seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,778
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jan 2, 2022 20:55:10 GMT
This weekend, I would find a spa and book myself an overnight saturday night. Leave early saturday morning and go do something you'd enjoy, check into the spa and enjoy the hell out of it until check out time and then find something to do until bed sunday night.
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Post by CardBoxer on Jan 2, 2022 20:57:29 GMT
Why not tell him you only cook for your son and yourself? You’re not his cook. If he doesn’t abide by that, does your bedroom door lock - it should. Get a mini frig and put leftovers in it.
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Post by Skellinton on Jan 2, 2022 21:00:00 GMT
Why not tell him you only cook for your son and yourself? You’re not his cook. If he doesn’t abide by that, does your bedroom door lock - it should. Get a mini frig and put leftovers in it. This exactly what I was going to say. Don't do any grocery shopping for him. Don't do any cooking for him. Cook for you and your son. Pack up your leftovers immediately. Put them in a fridge in your room. Get a large plastic bin and put his dirty dishes in it and take it down to his room. There's absolutely no excuse for someone not putting their dirty dishes in the damn dishwasher.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jan 2, 2022 21:04:07 GMT
My answer is no.
It may be innocent, but in this day of instant photos at any given time.......you don't need someone that knows your soon to be ex-husband to take a photo of what you think will be an innocent situation, and send it to your ex-husband, that photo could be used against you. A hug, a hand on your arm, a hello or goodbye kiss on the cheek, a look, etc.. can be platonic and innocent.....but twisted into >> "she's seeing someone too" and used against you n divorce court. Your intention may be friends only, but his may be more than friends.
My honest opinion is, you were taken by surprise and life as you know it changed in a matter of seconds. Your life, is currently in a state of upheaval, figuring out your next move, navigating this through this difficult time, tons of emotions, feeling lonely, etc.... You need to focus on you and your well being, you and your children getting what is right and what you do deserve in the divorce split and settlement. Wait until this current chapter of your life is completely closed, done, finished, over, etc... before you even think about beginning a new chapter with someone else, platonic or not.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jan 2, 2022 21:04:32 GMT
I changed my op, because I agree that dating a guy from hs is not a good idea. You're still deeply grieving. If you do meet someone new then feel free to have dinner. May I ask what your lawyer says about getting him out of the house? While it might be too soon for a relationship, it's not too soon to feel worthy of love.
Don't cook or clean for him. You might need to label your food. It sounds sophomoric, but he's acting sophomoric and you are not his cook and maid while he fools around. Why not tell him to get paper plates and plastic utensils? Then he can just throw out and recycle rather than take advantage of you. He sounds atrocious. I think step one is getting this person out of your house completely.
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Post by lisae on Jan 2, 2022 21:16:08 GMT
Perhaps you have explained this before but I don't understand why you and your stbx are still living in the same house. Shouldn't separated be separated? I'd have thrown all his stuff out (literally) and changed the locks when I filed if not before. Unless you are secretly hoping to reunite, it's time he went to live with hww.
Anyway, it's a big world. It's comforting to fall back to past relationships but you need to make some new friends that have nothing to do with your ex.
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 21:18:37 GMT
Why not tell him you only cook for your son and yourself? You’re not his cook. If he doesn’t abide by that, does your bedroom door lock - it should. Get a mini frig and put leftovers in it. it seemed petty. I just thought at least a thank you
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,779
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Jan 2, 2022 21:19:43 GMT
Yeah, use this poor guy because you can’t be alone, that’s a good move. WTF! I haven’t followed a lot of your drama because is just too much but what the fuck is with posting your drama under two different IDs? And using your son as a middleman is utter bullshit. Grow the fuck up, separate your living situation from your husband and work on being a better you, for you and your son. Holy hell. Posts like this is why I hesitate to share the shit going on in my life right now. 😢
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 21:21:06 GMT
Perhaps you have explained this before but I don't understand why you and your stbx are still living in the same house. Shouldn't separated be separated? I'd have thrown all his stuff out (literally) and changed the locks when I filed if not before. Unless you are secretly hoping to reunite, it's time he went to live with hww. Anyway, it's a big world. It's comforting to fall back to past relationships but you need to make some new friends that have nothing to do with your ex. Our money is still very intertwined
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 21:21:37 GMT
Yeah, use this poor guy because you can’t be alone, that’s a good move. WTF! I haven’t followed a lot of your drama because is just too much but what the fuck is with posting your drama under two different IDs? And using your son as a middleman is utter bullshit. Grow the fuck up, separate your living situation from your husband and work on being a better you, for you and your son. Holy hell. Posts like this is why I hesitate to share the shit going on in my life right now. 😢 you can always pm my other Id I promise to be supportive
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Post by christine58 on Jan 2, 2022 21:41:49 GMT
, eats his food at the table and then goes downstairs and leaves all the lights on and his dishes out...all without acknowledging I exist or that I made the damn food. When is his ass out???
