How to deal with your child moving out

(((((HUGS))))), Mamma. It's hard to see them leave the nest. But you gotta love to see them fly! You get to feel sad. But she gets to feel excited. Tell her you will have trouble seeing her go, but don't hold her back. You are close. You will continue to communicate. Three hours means long weekends home are still very possible. Or a weekend for you in the city where her college is.

Hugs to you, Mama. We only have one child, DD22 who went away to college 10 hours away. She and I are very close and it was hard, but not having time to prepare mentally would have been really, really hard.

The only request that I made of her for contact was just one text a day so that we would know she was alive, lol. But she stayed in much better contact than that. My experience was that she still needed me, just in a different way now. Now I'm a sounding board as she navigates new experiences and we are just as close as ever. This is an amazing period in their lives and I found that focusing on all that was now opening up to her as possibilities made it easier for me.

I also indulged myself by diving into all the hobbies that had been pushed aside for years. I also started a new job, and while the timing of that was just a coincidence, I think the fact that I was so occupied with my own stuff made the transition easier. Start thinking now of all the things you have more time for now.

Good luck to you both!!

My oldest is graduating college an hour away and moving 1600 miles across the country. It is a 25 hour drive.

One thing that I know will help me is visiting her new town with her. We checked out all the places she will be. We literally walked around her new grocery store, drove the route to her new office, etc…

For me, this will help me picture her in her new place. When she calls and says she has been to the grocery I will be able to “see” her there. Not sure why that helps me, but it does.

We did a good job raising these kids to be confident young adults. Kudos to us even if we regret doing such a good job some days. 🤪

12 years ago we dropped our oldest daughter at college 4 hours away... and I sobbed all the way home! It took me a while to get used to not seeing her everyday but eventually you do settle in to your new normal. Our youngest daughter was four years younger and surprisingly, when she went to the same college four hours away, I only shed a few tears and even though it was weird being empty nesters, we did settle in and enjoyed the holidays and vacations that they would return home.

Hang in there, Mama! You've done a great job of giving her wings!

You'll adjust, promise   Have a cry (not in front of her obviously) but be proud that you've given her the confidence to spread her wings. 

It is hard. It just is.

Please do everything you can to acknowledge your sadness for yourself but be happy for her. She is doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing. She’s a great kid - you did your job. Do not weigh her down with your feelings. Allow her to go to school (3 hours away - that’s a piece of cake!) without the burden of worrying about you.

When my youngest first left (she’s finishing her sophomore year 12 hours away) I was pretty sad and she actually said to me “it makes me feel badly about something that makes me happy (she got into her dream school) when you talk all the time about how sad you are.” And she was right - I was the turd in her punch bowl.

Not that you shouldn’t feel your feelings - you should. But don’t express them to her all the time - find another outlet.

And I think it was someone here who put it in perspective for me: they wished their kid could go away to school and take the conventional developmental steps young adults are supposed to take but their child was disabled. I’ll be honest - that shut me up pretty quickly because I realized how lucky we were.

So, hang in there. Cry here but celebrate with her!

I am one of those people and I think that is a really shit thing to say, if it was said on thread like this. If it was said on its own thread where a person was lamenting that their children were disabled, then so be it. But it doesn't make yours or merry27 's experience any less valid. I'm a pretty sentimental person, so I think given the right circumstances, I'd be sad to see one of my children fly the nest too. And I am glad whenever someone has such a great relationship with their kids that they feel pain when they move away. For those of us with children with challenges, our experience is a bit different because we are under such stress with our children that them being able to move out signals an independence for us and for them that we thought was unachievable. It just hits different because the experience of raising our kids is different.

Anyway, I'm sorry to you peabay and I'm sorry to merry27 . I can see how this sort of thing would be difficult for someone. It certainly was for my mom. She really kind of put it upon me too and I hope Merry doesn't do that. Thank you for sharing your daughter's words, peabay. I think that helps to hear from a child's perspective. I felt that as a kid myself with my own mother. And I felt it again, even as an adult who had to move a decent drive away during the recession for jobs. Although, I think by that time, it was more about the grandkids.

