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Post by ihaveonly1l on May 31, 2022 19:09:20 GMT
My grandson is in third grade and he is just being taught to tell time on an analog clock. I have heard some schools don't teach it at all anymore, along with no cursive. I teach second graders how to tell time and they struggle. We only taught 15's. They are so used to digital clocks. I know it is continued into third grade and I sometimes had a kid or two in fifth grade who never really mastered the skill. We also teach cursive. I hear of schools that don't teach cursive but I have never met a teacher in real life who didn't teach both of those things in elementary school (at an age appropriate time). I'm a second grade teacher too. Grade 1 Math Standard:#1.MD.B.3 Tell and write time in hours and half-hours using analog and digital clocks. Grade 2 Math Standard:#2MD.C.7 Tell and write time from analog and digital clocks to the nearest five minutes, using a.m. and p.m. Students in every state would have that same standard with the exception of: Texas, Minnesota, Nebraska, Indiana, Virginia, Florida, Oklahoma, South Carolina, and Alaska. They would have a similar standard because early elementary skills have to be mastered in a certain order in all four math domains to have a foundation for more complicated math topics. That said, mastery is individualized and each student requires consideration with the skill. As for this situation, I hope all the adults can figure out a way to support your granddaughter. The bottom line is she will be more successful if the adults in her world can work together.
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Post by amp on May 31, 2022 19:18:39 GMT
Im curious now. How does he take advantage of that? By suing for a couple of thousand dollars that they had already agreed she did NOT have to pay to him (it had to do with taxes) then taking her to court, knowing she couldn't afford an attorney. Having his attorney send her threatening e-mails and letters when he feels like it, and she has no attorney to respond. I am out of it in that I have no contact with Doug and haven't for several years. DD calls me most days, so of course she called me about this. Remember there's a long history of issues and problems with him. And she really does try very hard to encourage a relationship between Cora and Doug. She doesn't say bad things about him around Cora, including last night. DD is also, though obviously now an adult, a victim of an abusive father who would ignore her calls when she wanted to talk to him, and abandoned her completely when she was 5. It was a good thing that he left, but she still has a lot of issues around dads and their daughters, and it doesn't help that Cora reminds her of herself. It's messy. And I haven't told her, but in many ways she married her dad. Both were emotionally abusive to their wife, both bipolar, both very self-centered. It's just messy. So yeah, both she and I are very triggered by things like this. I still can't believe that so many people would be fine with their (perfectly healthy) 8 year old child being shut in her room for 4-5 days with no contact with her father or his girlfriend except over a walkie talkie (and that was minimal), no access to bathing, very minimal talking, no hugs, only seeing her father when he passed her food through the door. Who treats a child that way? If you really think that's okay, look it up. It is NOT considered okay to do that to kids that young, not by any experts I could find. And not by this mom. If someone on here said that they shut their kid in their room for 5 days for punishment and they were 8 years old, I bet there'd be people going nuts. It's the same thing. She's too young for this isolation. DD would GLADLY have kept her the whole week. She had no idea this was going on. We really have no way of knowing if that is actually true...Cora is just a child...
