Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 1:25:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2022 15:31:16 GMT
We get it! He is a jerk. If he wasn’t then your DD would probably be still married to him. That doesn’t mean he is a jerk to his daughter. This. You and dd need to separate your personal feelings you have of ex and not let that interfere with dgd's relationship with her dad.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,623
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on May 31, 2022 15:33:11 GMT
We get it. Everybody hates him. But that's never going to change, and your daughter needs to find a way to work with him even though he's a jerk. Cora will figure that out soon enough on her own, and she really should have a therapist in place to help her with that. She doesn't need the adults in the house causing lots of inflamed emotions for her on something beyond her developmental capabilities that she has absolutely no control over right now. You know he's never going to change and (you especially) won't be able to change him. All you can do is mitigate the damage and make Cora feel safe and loved. I'm just going to copy and paste this for a family member who needs to hear it. Well said.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 1:25:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2022 15:33:45 GMT
The first lesson taught at MEND therapy and in PCIT as well as DIR Floortime Therapy is that kids react to adult emotions and are not old enough to process OUR feelings and emotions. And they act accordingly. Because they are big emotions for little kids. Even teens. I think I we’d all agree that it’s super hard to process this and leave emotions out. It it really is the best for everyone involved. One of the the best things I ever did as a new parent was ISR self rescue survival swimming lessons for my daughter when she was three or four. We spent a lot of time at the beach and at the pool and I wanted her to learn how to be in and around water safely. She hated it at first and the instructor was nice but firm. My job was to sit on the side of be pool and paste a calm smile on my face and to not say a word. I was to project calm body language while Quinn cried and flailed about in the water. And when she came out of the pool crying and clinging to me I was to hug her calmly and simply tell her she did a good job learning and not overdo anything with praise or comforting. It was magic. Exhausting for me, but magic for Quinn. It’ll be twice as hard but you get to be that now for both your daughter and your granddaughter. And also extra hard if you have to unlearn and undo unhealthy past patterns. But it will be worth it for everyone’s health and sanity. Had to do the same going to DIR for dd and ds. As well as PCIT. We quit MEND because of other issues within the group but it was just a rehash of both therapies we did and completed. It's the same with ABA. And why there was separate therapy for both DIR and PCIT. It was where emotions could come out. Eya: though DIR was emotional based but I couldn't let me anxiety or stress get in the way.
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Post by Darcy Collins on May 31, 2022 15:42:18 GMT
Is the child vaccinated? CDC still recommends quarantining for close contacts. It's also very possible they were following old guidance as it's changed so much it's very easy to stumble on wrong protocols if you look for - what to do if you're a close contact (which she clearly was). I'm sorry communication is so difficult between the parents - co-parenting successfully really relies on good communication and putting child first from what I've seen.
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Post by bc2ca on May 31, 2022 15:45:04 GMT
So the plan so far is: Go to court first thing tomorrow to try and get a temporary custody injuction Call police on non-emergency # and ask what should be done Get Cora in to a counselor asap to verify her state of mind (and hopefully help) Call CPS on Doug I don't think your DD is going to achieve what she wants by doing any of this. I'm not familiar enough with divorce court to really comment on the custody issue or how easy it is to limit the current terms. The police may refer her to CPS. IME, they will not get involved unless the child is in danger right now. She is not. They may tell her the parent acted reasonably. Getting Cora to a counselor is probably the only reasonable thing on your list, but my spidey senses went up reading "to verify her state of mind". I'm not sure what this means and am concerned your DD is coaching and holding her in a state of panic and terror rather than helping her process her emotions and understand why the quarantine steps were taken. This is not an emergency for CPS as the child is not in danger right now. In my jurisdiction, CPS can take 3-10 days for an initial investigation with this type of report. As Cora was fed, had shelter and access to a bathroom I doubt a case will be opened. I wouldn't be surprised if it was suggested/offered to both parents that they could benefit from voluntarily participating in a parenting and communication class for divorced parents. ETA My BIL went through the most bitter divorce ever. He and his ex never stopped bad mouthing each other until their 2 daughters told them they had to stop. Kids love both parents most of the time. No one is doing Cora any favors if you are constantly making sure she knows how awful you think her dad is.
