peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,390 
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Post by peaname on Feb 3, 2022 1:24:21 GMT
I have a group of four former coworkers that gets together once a month. We meet at a place that is central to all of us and we pick the next date at the end of the meal. We all have similar jobs and one lives alone with a dog so she likes to go home after work and we usually meet at 5:30. I’m always the first to arrive. Always! I don’t mind, I sit at our usual table and order my drink and wait for them to show up in a predictable order. Last week I was taking an online class and calculated that I had exactly enough time to let it finish and get to my car and get to the restaurant at 5:30. Maps said it was a seven minute drive and I added two minutes to shut down my computer and grab my coat. Somehow my planning failed me and I sweated the last five minutes of the drive and sat in my seat at *gasp* 5:31. And I was the first one there as usual so I had time to reflect on how dysfunctional it is that I was stressed and anxious over meeting friends! I somehow married someone who believes he is on time if he’s less than ten minutes late. Am I alone? My friends got a good laugh with me.
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Post by leannec on Feb 3, 2022 1:52:08 GMT
When I go out with a group ... which hasn't happened since Covid really ... I like to get there first so I can get the best seat!  I am almost never late for anything ... not in my nature ... I am usually the first person to arrive at my school (I'm a teacher) after the caretaker  I know lot's of people who are barely on time for anything ... |
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,676
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 3, 2022 1:58:48 GMT
My mom was chronically late. For everything. Always late to pick us up from school, from friends' houses, from parties - you name it. Always late dropping us off for things. It was embarrassing, frustrating and made me pathologically early. Being late makes me incredibly anxious - so yes, I feel you and validate you.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 3, 2022 2:00:21 GMT
If I'm not 5 minutes early, I'm late. And it really doesn't matter how inconsequential the meeting, I am STRESSED if I'm not early. It's some kind of OCD thing - it's really terrible. Even when I absolutely positively know I'm going to be late for something due to a more pressing thing AND know it's of no consequence - I stress out.
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Post by littlemama on Feb 3, 2022 2:00:59 GMT
It is rude to be late. I am not rude, therefore, I make sure to be on time. And it would stress me out to be late
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 25, 2024 23:29:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2022 2:21:13 GMT
My mom was chronically late. For everything. Always late to pick us up from school, from friends' houses, from parties - you name it. Always late dropping us off for things. It was embarrassing, frustrating and made me pathologically early. Being late makes me incredibly anxious - so yes, I feel you and validate you. Wow, you just made me realize something about dh. He is so incredibly on time for everything that he has instilled anxiety into my kids about it. And I always blamed his military background. But I can now see how this can be because his parents always put him last as a child. It makes so much sense for me now. I'm sure you don't care, but you helped me figure something important out. So thank you for sharing that. And I'm sorry your mom made you feel like that. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 25, 2024 23:29:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2022 2:22:45 GMT
I used to be that person that was on time or early. After having kids, it's rare that I am on time if they are coming with me. Alone, I'm on time. Unless a kid does something to slow me down. |
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,427
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Post by tanya2 on Feb 3, 2022 2:47:28 GMT
Whether or not I'm on time depends on how badly I want to be there. But I am famous for leaving at the last possible minute. Appointments I am always on time for. Work - meh. 5 minutes late is my on time
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Post by mom2kbs on Feb 3, 2022 3:04:34 GMT
I am in the if you are not ten minutes early you are late camp. My DH is never ever ever on time. We take two cars to places. He grossly underestimates how long it takes him to get ready and waits for the very last second.
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grammanisi
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,741
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Post by grammanisi on Feb 3, 2022 3:24:09 GMT
I hate to be late, therefore I seldom am. My husband on the other hand is the opposite. Not that he doesn't care, he just never seems to leave early enough. No matter where we're going. Hi
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Post by librarylady on Feb 3, 2022 3:29:46 GMT
I usually arrive at least 5 minutes before the "start" time. If I am late, you know that something just short of the end of the world has happened.
IMO, chronically late people are flipping the bird to all the others who are held up by the late person.