Merry give yourself some grace to get used to your new normal. You'll get there. And best wishes to your child.

Honestly, it isnt something to "get through". Your feelings are going to come through to your dd loud and clear.
You need to be excited for her new adventure. You can talk and text and you can drive to visit her occasionally if she would like.

One of mine went to college locally and commuted, he's a bit of a homebody. Then suddenly, with a couple of weeks notice found a great job 7 hours away and was moved there It was crazy, fast.

I was kind of sad that he was so far because I knew he would be back infrequently (the job was a stepping stone so I knew he wouldn't always be that far.) But he was great about staying in touch.

One of the best things we did was download snapchat which was newer at the time and he was using it. I'd get snippets of his day/week from that. He'd send a pic of a great meal, a place he'd been or whatever. He'd send requests for me to send a pic of the dogs, etc. It's easier now more than ever to keep in contact so while it's sad that they're going at least they're able to stay in touch easily. We do this day have a family snapchat that is with all my kids.

I have 4 adult kids. The best thing you can do for HER is be supportive. If you aren't, it may cause a rif that you won't want. She's going to go anyway! I think you being supportive will actually help YOU as well. At one point, I had 3 of my kids in college at the same time! One in Plattsburgh, NY which is near Canada, one in New Orleans and one in Rochester, NY. The oldest had just left for a job in Florida! All of a sudden we were empty nesters and they all were living so far away from us! It was tough for the first month or two but honestly, it gets easier. My youngest, who is 34 now, got a job in AUSTRIA! He, my DIL and 1 1/2 year old granddaughter left in August! We supported them and actually encouraged them. It was the best thing we could have done for them and us. Adding our stress to their stress wouldn't accomplish anything. They actually thanked us for being so supportive. We facetime weekly, sometimes 2x a week. It's almost like it was before they left!!!
I suffer from anxiety as well. Try your best to be supportive and take deep breaths. You'll be able to handle this. HUGS!

I knew both of my sons would be going away for university even when they were in grade 9. I still went through a funk when they left. I still go through a funk when they leave after breaks. Not going to lie - it's tough. It's also good, though, to see them making their own way. It helps that we're close and that they text daily and FaceTime at least once a week.

It's been a while, so I don't have timely advice. My first 2 went to a school that was only 30 minutes away, so knowing they were close, made it an easier transition for everyone all around.

My youngest went to a school 3 hours away and that was the final frontier. I remember being happy for her, happy for us, but also incredibly emotional if that makes any sense. I feel like the more we can spread grace around abundantly with them, with ourselves, the rest of our family, the more gentle the process can be. That process will be different for every family because all families are different.

It's okay to feel all the feels. Try not to project all of those feelings onto the children. It's hard. Use the Peas as an outlet, other friends, even therapy as family dynamics change. Sending love Mom!

It is tough. It is almost a mourning process. You have dedicated yourself to her since she was born, it is not easy to just let go.
Snapchat or any other communication like that is amazing. I love Snapchat because it is so quick an easy. My kids and I share a lot of fun quick chat, pics, or vids that way. My kids also shared their location with me on Snapchat, but I did NOT abuse that. I never questioned what they were doing by seeing their location. NEVER. They did hit me up for stuff when they saw me at the grocery store though. LOL

Please do not post on social media about how sad you are. Don't make continuous post about how hard it is going to be and how much you will miss them. Don't make a single post about that.  But do vent your feelings here!  It is so good to release that feeling - but do it somewhere like here.  Many of us have gone through the same thing!  It really helps to just talk to someone, even if it is here, and not a person right in front of you. 


As mentioned above - look at it as how well you have prepared her to fly! It won't be easy for her either, but it will be harder if she knows you are feeling so sad too. You can be her support, because the homesickness will hit her hard too. Knowing that Mom wants her home will make it too easy to quit and give up. Don't let that happen!