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Post by bc2ca on May 31, 2022 16:16:02 GMT
When she dropped Cora off at Doug's, she told him. As for DD dropping the ball, as I mentioned Doug won't answer her calls. I believe he ignores her texts too. She has a really hard time getting hold of him. So she DID try on multiple occasions to tell him about the Covid situation, but he ignored it. He doesn't need to answer her calls or respond to her texts for her to communicate she had Covid. Based on your first post, it doesn't sound like she said it either in a voice mail or in the text message. Leaving a "call me" or vague message isn't helpful. A specific message about having Covid may have been enough to get a response and would not have put in her the position of surprising him at drop off.
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Post by mom on May 31, 2022 16:19:35 GMT
The only thing I think needs to happen is Cora go to counseling alone and mom go to her own sessions. While dads environment is not ideal, neither is having a home situation with so much anger and hostility towards their childs father.
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Post by Skellinton on May 31, 2022 16:20:08 GMT
As for DD dropping the ball, as I mentioned Doug won't answer her calls. I believe he ignores her texts too. She has a really hard time getting hold of him. So she DID try on multiple occasions to tell him about the Covid situation, but he ignored it.sounds like this is a terrible issue to have- isn't reasonable communication between the two parents something that should be part of the joint custody agreement? Him ignoring all of her communications seems unacceptable to me, from the legal standpoint of a custody agreement. And if it's true that he plays video games to the exclusion of everything else- and it sounds like you know he has had a a problem with that in the past- then IMO, it was pretty sh!tty of him to be only communicating with Cora via a walkie talkie. He just 'left her' for however long, playing video games? What if she had tripped, fallen, hurt herself, etc. and he didn't realize it because of his video gaming?? That is terrible. To me, he sounds like a pretty piss-poor parent. (we don't have kids, but even with our cats and dogs, I make sure I know where they are and what they're doing, if they're not in our general vicinity, for gosh sakes!!) Respectfully, we are only getting one side of the story. We have no idea how isolated she really was. Kids completely react and sometimes exaggerate stuff when they get a reaction.
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on May 31, 2022 16:21:39 GMT
Does your daughter not talk to her kiddo while at her dads? How did this go on for a whole week without your daughter knowing?
So much dysfunction going on here. Communication breakdown, ignoring, baiting, and triangulating. Poor kid.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 1:25:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2022 16:22:08 GMT
sounds like this is a terrible issue to have- isn't reasonable communication between the two parents something that should be part of the joint custody agreement? Him ignoring all of her communications seems unacceptable to me, from the legal standpoint of a custody agreement. And if it's true that he plays video games to the exclusion of everything else- and it sounds like you know he has had a a problem with that in the past- then IMO, it was pretty sh!tty of him to be only communicating with Cora via a walkie talkie. He just 'left her' for however long, playing video games? What if she had tripped, fallen, hurt herself, etc. and he didn't realize it because of his video gaming?? That is terrible. To me, he sounds like a pretty piss-poor parent. (we don't have kids, but even with our cats and dogs, I make sure I know where they are and what they're doing, if they're not in our general vicinity, for gosh sakes!!) Respectfully, we are only getting one side of the story. We have no idea how isolated she really was. Kids completely react and sometimes exaggerate stuff when they get a reaction. Especially when that is the environment they grow up in and see adults act that way.
