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Post by peace on Dec 6, 2021 15:46:57 GMT
Are you working out? Sometimes a long walk every day was what helped clear my head. I also started doing morning pages (journal 3 pages every morning) as to rid me of some of the despair.
He isn't happy- no one really happy drinks like that. He's living with the idea of a relationship and reality is much different. He will find that out. And it will be too late.
This journey will be difficult. No doubt. This is not fair- and it will eventually come crashing down on him. But ya know, even if it doesn't- you have this. When the dust settles you will surprise yourself. You are stronger than you know.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 6, 2021 15:56:55 GMT
I doubt this other woman realizes she’s getting a raging alcoholic. I know it’s hard to see it now but you will be in a much better place without him. Hopefully one day fairly soon you’ll be able to say “good riddance”. She is a raging alcoholic as well. They are excited to get to drink their nights away together Oooh, sounds like fun.   NOT. My neighbor’s daughter’s ex is a guy just like that. She has moved on to build a new better life for herself and her kids while he has ended up in jail more than once (multiple DWIs), lost his job, and for a while was living in his mom’s basement. It sounds like dude is going to have a huge reality check, probably sooner than anyone might think. Listen to the Peas who have been there, it’s pretty easy to see the train wreck that’s coming down the tracks and be glad you won’t be in its path when it crashes and burns. Hang in there! You’ll get through this one step at a time. |
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,064
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Dec 6, 2021 16:51:53 GMT
This is such a painful time, here to stand by you and send you a virtual <hug>
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Post by refugeepea on Dec 6, 2021 16:57:54 GMT
freecharlie I want to apologize for my HUGE post. I didn't realize on taptalk, it makes all my links into videos. On my laptop, you click on the links.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,382
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Dec 6, 2021 17:04:37 GMT
The heartbreak is overwhelming at times. The loneliness. And he fucking feels nothing because he spends his days and nights talking to her. My life is over as I know it. I'm worried about my kids and my pets and my house and my life. He's worried about beer and her. I'm keeping the house up, buying groceries (for ds and me) and making dinner for ds and me. I'm making sure ds has what he needs for school and is staying on track. I'm trying to make Christmas and life normal. And he's drinking and talking to her. How the fuck is this fair? Remember, he’s had a lot more time to process the split than you have. My X also had an affair and I felt exactly like you do. I was still grieving the loss of a relationship I entered at 18, the life I knew, the plans for the future. He was out drinking, dancing, and who knows what else. It’s hard. You will get through this but your anger and grief are valid. You are t just letting go of a person, you’re letting go of this life and will have to create a new one. It’s hard but I can guarantee you that one day you’ll not think about him and you’ll be surprised. Then you’ll realize it’s been days or weeks since you thought of him. You will heal and you will go on. No, it won’t be this life of marriage but it can be a better life. I know mine is as are most of the women’s lives that I know who’ve gone through something similar. This is a rough time of year to be going through this. Hang in there and PM me if you’d like to chat or just want to vent. BTDT Also, be kind to yourself. Let yourself cry and grieve for a while, then wipe those tears, sent him a silent “fuck you” and get on with the day. Hugs |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 24, 2024 10:32:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2021 17:14:32 GMT
freecharlie : I'm so sorry. It's NOT fair. I sympathize with you after my long and horrid divorce years ago. It became like "The War of the Roses". I just gave up. Hope your days are better soon. xo
@just T I'm so sorry about your situation also. Hugs to you!!
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Post by scrapcat on Dec 6, 2021 17:15:01 GMT
It is not fair. There really are no winners in divorce. Even those who try to do the right thing. It sucks. But your life isn't over. It's going to be really hard, but you will get through it and you will be better. I understand it's hard to see that, you feel like your under water. I get it. I honestly tell people it's going to get worse before it gets worse, but I promise then it gets better, so much better.
I don't know what the circumstances are for support, but he needs to leave the house. His actions are causing a problem. Do you have any level headed mutual friends that could help to make him see that he needs to go?
I know of a situation where people were going to try to continue in the same house because of kids and expenses, and it did not go well. One ended up having to leave after an incident where police were called.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,382
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Dec 6, 2021 17:15:02 GMT
He's investing his time in beer and a woman who's married to someone else and lives far away. You're investing in yourself and your own future and in a good relationship with your son who's there with you right now. I'm absolutely sure that your investments will pay off to a much happier future. except he has zero fricking consequences. He doesn't see the kids turmoil because they hide it well, hell he barely sees them at all. He doesn't care about the hurt he's caused me or our families. Ugh...this sucks He has consequences to look forward to in the future. Your child will remember this and if they’re anything like my children they won’t have the relationship they used to have with him. After my X married the woman he cheated with my sons would have nothing to do with either of them for quite a while. Even now they only see him a couple of times a year and seldom talk or text with him. He calls them now to whine about being lonely but they’re past the close relationship they used to have with him. I used to think that every day was like a party to him and her, then my therapist pointed out, now she’s the one having to help him walk, bathe, go to the restroom. It’s not all fun and games for them either. You may not see the consequences but there will be some. Life isn’t fair so he may not have as many as you but you can either get better or bitter. The bitterness will only hurt you and your child, he won’t lose a minute of sleep over your pain. Like someone else pointed out, those silent fuck yous and sometimes not so silent ones help. I’m a big believer that the best revenge is success and happiness. |
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NOT. My neighbor’s daughter’s ex is a guy just like that. She has moved on to build a new better life for herself and her kids while he has ended up in jail more than once (multiple DWIs), lost his job, and for a while was living in his mom’s basement. 
