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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 13, 2022 9:58:42 GMT
How do you accept that without being bitter?
When a crummy person's life turns out good because of the unkind choices they make. When always putting themself first, deceiving others, using others, cheating others, has somehow worked out well for them.
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Post by hop2 on Jun 13, 2022 10:51:50 GMT
Well, if some one is a bad enough person I limit any interaction in my life with them. Which hopefully means that I don’t know if the shit show turns out to be successful.
🤞🏻
But, I also daily reflect on my blessings/things I’m grateful for, which puts me in a better frame of mind about my life.
Do not let other people define success for you. “Success” can be many things to many people, money, fame, skills, love, the list is as varied as there are people.
Do you know enough about this person to know what they are missing?
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Post by eventhinker on Jun 13, 2022 10:54:17 GMT
I know it’s probably happened more often than this, but here goes the one I remember the most, because it truly hurt my husbands feelings at the time.
his good buddy from college and he stayed close. In fact this guy and his wife were in our wedding. Maybe three years later, he called us and said, hey come up and visit, and bring _____ (thing hubby needed some work done on), we will work on it. So we go visit for the weekend .
I overheard her saying to her husband that we “sent them over their budget” for food (we took them out to dinner) the first night we were there. The next morning, they worked on their project…while she told me of how they gamed the system on their house, and several other not so great ways of “making it”.
hubby and I decided to leave that day, instead of staying, because I was floored that they thought gaming systems was a good idea. On our way to the car, his buddy said “umm, Pete, that’ll be $80 for my time we put into the project”. My hubby practically threw the money at him.
she subsequently became some superintendent for a private school. He moved up thru his company pretty quick…I’m still bitter about it. So much so, that I guess I forgot to let them know that my husband died (17 months ago), so I sent a note three weeks ago to them. No reply. Go figure.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jun 13, 2022 11:38:27 GMT
That's not the type of person I want to be around so I just won't be around them. Not being around helps greatly. I also feel that karma will also eventually catch up to you (or maybe it is people don't care enough when you fall on hard times to help you out?!)
First one was FIL, he wasn't a great father growing up says dh. dh worked for him and fil's lifestyle tanked the company. He was paying for his lifestyle instead of health insurance, etc. I could go on and on but won't. He was a disgusting person. Went our separate ways and we'd hear he was still vacationing all over the place. Took a long time (about 20 years) but eventually karma/his ways caught up with him. His house was foreclosed on and he is currently late 70's and working crap jobs to make ends meet in his senior housing. He at one time ran a huge company so can't imagine he's thrilled with where he ended up.
Second person is a lovely human who is claiming after like 20 years out of the coast guard that his "injury" is service related. This guy was looking for a way not to work and was definitely not injured. He is currently getting full disability from the government. Boy do I hope he eventually gets what he deserves in life. But generally I don't think of the situation much because I keep people like this out of my life.
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 13, 2022 11:42:35 GMT
The person I know is a very unhappy person. She puts on a good act, but is always looking for something better. I try to remember that.
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mamapeaah
Full Member
Posts: 326
Sept 30, 2021 4:39:02 GMT
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Post by mamapeaah on Jun 13, 2022 11:47:05 GMT
I try not to spend my energy focusing on them. It sucks but there is nothing you can do about it. Best to look inward and focus on yourself, do the things needed so that good things will happen to you.
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Post by disneypal on Jun 13, 2022 11:54:44 GMT
How do you accept that without being bitter? I try not to focus on other's and what good/bad happens to them...but I get you...it seems so unfair. The way I look at it, is they may seem to be getting what they want and things may seem to be going good for them...but in the end, it will most likely come back to them. You may not see it, you may not know how bad things are for them because they will never let the outside world see that.
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Post by librarylady on Jun 13, 2022 12:03:01 GMT
I limit my interaction with them and think, "Karma will get them in the end."
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Post by rainangel on Jun 13, 2022 12:10:22 GMT
Oh, this isn't a Trump-thread? To me he seems to be the ultimate example of this.
But in my personal life I distance myself from those people whose core values differ too much from mine. I do have friends from all walks of life, but straight up criminals or people who pride themselves on cheating the system (and therefore the community), no thanks.
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Post by mom on Jun 13, 2022 12:55:03 GMT
I think you just have to remember the way things look is not everything.
They might have money and have no peace.
They might have a wife and no friendships.
They might have a big house that they can afford but lay awake at night missing their kids.
They can have a nice job but not find fulfillment with their work.
They can afford to buy nice clothes but hate their body.
And in the end, I trust that karma will come back to the in one way or another.