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Post by mom on May 31, 2022 16:22:30 GMT
When she dropped Cora off at Doug's, she told him. As for DD dropping the ball, as I mentioned Doug won't answer her calls. I believe he ignores her texts too. She has a really hard time getting hold of him. So she DID try on multiple occasions to tell him about the Covid situation, but he ignored it. He doesn't need to answer her calls or respond to her texts for her to communicate she had Covid. Based on your first post, it doesn't sound like she said it either in a voice mail or in the text message. Leaving a "call me" or vague message isn't helpful. A specific message about having Covid may have been enough to get a response and would not have put in her the position of surprising him at drop off. Yep. I would not take xDHs calls because he called all the damn time. Seriously...send a detailed text or email. Just because people have a child together does not mean the jump and respond to every communication from the other parent.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,826
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on May 31, 2022 16:44:06 GMT
If Cora is getting even a hint of all of the emotional uproar this has caused, she could be embellishing the facts of the situation for the attention. With kids it takes a unbiased professional to sort out what really happened. Kids of divorce become experts at manipulating their parents.
You all need to take a breath. Your should contact her attorney and take their advice. They have many many years of co-parenting ahead of them, it would be best if everyone but the parents stayed out of it. That includes his girlfriend, your DD’s boyfriend and all grandparents kept their opinions to their themselves.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on May 31, 2022 16:46:57 GMT
Respectfully, we are only getting one side of the story. We have no idea how isolated she really was. oh, I get it- totally. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle.
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Post by vintagehollyhobbie on May 31, 2022 16:48:53 GMT
Does your daughter not talk to her kiddo while at her dads? How did this go on for a whole week without your daughter knowing? Yes, this is a great question. Knowing that her daughter had been very exposed to Covid, why wasn't she in contact with her? Wouldn't she normally have contact with her 8 year old daughter while away for a week? There are lots of excuses being tossed around here. At the end of the day, mom should be doing due diligence, no matter how much she dislikes her ex. We hear your emotional reaction to this situation, but I see absolutely no evidence that you hold your DD accountable for her part of this mess. Just lots of excuses as to why she didn't notify him of the Covid situation. It doesn't matter that he's an asshole. There are three sides to all situations. And we're hearing the 4th side, which is yours. Please do try and see that everyone here is responsible. And her mother didn't tell her father that she'd been living in a house full of Covid, and that is the core issue here. Perhaps different arrangements could have been made if he'd been told in advance. You yourself have health issues. How would you feel if someone came over, knowingly exposed to Covid and didn't give you a heads up? Think about that. How would you protect yourself and your household? People still need to work.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on May 31, 2022 16:56:51 GMT
Okay, so I had some of the timeline wrong. DD had already dropped Cora off and found out late that night or the next morning that they had Covid. Immediately let Doug know, having zero idea this is how he'd react. Now one of her brothers tested positive and DD is terrified, because she has Cora for the week, but she is supposed to go back to Doug on Sunday, and if he knows he'll do this again which she is absolutely not okay with. Counseling will start this week for Cora (as soon as DD can find someone).
With regards to the whole communication thing. Seriously, you don't know this guy. He has ignored so many texts, emails, phone calls from Quiera... he tries to pretend she doesn't exist. She honestly has a really hard time getting hold of him even when it's about Cora.