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Post by mom on May 31, 2022 19:22:23 GMT
Im curious now. How does he take advantage of that? By suing for a couple of thousand dollars that they had already agreed she did NOT have to pay to him (it had to do with taxes) then taking her to court, knowing she couldn't afford an attorney. Having his attorney send her threatening e-mails and letters when he feels like it, and she has no attorney to respond. I am out of it in that I have no contact with Doug and haven't for several years. DD calls me most days, so of course she called me about this. Remember there's a long history of issues and problems with him. And she really does try very hard to encourage a relationship between Cora and Doug. She doesn't say bad things about him around Cora, including last night. DD is also, though obviously now an adult, a victim of an abusive father who would ignore her calls when she wanted to talk to him, and abandoned her completely when she was 5. It was a good thing that he left, but she still has a lot of issues around dads and their daughters, and it doesn't help that Cora reminds her of herself. It's messy. And I haven't told her, but in many ways she married her dad. Both were emotionally abusive to their wife, both bipolar, both very self-centered. It's just messy. So yeah, both she and I are very triggered by things like this. I still can't believe that so many people would be fine with their (perfectly healthy) 8 year old child being shut in her room for 4-5 days with no contact with her father or his girlfriend except over a walkie talkie (and that was minimal), no access to bathing, very minimal talking, no hugs, only seeing her father when he passed her food through the door. Who treats a child that way? If you really think that's okay, look it up. It is NOT considered okay to do that to kids that young, not by any experts I could find. And not by this mom. If someone on here said that they shut their kid in their room for 5 days for punishment and they were 8 years old, I bet there'd be people going nuts. It's the same thing. She's too young for this isolation. DD would GLADLY have kept her the whole week. She had no idea this was going on. No one is saying it is ok or right. We are saying it almost likely does not meet the legal criteria of abuse or neglect. Since it most likely does not meet the requirements, then there isn't much you can do as a parent. Just because it isn't how you *general you* would parent doesn't mean it can be stopped. When you divorce/seperate you lose control over much of what your child is around and how they are treated by the other parent. They are going to do things you dont like and theres not much that can be done. Its a hard lesson to learn. Perhaps getting her a cell phone that she can use when she is with him will help -- she can call mom when things like this happen.
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Post by MichyM on May 31, 2022 19:50:16 GMT
Im curious now. How does he take advantage of that? By suing for a couple of thousand dollars that they had already agreed she did NOT have to pay to him (it had to do with taxes) then taking her to court, knowing she couldn't afford an attorney. Having his attorney send her threatening e-mails and letters when he feels like it, and she has no attorney to respond. I am out of it in that I have no contact with Doug and haven't for several years. DD calls me most days, so of course she called me about this. Remember there's a long history of issues and problems with him. And she really does try very hard to encourage a relationship between Cora and Doug. She doesn't say bad things about him around Cora, including last night. DD is also, though obviously now an adult, a victim of an abusive father who would ignore her calls when she wanted to talk to him, and abandoned her completely when she was 5. It was a good thing that he left, but she still has a lot of issues around dads and their daughters, and it doesn't help that Cora reminds her of herself. It's messy. And I haven't told her, but in many ways she married her dad. Both were emotionally abusive to their wife, both bipolar, both very self-centered. It's just messy. So yeah, both she and I are very triggered by things like this. I still can't believe that so many people would be fine with their (perfectly healthy) 8 year old child being shut in her room for 4-5 days with no contact with her father or his girlfriend except over a walkie talkie (and that was minimal), no access to bathing, very minimal talking, no hugs, only seeing her father when he passed her food through the door. Who treats a child that way? If you really think that's okay, look it up. It is NOT considered okay to do that to kids that young, not by any experts I could find. And not by this mom. If someone on here said that they shut their kid in their room for 5 days for punishment and they were 8 years old, I bet there'd be people going nuts. It's the same thing. She's too young for this isolation. DD would GLADLY have kept her the whole week. She had no idea this was going on. PLEASE, do yourself a favor and take a beat. Or two. I do not believe anyone here said any such thing. You are becoming completely unreasonable here.
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Post by twinks on May 31, 2022 19:52:52 GMT
The great thing and the worse thing about the internet is you can always find what you are looking for.
I, to am not saying what he did is great, but remember, you are dealing with your own emotions, your daughter’s emotions and your grand daughter’s emotions. What we are saying is that you need to step away and breathe. You need to be the eye of the storm. Right now you are following everyone down their tunnel of emotions.
Remember, this is your DD’s problem to handle. If your DD is being too emotional, give her the advise you are getting here. Strengthen her, support her, and hold your emotions in check, so that your DD, in turn, can give Cora what she needs.
I am somewhat like you in that when something happens that is upsetting and angering me, I tend to bring up the laundry list of everything and anything a person has done. I especially do this when I feel helpless to solve a situation. I think it somehow justifies how angry I am and somehow makes how a person handled the situation that much worse. I can spiral emotionally very easily. I had someone tell me once about the “Tiffany versus Woolworth approach.” Remember that store called Woolworth’s? Well their display windows were packed full of everything they had in the store. You could hardly see the individual items. Tiffany’s, on the other hand, shows one item or a set and puts a spotlight on it. In other words, stay focused on the issue at hand. It doesn’t do you or anyone else any good to bring up how he acted when he lived with you or how he acted 8 years ago when your DD was in labor. It doesn’t in anyway justify yours, or your daughter’s anger. The most important thing is that it isn’t helping the situation.