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Post by guzismom on Jun 13, 2022 12:58:44 GMT
I honestly don't spend a single second thinking about whether others deserve or earned their happiness.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jun 13, 2022 13:03:51 GMT
I know it’s probably happened more often than this, but here goes the one I remember the most, because it truly hurt my husbands feelings at the time. his good buddy from college and he stayed close. In fact this guy and his wife were in our wedding. Maybe three years later, he called us and said, hey come up and visit, and bring _____ (thing hubby needed some work done on), we will work on it. So we go visit for the weekend . I overheard her saying to her husband that we “sent them over their budget” for food (we took them out to dinner) the first night we were there. The next morning, they worked on their project…while she told me of how they gamed the system on their house, and several other not so great ways of “making it”. hubby and I decided to leave that day, instead of staying, because I was floored that they thought gaming systems was a good idea. On our way to the car, his buddy said “umm, Pete, that’ll be $80 for my time we put into the project”. My hubby practically threw the money at him. she subsequently became some superintendent for a private school. He moved up thru his company pretty quick…I’m still bitter about it. So much so, that I guess I forgot to let them know that my husband died (17 months ago), so I sent a note three weeks ago to them. No reply. Go figure. That's a bad one! (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
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Post by peasapie on Jun 13, 2022 13:09:51 GMT
Maybe God keeps giving them a chance to mend their ways. That’s why the creeps live so long and the good die young and live on in heaven!
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Post by littlemama on Jun 13, 2022 13:18:57 GMT
I believe that everyone will eventually feel the results of their choices. I may not be there to see it, and I dont have to be.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jun 13, 2022 13:22:47 GMT
When my dh and his siblings would complain to their mom about other people having more or doing better etc... she would reply "they are not to be envied." And she was invariably right - there was always a flip side that was darker, uglier and unhappy.
I say that to myself (and said it to my kids) a lot - and it's so true; there's always that other side.
Plus, karma's a bitch.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,899
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jun 13, 2022 13:44:31 GMT
I do my best to distance myself from crummy people. The further away such people are from me emotionally, the less time I spend caring about how they live their lives, and the less bitter I am.
It can be more difficult if you're related, but I'd still give them as little thought-time as possible.
As the others said, crummy "successful" people are not necessarily happy people.
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,922
Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
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Post by pinklady on Jun 13, 2022 13:55:06 GMT
I find it hard to believe their crumminess has not bit them in the ass at least once. You may not know about it but I’m willing to bet my next paycheck it has happened. You can only outrun your shit for so long before it catches up with you.
I’ve cut those people out of my life and don’t look back.
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Post by voltagain on Jun 13, 2022 14:18:01 GMT
How do you accept that without being bitter? When a crummy person's life turns out good because of the unkind choices they make. When always putting themself first, deceiving others, using others, cheating others, has somehow worked out well for them. Keep in mind, what you see is not the complete story. Both the "good" (as you judge it) and the bad (again, as you judge it) is never the entire story. Best way to accept it is to stop looking at them. realize that focusing on them is your issue and focus on something else. Unless you want to be a bitter person. You are in charge of your choices including your choice to be looking at their life and making judgements about it.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jun 13, 2022 14:50:29 GMT
In my younger days, I wasted far too many years.....caring about what everyone else thinks, worrying what everyone else has, what everyone else is doing, etc... It was not good for my wellbeing.
I don't begrudge anyone, because I can't be bothered to waste my time and energy on them. I prefer to devote my time and energy making sure I am content and happy.
These days my wellbeing, happiness and being content is my first priority. I don't think it's selfish, I think it's an important priority. I have more than some, less than others. I am content and happy with my current phase of life and what I have and where I am at. I don't care about what anyone else is doing or what they have. I don't care what others think about how I live my life.
One thing I have learned (better late, than never), that appearances can sometimes be deceiving. Just because someone appears to have it "all" big house, fancy car, all the technology things, all the "toys", etc... Some, but not all, may be in all sorts of debt "to have it all". Some may "have it all" and still be very unhappy and discontented in their heart and soul. Some have it all and are happy, humble and grateful. Some have very little and are happy, humble and grateful.
Life is too short, to waste time and energy worrying about what an asshole is doing.
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Post by malibou on Jun 13, 2022 14:53:29 GMT
eventhinker, I am so sorry for loss. Your Dh sounds like a stand-up guy. May all of the happy memories you created together help see you thru the rougher days. In situations like the OP, I remind myself that they likely are not telling the whole story, and that karma can be a real bitch!
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 13, 2022 15:14:20 GMT
My mom told me from a young age that "Life is not fair." I think she was 100% right.
I think there are people who are rich, beautiful and very successful in life. They have beautiful kids who adore them and they take great vacations every year. They are also shallow and uncaring and would do just about anything to get ahead even if it is at someone else's expense.
