peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,658
Jul 6, 2014 23:59:59 GMT
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Post by peasquared on Dec 12, 2021 0:11:21 GMT
You sound like you are strong (we all have moments of weakness) and ready to get what is owed you. Aim high, you can always negotiate down. But, it's fun to scare the crap out of them! Even if it's only for a few minutes. You are on the path to a wonderful new life. There will be a few obstacles along the way, but you will look back someday, and be so happy where you are. Hang in there, and remember we are always here for you!
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Post by cindyupnorth on Dec 12, 2021 0:13:21 GMT
ow do you know all these details? and the details of them sleeping in the camper? I would have no qualms in calling up the husband, as I've told you before. I don't know where they are sleeping when she comes out. Just that it won't in my house. Yes, but who told you the camper details? and who told you she's coming in January?
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,200
Location: Alabama
Jan 29, 2015 16:24:49 GMT
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Post by janeinbama on Dec 12, 2021 0:18:28 GMT
So glad you are in the driver's seat. FREECharlie is taking on an entire new meaning. Free from Di#$head.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Dec 12, 2021 0:24:57 GMT
I'm glad you looking out for yourself. I know divorce isn't easy. Wishing you peace and healing.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,365
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Dec 12, 2021 1:09:20 GMT
I’m glad you’re in a little better place this week. I think of you often.
So she flew out here (I’m assuming) to see him in October, and he treated her to a stay in a camper in a field? Oy. They deserve each other.
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Post by librarylady on Dec 12, 2021 1:12:49 GMT
Wonder what she tells her husband about where she is going when she comes to see your soon to be ex.
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 12, 2021 1:13:59 GMT
Wonder what she tells her husband about where she is going when she comes to see your soon to be ex. She's a lovely mother isn't she? Her plan for the holidays is to crush her children's life.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Dec 12, 2021 2:13:56 GMT
… Yes this is going to suck. He is doing his best to make me look like the bad guy. I am going to get every penny I am legally allowed to have and that upsets him. His words are "there's what's right and there's what's legal." Whatever the fuck that means. That’s rich coming from a guy who fucked around.
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imsirius
Prolific Pea
Call it as I see it.
Posts: 7,661
Location: Floating in the black veil.
Jul 12, 2014 19:59:28 GMT
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Post by imsirius on Dec 12, 2021 2:17:55 GMT
Glad you are taking control! Filing first is a smart move.
I can't imagine how hard it is having to deal with her coming. (I'm just getting caught up) My dh didn't have an affair but it was still so difficult living together in the same house until it sold. Having a slut in the mix would have done me in tbh.
Keep your chin up! I understand the tears in the car thing so much...I had a set back last weekend when something else triggered me and I slipped into a depression. I am now on new meds and going in for counseling thanks to my amazing bff and my wonderful doctor.
I will NOT let this asshat I was married to defeat me. I am going to come back stronger and happy! It will be the best revenge.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Dec 12, 2021 2:19:32 GMT
She had come out in October and I had no idea. They had sex in a camper trailer in the middle of a field that the guy rents it to store your camper...didn't even get a hotel room. As far as I know her dh doesn't know yet You could let him know. That’s what I did to the woman my XH was fucking. At that point I knew I had to get tested for STIs and felt it only fair to warn him. He wanted to have sec with me for revenge on them😂 I passed. He thanked me and by the time they got home from their weekend away he had thrown out all of her things and destroyed them. That’s what my XH said but he’s a liar so who knows?
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Post by mollycoddle on Dec 12, 2021 2:19:50 GMT
… Yes this is going to suck. He is doing his best to make me look like the bad guy. I am going to get every penny I am legally allowed to have and that upsets him. His words are "there's what's right and there's what's legal." Whatever the fuck that means. That’s rich coming from a guy who fucked around. If anything good has come out of this, it is that he has shown you exactly who he is. He has done you a favor in a way, because you need have no guilt about getting what you deserve.
