edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,652
Jun 26, 2014 1:03:18 GMT
|
Post by edie3 on Jul 6, 2022 15:38:01 GMT
Lawrence H Pfaff Sr. was born in Belmont, NY, on April 16, 1941. He passed away on June 27, 2022, living a long life, much longer than he deserved. He is survived by his three children, no four. Oops, five children. Well as of 2022 we believe there is one more that we know about, but there could be more. His love was abundant when it came to himself, but for his children it was limited. From a young age, he was a ladies' man and an abusive alcoholic, solidifying his commitment to both with the path of destruction he left behind, damaging his adult children, and leaving them broken.
Lawrence, Sr's hobbies included abusing his first wife and children. He loved to start projects but never followed through on any of them. He enjoyed the life of a bar fly for many years and had a quaint little living space, studio, above his favorite hole in the wall, the club Nashville.
Lawrence, Sr. did spend over 20 years in the NYPD, but even his time in service was negligent at best. Because of his alcohol addiction, his Commanding Officer took away his gun and badge, replacing them with a broom until he could get his act together.
Lawrence, Sr. did claim to be clean and sober for over thirty years, but never worked any of the twelve steps, including the eighth and ninth steps with his children, making amends. He possesses no redeeming qualities for his children, including the ones he knew, and the "ones he knew about.”
It will be challenging to miss Lawrence, Sr. because he was narcissistic. He was incapable of love. Lawrence, Sr.'s passing proves that evil does eventually die, and it marks a time of healing, which will allow his children to get the closure they deserve. Lawrence, Sr. can be remembered for being a father to many, and a dad to none.
|
|
|
Post by Skellinton on Jul 6, 2022 15:43:04 GMT
I feel terrible for those children but wonder what benefit they get out of this? I just don't see the point in these kind of things.
I also don't imagine the kids will get any sort of closure from publishing that.
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 6, 2022 15:54:20 GMT
This is so awful I don't even know where to start. But seriously the people who wrote/signed off on that need some serious therapy. They didn't even have to do an obituary at all, they didn't need to have a service, nothing was expected of them. But I just don't get going out of my way to publish something like that.
|
|
grammanisi
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,741
Jun 26, 2014 1:37:37 GMT
|
Post by grammanisi on Jul 6, 2022 16:03:23 GMT
This is so awful I don't even know where to start. But seriously the people who wrote/signed off on that need some serious therapy. They didn't even have to do an obituary at all, they didn't need to have a service, nothing was expected of them. But I just don't get going out of my way to publish something like that. I agree. What was the point of doing that? I'm sure people that knew him, knew him
|
|
peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,969
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
|
Post by peppermintpatty on Jul 6, 2022 16:04:51 GMT
It's called getting the last word.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Jul 6, 2022 16:09:50 GMT
It's called getting the last word. To who?? The deceased? He's not reading it. I hate these kind of obits. Shame on whoever published it
|
|
|
Post by katlady on Jul 6, 2022 16:10:33 GMT
I would done just the basics - Date and place of birth/death. That’s it. I think this is a bit too much.
|
|
naby64
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,327
Jun 25, 2014 21:44:13 GMT
|
Post by naby64 on Jul 6, 2022 16:11:30 GMT
Well, I will be the voice of...dissent, maybe? I could almost see my ODS writing that for his dad sans the additional children and physical abuse. My DH is an alcoholic and drug abuser. He has lost 2 very well paying jobs to his addictions. He now sits at home everyday, doing little to nothing. Oh he unloads the dishwasher and does the laundry when the hamper gets full. He takes the dogs for a ride every day instead of walking them like they both need(him and the middle pup). But he does his "meditating" while parked. No yard work gets done unless I say "does the lawn mower have gas? I need to cut the very small patch of yard that does grow in the back". No, I'll do it. But not until I say something to him. He has watched me rake up and bag up, trim bushes, clean up the back yard. Does he come out to help? nope. But hey, he has paid off our mortgage, we have been able to purchase 2 cars in these last 4 yrs of him not working. Provided funds for my yearly wellness check-ups, even though he refuses hasn't gotten even with me begging to get medical insurance. "i'll take care of it. if you need to see the doctor, go see him. i'll pay for it." God forbid either of us have some medical catastrophic issue. I think I am close with some chest pains and something suspicious on my face. "How do we pay for possible chemo/treatments, hospital stays, surgery?" blank look on his face. So yeah, I am bitter and my ODS has had enough of the crap. So he would write it and I would most likely sign off on it. I loved the man I married but he is not that man now. ETA: I would love to have the peace that jeremysgirl seems to have. I haven't found that yet. It is a hard fight every day to smile and wave, smile and wave. ETAA: And most people, who don't know him intimately or worked with him, think he's a great guy. They don't see what we see within the four walls. And one more thing: I want to let everyone know he is not a mean abusive alcoholic. Very passive. He just drinks and smokes. He will do anything I ask. But I am past the point of wanting to ask. He is home all day and he sees what I do when I get home. A 5 yr old can figure that stuff out. It's his petulant attitude about the whole addiction issue. "as long as everything has been taken care of, as long as the family has been provided for, then why not". But yeah, I got things to work through.