Your DD and her ex need to discuss this situation and come up with a mutually agreed upon plan should this, or similar situation, happen again. That is it. Put the spotlight on that. If they can’t talk with each other alone, they need a moderator.
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Post by sabrinae on May 31, 2022 21:09:31 GMT
Im curious now. How does he take advantage of that? If she can not afford an attorney, then why isnt she access the free ones offered by the courts? Or YMCA programs? Or other city/state programs to help parents? There really aren’t free attorneys available for custody or divorce situations in most areas. Legal aid mostly refuses to help in custody or divorce situations and there in no legal right to counsel in custody situations between parents. Only if there is legal cps action are parents entitled to counsel.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 1:17:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2022 21:11:30 GMT
If she can not afford an attorney, then why isnt she access the free ones offered by the courts? Or YMCA programs? Or other city/state programs to help parents? There really aren’t free attorneys available for custody or divorce situations in most areas. Legal aid mostly refuses to help in custody or divorce situations and there in no legal right to counsel in custody situations between parents. Only if there is legal cps action are parents entitled to counsel. Wow that stinks. Thanks for the info.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 1:17:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2022 21:13:19 GMT
I hope none of the adults actively search for their names or that of their daughter because it's just out here now for anyone to read. 😬🤯
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Jun 1, 2022 2:42:06 GMT
My DD called me because she was so angry and upset and didn't know what to do. Cora was behaving strangely when she came back to DD's from her Dad's, and was crying a lot, very clingy. Finally told this story. Understand that at DD's house she is ALWAYS around others, including her 2 brothers, and she is super outgoing. Cora may be able to tell time on a digital clock (in fact I'm sure she can)... she probably doesn't have one in that room. As for DD dropping the ball, as I mentioned Doug won't answer her calls. I believe he ignores her texts too. She has a really hard time getting hold of him. So she DID try on multiple occasions to tell him about the Covid situation, but he ignored it. If he'd just looked up how to deal with a younger child in such circumstances, he'd have found that you do not isolate kids that young as it can be harmful to their emotional wellbeing and because that's just not right. You all wear masks, you try to stay 6 feet apart, you don't share personal items. Done. And remember, Cora didn't have Covid, hasn't got it, and I believe is immunized. How does DD know she's traumatized? Oh, I don't know. She's collapsing in floods of tears frequently. She keeps talking about the week and how scared and lonely she was. She doesn't want to be alone even to sleep, which isn't like her. She's just not acting normal at all. She must have either been locked in or threatened in some way since she didn't come out even when she had no communication and needed something (the video game incident). What you need to know there is that that was a huge issue in the marriage. He'd play all night then sleep all day and not help with Cora, when she was a baby, at all. Or play all day and not talk to Quiera. He even threw his stuff away at one point and swore he wouldn't play anymore (he was clearly a gaming addict). I don't think that even lasted 3 weeks. So he'll put that before people. Frankly I'm shocked so many people think it's okay to tell an 8 year old she can't leave her room for 5 days except to use the downstairs toilet, and to not provide her with any human company. That's cruel. I don’t think it’s fine at all. Isolation is damaging. Forgetting the walkie talkie then wearing headphones meant she had no means of communication. I would definitely file a complaint with the appropriate party. I can’t imagine being forced at 8 to be shut in a room all day and night for 5 full days. That’s cruel
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Jun 1, 2022 2:50:08 GMT
Okay, so I had some of the timeline wrong. DD had already dropped Cora off and found out late that night or the next morning that they had Covid. Immediately let Doug know, having zero idea this is how he'd react. Now one of her brothers tested positive and DD is terrified, because she has Cora for the week, but she is supposed to go back to Doug on Sunday, and if he knows he'll do this again which she is absolutely not okay with. Counseling will start this week for Cora (as soon as DD can find someone). With regards to the whole communication thing. Seriously, you don't know this guy. He has ignored so many texts, emails, phone calls from Quiera... he tries to pretend she doesn't exist. She honestly has a really hard time getting hold of him even when it's about Cora. Cora said that she was scared to come out of the room because she was scared of getting in trouble. It's interesting, as she's not scared of getting in trouble at DD's house. Also interesting is that she didn't see