Cora said that she was scared to come out of the room because she was scared of getting in trouble. It's interesting, as she's not scared of getting in trouble at DD's house. Also interesting is that she didn't see Elsa (Doug's girlfriend) the entire week, even to pass her her food. Very odd. BTW, this isolation goes against CDC recommendations as well as those of her school district, major hospitals and departments of health. You only isolate if you HAVE covid, and children under 12 isolate with one or more adults, NOT alone. I am hoping that counseling will help find out why she's so scared of getting in trouble over there.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on May 31, 2022 16:58:35 GMT
If Cora is getting even a hint of all of the emotional uproar this has caused, she could be embellishing the facts of the situation for the attention. With kids it takes a unbiased professional to sort out what really happened. Kids of divorce become experts at manipulating their parents. You all need to take a breath. Your should contact her attorney and take their advice. They have many many years of co-parenting ahead of them, it would be best if everyone but the parents stayed out of it. That includes his girlfriend, your DD’s boyfriend and all grandparents kept their opinions to their themselves. Sadly DD can't afford an attorney, a fact that Doug takes advantage of.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 1:25:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2022 17:00:02 GMT
Okay, so I had some of the timeline wrong. DD had already dropped Cora off and found out late that night or the next morning that they had Covid. Immediately let Doug know, having zero idea this is how he'd react. Now one of her brothers tested positive and DD is terrified, because she has Cora for the week, but she is supposed to go back to Doug on Sunday, and if he knows he'll do this again which she is absolutely not okay with. Counseling will start this week for Cora (as soon as DD can find someone). With regards to the whole communication thing. Seriously, you don't know this guy. He has ignored so many texts, emails, phone calls from Quiera... he tries to pretend she doesn't exist. She honestly has a really hard time getting hold of him even when it's about Cora. Cora said that she was scared to come out of the room because she was scared of getting in trouble. It's interesting, as she's not scared of getting in trouble at DD's house. Also interesting is that she didn't see Elsa (Doug's girlfriend) the entire week, even to pass her her food. Very odd. BTW, this isolation goes against CDC recommendations as well as those of her school district, major hospitals and departments of health. You only isolate if you HAVE covid, and children under 12 isolate with one or more adults, NOT alone. I am hoping that counseling will help find out why she's so scared of getting in trouble over there. Enough already. Parents parent differently. Just because he may be more strick doesnt mean anything. Sounds to me like dgd is playing both sides and just doesnt want to go because of her mom's reaction.
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Post by MichyM on May 31, 2022 17:10:12 GMT
So much great advice here.
I saw this thread before I went to bed last night. I didn't comment then, because it was clearly posted in the heat of the moment, and I figured that by this morning the OP would have settled down a bit. It’s really disheartening FOR CORA, that that’s not the case.
Grandma, no offense, but this is between your daughter and her ex. The only thing you should be involved in is encouraging your daughter to figure out some way to work with her ex. FOR THEIR DAUGHTER’S SAKE. Living with joint custody in a situation where her parents are unable to communicate is doing Cora far more harm than being put in her room due to possible covid.
Trust me. Y’all are doing Cora no favors right now.
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on May 31, 2022 17:22:59 GMT
Okay, so I had some of the timeline wrong. DD had already dropped Cora off and found out late that night or the next morning that they had Covid. Immediately let Doug know, having zero idea this is how he'd react. Now one of her brothers tested positive and DD is terrified, because she has Cora for the week, but she is supposed to go back to Doug on Sunday, and if he knows he'll do this again which she is absolutely not okay with. Counseling will start this week for Cora (as soon as DD can find someone). With regards to the whole communication thing. Seriously, you don't know this guy. He has ignored so many texts, emails, phone calls from Quiera... he tries to pretend she doesn't exist. She honestly has a really hard time getting hold of him even when it's about Cora. Cora said that she was scared to come out of the room because she was scared of getting in trouble. It's interesting, as she's not scared of getting in trouble at DD's house. Also interesting is that she didn't see Elsa (Doug's girlfriend) the entire week, even to pass her her food. Very odd. BTW, this isolation goes against CDC recommendations as well as those of her school district, major hospitals and departments of health. You only isolate if you HAVE covid, and children under 12 isolate with one or more adults, NOT alone. I am hoping that counseling will help find out why she's so scared of getting in trouble over there. Good lord. To repeat, you need to step away and let your DD deal. Encourage clear and unemotional communications. Drama and hysteria will not make this situation any better for your granddaughter.