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Post by Zee on Dec 12, 2021 2:22:04 GMT
She had come out in October and I had no idea. They had sex in a camper trailer in the middle of a field that the guy rents it to store your camper...didn't even get a hotel room. As far as I know her dh doesn't know yet You could let him know. That’s what I did to the woman my XH was fucking. At that point I knew I had to get tested for STIs and felt it only fair to warn him. He wanted to have sec with me for revenge on them😂 I passed. He thanked me and by the time they got home from their weekend away he had thrown out all of her things and destroyed them. That’s what my XH said but he’s a liar so who knows? A perfect reason not to involve the other spouse. Disgusting. Maybe he actually deserved it.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Dec 12, 2021 2:34:35 GMT
You could let him know. That’s what I did to the woman my XH was fucking. At that point I knew I had to get tested for STIs and felt it only fair to warn him. He wanted to have sec with me for revenge on them😂 I passed. He thanked me and by the time they got home from their weekend away he had thrown out all of her things and destroyed them. That’s what my XH said but he’s a liar so who knows? A perfect reason not to involve the other spouse. Disgusting. Maybe he actually deserved it. My XH used to call her the “store whore” before he started doing her. Then she became a pillar of virtue. Hilarious, all the male managers discussed her flings with them. I don’t know what kind of man she was married to but I do know he shouldn’t have to get an STI because they were screwing around. Besides, why shouldn’t I let him know, I would certainly hope that if the situation had been reversed he would have told me.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 12, 2021 2:48:39 GMT
Wonder what she tells her husband about where she is going when she comes to see your soon to be ex. she's from here. She came to see her dad and carved out the time for stbx
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Post by Zee on Dec 12, 2021 4:25:36 GMT
A perfect reason not to involve the other spouse. Disgusting. Maybe he actually deserved it. My XH used to call her the “store whore” before he started doing her. Then she became a pillar of virtue. Hilarious, all the male managers discussed her flings with them. I don’t know what kind of man she was married to but I do know he shouldn’t have to get an STI because they were screwing around. Besides, why shouldn’t I let him know, I would certainly hope that if the situation had been reversed he would have told me. I meant the other spouse sounds disgusting, thinking you might want to have sex with him for revenge. And I don't particularly care whether someone's spouse gets an STI as that's not my business or department and I don't want them calling and telling me shit. No thanks. I found out lots of things I wish I had never known. I don't want to be the person that brings that kind of pain. You may feel another type of way about it but that's my stance--it's not my job.
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 12, 2021 12:02:39 GMT
His words are "there's what's right and there's what's legal." Whatever the fuck that means.
I almost spewed my coffee at that. He has completely lost his mind.
You go get that spousal support, girl.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 12, 2021 13:36:54 GMT
Divorce is usually a bumpy road. You sound like you’re rising to the challenges though. You have our support.
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Post by catck on Dec 12, 2021 19:08:45 GMT
It sounds to me that She is keeping her options open by not telling her husband. I'd be on the phone to him so fast!!!! Glad you have a good support system around you. Take him for every penny you can and live your life your way, you can do it!!!!
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 13, 2021 1:10:49 GMT
He just came home. Feels like a punch in the gut.
One day it won't be so bad...right? Maybe when he no longer lives here?
I just need to hate him or have no feelings or something.
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 13, 2021 1:15:14 GMT
He just came home. Feels like a punch in the gut. One day it won't be so bad...right? Maybe when he no longer lives here? I just need to hate him or have no feelings or something. I haven't been through this, but I imagine it's still so raw. In time, it won't be so bad, I think. In the meantime, we got you! (I kinda wish you played Animal Crossing with us so you could distract yourself with that!)
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,137
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Dec 13, 2021 1:31:58 GMT
i had to live with mine for almost 2 yrs in the same house. we had joint custody of 3 kids in the same house. we would go to meetings at the lawyers and i had to come home to.... him. finally i broke and rented a place - my sanity was at risk.
stay strong, listen to your lawyer, NOT HIM. mine would talk and talk and needle and whine and cajole... using words like "trust me" and "your lawyer just wants more money" and "i am trying to look out for your best interests. my lawyer was a total stranger and he was *far* more concerned with my well-being and future than ex.