Elsa (Doug's girlfriend) the entire week, even to pass her her food. Very odd. BTW, this isolation goes against CDC recommendations as well as those of her school district, major hospitals and departments of health. You only isolate if you HAVE covid, and children under 12 isolate with one or more adults, NOT alone. I am hoping that counseling will help find out why she's so scared of getting in trouble over there. Enough already. Parents parent differently. Just because he may be more strick doesnt mean anything. Sounds to me like dgd is playing both sides and just doesnt want to go because of her mom's reaction. She’s certainly not forcing you to participate in this thread. It’s her thread and she doesn’t have to stop because you say so. Scroll on by the thread if you don’t like what she’s saying.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,448
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
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Post by katybee on Jun 1, 2022 2:58:21 GMT
I think without a calm, rational conversation about what their thought process was, there is no way to know ehat actually happened or why. There seems to be a lot of emotions standing in the way of determining the facts. It sounds like they had her quarantined due to her exposure to Covid. She had a bedroom, a bathroom, food, and a way to communicate with them. I suspect that Cora being "utterly traumatized" may have something to do with the emotions coming from the adults. Im also confused about an 8 year old not being able to tell time. That is a skill taught in Kindergarten. Kindergartners do not learn how to tell time. (At least it’s not in the TX standards or the common core standards). First graders learn how to tell time to the hour and 1/2 hour. 2nd graders learn how to fully tell time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 1:17:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2022 3:42:31 GMT
Enough already. Parents parent differently. Just because he may be more strick doesnt mean anything. Sounds to me like dgd is playing both sides and just doesnt want to go because of her mom's reaction. She’s certainly not forcing you to participate in this thread. It’s her thread and she doesn’t have to stop because you say so. Scroll on by the thread if you don’t like what she’s saying. She needs to stop sharing personal info and trying to make us believe he is such a bad guy. So yes she needs to stop. Did you see all the family member names listed? Not smart. And if any of the exs family does name searches, this can come back to bite them in the butt. It's one thing to vent from her perspective but not overstate 8 year olds daily info and family member names or what they THINK happened.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jun 1, 2022 7:25:03 GMT
The great thing and the worse thing about the internet is you can always find what you are looking for. I, to am not saying what he did is great, but remember, you are dealing with your own emotions, your daughter’s emotions and your grand daughter’s emotions. What we are saying is that you need to step away and breathe. You need to be the eye of the storm. Right now you are following everyone down their tunnel of emotions. Remember, this is your DD’s problem to handle. If your DD is being too emotional, give her the advise you are getting here. Strengthen her, support her, and hold your emotions in check, so that your DD, in turn, can give Cora what she needs. I am somewhat like you in that when something happens that is upsetting and angering me, I tend to bring up the laundry list of everything and anything a person has done. I especially do this when I feel helpless to solve a situation. I think it somehow justifies how angry I am and somehow makes how a person handled the situation that much worse. I can spiral emotionally very easily. I had someone tell me once about the “Tiffany versus Woolworth approach.” Remember that store called Woolworth’s? Well their display windows were packed full of everything they had in the store. You could hardly see the individual items. Tiffany’s, on the other hand, shows one item or a set and puts a spotlight on it. In other words, stay focused on the issue at hand. It doesn’t do you or anyone else any good to bring up how he acted when he lived with you or how he acted 8 years ago when your DD was in labor. It doesn’t in anyway justify yours, or your daughter’s anger. The most important thing is that it isn’t helping the situation. Your DD and her ex need to discuss this situation and come up with a mutually agreed upon plan should this, or similar situation, happen again. That is it. Put the spotlight on that. If they can’t talk with each other alone, they need a moderator. What a wise and kind comment. Cora went to her mom, mom went to zella , zella came here. I too, tend to view some people’s actions through the prism of my previous interactions with them. And sometimes that’s necessary in order to see patterns. But this should be looked at on just those five days. I totally agree that if this an accurate report, that was some terrible parenting. At the least they should have offered for Cora to be picked up and taken home. I’m generally very pro father’s rights, but that was not ok. and I think that’s really all you needed to hear, zella .
