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Post by epeanymous on Nov 30, 2021 0:43:18 GMT
Mostly a funny poll? But also I feel bad!
A venue I love was closed until fairly recently; it finally reopened with the local vaccine requirements. A few of us were standing around one day when we discovered it had reopened, one of us quickly booked a table, and we went.
Well, one of us posted about the venue on social media in an unrelated context, and a friend from our circle responded by saying how excited they were for us to go back with all of us and that we needed to make a reservation so we could all return together. The rest of us immediately realized that we should have included her in the reservation -- we just hadn't thought about it, since she wasn't on site at the time we made it, but we're all as close to her as we are to one another, and I'm not sure why none of us thought to contact her and ask her to come.
So, we're going to make reservations to go. Assume there is zero chance she would find out we went back before unless we told her -- should we tell her we already went? I know we should! But I feel terrible!
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Post by littlemama on Nov 30, 2021 0:45:42 GMT
I think the chances of someone slipping while at the venue are high, but I dont know how you tell her you have already been back.
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Post by mnmloveli on Nov 30, 2021 0:56:40 GMT
I also think the chance of someone slipping at the venue is high.
What if the waiter/waitress/greeter remembers your group and says something?! I think that would be more embarrassing and would make the whole situation worse - 2 strikes.
I would definitely tell her as soon as you get a chance. I would also advise the others I was talking to her about it.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 30, 2021 1:11:13 GMT
I’d tell her right away and plan to go again soon. No need to feel guilty!
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 14:11:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2021 1:26:32 GMT
She doesn’t appear to be a part of your immediate circle being that she wasn’t there when you and your friends came upon the reopened restaurant so why bother hiding the fact that you already went?
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Nov 30, 2021 1:34:05 GMT
She doesn’t appear to be a part of your immediate circle being that she wasn’t there when you and your friends came upon the reopened restaurant so why bother hiding the fact that you already went? I agree with this. I'd just say "Oh, I've already been there, so glad they reopened. I'd love to go again. What day/night is best for you?". |
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,388 
Location: New York, NY
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Post by christinec68 on Nov 30, 2021 1:37:08 GMT
I think you should tell her - lying (not telling her) is worse than unintentionally excluding her.
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Post by Laurie on Nov 30, 2021 1:43:55 GMT
Can you call and see if you can add 1 to your reservation?
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Post by mnmloveli on Nov 30, 2021 1:45:27 GMT
Can you call and see if you can add 1 to your reservation? I think the OP and other friends already went without her. |
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Post by Laurie on Nov 30, 2021 1:47:43 GMT
Can you call and see if you can add 1 to your reservation? I think the OP and other friends already went without her. Sorry I missed that part. |
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Post by mom on Nov 30, 2021 1:49:40 GMT
I think you should tell her - lying (not telling her) is worse than unintentionally excluding her. This is where I am. Make the plans but also tell her the truth before you get go. And do it privately. Tell her the truth and you feel like crap but wanted to be truthful with her. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Nov 30, 2021 1:51:02 GMT
I would not tell her; it will just hurt her feelings. And assuming that everyone who was there can keep quiet, no harm done. I think that it’s kinder not to tell her, and I can’t see a tactful way of telling her.
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Post by worrywart on Nov 30, 2021 4:14:34 GMT
As hard as it is, I think you need to mention it - "omg I didn't know that you were interested in going! I was talking to xxx and yyy when we found out it was opened and we popped into check it out. It was good but I/we would love to go again with you along"
Honestly, depending on her personality, it may still sting but better to rip the bandaid and hope that she appreciates your transparency.
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QueenoftheSloths
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Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Nov 30, 2021 13:05:20 GMT
She doesn’t appear to be a part of your immediate circle being that she wasn’t there when you and your friends came upon the reopened restaurant so why bother hiding the fact that you already went? In the OP she said they are all just as close to this woman as they are to each other. She just didn't happen to be there at that moment and they forgot her. I can see where that would be very hurtful to the forgotten person. |
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,895
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Nov 30, 2021 13:09:48 GMT
I would tell her but would also say "we were so stupid - I can't even begin to tell you how sorry we are. Let's get our calendars out and pick a date to go again."
She is going to be really hurt - be prepared for that. And understand it. I'm sure you'd feel the same way.
ETA: how is this funny?
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Post by christine58 on Nov 30, 2021 13:10:55 GMT
I have and recently AM that forgotten person. Tell her...apologize. I am still very upset with 3 friends who are all going away together in 2 weeks. Instead of trying to get dates that would work with all of us (one of them is turning 60) they went with 3 days that I could not (and they knew that) go.