it's gonna be hard. your emotions will swing back and forth. him getting what he wants will actually be the best revenge, as other peas have alluded to.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 23:02:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2021 3:52:55 GMT
“There’s what’s right and what’s legal”
He can fuck himself. He wouldn’t know the first thing about “what’s right”.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 23:02:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2021 3:57:39 GMT
Great update. I have been thinking of you and wondering how it was going. I'm happy that your filing surprised him. I think he was expecting you to wait and hope he would come back and then he would be the one who filed. I filed on my ex after he cheated too. He was livid. I had better not to tell him that he had to get a divorce! Oh, and this: It probably means, "If the court allows you too high an amount of alimony and child support, I sure do hope you won't expect to get it! That amount might be legal, but come on, is it fair? I mean, after all, I need to wine and dine my new honey and buy someplace impressive to live. I can't do that if I have to pay you a fair amount!" As far as I'm concerned, it should mean, "When the court determines the amount of child support and alimony that I am required to pay, and you don't think you can make it with that, let me know and I will increase it. Sure, that is the legal amount I would owe, but after all, I am the one that torpedoed our marriage and took away the future you and I had planned. I know I hurt you emotionally and I want to make sure you are not hurting financially too." I thought of one more thing to add to the divorce paperwork in addition to buying a life insurance policy on him. (that you pay for so it can't be canceled without you knowing about it) See if you can have a regular cost of living increase written into the alimony and child support. I didn't do that and to go for an increase, I would have had to pay my attorney's fees every time we went back to court and he was expensive. Good, but expensive. By the time he was paid, there wouldn't be much of any increase left, assuming I was granted one. There is no guarantee. At least there wouldn't be with my ex. He kept playing games and hiding his income and then crying poor to the courts. He put things into his new wife's name. He hired her to waltz into the business once a week and hand out paychecks. That allowed him to pay her $65,000 per year. And since that was her separate income, not his, it didn't count toward calculating my child support. He owned vacation homes, a Harley, speed boats, and multiple vehicles, but not on paper. If there was a dirty trick, my ex played it. Well now the joke is on him because his son refuses to see him and he is on wife #4 or #5. And my son says he is cheating on this latest wife already. She has 5 or 6 kids by 5 or 6 fathers. I will never understand why he has to marry these women instead of just living with them. Life insurance is good…but don’t you pay for it. I am allowed to ask for proof every year that I am still beneficiary on ample life insurance to cover the amount he will pay over the years. I’d just be sure to tell your ex that should he fail to follow the court’s order, you’ll simply sue his estate and widow when he dies. You’d have no trouble winning as it was court ordered to have life insurance
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Post by melanell on Dec 13, 2021 13:28:10 GMT
He is doing his best to make me look like the bad guy. I am going to get every penny I am legally allowed to have and that upsets him. His words are "there's what's right and there's what's legal." Whatever the fuck that means. Oh, he's one to talk!! It was his choice to go down this road, so if he doesn't like the bumps along the way, too damn bad. Good grief, what a tool he has become. I'm sorry he's putting you through all of this. (((hugs)))
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Post by workingclassdog on Dec 13, 2021 16:14:38 GMT
Hang in there!! You go for what's legal/right or whatever you can get.. Don't be nice. The jerk put you in this position so now it's your turn...fight fight fight.
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mystydog
Junior Member
Posts: 95
Location: Ramsgate, UK
Jul 3, 2014 7:28:10 GMT
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Post by mystydog on Dec 13, 2021 18:27:25 GMT
His words are "there's what's right and there's what's legal.
Tell him that also applies to him staying in your house!
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,067
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Dec 13, 2021 19:41:33 GMT
So "there's what's right and there's what's legal?" As in, "it was legal for him to have an affair, but it wasn't right?"
Make sure you address college expenses in your final agreement. Working at a university, I have seen so many kids who struggle because of divorce. Once the child support ends, there is no way to enforce paying for college unless there is a state law that addresses it (PA has one). I am not sure how old your kids are, but maybe require him to contribute $xxx per month to college savings plans for them? If they are young enough, that could amount to a pretty substantial sum when it is time to go to school. And if possible, set it up to allow you to make the withdrawals when it is time to pay for college. You don't want to be in a position where you have to beg him to release funds every semester if you don't have to.
I'm torn on whether or not I would tell her DH. On one hand, telling him might force a divorce and put the two of them together when both are final. On the other hand, if she hasn't told him yet, this might just be a fling for her and she is going to drop stbx like a hot potato when the novelty wears off. That might be more enjoyable to watch.
Did you respond to address the death threats? If so, I missed it! Did she threaten you? If so, I would ask your attorney to file for a protective order and serve her when she gets to town. That would make sure she stays away from your house.
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 13, 2021 20:48:02 GMT
I can tell you are making some great steps! Right and legal? In what state is adultery legal? That ship has sailed. Screw him. Get everything you can... legally.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 13, 2021 23:08:18 GMT
Omg, he won't sign the waiver of service and now I'm going to have to pay to have his ass served.
He doesn't have a lawyer yet. He is meeting with one on Friday. I think he's just going to hire the first one he meets with?
I think he might be holding out until then, but if I wait to have him served it will be after Christmas
Should I serve him asap or wait to see if he pulls his head out of his ass and just signs???
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Post by Laurie on Dec 13, 2021 23:23:41 GMT
Ask him if his whore, I mean girlfriend, knows he won’t sign the waiver.
I would also say do you mean what is right and legal like as in it was legal to commit adultery but not right. Is that what you mean by what is right and what is legal?
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