|
|
sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,482
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
|
Post by sueg on Jul 6, 2022 16:12:06 GMT
I feel terrible for those children but wonder what benefit they get out of this? I just don't see the point in these kind of things. I also don't imagine the kids will get any sort of closure from publishing that. I feel the same. It is one thing to write it - I can see that being cathartic - but then you shred it or burn it; you don't publish it.
|
|
|
Post by elaine on Jul 6, 2022 16:23:43 GMT
Well, I will be the voice of...dissent, maybe? I could almost see my ODS writing that for his dad sans the additional children and physical abuse. My DH is an alcoholic and drug abuser. He has lost 2 very well paying jobs to his addictions. He now sits at home everyday, doing little to nothing. Oh he unloads the dishwasher and does the laundry when the hamper gets full. He takes the dogs for a ride every day instead of walking them like they both need(him and the middle pup). But he does his "meditating" while parked. No yard work gets done unless I say "does the lawn mower have gas? I need to cut the very small patch of yard that does grown in the back". No, I'll do it. But not until I say something to him. He has watched me rake up and bag up, trim bushes, clean up the back yard. Does he come out to help? nope. But hey, he has paid off our mortgage, we have been able to purchase 2 cars in these last 4 yrs of him not working. Provided funds for my yearly wellness check-ups, even though he refuses to get medical insurance. "i'll take care of it. if you need to see the doctor, go see him" God forbid either of us have some medical catastrophic issue. I think I am close with some chest pains and something suspicious on my face. "How do we pay for possible chemo/treatments, hospital stays, surgery?" blank look on his face. So yeah, I am bitter and my ODS has had enough of the crap. So he would write it and I would most likely sign off on it. I loved the man I married but he is not that man now. ETA: I would love to have the peace that jeremysgirl seems to have. I haven't found that yet. It is a hard fight every day to smile and wave, smile and wave. ETAA: And most people, who don't know him intimately or worked with him, think he's a great guy. They don't see what we see within the four walls. (((Hugs))) I am so sorry for your struggles. I would be so scared and angry all the time if I walked in your shoes. I understand your being able to empathize with those who wrote the obit and why. I am so sorry.
|
|
|
Post by workingclassdog on Jul 6, 2022 17:05:06 GMT
naby64 I am so sorry! Hang in there. I can kinda see how they poste that.. coming from a very narcissistic father. Although booze/drugs was never the problem (and he will sure tell you that!) He has his own problems. I could never publish something like that. I could write it.. share it with my sister and that is about it. I don't need to hurt the rest of the family or whoever is out there. I am still trying to fight the guilt of getting him out of my life and doing pretty dang good with it. Naby64.. yeah, my dad is a great guy in everyone else's eyes that don't see behind the walls. He's funny, witty and charming. He's also all about him and nothing about his kids. Grass is greener on the other side as we lived that. Jobs that made us move every six months to a year. I could go on and on.. but it doesn't do any good. I am totally happy with my choice to let him go.
|
|
|
Post by peace on Jul 6, 2022 17:22:22 GMT
I can't condemn those that wrote and published it. Perhaps it was cathartic. Perhaps the abuse they suffered was so great that this offered some tiny slice of retribution. People are complicated. Yes, I definitely think therapy would benefit but perhaps dear old dad didn't leave them in a good enough place to realize &/or afford that. I don't know- when I read stuff like that, I just hurt. Hurt for those people that have so much pain and the person that caused it is gone. He's dead and they have so many things left unsaid and maybe now this obituary helps them move on. My ex has narcissistic tendencies. Big time gas lighter. Extremely emotional abusive. But people think he's the greatest guy because he's so charismatic. I used to go to the doctor and the receptionists would say "OH- your HIS wife?? You're so luckY" yeah, lucky. No I wouldn't find peace in publishing that but I wasn't raised by him but married to him. You only get one childhood.
|
|
pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,973
Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
|
Post by pinklady on Jul 6, 2022 17:28:47 GMT
If it give them closure then so be it.