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Post by mom on May 31, 2022 17:23:17 GMT
Okay, so I had some of the timeline wrong. DD had already dropped Cora off and found out late that night or the next morning that they had Covid. Immediately let Doug know, having zero idea this is how he'd react. Now one of her brothers tested positive and DD is terrified, because she has Cora for the week, but she is supposed to go back to Doug on Sunday, and if he knows he'll do this again which she is absolutely not okay with. Counseling will start this week for Cora (as soon as DD can find someone). With regards to the whole communication thing. Seriously, you don't know this guy. He has ignored so many texts, emails, phone calls from Quiera... he tries to pretend she doesn't exist. She honestly has a really hard time getting hold of him even when it's about Cora. Cora said that she was scared to come out of the room because she was scared of getting in trouble. It's interesting, as she's not scared of getting in trouble at DD's house. Also interesting is that she didn't see Elsa (Doug's girlfriend) the entire week, even to pass her her food. Very odd. BTW, this isolation goes against CDC recommendations as well as those of her school district, major hospitals and departments of health. You only isolate if you HAVE covid, and children under 12 isolate with one or more adults, NOT alone. I am hoping that counseling will help find out why she's so scared of getting in trouble over there. No offense but this guy isn't that special. Truly. We all know someone like him and some of us were married to him. It doesn't matter -- he is who your child chose to have a baby with so he is who she gets to deal with going forward. It sucks, but believe me, half a dozen of us have the same stories as your daughter. And we are telling you that what he did is not ideal nor is it considered neglect. Both can be true. And seriously -- no one cares if its against the CDC recommendations. Thats all they are -- recommendations. Parents are not legally bound to do what they say.
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Post by amp on May 31, 2022 17:33:32 GMT
I can echo the fact that Cora's truth may be different from the actual truth...she is a child. When my son was about that age, we were in court. My son had told his father that we don't go to church. Ummm...I was a Sunday School teacher...he not only went to church, but he went to Sunday School...I don't know what possessed him to say that.
Anyway, as hard as it was, I did not let my mother, my new husband (who was torqued at me for this, but I stood firm), or anyone talk bad about his father, since I read it was so much better for a child's emotional health to be kept out of all that. I didn't lie to him, but I kept him out of the drama. And over time, his father and I got closer (due mostly to us attending his events together). And when his father passed away at a youngish age due to cancer, I was there, with my son, and I like to think that was helpful to him. Divorced parents don't have to love each other, but they do have to love their child. At this point, it is all about Cora. Some times it was harder to bite my tongue than others, but it got easier as time went on. I hope this helps, I know it is difficult.
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Post by bc2ca on May 31, 2022 17:41:57 GMT
Okay, so I had some of the timeline wrong. DD had already dropped Cora off and found out late that night or the next morning that they had Covid. Immediately let Doug know, having zero idea this is how he'd react. Now one of her brothers tested positive and DD is terrified, because she has Cora for the week, but she is supposed to go back to Doug on Sunday, and if he knows he'll do this again which she is absolutely not okay with. Counseling will start this week for Cora (as soon as DD can find someone). With regards to the whole communication thing. Seriously, you don't know this guy. He has ignored so many texts, emails, phone calls from Quiera... he tries to pretend she doesn't exist. She honestly has a really hard time getting hold of him even when it's about Cora. Cora said that she was scared to come out of the room because she was scared of getting in trouble. It's interesting, as she's not scared of getting in trouble at DD's house. Also interesting is that she didn't see Elsa (Doug's girlfriend) the entire week, even to pass her her food. Very odd. BTW, this isolation goes against CDC recommendations as well as those of her school district, major hospitals and departments of health. You only isolate if you HAVE covid, and children under 12 isolate with one or more adults, NOT alone. I am hoping that counseling will help find out why she's so scared of getting in trouble over there. As much as you are telling us he ignores communication from your DD, he did get the Covid information immediately and responded to it. Your DD should be concerned but not terrified about the situation. She should be talking to Cora and help prepare her for possibly being quarantined again and/or calmly offering to trade time with her ex so Cora can stay with her through any quarantine and potential illness. Saying she was scared to come out of her room tells me Cora was not locked in.