Our DIL was/is late to things, except when she took a job and the supervisor told them that 2 late arrivals, no matter what, and the person would be terminated. Suddenly DIL managed to arrive at the correct time.
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Post by AussieMeg on Feb 3, 2022 5:30:41 GMT
I'm with you peaname ! If I think I'm going to be late, even just s few minutes, I get a knot in my stomach. DSO and I are both always early, but somehow we have raised two kids who are not as worried about being on time as we are. I tried to instil the importance of being organised and on time with my daughter when she first started driving herself to work. The drive was 13 minutes. So I would round that up to 15 minutes. Then add another 5 minutes 'just in case', for a total of 20 minutes. So if she had to be there at 5pm, I would tell her she needed to leave at 4:40 at the latest. More often than not, she'd leave at 4:47, with no time up her sleeve. Drove me NUTS. |
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Post by gar on Feb 3, 2022 9:05:50 GMT
I'm with you OP. I wouldn't get 'stressed' as such, if it was a casual meeting with friends, but I wouldn't like it. I am very aware and conscious of time and am rarely late - I'd rather be early and wait  |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Feb 3, 2022 9:42:26 GMT
I have a good friend who is always super late. We plan to meet for dinner and they are always 30- minutes or more late.
It’s rude, disrespectful and shows that they don’t care about your time.
I’ve tried ordering without them being there, and that does phase them.
We’ve tried telling them an hour earlier but that doesn’t work either.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,676
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 3, 2022 13:11:41 GMT
My mom was chronically late. For everything. Always late to pick us up from school, from friends' houses, from parties - you name it. Always late dropping us off for things. It was embarrassing, frustrating and made me pathologically early. Being late makes me incredibly anxious - so yes, I feel you and validate you. Wow, you just made me realize something about dh. He is so incredibly on time for everything that he has instilled anxiety into my kids about it. And I always blamed his military background. But I can now see how this can be because his parents always put him last as a child. It makes so much sense for me now. I'm sure you don't care, but you helped me figure something important out. So thank you for sharing that. And I'm sorry your mom made you feel like that. I'm so glad you told me that. In fact, I had a terrific mom - truly - but she was always doing things for us and for other people and her cramming so much into her life made her late for everything. Sort of paradoxical - she cared so much, she took on too much and it ended up hurting people (mostly my sisters and me.) |
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,176
Location: New York, NY
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Post by christinec68 on Feb 3, 2022 13:40:43 GMT
I do my very best to be on time when I am meeting friends. I generally know the average time it takes to get someplace, round up, then add extra time for what ifs and 9 times out of 10, I arrive early. But every once in a while, everything goes sideways and I'm more than a couple minutes late. I feel bad but it's not for lack of trying. Other times, things go wrong for the person I'm meeting and I end up waiting. It's tough getting around my area, especially for weeknight dinners, so we are all understanding and none of us are chronically late that it's an issue.
I did have a friend from HS who was ridiculously late all the time. That was a problem for me.
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Post by Tearisci on Feb 3, 2022 13:55:37 GMT
I'm so glad you told me that. In fact, I had a terrific mom - truly - but she was always doing things for us and for other people and her cramming so much into her life made her late for everything. Sort of paradoxical - she cared so much, she took on too much and it ended up hurting people (mostly my sisters and me.) My sister is like this. She's always doing so much for people and trying to cram as much into time as she can that she always ends up being late. She'll say, "I'm going to bring you dinner" but you might not get it until 9pm. |
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,148
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Post by artbabe on Feb 3, 2022 14:11:30 GMT
My sister is always late. Always. But she is dysfunctional in nearly every way so you can't pin it down to one reason that she is late.
She was late for my mom's funeral. Seriously. That one I'll never forget.
But I do forgive her. We had stressed to the minister that we didn't want the funeral to be heavily religious. We thought we had it all planned out. We got there and the program was crammed to the brim with religion. Dad and I were upset but didn't say anything. When my sister got there she went straight to the minister and had him fix it. Which he did. So even though she was late she had the guts to fix it for us.
But yeah, she is always late.