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on Jun 1, 2022 18:09:12 GMT
Im curious now. How does he take advantage of that? By suing for a couple of thousand dollars that they had already agreed she did NOT have to pay to him (it had to do with taxes) then taking her to court, knowing she couldn't afford an attorney. Having his attorney send her threatening e-mails and letters when he feels like it, and she has no attorney to respond. I am out of it in that I have no contact with Doug and haven't for several years. DD calls me most days, so of course she called me about this. Remember there's a long history of issues and problems with him. And she really does try very hard to encourage a relationship between Cora and Doug. She doesn't say bad things about him around Cora, including last night. DD is also, though obviously now an adult, a victim of an abusive father who would ignore her calls when she wanted to talk to him, and abandoned her completely when she was 5. It was a good thing that he left, but she still has a lot of issues around dads and their daughters, and it doesn't help that Cora reminds her of herself. It's messy. And I haven't told her, but in many ways she married her dad. Both were emotionally abusive to their wife, both bipolar, both very self-centered. It's just messy. So yeah, both she and I are very triggered by things like this. I still can't believe that so many people would be fine with their (perfectly healthy) 8 year old child being shut in her room for 4-5 days with no contact with her father or his girlfriend except over a walkie talkie (and that was minimal), no access to bathing, very minimal talking, no hugs, only seeing her father when he passed her food through the door. Who treats a child that way? If you really think that's okay, look it up. It is NOT considered okay to do that to kids that young, not by any experts I could find. And not by this mom. If someone on here said that they shut their kid in their room for 5 days for punishment and they were 8 years old, I bet there'd be people going nuts. It's the same thing. She's too young for this isolation. DD would GLADLY have kept her the whole week. She had no idea this was going on. Pretty sure no one supported this. I hope you're in a more calm state today and can lead your daughter towards positive and effective communications with the father of her child. Or, even better, find a way for you to acknowledge and affirm while holding the issue at arms length. It's up to you to dial down the hysteria.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Jun 1, 2022 18:50:02 GMT
I find it strange that your dd wasn’t talking to her daughter all week. Maybe a cell phone so she can communicate. Also if she is going to be quarantined again maybe see if she can just stay with your dd for the week. The adults need to learn to communicate. I am sure your granddaughter is reacting to her mothers behavior. I hope she wasn’t really as isolated as you say. If she didn’t know she was exposed to Covid until 2 days later then it wasn’t all week but hope they were communicating with her more than just an occasional walkie talkie. Kids need hugs and support. Maybe the girlfriend is high risk or has someone high risk in her family. Really hoping your granddaughter is ok.
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Post by tara on Jun 1, 2022 21:13:52 GMT
Im curious now. How does he take advantage of that? By suing for a couple of thousand dollars that they had already agreed she did NOT have to pay to him (it had to do with taxes) then taking her to court, knowing she couldn't afford an attorney. Having his attorney send her threatening e-mails and letters when he feels like it, and she has no attorney to respond. I am out of it in that I have no contact with Doug and haven't for several years. DD calls me most days, so of course she called me about this. Remember there's a long history of issues and problems with him. And she really does try very hard to encourage a relationship between Cora and Doug. She doesn't say bad things about him around Cora, including last night. DD is also, though obviously now an adult, a victim of an abusive father who would ignore her calls when she wanted to talk to him, and abandoned her completely when she was 5. It was a good thing that he left, but she still has a lot of issues around dads and their daughters, and it doesn't help that Cora reminds her of herself. It's messy. And I haven't told her, but in many ways she married her dad. Both were emotionally abusive to their wife, both bipolar, both very self-centered. It's just messy. So yeah, both she and I are very triggered by things like this. I still can't believe that so many people would be fine with their (perfectly healthy) 8 year old child being shut in her room for 4-5 days with no contact with her father or his girlfriend except over a walkie talkie (and that was minimal), no access to bathing, very minimal talking, no hugs, only seeing her father when he passed her food through the door. Who treats a child that way? If you really think that's okay, look it up. It is NOT considered okay to do that to kids that young, not by any experts I could find. And not by this mom. If someone on here said that they shut their kid in their room for 5 days for punishment and they were 8 years old, I bet there'd be people going nuts. It's the same thing. She's too young for this isolation. DD would GLADLY have kept her the whole week. She had no idea this was going on. I agree with you. Every kid is different. When I was 8 I would have loved being by myself with just the tv and my stuffed animals but my son would have been different. It breaks my heart to think of him in that situation at 8. He definitely would have been scared and miserable. On the other hand you have gotten a lot of good advice from the people who have been there, done that with custody issues. I do want to say, my mom was my best friend. If I was divorced my mom would’ve known all the gory details. My mom would’ve been just as livid as you are. Hugs.
