needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 18:23:00 GMT
Sounds like you all agree with my non-impuslive side, which is why I slept on it and posted here instead. I'll see if my parents want to godinner this weekend.
As you all know stbx has hooked up with a girl he knew in hs. In the past I've had both of the two hs males that could have been problematic reach out to talk and reconnect. One I shut down completely because the butterflies showed up the second I saw his name and I could see the path ahead.
The second was more like my male bff even though we did cross the line a couple times in hs, we were both so terrified or ruining our friendship that we never dated.
The second one, we will call male friend or mf for short, and have been fb friends for over a decade. 95% of our interactions have been on the public pages. This is the guy I reached out to when stbx was talking to hww over a decade ago and he counseled me through it.
Okay there is the backstory...now present day...
Mf posted about a computer issue on his fb page. After going back and forth, we switched to messenger so that everybody else didn't need to keep getting notifications.
In the chat he mentioned something about getting together and finally meeting my dh and what a great guy dh seemed to be by my posts...I explained that I had filed for divorce so that probably wouldn't happen but I was open to coffee or something.
Since then we have chatted back and forth here and there. Absolutely above board and nothing inappropriate.
Ds will be out of town this coming weekend and I think stbx has the weekend off. I hate both of us being home and it is worse without ds.
Would it be out of line to ask mf if he wanted to do something this weekend? Dinner or a movie or whatever? Not romantic, but as friends? I have plans the next couple of weekends, but nothing this week.
Here's the wrinkle. I know he still has residual feelings for me from hs and part of the reason we haven't met up in person in the last decade or so since we reconnected is that I didn't know if it would rekindle some feelings in me and I wasn't going to take the chance.
I am not interested in dating him. Our political views do not line up, but I could hang out with him and I suppose down the line a benefits thing might come in to play.
Ack...I have no idea what to do.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,784 
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Post by Rhondito on Jan 2, 2022 18:29:17 GMT
Here's the wrinkle. I know he still has residual feelings for me from hs and part of the reason we haven't met up in person in the last decade or so since we reconnected is that I didn't know if it would rekindle some feelings in me and I wasn't going to take the chance. I am not interested in dating him. Our political views do not line up, but I could hang out with him and I suppose down the line a benefits thing might come in to play. Nope. Don't put him in a position of wanting to date you when you have no intentions of that being an option. It's not fair to him. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 2, 2022 18:32:25 GMT
WTH? what's up with you and your dh's infatuations to HS? Hello no. It sounds like all sorts of drama and more mess.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jan 2, 2022 18:33:26 GMT
You're single. Your STBX and HWW made their choice. You are entitled to have fun. I say go and have fun. Reading other posts, perhaps it would be best to start w/someone new. At this point, you're still feeling the sting of what your ex did. It's an ego boost to know that another man is interested in you. Your dh is a moron. He missed the boat. You're still very desirable and have a lot to offer the right guy. Don't settle, but feel free to date. You need time to heal and part of that might be getting out a bit. BTW-I read that you think you're cheating. You're not cheating. You're moving on. Huge difference.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jan 2, 2022 18:35:05 GMT
So you think you might have feelings for him, but you don’t want to date him, but you might want to sleep with him? I’d say unless you enjoy complicated relationships with drama…no.
I for one don’t think there is anything wrong with moving on and starting to see people. Start fresh though - don’t rewind to a complicated relationship from high school.
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Post by MichyM on Jan 2, 2022 18:36:31 GMT
I dunno. With all the stuff with your stbx and his HS friend, the whole idea of getting involved with a guy from your HS days would feel really weird/uncomfortable/distasteful to me if I was you. YMMV. If you're ready to have male friends, or friends with benefits, I personally would look for a new guy, not someone from my past.
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Post by librarylady on Jan 2, 2022 18:37:50 GMT
Here's the wrinkle. I know he still has residual feelings for me from hs and part of the reason we haven't met up in person in the last decade or so since we reconnected is that I didn't know if it would rekindle some feelings in me and I wasn't going to take the chance. I am not interested in dating him. Our political views do not line up, but I could hang out with him and I suppose down the line a benefits thing might come in to play.
This ^^
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Post by teacherlisa on Jan 2, 2022 18:39:32 GMT
Here's the wrinkle. I know he still has residual feelings for me from hs and part of the reason we haven't met up in person in the last decade or so since we reconnected is that I didn't know if it would rekindle some feelings in me and I wasn't going to take the chance. I am not interested in dating him. Our political views do not line up, but I could hang out with him and I suppose down the line a benefits thing might come in to play. Nope. Don't put him in a position of wanting to date you when you have no intentions of that being an option. It's not fair to him. This 100% |
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 18:42:00 GMT
I don't have feelings for him further than friendship. I do know he still remembers what we were like in hs.
We are fb friends, nothing more currently.
This is why I came here. I think I was missing something last night and I almost just asked if he wanted to do dinner Friday but decided to sleep on it.
For me, it would be as a friend only.
I'm sure I just want to fill the void.
Fwiw- no feelings about hs. I just didn't think it was appropriate to have a relationship or friendship with males from hs...probably to avoid the perception or opportunity for a trip back in time.