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Post by maryland on Feb 3, 2022 14:17:05 GMT
I have a good friend who is always super late. We plan to meet for dinner and they are always 30- minutes or more late. It’s rude, disrespectful and shows that they don’t care about your time. I’ve tried ordering without them being there, and that does phase them. We’ve tried telling them an hour earlier but that doesn’t work either. That would be so frustrating! I would love to just tell them to text you when they arrive, then you will leave your house then. So unfair for you to always be the one waiting. Or always meet at a place close to your house, so you can leave after they get there. But then you are still stuck waiting around for them to arrive. I'm frustrated for you! |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 3, 2022 14:20:52 GMT
I have a good friend who is always super late. We plan to meet for dinner and they are always 30- minutes or more late. It’s rude, disrespectful and shows that they don’t care about your time. I’ve tried ordering without them being there, and that does phase them. We’ve tried telling them an hour earlier but that doesn’t work either. This is my brother to a T. Even telling him an hour early doesn’t work so we stopped inviting him to things. The final straw was when we invited him to Thanksgiving dinner one year and he showed up and hour and a half late for dinner and then just thought he would get a plate of food to go. 🙄 😐 |
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Post by gramasue on Feb 3, 2022 14:31:57 GMT
I like to be on time and plan my 'getting ready' and travel times accordingly, and then I add a few minutes, just to be sure.
What annoys me and creates anxiety is when other people are late, especially when their attitude about it is cavalier.
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Post by librarylady on Feb 3, 2022 14:55:05 GMT
As I mentioned earlier--our DIL is chronically late. I think she does it on purpose. One Thanksgiving she was hosting the meal. We arrived on time, with our contributions to the meal and she announced she needed to wash her hair and shower and then she would be ready. (I was shocked and still am).
FF about 10 years and I was going to a popular musical and had planned to invited a friend. Unfortunately I mentioned in front of DIL that I wanted to go. She jumped in and wanted to go also. So I ordered tickets for the 2 of us. It was a matinee and because of the location, we could go on charter bus to drop us at the door of the facility. We had a specific time to board the bus. I told DIL that she better not be late as I would NOT miss the bus nor the performance. Day of event--no DIL. She nor her husband would answer the cell phone (me calling to say where are you?) Finally, I left our home and went to the bus....got seated and nervously watched out the window. She showed up, barely in time to get aboard. She rushed to sit beside me and demanded to know why I left, what was she to do? I replied, "I told you I would not be late, nor miss this." ........she became much better on meeting times after that.
She was 40 minutes late to her own baby shower! One guest left before she got there and I wanted to leave.
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Post by MissBianca on Feb 3, 2022 15:29:35 GMT
I’m always late could never figure out why until about 10 years ago. My internal clock is set to 11 minutes after the hour, no lie I can randomly look at the time and it’s always 11 minutes after the hour.
My kids old school started at 8:10, we were always late. Like coming in on 2 wheels late. Their new school started at 8:25, we were always on time. Because I could be ready to leave at 8:10 but not 8:00.
I just adjust how things roll around here to accommodate my internal clock.