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Post by elaine on Jun 1, 2022 23:37:38 GMT
The great thing and the worse thing about the internet is you can always find what you are looking for. I, to am not saying what he did is great, but remember, you are dealing with your own emotions, your daughter’s emotions and your grand daughter’s emotions. What we are saying is that you need to step away and breathe. You need to be the eye of the storm. Right now you are following everyone down their tunnel of emotions. Remember, this is your DD’s problem to handle. If your DD is being too emotional, give her the advise you are getting here. Strengthen her, support her, and hold your emotions in check, so that your DD, in turn, can give Cora what she needs. I am somewhat like you in that when something happens that is upsetting and angering me, I tend to bring up the laundry list of everything and anything a person has done. I especially do this when I feel helpless to solve a situation. I think it somehow justifies how angry I am and somehow makes how a person handled the situation that much worse. I can spiral emotionally very easily. I had someone tell me once about the “Tiffany versus Woolworth approach.” Remember that store called Woolworth’s? Well their display windows were packed full of everything they had in the store. You could hardly see the individual items. Tiffany’s, on the other hand, shows one item or a set and puts a spotlight on it. In other words, stay focused on the issue at hand. It doesn’t do you or anyone else any good to bring up how he acted when he lived with you or how he acted 8 years ago when your DD was in labor. It doesn’t in anyway justify yours, or your daughter’s anger. The most important thing is that it isn’t helping the situation. Your DD and her ex need to discuss this situation and come up with a mutually agreed upon plan should this, or similar situation, happen again. That is it. Put the spotlight on that. If they can’t talk with each other alone, they need a moderator. What a wise and kind comment. Cora went to her mom, mom went to zella , zella came here. I too, tend to view some people’s actions through the prism of my previous interactions with them. And sometimes that’s necessary in order to see patterns. But this should be looked at on just those five days. I totally agree that if this an accurate report, that was some terrible parenting. At the least they should have offered for Cora to be picked up and taken home. I’m generally very pro father’s rights, but that was not ok. and I think that’s really all you needed to hear, zella . If Cora is staying at her dad’s house a week at a time, then it sounds like dad’s house is “home” too. So, she was home. One of her two homes. zella , while not ideal, and not what I would have done, what happened at her dad’s house doesn’t resemble the definitions of abuse or neglect that would be used by any Child Protective Services agency. Because there is no indication that she was actually locked in her room, and that is probably the closest-to-abuse/neglect accusation. It would take a bit of engineering/handiwork to make it so that she could actually be locked in her room, and it sounds like the knowledge that Cora came from a COVID-positive household was spur-of-the-moment (saying that as someone who had to engineer it so that one of my kids could not leave his room when he was likely to wander and leave the house in the middle of the night when we were sleeping), making the removal of door knobs and reversing them, or installing a bolt lock on the outside of the room, improbable. If she wasn’t locked in her room, or abused if she left it, in these days of COVID no government agency (including CPS) is going to fault Dad for quarantining the daughter when the ex-wife “irresponsibly dumped the girl off on his doorstep after exposing her to COVID and just left without giving him any options.” (Just showing you an equally plausible way of how outsiders may view it). And your daughter apparently didn’t talk with her once during the week, nor check in with her school to see how she was during the week (which would have let her know that Cora wasn’t at school since she didn’t bother to talk with Cora) and would have been expected because she should have been worried that Cora had contracted COVID. Why in the world did your daughter not worry enough that Cora might have picked up COVID to contact her during the week or check to see if she was at school? zella , your daughter has some responsibility in this situation, irrespective of whatever happened in the past between your daughter and her ex. Denying it and encouraging her to escalate this legally will help no one that you care about - it won’t help your daughter and it won’t help Cora.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Jun 4, 2022 15:41:32 GMT
I'm not ignoring this, didn't back out, but I don't know the final answer, we've had a very difficult week with lots of internet outages, I fell out of bed 3 times, AND I have a concussion, so I can only tolerate a certain amount of online time, can't think very well, musn't get too excited. Sleeping a lot. Be back when I can.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 5, 2022 1:48:01 GMT
I'm certainly not going to beat you up for being a worried grandmother. When your dgd stays w/her dad I assume that your daughter would call your dgd daily and vice versa. Perhaps this needs to be the rule btwn parents in the future. If your dd is suspicious of her ex then this should absolutely be the rule.