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
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Post by joelise on Nov 30, 2021 13:25:52 GMT
I think you should tell her but I’m the idiot who clicked on “should we tell her” by accident!  |
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 30, 2021 13:27:01 GMT
I’d tell her right away and plan to go again soon. No need to feel guilty! I agree. |
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J u l e e
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Posts: 6,531
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Nov 30, 2021 14:52:28 GMT
I’m cringing over this whole situation. It’s going to sting, but you have to be honest. I wouldn’t be able to live with it if the group wanted to not tell her. I’m trying to imagine if this happened in my close group of friends and I actually can’t. I’m getting anxiety over this!!!!  |
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Post by malibou on Nov 30, 2021 16:04:04 GMT
Yikes, this is making me wiggle. Yes, I would tell her, and I would be very sincere. The others also need to sincerely tell her. My guess is she will have hurt feelings. Hopefully thru honesty you can put it behind you.
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Post by pixiechick on Nov 30, 2021 16:41:12 GMT
I would ask myself what I think SHE would appreciate... thinking she was included in the group, the first time back or knowing you left her out but were honest about forgetting her.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 30, 2021 16:47:15 GMT
I would tell her but would also say "we were so stupid - I can't even begin to tell you how sorry we are. Let's get our calendars out and pick a date to go again." She is going to be really hurt - be prepared for that. And understand it. I'm sure you'd feel the same way. ETA: how is this funny? The poll, not the actual situation. The actual situation is cruddy. I am trying to manage my feelings about it with a poll. |
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Post by CardBoxer on Nov 30, 2021 17:31:00 GMT
She will find out. Someone will slip. That will be so much worse.
You said, “we just hadn't thought about it, since she wasn't on site…”
Does that mean you were all together in person and she wasn’t there? If so, there’s the answer: We were beyond dumb, on autopilot, you weren’t there - but you have to know you’re as important to us as anyone in the group, mea culpa, I can’t believe we did that. I’m so sorry.
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Post by gar on Nov 30, 2021 17:31:28 GMT
If you're not honest now you'll always be hoping it doesn't slip out accidentally imo.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 30, 2021 17:46:48 GMT
I'm wondering why she wasn't with this group originally when you noticed the venue had reopened. That may make the telling a bit easier. If she'd been invited and had a conflict it's easier to understand ie When Bobby Sue, Jenny and I went to that movie you couldn't make it to we noticed it was open and popped in - I feel terrible that we didn't wait to all go together.
Then at least she realizes you didn't plan the outing without her. If she wasn't invited to the initial gathering, there's no way this isn't going to go terribly and honestly it might be better to just not tell her.
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Anita
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Post by Anita on Nov 30, 2021 17:49:32 GMT
Tell her. It may bother her to know you left her out, but it would hurt more to find out you left her out and tried to cover it up.
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 14:11:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2021 18:54:05 GMT
She doesn’t appear to be a part of your immediate circle being that she wasn’t there when you and your friends came upon the reopened restaurant so why bother hiding the fact that you already went? In the OP she said they are all just as close to this woman as they are to each other. She just didn't happen to be there at that moment and they forgot her. I can see where that would be very hurtful to the forgotten person.
I was interpreting that they went to the restaurant on a different day. If this happened all on the same day they happened upon the restaurant, then I don't understand why anyone would feel bad.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 30, 2021 20:36:01 GMT
I'm wondering why she wasn't with this group originally when you noticed the venue had reopened. That may make the telling a bit easier. If she'd been invited and had a conflict it's easier to understand ie When Bobby Sue, Jenny and I went to that movie you couldn't make it to we noticed it was open and popped in - I feel terrible that we didn't wait to all go together. Then at least she realizes you didn't plan the outing without her. If she wasn't invited to the initial gathering, there's no way this isn't going to go terribly and honestly it might be better to just not tell her. We're all work friends and (thanks to the pandemic and the fact that I'm commuting back and forth right now) we're not always in the same place at the same time. A few of us were standing around shooting the breeze when one of us mentioned that the venue was back open and we agreed to make a reservation for the next opening (which was a couple of days later). |
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Post by katiekaty on Dec 1, 2021 3:28:35 GMT
You should definitely tell her. AND apologize. And tell her you just didn’t think. Period. There wouldn’t be any acceptable excuse or anything. Just totally accept that you all were wrong for for forgetting her at the time and offer to make up for it by treating her as a group to the venue and dinner. Hopefully you don’t lose the friendship. But, honesty will be your best bet, than relying on her not finding out.
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Post by workingclassdog on Dec 1, 2021 15:27:59 GMT
This exact same thing happened to my BFF's group of friends (I'm not in that group because I live in a different state).. but someone got left off a group message and found out the group went out to eat without her... she didn't speak to them for months. All apologized to her (when they found out too late) but she was still maddddddd. I would say something because it will come out...
Oh edited to add.. I would pay for her meal as well...
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