I think I am a fairly nice person, but it might turn out that more bad things may happen to me over the course of a lifetime than will ever happen to those people who were born w/ the silver spoon in their mouths. That's just how life is and always will be, at least in this life.
Even if something bad does happen to those people they are never going to stop and think "Oh, I should have lived a good life like aunt kelly and this never would have happened to me." They are not thinking of me at all. I am letting them take up all kinds of space in my brain and they are not giving me a second thought.
When I start feeling sulky, I try to think of people who are less fortunate than me and how I should be thankful for what I have and concentrate more on trying to help others who are less fortunate. I know it sounds trite, but it works for me every time.
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Post by nine on Jun 13, 2022 15:22:27 GMT
Unless this person is on their death bed, I say life is long and it will catch up with them. You may not know about it, but it will.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 13, 2022 15:24:31 GMT
I think that when we're wronged in life there is often no validation. Bad people are bad people and they get away w/it, because they can. I read When Bad Things Happen to Good People a few years ago and thought I'd have a great epiphany. The theme of the book was really that bad stuff happens and we have to make the best of it. I was very angry at the book for a while.
Sometimes we get the raw end of the stick even if we're good people and sometimes awful people get the best stuff, cause they are clever enough and conniving enough to get it. What matters is our attitude about it. I can choose to be happy about the good parts of my life or I can choose to dwell on the trauma and bad stuff. I choose happiness. Maybe that's how I win over the bad people!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 13, 2022 15:24:55 GMT
I try not to be around people like that and distance myself from them as much as possible, or to even think about people like that too much. Karma usually does have her way in the end. As others have noted, outward appearances aren’t always what they seem and for many reasons those people tend to be personally miserable in spite of whatever good fortune they attempt to project.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 13, 2022 16:59:30 GMT
Something I've come to realize is that life is really very random. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. I used to think as part of my Buddhism studies that I must have been a really bad person in my former life/lives in order to suffer such things as I have suffered in this life. But that's not what he was saying at all. If I was a truly bad person, I would have been punished in the afterlife, not come back to relive again. What this means in my mind is that it's what's on the inside that makes a difference and I had enough good karma to attempt life again.
It's not all the random crap that life throws at me, it's how I react to it that counts. This is what gets me closer to a pleasant afterlife. This is what truly makes me feel good about the kind of human I am. And this reaction concept also applies to bad people. In my mind, bad people don't really have the skill set necessary to endure and rise above. Otherwise they wouldn't have to resort to bad behavior to make good things happen for them.
I get being bitter. I've sat with that feeling many times. But then I dust myself off and conclude that bad things are going to happen to them too. And if they don't have the skill set, well then, it's going to make things far worse for them in the long run. My mission is to make sure that I stay the course. That I do so with a happy and grateful heart. That I show kindness to everyone. And all that means, deep, deep down, I feel really good about myself.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Jun 13, 2022 17:28:06 GMT
It’s not always easy, and I am by no means anywhere near perfect, but I try my best to just let that stuff go. From a very young age, life has thrown shit my way and I’ve always done my best to just move forward. It was a lot harder in my mid-20s to my 30s. It felt like we were never going to get those things that came so easily to others. However, we’re at the point in our lives that things have fallen into place and we have everything we need and a little more. Is everything perfect, far from it, but I’m content with what I have. Life is not fair, but I refuse to spend what time I have being unhappy that I’m not rich enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, successful enough. I’m good enough for me.
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Post by Zee on Jun 13, 2022 17:46:09 GMT
I don't think I personally know anyone who has made a great life for themselves by being a shitty person. Also, the grass is always greener, and all that.
There are a few people I knew on high school that have done REALLY well for themselves, and if I had made the same choices or investments I could be there too. But I didn't (or, to be practical, couldn't), so I'm not, so it is what it is. I also see a lot of former classmates not doing quite so well. I really don't envy anyone for the life they have, mine is pretty good.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Jun 13, 2022 17:55:29 GMT
I don't focus on them, or even give them a thought. IF I do, I change my thinking to what I have in life and how grateful I am to have what I have. There are *always* people better and worse off (in any respect) than you are. Your focus determines how you see the world and you're in charge of where you look.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Jun 13, 2022 17:58:59 GMT
Best way to accept it is to stop looking at them. realize that focusing on them is your issue and focus on something else. Unless you want to be a bitter person. You are in charge of your choices including your choice to be looking at their life and making judgements about it.
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Gem Girl
Pearl Clutcher
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Posts: 2,682
Jun 29, 2014 19:29:52 GMT
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Post by Gem Girl on Jun 13, 2022 18:03:00 GMT
There's a saying that if we truly knew anybody else's life, we would never choose to trade places with anyone.
I think most of us feel that we get more crap than we deserve, and I'm pretty sure most of us would be in sorry shape if we only had the blessings that we truly deserve.
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