What would you say to opt out of girl's weekend **Updated**

Update:

Thanks again for the suggestions. I thanked her for the invite and said I know she'll have fun. Since it's been a weird year I'm opting out. Would like to take her to lunch closer to her bday or we can get  drinks and see if anything else is going on then if she prefers.

She came back and suggested "how about both" and no comment about the weekend. Went on to chit chat from there so all is fine. Her DH is not happy she's doing this and she's fine with that. Not sure why he'd care, she has always planned her own bday celebrations   although I imagine he isn't thrilled with being left out of it.

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Pretty certain I've vented more than once about bff's love for her bday (and going out drinking with people in general) and need advice for how to approach this one. We have been friends since grade school and for the most part, present for each other in all big life events so I *know* I should just suck it up and go, but I'm at a point I'm comfortable deciding I just don't want to - except want to be a little kinder in what I say.

Her talking about her bday starts 3-6 months prior. It has varied over the years from throwing out the general "I want to do something fun" to "are you taking me to lunch" to "you have to go out with me so we can dance and do shots" or in about the last 10 years as she expanded her social group (and I haven't by choice, as you can guess) it's "we're getting together, you have to come". Per her, she "loves" her her birthday and brings it up frequently. Thing is, the years she has gotten people together, both her and her DH's social skills suck. You're stuck introducing yourself to others, may not have a spot to sit even though she knows you are going to be there, a super random awkward mix of people, expected to chip in to buy her bday drinks, etc. For the most part, she doesn't have a consistent social group, I sense people come and go for some of the same reasons that bug me and DH. Some may be her employees (she owns a business) at times. They did pick up a couple during COVID that likes to go out a lot, so took pressure off me and DH always being asked to do stuff. 

She is random with my bday. She never suggests going out, even for simple lunch or to get a drink - she would maybe piggyback on a time we went out later and she would buy me a "bday drink". Any card or gift is random (although we both reciprocated gifts probably up to our later 20's, then she quit first and I finally did a couple years later). May get something every other year from her. I basically give her a card and do a small coffee shop gc every year. For my 50th this year, she spent about $50 for a thoughtful gift, given to me when we went out to see a band together (decided months before and that she "had" to see, not specifically for my bday). 

Honestly, I would have preferred to mutually ignore our bdays when in the lead up to our 40th (now 10 yrs ago, haha) she wanted me and DH to go to some tropical spot with them over her bday. Since this was a year she was talking about her bday very early, I suggested we go in Jan/Feb, which would be between both of our bdays to celebrate them both. She never said another single word about it after I suggested that.

So now, starting less than a week after my bday, when all I had was a FB post wishing me happy 50th and no expectation that she would give me a gift (which she did a week later), I get a text that she is planning a girl's weekend for certain dates in late March for her 50th. Link to the resort with info. It's Fri-Sun, 2 hrs away, $150 for the room which will be more like $400+ after the going out, shopping, gift for her, meals, etc. I can afford it and in theory, would be fun, yet she is the only person that is my friend there. I wasn't gutsy enough to specifically ask who was going (5 plus her so far) but I expect there would be one more distant friend of mine. Bottom-line, I kind of resent all things about her bday and am comfortable with my introverted self that I'd prefer to just stay home (and while DH and I do plenty, we are semi-cautious about what we do with groups because of COVID, although that isn't my reason for not going and don't want it to be). Another option is to go for 1 of the 2 nights, although really, I'd like to just take her out for lunch and give her a gift and call it good.

If you made it through this part vent/part advice seeking long post, WWYD? I don't have any reason to make a point to her and I'm not trying to hurt her. Obviously an "I'm sorry I can't make it" could do, although she will come back with a "why not" if I don't have a specific reason, she's pretty direct as you can tell.