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Post by gar on Jan 2, 2022 18:45:58 GMT
Find new friends/boyfriends to hang out with...don't settle for him just because he's available.
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,886
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Post by pinklady on Jan 2, 2022 18:46:05 GMT
Yeah, use this poor guy because you can’t be alone, that’s a good move. WTF!
I haven’t followed a lot of your drama because is just too much but what the fuck is with posting your drama under two different IDs? And using your son as a middleman is utter bullshit.
Grow the fuck up, separate your living situation from your husband and work on being a better you, for you and your son.
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Post by voltagain on Jan 2, 2022 18:50:30 GMT
Ds will be out of town this coming weekend and I think stbx has the weekend off. I hate both of us being home and it is worse without ds. know he still has residual feelings for me from hs and part of the reason we haven't met up in person in the last decade or so since we reconnected is that I didn't know if it would rekindle some feelings in me and I wasn't going to take the chance. I am not interested in dating him. Our political views do not line up, but I could hang out with him and I suppose down the line a benefits thing might come in to play.
Ack...I have no idea what to do. Don't put yourself in the position of potentially falling for someone you know is not a good long term match. It is not fair to yourself or to him. If you want a friend with benefits find a new guy; although it seems like in those situations the women end up falling in love and get hurt when the guy moves on. Do you have a girl friend you could ask out? Or just go out and do something by your self. Don't tempt a relationship that has no where to go with a male. Take some time to get to know who you are without the influence of someone else. It will help you find a good partner for you in the future. |
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Post by malibou on Jan 2, 2022 18:54:27 GMT
I would make plans with girlfriends for this weekend and wait awhile yet until you meet up with your hs friend. It will give you time to get your straightened out from all that has gone on and then maybe you can reach out to him for coffee with a very clear message that you aren't looking for anything more at this time.
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 18:55:20 GMT
Yeah, use this poor guy because you can’t be alone, that’s a good move. WTF! I haven’t followed a lot of your drama because is just too much but what the fuck is with posting your drama under two different IDs? And using your son as a middleman is utter bullshit. Grow the fuck up, separate your living situation from your husband and work on being a better you, for you and your son. whatever. My ds is not in the middle...AT ALL. It just feels different when he isn't home. Neither stbx or I would ever pit our kids in the middle. He may hate me, but we both love the kids. I asked here because I wasn't sure if it would look like I was using him. BEFORE he knew I was divorcing he had said something about coffee to catch up and mentioned meeting stbx. |
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Post by birukitty on Jan 2, 2022 19:01:14 GMT
I don't remember your past story (the new ID is confusing me) but if you want the honest truth my answer is use this time to focus on yourself. Have you had any counseling or therapy (for just you) since everything started with stbx to get you to this stage in your life? If not I think that would be something to seriously consider.
Getting therapy after my seperation from my ex was one of the best things I did for myself. It taught me so many things about myself that I didn't know and also about the affair ex was having. I learned it had nothing to do with me as a woman-I could have looked like a model and ex still would have cheated. That there was nothing wrong with me at all-the fault lay squarely with ex. It helped to repair my self-esteem which by that point was almost non-existent. And it taught me what to look for in the future in regards to men and their qualities-and what to avoid. This was years and years ago.
It must have worked because after spending the first year after my divorce alone by my own choice and concentrating on myself only and my then 5 year old son, I met the man I would marry. We have just celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary (this past year). I wasn't looking to get married again or even date seriously, but when love showed up at my door I was in a place emotionally and mentally to handle it-thanks to that therapy.
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Post by Skellinton on Jan 2, 2022 19:02:06 GMT
I'm in agreement with the other no peas who said look for someone new. Especially if you know that there is no way this would ever work long term.
I know the position you're in sucks, but maybe sometime alone would be good for you. It sounds like you have friends to spend other time with. Maybe just a weekend by yourself. doing something for yourself, by yourself would be a good thing for you.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jan 2, 2022 19:15:10 GMT
I think that seeing him is a bad idea. You might not have feelings for him, but he might very well have feelings for you.
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Post by Zee on Jan 2, 2022 19:22:14 GMT
I'm glad you decided to wait and not act impulsively, because it sounds like he'd just be a balm to your ego and not an actual romantic interest, which isn't very fair to him.
I get needing some positive attention right now, I really do, but I think I would leave the past there for now.
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Post by summer on Jan 2, 2022 19:33:43 GMT
I’m glad you decided to do the healthy option of going to dinner with your parents instead of using the guy from HS to boost your ego. You are making the right decision.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 3:26:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2022 19:45:56 GMT
Yeah, use this poor guy because you can’t be alone, that’s a good move. WTF! I haven’t followed a lot of your drama because is just too much but what the fuck is with posting your drama under two different IDs? And using your son as a middleman is utter bullshit. Grow the fuck up, separate your living situation from your husband and work on being a better you, for you and your son. Holy shit! Can you dial back the rage a bit??? I think you got some on me. You definitely don't know enough about what is going on with the whole situation. I think if you did, you might show a bit more compassion....meh...maybe not. From what I have seen you are typically snarly. |
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Post by elaine on Jan 2, 2022 19:48:49 GMT
Dinner with your parents sounds good.
