Brutally honest obituary

I feel terrible for those children but wonder what benefit they get out of this? I just don't see the point in these kind of things.



I also don't imagine the kids will get any sort of closure from publishing that.

I agree. What was the point of doing that? I'm sure people that knew him, knew him

To who?? The deceased? He's not reading it.  I hate these kind of obits. Shame on whoever published it

Well, I will be the voice of...dissent, maybe? I could almost see my ODS writing that for his dad sans the additional children and physical abuse.

My DH is an alcoholic and drug abuser. He has lost 2 very well paying jobs to his addictions. He now sits at home everyday, doing little to nothing. Oh he unloads the dishwasher and does the laundry when the hamper gets full. He takes the dogs for a ride every day instead of walking them like they both need(him and the middle pup). But he does his "meditating" while parked. No yard work gets done unless I say "does the lawn mower have gas? I need to cut the very small patch of yard that does grow in the back". No, I'll do it. But not until I say something to him. He has watched me rake up and bag up, trim bushes, clean up the back yard. Does he come out to help? nope. But hey, he has paid off our mortgage, we have been able to purchase 2 cars in these last 4 yrs of him not working. Provided funds for my yearly wellness check-ups, even though he refuses hasn't gotten even with me begging to get medical insurance. "i'll take care of it. if you need to see the doctor, go see him. i'll pay for it." God forbid either of us have some medical catastrophic issue. I think I am close with some chest pains and something suspicious on my face. "How do we pay for possible chemo/treatments, hospital stays, surgery?" blank look on his face.

So yeah, I am bitter and my ODS has had enough of the crap. So he would write it and I would most likely sign off on it. I loved the man I married but he is not that man now.

ETA: I would love to have the peace that jeremysgirl seems to have. I  haven't found that yet. It is a hard fight every day to smile and wave, smile and wave. 

ETAA: And most people, who don't know him intimately or worked with him, think he's a great guy. They don't see what we see within the four walls. 

And one more thing: I want to let everyone know he is not a mean abusive alcoholic. Very passive. He just drinks and smokes. He will do anything I ask. But I am past the point of wanting to ask. He is home all day and he sees what I do when I get home. A 5 yr old can figure that stuff out. It's his petulant attitude about the whole addiction issue. "as long as everything has been taken care of, as long as the family has been provided for, then why not". But yeah, I got things to work through. 

(((Hugs))) I am so sorry for your struggles.

I would be so scared and angry all the time if I walked in your shoes. I understand your being able to empathize with those who wrote the obit and why. 

I am so sorry. 

I can't condemn those that wrote and published it. Perhaps it was cathartic. Perhaps the abuse they suffered was so great that this offered some tiny slice of retribution. People are complicated. Yes, I definitely think therapy would benefit but perhaps dear old dad didn't leave them in a good enough place to realize &/or afford that. I don't know- when I read stuff like that, I just hurt. Hurt for those people that have so much pain and the person that caused it is gone. He's dead and they have so many things left unsaid and maybe now this obituary helps them move on.

My ex has narcissistic tendencies. Big time gas lighter. Extremely emotional abusive. But people think he's the greatest guy because he's so charismatic. I used to go to the doctor and the receptionists would say "OH- your HIS wife?? You're so luckY" yeah, lucky. No I wouldn't find peace in publishing that but I wasn't raised by him but married to him. You only get one childhood.

I will disagree. Maybe this did give them closure. Maybe these were the things they wanted to say and never got to, or got to and were shut down. Perhaps they needed to do this and agreed.

I can not stand listening to anyone make a saint out of a sinner after death and imagine none of these children had any interest in listening to that either. So they* made it clear in the obituary.

* ETA it was written by his eldest son. This is an article about him and the response he has been getting.

Maybe this is their therapy.

Good for them. I hope it brings them some peace.

I started my Dad's eulogy with "My dad was no saint" He was not perfect, but her had some great traits and even when he was not a saint, he taught me a lot. I loved my dad, but could talk like he was perfect. I wanted it real.

I am not going to judge them. We all react differently to death and maybe sharing the reality of their life is what they needed to do.

This. Abusers can be some of the most charming, well liked people in public.

Watching people say what a wonderful man my molesting, pedophile grandfather was, just because he was in Kiwanis, Lions Club, Shriners, etc….made me want to throw up. And definitely made me want to scream the truth to everyone.

He probably spoke badly about his children while he was alive.  It’s a common quality of the narcisist to make themselves out to be trying so hard to raise their children right and to be a good parent.  His children probably wanted to set things straight.

I support it. I've seen far, far too many "make nice, they're dead" obituaries where I scratched my head and wondered if the writer had ever even met the subject. It's another form of lying. Any time I see something truthful like this, I applaud. People don't get to be narcissistic assholes to others their entire lives and be remembered fondly when they die. If you don't want this type of obit written about you, be a better human.

This was basically my ex. "He now sits at home everyday, doing little to nothing." 

That is one of the main reasons he's my ex. There were other issues: his anger and his blatant disrespect of me too. 

My life (and finances) are so much better without him. I only wish I would have left sooner. (He never paid off any mortgage or paid for any cars either.) 

My older son (23) gets along with him. My younger son (21) will barely talk to him. Same with his daughter from a previous marriage. I get along with her much better than he does, sad to say. I'm not sure why my ex's obituary will look like, TBH. But it might be close to the OP's if his kids have anything to say about it. 

Lisa