|
Post by papersilly on Jun 13, 2022 18:07:26 GMT
this kind of imbalance or unfairness in life can definitely plague one's thought's forever. who knows why it happens. who knows if or when the pendulum will ever swing the other way. i want to believe that life self levels.
|
|
|
Post by quinlove on Jun 13, 2022 18:26:49 GMT
I honestly don't spend a single second thinking about whether others deserve or earned their happiness. This is how I think too. What difference does it make to me, in my house, what other people do or don’t do - in their house.
|
|
lesserknownpea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,851
Member is Online
Jun 29, 2014 7:56:02 GMT
|
Post by lesserknownpea on Jun 13, 2022 19:50:03 GMT
So much that others have already said. Whether you believe you reap what you sow, or in karma, I have to truly trust that in often imperceptible ways, our actions do have consequences, good or bad. For me, just how I view myself may be all the results that matter.
The biggest challenge I have in this regard is my SIL. She married my half brother when she was quite young. My dad and stepmother are in their late 80’s. SIL has been a spoiled, self centered person the whole time I’ve known her. She makes no bones about disliking her MIL ( my stepmother), puts enormous financial pressure on my brother by by things like demanding Disney season passes for their family of five and going often, with all the resulting expensive add-ons. Although he had a lovely home to welcome her into, she does not clean or do any housework, he comes home and does the laundry and they eat take out. Every night. No one is allowed in the house, and it’s been that way for years.
SIL has received inheritances from two grandparents so far, is her mother’s only heir, and her dad paid 70,000 for their wedding.
And my brother is the sole heir to the estate that will be left when Dad and stepmom die. Well over a million between the house and other stuff. I do not begrudge him, ( well, it took a few decades to get over that bitter pill ), but as his health is poor and he’s so much older than SIL, she will really be the ultimate beneficiary of the estate.
And to top it off, Dad is getting to need caregiving and stepmom wants me to give up my life here in another state and come care for him. The worst part is I’m inclined to do that, I’ve always gotten a lot of satisfaction caregiving, and I love my Dad very much.
But the thought of being the unpaid caregiver while SIL inherits everything he’s worked his whole life for is being a huge stumbling block to me.
I have to get my head straight because I don’t want to miss out on the privilege of helping my father because of my bitterness towards SIL.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Jun 13, 2022 19:56:04 GMT
I overheard her saying to her husband that we “sent them over their budget” for food (we took them out to dinner) the first night we were there. The next morning, they worked on their project…while she told me of how they gamed the system on their house, and several other not so great ways of “making it”. Not sure what "gamed the system on their house" means...
|
|
|
Post by mom on Jun 13, 2022 20:46:08 GMT
I just saw this on a FB page and it reminded me of this post.
|
|
teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,068
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
|
Post by teddyw on Jun 13, 2022 21:48:10 GMT
I limit my interaction with them and think, "Karma will get them in the end." Exactly this. I tell me kids karma might not be today or next month or even next year. Eventually it comes around.
|
|
|
Post by Lexica on Jun 13, 2022 22:37:38 GMT
Well, you can cut them out of your life like I have done with my two siblings.
My older sister is a horrible human being, but seems to lie and manipulate her way into getting everything she wants.
My younger sister is also quite a liar but isn't as adept as my older sister at getting what she wants, but she has no problem manipulating those around her to get her way as best as she can.
I kept them in my life while my mother was alive because it would have hurt her too much to see us split apart. She knew I was planning on going no contact after she died and she was okay with that. She said she appreciated that I held things together for her sake. But she saw the things both sisters did.
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Jun 13, 2022 23:07:06 GMT
How do you accept that without being bitter? Of all days of the year to come to the board, and of all questions to read, this is maybe the most a propos thread possible; it's the anniversary of my husband's death. Bitterness is a choice that comes with a lot of baggage that I won't make room for. And I guess when it comes down to it, that's pretty much it in a nutshell.
