, I posted asking people for their worst insulting words to describe a jerk. IT was a great thread; I will see if I can find it for you. I got some good laughs from it at a time when I really needed them. That thread was from September 8, 2021 under the title British Peas, please get in here!It is pretty hilarious! ** I can't seem to delete AmeliaBloomer from the quote. It was written by Just T. ** |
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Post by peace on Nov 15, 2021 18:24:21 GMT
I’m glad to open this thread and see your plans for the Florida trip. I know you feel a bit broken right now, but I can see the influence of your time helping others with the Samaritans. You are reaching out for positives to help with your healing process. That tells me you are going to be just fine, my friend. Meantime, curse him a few times each day. Righteous anger can help with healing too! My friend Jane told me yesterday I need to get angry, and stop thinking kindly of him. So during the night I brought up his photo and said to it “You’re a pathetic little man, and I am not going to let your fears and inadequacies bring me down. I have survived worse than you, and I will prevail again.” And it actually helped a bit. Now I just need to keep repeating it until I fully believe it.  Even when you're upset, you are SO kind. I would be looking at that picture and saying "fuck you, you fuckity fuck. You don't deserve me. THANK YOU for saving me all of that time to find out what a Fuck you are. And fuck off" But hey, that's me  He has deep rooted issues to resolve within himself. You are so fortunate you found out now. I'm so sorry you were hurt in the process. |
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Nov 15, 2021 18:42:06 GMT
Ah Lesley, what a horrible thing. You don’t deserve that to happen at all. I’m glad you can see things a bit clearer today and there is some light in your life - and plenty to look forward to. Big hugs x
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Post by malibou on Nov 15, 2021 18:48:20 GMT
Holy crapoly! Who the hell does he think he is?! Very generous of him to show you who he is so quickly. I loved the line above about showing him who you aren't.
Yippee! You're going to Disneyworld! I'm sure the sunshine and being pet on will be just the salve you deserve and will go a long way towards clearing your mind so you can focus on your bright path ahead.
Meanwhile, into the biting book he goes. With an admonishment about what a prick he is for what he did to my friend.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,884
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Post by Just T on Nov 15, 2021 18:49:51 GMT
Meanwhile, into the biting book he goes. With an admonishment about what a prick he is for what he did to my friend.  Please do tell...what does "into the biting book he goes" mean?? |
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She lives in Kissimmee, so I’ll get a wee Disney fix while I’m there. And a change of four walls and some sunshine never hurts, right? 
, but DD knows better than to do that! And my friend told me her neighbours run award-winning kennels, and that as soon as I’m ready, they will find me the perfect match. 