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 2, 2022 21:45:00 GMT
Holy hell. Posts like this is why I hesitate to share the shit going on in my life right now Eh. Some Ps arn't the most subtle, but they are real. I'd rather have real then some fake BS. She is a bit much though.
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,670
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Jan 2, 2022 21:45:40 GMT
Why in the world are you still cooking for him?
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Post by voltagain on Jan 2, 2022 21:51:15 GMT
Why in the world are you still cooking for him? I could be wrong but I don't think she intended to cook for him. Learning to cook for one/two and not have leftovers is a skill that takes time. Most recipes are set for 4-6. It takes time to remember to cut it down to just two servings that look too small to make a teenaged boy full.
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,670
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Jan 2, 2022 21:59:29 GMT
Why in the world are you still cooking for him? I could be wrong but I don't think she intended to cook for him. Learning to cook for one/two and not have leftovers is a skill that takes time. Most recipes are set for 4-6. It takes time to remember to cut it down to just two servings that look too small to make a teenaged boy full. That might be the case. But I would throw it away before I'd let him eat it.
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Post by CardBoxer on Jan 2, 2022 22:12:52 GMT
Why not tell him you only cook for your son and yourself? You’re not his cook. If he doesn’t abide by that, does your bedroom door lock - it should. Get a mini frig and put leftovers in it. it seemed petty. I just thought at least a thank you He demolished your life with him by cheating and cruelty. It is not petty to be clear your life now does not including caring for him in any way - cooking, cleaning up after him, anything.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jan 2, 2022 22:16:52 GMT
And using your son as a middleman is utter bullshit. I'm ignoring the rest of your bitchy rage-post, but I'm curious to know where the hell you got this from? I don't believe she's done anything of the sort. Eh. Some Ps arn't the most subtle, but they are real. I'd rather have real then some fake BS. She is a bit much though. Really? You'd rather have someone come at you with all kinds of nastiness and false accusations and assumptions when you're at your lowest point? Who on this thread has been "fake"? You can be "real" without being a total $#&%.
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 22:31:53 GMT
Why in the world are you still cooking for him? When he works, it is usually cleaned up before he gets home. NYE the chili was still on the stove to cook down a little. Last night ds and I had just finished eating when he came upstairs to eat. No chance to out it away. Plus, if he is home, I don't want to seem petty about it in front of our son and tell him he isn't allowed to eat.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 2, 2022 22:41:40 GMT
And using your son as a middleman is utter bullshit. I'm ignoring the rest of your bitchy rage-post, but I'm curious to know where the hell you got this from? I don't believe she's done anything of the sort. Eh. Some Ps arn't the most subtle, but they are real. I'd rather have real then some fake BS. She is a bit much though. Really? You'd rather have someone come at you with all kinds of nastiness and false accusations and assumptions when you're at your lowest point? Who on this thread has been "fake"? You can be "real" without being a total $#&%. I was meaning, in general on here. Not this specific post. We all made assumptions.
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Post by CardBoxer on Jan 2, 2022 22:58:24 GMT
Why in the world are you still cooking for him? When he works, it is usually cleaned up before he gets home. NYE the chili was still on the stove to cook down a little. Last night ds and I had just finished eating when he came upstairs to eat. No chance to out it away. Plus, if he is home, I don't want to seem petty about it in front of our son and tell him he isn't allowed to eat. Good point. But afterwards - that evening, the next day, etc. - he can be told what you prepare is only for your son and you. What nerve to cheat and dump your wife and expect to still have the benefit of having her cook for you. PhD in Using Someone.
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sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
Jun 26, 2014 23:58:32 GMT
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Post by sassyangel on Jan 2, 2022 23:02:22 GMT
Hmm, sounds extra complicated at a time when you already have lots of current complications and potential complications ahead for the time being.
I’m not saying that at some point you shouldnt be open to companionship/FWB relationships - you should, you deserve it. It just seems a little too early to go down this path now, especially with someone you could lose their friendship altogether, if you have no real intentions of a relationship with them. Is it worth that? I get it. It makes you feel good about yourself at a time when you’ve taken an absolute self esteem battering through no fault of your own, so no judgement at all there. But think of how much you hurt currently, you wouldn’t want to hurt someone else like that either, as a result, I’m sure of that.
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sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
Jun 26, 2014 23:58:32 GMT
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Post by sassyangel on Jan 2, 2022 23:07:59 GMT
Holy hell. Posts like this is why I hesitate to share the shit going on in my life right now Eh. Some Ps arn't the most subtle, but they are real. I'd rather have real then some fake BS. She is a bit much though. Really? There’s blunt and honest, and there is cruelty simply because you can be and because you lack compassion and empathy for something. You seem to be confusing the two. I know which one I’d rather. Why the assumption those who are responding are being fake simply because they’re not being brutal about it?