|
|
|
Post by Zee on Jun 14, 2022 2:20:11 GMT
So much that others have already said. Whether you believe you reap what you sow, or in karma, I have to truly trust that in often imperceptible ways, our actions do have consequences, good or bad. For me, just how I view myself may be all the results that matter. The biggest challenge I have in this regard is my SIL. She married my half brother when she was quite young. My dad and stepmother are in their late 80’s. SIL has been a spoiled, self centered person the whole time I’ve known her. She makes no bones about disliking her MIL ( my stepmother), puts enormous financial pressure on my brother by by things like demanding Disney season passes for their family of five and going often, with all the resulting expensive add-ons. Although he had a lovely home to welcome her into, she does not clean or do any housework, he comes home and does the laundry and they eat take out. Every night. No one is allowed in the house, and it’s been that way for years. SIL has received inheritances from two grandparents so far, is her mother’s only heir, and her dad paid 70,000 for their wedding. And my brother is the sole heir to the estate that will be left when Dad and stepmom die. Well over a million between the house and other stuff. I do not begrudge him, ( well, it took a few decades to get over that bitter pill ), but as his health is poor and he’s so much older than SIL, she will really be the ultimate beneficiary of the estate. And to top it off, Dad is getting to need caregiving and stepmom wants me to give up my life here in another state and come care for him. The worst part is I’m inclined to do that, I’ve always gotten a lot of satisfaction caregiving, and I love my Dad very much. But the thought of being the unpaid caregiver while SIL inherits everything he’s worked his whole life for is being a huge stumbling block to me. I have to get my head straight because I don’t want to miss out on the privilege of helping my father because of my bitterness towards SIL. Why is he the sole heir but they expect you to relocate and care for Dad for free? I think the fuck not. 😌
|
|
lesserknownpea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,851
Member is Online
Jun 29, 2014 7:56:02 GMT
|
Post by lesserknownpea on Jun 14, 2022 3:43:05 GMT
So much that others have already said. Whether you believe you reap what you sow, or in karma, I have to truly trust that in often imperceptible ways, our actions do have consequences, good or bad. For me, just how I view myself may be all the results that matter. The biggest challenge I have in this regard is my SIL. She married my half brother when she was quite young. My dad and stepmother are in their late 80’s. SIL has been a spoiled, self centered person the whole time I’ve known her. She makes no bones about disliking her MIL ( my stepmother), puts enormous financial pressure on my brother by by things like demanding Disney season passes for their family of five and going often, with all the resulting expensive add-ons. Although he had a lovely home to welcome her into, she does not clean or do any housework, he comes home and does the laundry and they eat take out. Every night. No one is allowed in the house, and it’s been that way for years. SIL has received inheritances from two grandparents so far, is her mother’s only heir, and her dad paid 70,000 for their wedding. And my brother is the sole heir to the estate that will be left when Dad and stepmom die. Well over a million between the house and other stuff. I do not begrudge him, ( well, it took a few decades to get over that bitter pill ), but as his health is poor and he’s so much older than SIL, she will really be the ultimate beneficiary of the estate. And to top it off, Dad is getting to need caregiving and stepmom wants me to give up my life here in another state and come care for him. The worst part is I’m inclined to do that, I’ve always gotten a lot of satisfaction caregiving, and I love my Dad very much. But the thought of being the unpaid caregiver while SIL inherits everything he’s worked his whole life for is being a huge stumbling block to me. I have to get my head straight because I don’t want to miss out on the privilege of helping my father because of my bitterness towards SIL. Why is he the sole heir but they expect you to relocate and care for Dad for free? I think the fuck not. 😌 Thank you. I’ve had many a therapy session over this, coupled with other issues related to my parents and my dad raising my brother with the best of everything while I and the other children of my mom were in an abusive, violent and neglectful home. Bottom line, I will come help as much as I wish to. Because I don’t want to be cheated of time with him due to the bitterness. I’m NOT relocating, and I’m not doing it all. If he should need more than DSM can do, I will suggest they use some of their assets to pay for help to come in. I have not told them this. I’m kind of hoping he goes in his sleep or something then I won’t have to. But either way, I will consider my needs and also the loving son and daughter in law who have given me a home for almost ten years now, and whom I gladly help with their 6 YO DD. I don’t feel the need to disrupt our life overmuch, but I admit I still struggle inside thinking I should. I know the emotions will be strong when things get tough and I’m trying to prepare myself.
|
|
tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
|
Post by tincin on Jun 14, 2022 4:24:28 GMT
What one person’s life looks like from the outside is definitely not what it’s like to the person living it. What I’m trying to say is well they may look like they’re having a wonderful life chances are just as good they’re not.
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Jun 19, 2022 1:06:47 GMT
There's some part of any other person's life, that you would not want for your own.