Personally for me, closure would have been saying all that to him while he was alive and walking away and never looking back.
|
|
|
Post by shescrafty on Jul 6, 2022 17:32:38 GMT
I feel terrible for those children but wonder what benefit they get out of this? I just don't see the point in these kind of things. I also don't imagine the kids will get any sort of closure from publishing that. I feel the same. It is one thing to write it - I can see that being cathartic - but then you shred it or burn it; you don't publish it. I will disagree. Maybe this did give them closure. Maybe these were the things they wanted to say and never got to, or got to and were shut down. Perhaps they needed to do this and agreed.
|
|
|
Post by SAHM wannabe on Jul 6, 2022 17:40:00 GMT
Wait! Are the victims of lifelong abuse being accused of being insensitive?
My guess is his adult children thought long and hard about this moment. If it’s what they willingly chose to say, I support their decision without any negative judgement.
|
|
|
Post by bc2ca on Jul 6, 2022 17:50:55 GMT
I can not stand listening to anyone make a saint out of a sinner after death and imagine none of these children had any interest in listening to that either. So they* made it clear in the obituary. * ETA it was written by his eldest son. This is an article about him and the response he has been getting.
|
|
blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,010
Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
|
Post by blue tulip on Jul 6, 2022 18:08:13 GMT
i imagine that's really cathartic to read, if you're going thru or have gone thru something similar with a parent. knowing you're not alone. i can see why they published it.
|
|
Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
|
Post by Dalai Mama on Jul 6, 2022 18:19:28 GMT
This is so awful I don't even know where to start. But seriously the people who wrote/signed off on that need some serious therapy. They didn't even have to do an obituary at all, they didn't need to have a service, nothing was expected of them. But I just don't get going out of my way to publish something like that. Maybe this is their therapy. Good for them. I hope it brings them some peace.
|
|
|
Post by papersilly on Jul 6, 2022 18:25:23 GMT
I can not stand listening to anyone make a saint out of a sinner after death and imagine none of these children had any interest in listening to that either. So they* made it clear in the obituary. * ETA it was written by his eldest son. This is an article about him and the response he has been getting. i think this is precisely why some people feel the need to set the record straight. i've sat thru some funerals with glowing eulogies of people who had less than stellar lives. what they didn't achieve in life, the eulogists or obituaries have rewritten.
|
|
|
Post by smalltowngirlie on Jul 6, 2022 18:39:28 GMT
I started my Dad's eulogy with "My dad was no saint" He was not perfect, but her had some great traits and even when he was not a saint, he taught me a lot. I loved my dad, but could talk like he was perfect. I wanted it real.
I am not going to judge them. We all react differently to death and maybe sharing the reality of their life is what they needed to do.
|
|
|
Post by littlemama on Jul 6, 2022 18:59:57 GMT
I honestly think that just publishing the birth and death dates and saying nothing else accomplishes the same thing and doesnt make the family look like a bunch of assholes. No matter how bad the person, there is someone out there who cared about them and is grieving. I have no contact with my father and wont care when he passes, but I would never publish something like that.
|
|
|
Post by candleangie on Jul 6, 2022 19:04:47 GMT
I can not stand listening to anyone make a saint out of a sinner after death and imagine none of these children had any interest in listening to that either. So they* made it clear in the obituary. * ETA it was written by his eldest son. This is an article about him and the response he has been getting. i think this is precisely why some people feel the need to set the record straight. i've sat thru some funerals with glowing eulogies of people who had less than stellar lives. what they didn't achieve in life, the eulogists or obituaries have rewritten. This. Abusers can be some of the most charming, well liked people in public. Watching people say what a wonderful man my molesting, pedophile grandfather was, just because he was in Kiwanis, Lions Club, Shriners, etc….made me want to throw up. And definitely made me want to scream the truth to everyone.
|
|
|
Post by disneypal on Jul 6, 2022 19:20:58 GMT
I honestly think that just publishing the birth and death dates and saying nothing else accomplishes the same thing and doesnt make the family look like a bunch of assholes. No matter how bad the person, there is someone out there who cared about them and is grieving. I have no contact with my father and wont care when he passes, but I would never publish something like that. While I understand that his immediate family may be glad he is gone, to me...it makes them look bad to post such a resentful obit. I think it would be better to just put his name and date he died.