Or spend the weekend someplace you’ve wanted to visit in CO.
Is there a local hockey game at home? The new Spider-Man movie is great. Book a massage or a pedicure or both if that would be relaxing. Use the time without ds at home to pamper yourself.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 2, 2022 20:00:21 GMT
I think you need time to yourself. Reflection. Not that any of this was your choice, or your doing, but healing time. You ONLY just heard of this divorce and everything only a month ago!! just relax, heal, grow.
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 20:18:28 GMT
Dinner with your parents sounds good. Or spend the weekend someplace you’ve wanted to visit in CO. Is there a local hockey game at home? The new Spider-Man movie is great. Book a massage or a pedicure or both if that would be relaxing. Use the time without ds at home to pamper yourself. all good ideas Pedicure today. Massage booked for end of month Kids and I saw Spiderman on Christmas Going to a hockey game next week with a friend Going to meow wolf with kids on my birthday. |
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needhelp21
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Nov 11, 2021 13:20:29 GMT
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Post by needhelp21 on Jan 2, 2022 20:21:59 GMT
I think you need time to yourself. Reflection. Not that any of this was your choice, or your doing, but healing time. You ONLY just heard of this divorce and everything only a month ago!! just relax, heal, grow. Thank you. I knew this...I know this. I think I was just extra lonely last night. Made dinner-ds and I ate. Then ds goes to his room to play new game. Stbx comes upstairs, makes himself a plate of the food I made while whistling, eats his food at the table and then goes downstairs and leaves all the lights on and his dishes out...all without acknowledging I exist or that I made the damn food. Like I said not wanting to date (him or anybody) just trying to survive. I'm really working on my impulsiveness. |
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jan 2, 2022 20:27:51 GMT
At this point, I wouldn't even consider hooking up with someone whose political differences didn't line up with mine (said lightheartedly, kind of). Leave him back in high school.
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Post by CardBoxer on Jan 2, 2022 20:39:00 GMT
You are a kind person, and it could be a kindness to him to not get together, given that you know you’re not a good fit and it’s very early for any fit anyway.
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AmeliaBloomer
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Posts: 6,842
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Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jan 2, 2022 20:40:51 GMT
I think you need time to yourself. Reflection. Not that any of this was your choice, or your doing, but healing time. You ONLY just heard of this divorce and everything only a month ago!! just relax, heal, grow. Thank you. I knew this...I know this. I think I was just extra lonely last night. Made dinner-ds and I ate. Then ds goes to his room to play new game. Stbx comes upstairs, makes himself a plate of the food I made while whistling, eats his food at the table and then goes downstairs and leaves all the lights on and his dishes out...all without acknowledging I exist or that I made the damn food. Like I said not wanting to date (him or anybody) just trying to survive. I'm really working on my impulsiveness. Left his DIRTY dishes out? Harumph. Leave them exactly where he left them or put them in a dishpan on the counter. Whistle while you do it. |
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moodyblue
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Location: Western Illinois
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jan 2, 2022 20:46:20 GMT
Thank you. I knew this...I know this. I think I was just extra lonely last night. Made dinner-ds and I ate. Then ds goes to his room to play new game. Stbx comes upstairs, makes himself a plate of the food I made while whistling, eats his food at the table and then goes downstairs and leaves all the lights on and his dishes out...all without acknowledging I exist or that I made the damn food. Like I said not wanting to date (him or anybody) just trying to survive. I'm really working on my impulsiveness. Left his DIRTY dishes out? Harumph. Leave them exactly where he left them or put them in a dishpan on the counter. Whistle while you do it. That whole bit would piss me off. I’d be inclined to make sure there was only enough for you and your son, or I’d be packing it up right away for my lunch the next day, with a note on it if necessary. I’d be damned if I’d be cooking and cleaning up for him. |
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,065
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Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Jan 2, 2022 20:53:05 GMT
Id throw the dishes he left out down into the basement for him to clean up!!!
And I sure as hell would be packing up the food after ds n i ate and taking it to mom n dad or tossing it in the freezer...
Fuck him if he thinks he is getting any of your home cooking...
He can drink his beer with McDonald's
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,778
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jan 2, 2022 20:54:16 GMT
I think you need time to yourself. Reflection. Not that any of this was your choice, or your doing, but healing time. You ONLY just heard of this divorce and everything only a month ago!! just relax, heal, grow. Thank you. I knew this...I know this. I think I was just extra lonely last night. Made dinner-ds and I ate. Then ds goes to his room to play new game. Stbx comes upstairs, makes himself a plate of the food I made while whistling, eats his food at the table and then goes downstairs and leaves all the lights on and his dishes out...all without acknowledging I exist or that I made the damn food. Like I said not wanting to date (him or anybody) just trying to survive. I'm really working on my impulsiveness. I would be taking said dishes, putting them in a box and placing them square in the middle of his bed in the basement. Fuck that. |
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