So whether you're seeing a wonderful person or a terrible person seemingly living the good life, there's still something that comes with that life that wouldn't be for you.
And so in order to have what they have, you need to take the parts you wouldn't want as well. In this case, it may be that you'd need to be a terrible person. And my guess is that you wouldn't be happy with your life if you were to be terrible in the ways that you've seen them to be, kwim?
Hugs!!
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 19, 2022 12:25:11 GMT
I have said in other threads, I truly believe life is much more random than we are comfortable considering. Bad things - and good things - come out of the blue sometimes. We have an influence on that through our choices of course. But I’m okay with accepting randomness and not needing much of further explanation than that.
Also, I don’t think karma is a thing. Part of our human nature is the need to explain and make sense of it all (hence religion, but that’s too far for this discussion). We like to say a certain event ‘happened for a reason.’ But I don’t believe that as much as I think we just go back and connect dots to *make* it have a reason. We desperately need our life to make sense. Which may just be the cause of mental distress and depression for some people. IMO.
|
|
|
Post by smasonnc on Jun 19, 2022 13:55:28 GMT
I honestly don't spend a single second thinking about whether others deserve or earned their happiness. I take a "Men in Black" approach to people who do me wrong. It's like when they put the pen-light kind of thing on someone's forehead and the person forgets everything that has happened. I have a wonderful life. I won't ruin it with bitterness. Why waste stomach acid on an a$$hole? That said, there are a couple of people who I would screw over as retribution if given the chance. I'm not as nice as I seem.
|
|
|
Post by refugeepea on Jun 19, 2022 15:10:18 GMT
I have said in other threads, I truly believe life is much more random than we are comfortable considering. Bad things - and good things - come out of the blue sometimes. We have an influence on that through our choices of course. But I’m okay with accepting randomness and not needing much of further explanation than that. Also, I don’t think karma is a thing. Part of our human nature is the need to explain and make sense of it all (hence religion, but that’s too far for this discussion). We like to say a certain event ‘happened for a reason.’ But I don’t believe that as much as I think we just go back and connect dots to *make* it have a reason. We desperately need our life to make sense. Which may just be the cause of mental distress and depression for some people. IMO. I 100% agree. Bad people get away with bad things. They may or may not face consequences. There's no way to know it will definitely happen. One thing that has helped me is to stay away from interacting with people I know on social media. I am only in a family Facebook group. I use other platforms for my interests. What works for some may not work for others. I am a very different person than how I was raised and that is my boundary I chose.
|
|
|
Post by Merge on Jun 19, 2022 15:19:34 GMT
I have said in other threads, I truly believe life is much more random than we are comfortable considering. Bad things - and good things - come out of the blue sometimes. We have an influence on that through our choices of course. But I’m okay with accepting randomness and not needing much of further explanation than that. Also, I don’t think karma is a thing. Part of our human nature is the need to explain and make sense of it all (hence religion, but that’s too far for this discussion). We like to say a certain event ‘happened for a reason.’ But I don’t believe that as much as I think we just go back and connect dots to *make* it have a reason. We desperately need our life to make sense. Which may just be the cause of mental distress and depression for some people. IMO. I agree with this. I find it much more comfortable to accept the randomness of the universe than to try to cope with the idea that a supposedly benevolent man in the sky has a master plan that includes all the crappy stuff that happens to people.
|
|
|
Post by judyc on Jun 20, 2022 16:52:53 GMT
Someone may have already said this, but what goes around, comes around. It might not come around today, but it will come around.
|
|
|
Post by busy on Jun 20, 2022 17:04:40 GMT
I find little value in worrying about what does or doesn't happen to other people. It just fills my mind and heart with things I can do nothing about. Life is random and mostly out of my control. I focus on making choices that help me live a life I'm proud of that serves myself, those I love, and the greater good and try to let the rest go.
|
|
inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
|
Post by inkedup on Jun 20, 2022 22:20:39 GMT
How do you accept that without being bitter? Of all days of the year to come to the board, and of all questions to read, this is maybe the most a propos thread possible; it's the anniversary of my husband's death. Bitterness is a choice that comes with a lot of baggage that I won't make room for. And I guess when it comes down to it, that's pretty much it in a nutshell. Sending huge hugs to you. I wish you continued healing and strength.
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Jun 20, 2022 22:23:03 GMT
Sending huge hugs to you. I wish you continued healing and strength. Thank you!
|
|