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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 3, 2022 15:45:46 GMT
I have a group of four former coworkers that gets together once a month. We meet at a place that is central to all of us and we pick the next date at the end of the meal. We all have similar jobs and one lives alone with a dog so she likes to go home after work and we usually meet at 5:30. I’m always the first to arrive. Always! I don’t mind, I sit at our usual table and order my drink and wait for them to show up in a predictable order. Last week I was taking an online class and calculated that I had exactly enough time to let it finish and get to my car and get to the restaurant at 5:30. Maps said it was a seven minute drive and I added two minutes to shut down my computer and grab my coat. Somehow my planning failed me and I sweated the last five minutes of the drive and sat in my seat at *gasp* 5:31. And I was the first one there as usual so I had time to reflect on how dysfunctional it is that I was stressed and anxious over meeting friends! I somehow married someone who believes he is on time if he’s less than ten minutes late. Am I alone? My friends got a good laugh with me. I am JUST like you... My 'problem' stems from my asshole dad. When growing up if we were not in the car at the appointed time, he would sit in the car and honk the horn until we were all out there. Mortifying. And we weren't late either.. He would begin the honking before the time. It didn't matter where we were at either. I am 99.9% on time or early for everything. Unless it is totally out of my control. I always leave way earlier (even with 2 babies under 2).. my kids were not an excuse to be late. Thankfully husband is the same way, we work well together on being on time. And he would never honk the horn at me. |
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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 3, 2022 15:52:42 GMT
I’m always late could never figure out why until about 10 years ago. My internal clock is set to 11 minutes after the hour, no lie I can randomly look at the time and it’s always 11 minutes after the hour. My kids old school started at 8:10, we were always late. Like coming in on 2 wheels late. Their new school started at 8:25, we were always on time. Because I could be ready to leave at 8:10 but not 8:00. I just adjust how things roll around here to accommodate my internal clock. Not to be snarky but I am not understanding this... I don't have an internal clock (Is this a thing?) My eyes are always on a clock so I know exactly what time it is. I really don't get this... lol |
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Post by gar on Feb 3, 2022 15:53:51 GMT
I have a good friend who is always super late. We plan to meet for dinner and they are always 30- minutes or more late. It’s rude, disrespectful and shows that they don’t care about your time. I’ve tried ordering without them being there, and that does phase them. We’ve tried telling them an hour earlier but that doesn’t work either. This is my brother to a T. Even telling him an hour early doesn’t work so we stopped inviting him to things. The final straw was when we invited him to Thanksgiving dinner one year and he showed up and hour and a half late for dinner and then just thought he would get a plate of food to go. 🙄 😐 Do people like your brother never host things and recognise how frustratingly inconsiderate it is? I get the occasional mistake/hold up or whatever but for something like that I admit, I just don't understand. I guess they just inherently think their time is more important than anyone else's so they get ready/leave when they feel like it. |
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Post by katlady on Feb 3, 2022 16:04:50 GMT
I’m always late could never figure out why until about 10 years ago. My internal clock is set to 11 minutes after the hour, no lie I can randomly look at the time and it’s always 11 minutes after the hour. My kids old school started at 8:10, we were always late. Like coming in on 2 wheels late. Their new school started at 8:25, we were always on time. Because I could be ready to leave at 8:10 but not 8:00. I just adjust how things roll around here to accommodate my internal clock. Not to be snarky but I am not understanding this... I don't have an internal clock (Is this a thing?) My eyes are always on a clock so I know exactly what time it is. I really don't get this... lol Some people just have a good sense of time. Everyone has an internal clock, the big one is your sleep/wake cycle. |
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Post by tentoes on Feb 3, 2022 16:24:32 GMT
I'm never late. I have a friend that is ALWAYS at least 15 minutes late for everything. It drives me nuts. She used to blame it on her husband, but now her husband has been dead for over a year, and she's still late for everything.
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Post by deekaye on Feb 3, 2022 16:47:51 GMT
I am always, always on time for everything as in at least 10 minutes early. DH is on time too but for him, on time means at the time an event was scheduled. I can't tell you how many spats we've had over the years about me saying "aren't you ready yet?" and him saying "we've got plenty of time yet".... ugh...
My bestie is chronically late. It used to bug me so much but I love her so much and we have so much fun together that I've decided it's my problem, not hers. When she HAS to be on-time, say for a scheduled event, she is but if it's just a "let's go shopping in the morning" type thing, morning can be anywhere from 0900 to Noon!!
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Post by Merge on Feb 3, 2022 16:57:05 GMT
I am always early/on time. Except for work. Once in a while I'm late for carpool duty because I hate it. I need that t-shirt that reads, "Sorry I'm late. I didn't want to be here." And it's the stupidest duty ever, playing kiddie valet for kids who are darn well old enough to open their own car door and get out.
DH is much more lackadaisical about start times, and it drives me nuts, but after 25 years of marriage he knows that it drives me nuts and makes an effort for me. Which is nice. Because if it was up to him, we'd be 20 minutes late to everything.
My teacher friend group has one that is 45-60 minutes late for everything AND always wants to bring her creepy/weird boyfriend. We've honestly stopped inviting her to most things.
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