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Post by peasapie on May 31, 2022 17:42:49 GMT
Okay, so I had some of the timeline wrong. DD had already dropped Cora off and found out late that night or the next morning that they had Covid. Immediately let Doug know, having zero idea this is how he'd react. Now one of her brothers tested positive and DD is terrified, because she has Cora for the week, but she is supposed to go back to Doug on Sunday, and if he knows he'll do this again which she is absolutely not okay with. Counseling will start this week for Cora (as soon as DD can find someone). Has anyone offered dad the option of skipping the upcoming week’s visit? It sounds like he is very Covid careful and may have physical reasons for that. It might solve many problems to simply offer him the option to skip this week. It’s very hard co-parenting young children when divorced. (I’ve been there.) Many issues come up that irritate an already inflamed situation. I hope your daughter is able to reach a reasonable compromise with her ex, for your granddaughter’s sake.
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Post by amp on May 31, 2022 17:49:53 GMT
Okay, so I had some of the timeline wrong. DD had already dropped Cora off and found out late that night or the next morning that they had Covid. Immediately let Doug know, having zero idea this is how he'd react. Now one of her brothers tested positive and DD is terrified, because she has Cora for the week, but she is supposed to go back to Doug on Sunday, and if he knows he'll do this again which she is absolutely not okay with. Counseling will start this week for Cora (as soon as DD can find someone). Has anyone offered dad the option of skipping the upcoming week’s visit? It sounds like he is very Covid careful and may have physical reasons for that. It might solve many problems to simply offer him the option to skip this week. It’s very hard co-parenting young children when divorced. (I’ve been there.) Many issues come up that irritate an already inflamed situation. I hope your daughter is able to reach a reasonable compromise with her ex, for your granddaughter’s sake. And when she makes such an offer, DD needs to be very neutral about it...say it like she doesn't care either way. If he is wanting to be mean to her, and he thinks it is what she wants, he will do the opposite. It took a couple years of me being very neutral, or saying, "whatever you think would be best for DS" before he started thinking and acting logically. And it worked out for all of us, me included.
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Post by amp on May 31, 2022 17:58:33 GMT
Another thing that may be helpful. My ex-MIL was an evil, spiteful woman. She didn't like me when we were married (because I was an evil Catholic that was preying on her son for the Pope to get all of his money for the church...and an alcoholic, LOL...which is funny since I've always been a teetotaler...still am). After we were divorced, she would say mean things about me to DS (away from his father or an uncle I was close to) and he would come back from seeing her very upset, and wet his bed for a couple nights. I didn't want to start drama with him, so the next time he was packing to go over there, I told him that if anyone says anything bad about me, it's OK. Everyone can believe what they want, but we know the truth. And if it is helpful for you to agree with them, no worries, I know how you really feel, and I love you. That helped him a lot, and he was a lot less stressed out about going over there.
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Post by mom on May 31, 2022 18:01:15 GMT
If Cora is getting even a hint of all of the emotional uproar this has caused, she could be embellishing the facts of the situation for the attention. With kids it takes a unbiased professional to sort out what really happened. Kids of divorce become experts at manipulating their parents. You all need to take a breath. Your should contact her attorney and take their advice. They have many many years of co-parenting ahead of them, it would be best if everyone but the parents stayed out of it. That includes his girlfriend, your DD’s boyfriend and all grandparents kept their opinions to their themselves. Sadly DD can't afford an attorney, a fact that Doug takes advantage of. Im curious now. How does he take advantage of that?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 1:25:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2022 18:13:19 GMT
Sadly DD can't afford an attorney, a fact that Doug takes advantage of. Im curious now. How does he take advantage of that? If she can not afford an attorney, then why isnt she access the free ones offered by the courts? Or YMCA programs? Or other city/state programs to help parents?