We just don't know the full story. However, if everyone is upset and emotional then your dgd might be traumatized by that. The adults in her life are her rock and her soft place to land. If they're scared and emotional then who does she go to for reassurance and safety? It's very important to let her be heard, but not to react in front of her. Be kind, be compassionate, be reassuring, but all of you need to calm down. That's easier said than done. Sometimes the way childhood trauma is handled is worse than the initial trauma. We don't know that she's traumatized, because it sounds like you don't have enough information.
So, tone it way down and let up on her. Your dd can talk to her exdh and get his story when your dgd is not present. Your job is to support your dd in being strong and assertive w/her ex. Your job is also to show loving kindness and I know you have that in abundance to your dgd. Let her world return to normal. If your dgd is afraid to go back her dads then you'll know that it's either that she's afraid of him or that she's afraid of your reactions or she is confused. Tread lightly.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Jun 10, 2022 17:56:27 GMT
Okay. Final update. Asked my counselor what should be done. She said take Cora to her doctor; if he thinks it's problematic he has to report. Other DD's counselor said same thing. DD didn't do so. She spoke to Doug, supposedly angrily. He told her "Oh, it was only 3 days." Like that made it okay. DD says she's afraid he'll use his money and lawyer to come after her if she does anything. She also knows I think she just gave in and has been avoiding me. Don't come to me all het up and asking what to do and then when I give you a sensible option, just ignore it. Anyway. I'm still suffering from the concussion, 10 days in, so I'm not on here much. Spending a lot of time resting, often with my eyes closed. I'll be back eventually, but this is my final comment on this, for my own sanity.
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Post by malibou on Jun 10, 2022 19:56:58 GMT
zella, Wishing you a full recovery from your concussion. I'm sorry things are tough right now.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jun 10, 2022 20:44:12 GMT
I had a terrible concussion last summer. I know how important rest is. Take the best, most loving care of yourself right now.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 11, 2022 10:52:35 GMT
I hope that you feel better soon.
I’ll just add that our DD is a great one to call me when she’s feeling upset. She will be crying on the phone and then I won’t be able to sleep because I’m worried about her. When I talk to her the next day, she’ll talk about having done something with friends or something else good that happened after I talked to her. Over time, I’ve learned that she just needs to vent and hear some encouraging words from me to help her move on. There are times when a hug from mom (even through the telephone) really does help.
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Post by mom on Jun 11, 2022 12:06:52 GMT
Take care of yourself, zella .
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Post by bearmom on Jun 11, 2022 18:43:49 GMT
So, the Friday before Memorial Day, some other managers and I were talking. One of the other managers shared this story:
His middle son, 8-9 years old, came down with COVID on Monday and they (husband and wife) moved the younger brother out of his room and made him stay in his room. After a few days, they started letting him have “yard time” but not with his siblings. On Thursday, wife got sick so she moved into the sons room with him. She is a teacher and he works for a hospital, so they are both up to date on current guidelines. It was worked for their family.
In our house, I am sick. Three negative antigen tests, waiting for PCR results. I quarantined myself yesterday and today dd is staying as far away from me as possible (even spending time outside) and if she had her way, I would still be in my room. She leaves for a study abroad in South Korea in a week and has to have a negative test.
other people handle the situation differently.
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