|
|
|
Post by nine on Jul 6, 2022 21:30:21 GMT
He probably spoke badly about his children while he was alive. It’s a common quality of the narcisist to make themselves out to be trying so hard to raise their children right and to be a good parent. His children probably wanted to set things straight.
|
|
lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,308
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
|
Post by lesley on Jul 6, 2022 21:40:18 GMT
I honestly think that just publishing the birth and death dates and saying nothing else accomplishes the same thing and doesnt make the family look like a bunch of assholes. No matter how bad the person, there is someone out there who cared about them and is grieving. I have no contact with my father and wont care when he passes, but I would never publish something like that. I don’t think it makes them look like assholes at all. Reading that obituary, I felt nothing but compassion for his family. 🤷♀️
|
|
Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,717
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
|
Post by Anita on Jul 6, 2022 21:40:55 GMT
I support it. I've seen far, far too many "make nice, they're dead" obituaries where I scratched my head and wondered if the writer had ever even met the subject. It's another form of lying. Any time I see something truthful like this, I applaud. People don't get to be narcissistic assholes to others their entire lives and be remembered fondly when they die. If you don't want this type of obit written about you, be a better human.
|
|
|
Post by stingfan on Jul 6, 2022 21:45:32 GMT
I can not stand listening to anyone make a saint out of a sinner after death and imagine none of these children had any interest in listening to that either. So they* made it clear in the obituary. * ETA it was written by his eldest son. This is an article about him and the response he has been getting. This is kind of what I was thinking. The son/family probably didn't want to hear from community members, dad's friends, strangers, etc saying how wonderful he was and how much he'd be missed.
|
|
gottapeanow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,824
Jun 25, 2014 20:56:09 GMT
|
Post by gottapeanow on Jul 6, 2022 22:22:04 GMT
Well, I will be the voice of...dissent, maybe? I could almost see my ODS writing that for his dad sans the additional children and physical abuse. My DH is an alcoholic and drug abuser. He has lost 2 very well paying jobs to his addictions. He now sits at home everyday, doing little to nothing. Oh he unloads the dishwasher and does the laundry when the hamper gets full. He takes the dogs for a ride every day instead of walking them like they both need(him and the middle pup). But he does his "meditating" while parked. No yard work gets done unless I say "does the lawn mower have gas? I need to cut the very small patch of yard that does grow in the back". No, I'll do it. But not until I say something to him. He has watched me rake up and bag up, trim bushes, clean up the back yard. Does he come out to help? nope. But hey, he has paid off our mortgage, we have been able to purchase 2 cars in these last 4 yrs of him not working. Provided funds for my yearly wellness check-ups, even though he refuses hasn't gotten even with me begging to get medical insurance. "i'll take care of it. if you need to see the doctor, go see him. i'll pay for it." God forbid either of us have some medical catastrophic issue. I think I am close with some chest pains and something suspicious on my face. "How do we pay for possible chemo/treatments, hospital stays, surgery?" blank look on his face. So yeah, I am bitter and my ODS has had enough of the crap. So he would write it and I would most likely sign off on it. I loved the man I married but he is not that man now. ETA: I would love to have the peace that jeremysgirl seems to have. I haven't found that yet. It is a hard fight every day to smile and wave, smile and wave. ETAA: And most people, who don't know him intimately or worked with him, think he's a great guy. They don't see what we see within the four walls. This was basically my ex. "He now sits at home everyday, doing little to nothing." That is one of the main reasons he's my ex. There were other issues: his anger and his blatant disrespect of me too. My life (and finances) are so much better without him. I only wish I would have left sooner. (He never paid off any mortgage or paid for any cars either.) My older son (23) gets along with him. My younger son (21) will barely talk to him. Same with his daughter from a previous marriage. I get along with her much better than he does, sad to say. I'm not sure why my ex's obituary will look like, TBH. But it might be close to the OP's if his kids have anything to say about it. Lisa
|
|
edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,652
Jun 26, 2014 1:03:18 GMT
|
Post by edie3 on Jul 6, 2022 22:22:37 GMT
I just hope they have peace.
|
|
iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,295
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
|
Post by iowgirl on Jul 6, 2022 22:26:48 GMT
I would done just the basics - Date and place of birth/death. That’s it. I think this is a bit too much. Sometimes, the less you say, the more you say.
|
|