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Post by 950nancy on May 31, 2022 18:50:44 GMT
I think without a calm, rational conversation about what their thought process was, there is no way to know ehat actually happened or why. There seems to be a lot of emotions standing in the way of determining the facts. It sounds like they had her quarantined due to her exposure to Covid. She had a bedroom, a bathroom, food, and a way to communicate with them. I suspect that Cora being "utterly traumatized" may have something to do with the emotions coming from the adults. Im also confused about an 8 year old not being able to tell time. That is a skill taught in Kindergarten.My grandson is in third grade and he is just being taught to tell time on an analog clock. I have heard some schools don't teach it at all anymore, along with no cursive. I teach second graders how to tell time and they struggle. We only taught 15's. They are so used to digital clocks. I know it is continued into third grade and I sometimes had a kid or two in fifth grade who never really mastered the skill. We also teach cursive. I hear of schools that don't teach cursive but I have never met a teacher in real life who didn't teach both of those things in elementary school (at an age appropriate time).
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Post by twinks on May 31, 2022 18:57:16 GMT
Just something to think about: my cousin divorced his wife when the youngest turned 18. There was years of prescription drug usage on the part of my cousin’s wife. He had bailed her out of jail several times and in fact had spent some time in the State prison. While I know that my cousin wasn’t perfect, he tried to stay in the marriage for the benefit of his children. Once they were divorced, I watched my cousin’s wife turn into a mean and vindictive person. She bad mouth my cousin every chance she could. She made her children feel quilty every time they saw their father or got something from him. For example, he took his daughter to choose a car and paid the down payment. Jennie’s car was better and newer so she made some snide remark about it to Jennie. It made Jennie feel quilty and took the excitement away of having your 1st car. The bottom line, the children stopped having contact with their mother. They didn’t want to be around anyone that was bad mouthing their father. They didn’t want to be around someone who was more interested in getting their digs in about their father than what was happening and how they were feeling.
My cousin’s wife eventually tried to turn things around and she had somewhat a relationship with 1 son. The other son and daughter move far away so they didn’t have to deal with her.
I am afraid if your DD follows up on anything with the police and CPS over Covid quarantine, they will basically roll their eyes and your DD will appear just mean and vindictive. It will not benefit Cora. Even in trying to get a counselor right now and getting Cora into therapy right now will be for the wrong reasons. Cora should be in therapy as a help to her! She should not be in therapy so your DD can throw another dig at her ex. They both should be seeking out help in how to communicate with each other. They both have a lifetime of interacting with each other, they need to learn how to do it.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on May 31, 2022 19:00:49 GMT
Sadly DD can't afford an attorney, a fact that Doug takes advantage of. Im curious now. How does he take advantage of that? By suing for a couple of thousand dollars that they had already agreed she did NOT have to pay to him (it had to do with taxes) then taking her to court, knowing she couldn't afford an attorney. Having his attorney send her threatening e-mails and letters when he feels like it, and she has no attorney to respond. I am out of it in that I have no contact with Doug and haven't for several years. DD calls me most days, so of course she called me about this. Remember there's a long history of issues and problems with him. And she really does try very hard to encourage a relationship between Cora and Doug. She doesn't say bad things about him around Cora, including last night. DD is also, though obviously now an adult, a victim of an abusive father who would ignore her calls when she wanted to talk to him, and abandoned her completely when she was 5. It was a good thing that he left, but she still has a lot of issues around dads and their daughters, and it doesn't help that Cora reminds her of herself. It's messy. And I haven't told her, but in many ways she married her dad. Both were emotionally abusive to their wife, both bipolar, both very self-centered. It's just messy. So yeah, both she and I are very triggered by things like this. I still can't believe that so many people would be fine with their (perfectly healthy) 8 year old child being shut in her room for 4-5 days with no contact with her father or his girlfriend except over a walkie talkie (and that was minimal), no access to bathing, very minimal talking, no hugs, only seeing her father when he passed her food through the door. Who treats a child that way? If you really think that's okay, look it up. It is NOT considered okay to do that to kids that young, not by any experts I could find. And not by this mom. If someone on here said that they shut their kid in their room for 5 days for punishment and they were 8 years old, I bet there'd be people going nuts. It's the same thing. She's too young for this isolation. DD would GLADLY have kept her the whole week. She had no idea this was going on.
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