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 23:13:01 GMT
Hmm, sounds extra complicated at a time when you already have lots of current complications and potential complications ahead for the time being. I’m not saying that at some point you shouldnt be open to companionship/FWB relationships - you should, you deserve it. It just seems a little too early to go down this path now, especially with someone you could lose their friendship altogether, if you have no real intentions of a relationship with them. Is it worth that? I get it. It makes you feel good about yourself at a time when you’ve taken an absolute self esteem battering through no fault of your own, so no judgement at all there. But think of how much you hurt currently, you wouldn’t want to hurt someone else like that either, as a result, I’m sure of that. completely why we didn't date in hs. I was thinking just hanging out as friends, but the peas have knocked the sense back into me.
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Post by andreasmom on Jan 2, 2022 23:23:44 GMT
Why not tell him you only cook for your son and yourself? You’re not his cook. If he doesn’t abide by that, does your bedroom door lock - it should. Get a mini frig and put leftovers in it. it seemed petty. I just thought at least a thank you He has shown you how petty he is. Please try 2-3 serving recipes. If he needs to eat, he needs to cook and clean his oen dishes.
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sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
Jun 26, 2014 23:58:32 GMT
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Post by sassyangel on Jan 2, 2022 23:26:27 GMT
And it’s perfectly ok to draw a line in the sand on the cooking thing, you’re not being petty, merely holding him to choices he made. Shitbox can cook for himself or pick up food, if he doesn’t want to cook.
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,670
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Jan 2, 2022 23:29:27 GMT
Why in the world are you still cooking for him? When he works, it is usually cleaned up before he gets home. NYE the chili was still on the stove to cook down a little. Last night ds and I had just finished eating when he came upstairs to eat. No chance to out it away. Plus, if he is home, I don't want to seem petty about it in front of our son and tell him he isn't allowed to eat. I know this is hard, I just went through it with my cousin (her ex left her after 31 years). If I were you I'd stop worrying about looking petty. Your son knows what is going on. No wonder he's hasn't left yet, he gets a wife and a mistress. If I were you I would stop doing ANY thing for him. Do you still do his shopping? What does he eat when he gets home? Surely not food you went out and bought. I'm assuming you did all the shopping before? Does he now buy all his own personal items? Soap, shampoo, deodorant. Stop doing any of those things that a wife would do. I hope this doesn't sound harsh, I know my cousin was a puddle on the floor when this happen to her. It really has been such a short time for you. My hope for you right now is anger. I know that sounds bad, but I think you need a little to help you keep your focus. My cousin, at just a month out, was still hoping for him to come back. It took her almost a year, I think, before she knew she would never take him back.
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sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
Jun 26, 2014 23:58:32 GMT
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Post by sassyangel on Jan 2, 2022 23:32:30 GMT
Hmm, sounds extra complicated at a time when you already have lots of current complications and potential complications ahead for the time being. I’m not saying that at some point you shouldnt be open to companionship/FWB relationships - you should, you deserve it. It just seems a little too early to go down this path now, especially with someone you could lose their friendship altogether, if you have no real intentions of a relationship with them. Is it worth that? I get it. It makes you feel good about yourself at a time when you’ve taken an absolute self esteem battering through no fault of your own, so no judgement at all there. But think of how much you hurt currently, you wouldn’t want to hurt someone else like that either, as a result, I’m sure of that. completely why we didn't date in hs. I was thinking just hanging out as friends, but the peas have knocked the sense back into me. Good. I understand your feelings, and the companionship void you’re currently feeling - I just think you need to be gentle with yourself at the moment and get through this part first before adding the potential complications for you of that.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,864
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jan 2, 2022 23:48:36 GMT
I'm glad you're going to dinner with your parents.
It's absolutely natural to wonder about these other guys, particularly when you're stinging from your stbx.
Remind yourself you're in no place right now to start anything new. I know you're saying it would've just been as friends, but there must have been a little "oh, he's someone who liked me" in there. And that's normal and no one would judge you for it. But you have to let your brain rule this one - and I've said this before on this board and a lot of the Peas disagree, but as someone who saw married and divorcing couples in therapy - you should wait a year after the divorce is final to start dating. There's too much upheaval right now - give yourself time to heal. It's not fair to whoever you date to become close to you when you're not at all ready to be all there for them.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jan 3, 2022 0:24:26 GMT
I don’t know if money is too tight but do you want to get away for a night? I just stayed at a fabulous hotel in the Lodo neighborhood in Denver - good happy hour, Mexican place downstairs, super neat neighborhood- maybe you aren’t ready but I’d start journaling about all the things I am hopeful for in 2022.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Jan 3, 2022 1:52:37 GMT
Thank you. I knew this...I know this. I think I was just extra lonely last night. Made dinner-ds and I ate. Then ds goes to his room to play new game. Stbx comes upstairs, makes himself a plate of the food I made while whistling, eats his food at the table and then goes downstairs and leaves all the lights on and his dishes out...all without acknowledging I exist or that I made the damn food. Like I said not wanting to date (him or anybody) just trying to survive. I'm really working on my impulsiveness. I would be taking said dishes, putting them in a box and placing them square in the middle of his bed in the basement. Fuck that. I wouldn;t even use a box. dump that shit right in his bed. his mess. he can lay in it.WTF?
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