Just T
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Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Aug 2, 2022 23:00:36 GMT
UGH I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this horrible man and situation. I am definitely sending you some peaceful thoughts, and I hope that his unwillingness to work with a mediator will end up backfiring on him.
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Post by hop2 on Aug 2, 2022 23:04:24 GMT
Hugs
I’m not going to attempt to give you advice as laws are so different from state to state but just wanted to say. Hang in there. Trust in your lawyer. Make sure your lawyer has every piece of info you can get for them.
Hugs
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Just T
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Aug 2, 2022 23:10:18 GMT
Oh, and I wanted to say I get you not wanting to stoop to his level. I am trying to be as nice as I can to my STBX. I even told him, "I won't be a nasty asshole if you aren't. It's up to you." But if he is a nasty asshole, watch out. I'm not going to play nice.
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Post by malibou on Aug 2, 2022 23:11:39 GMT
I personally think that going to trial is a good thing. He seems to think he knows better than everyone else, and I'm here to tell you he is wrong!
Judges aren't super sympathetic to asshats that won't mediate. Definitely bring paper and pen to write down the bullshit he will be spewing in front of the judge. And please don't forget to ask that they make him pay for all aspects of you having to go to court.
And please feel deeply every transgression against you so that you leave nothing on the table that you are entitled to. He doesn't actually deserve to have you play nice. Show him what you are made of, and not just the sugar and spice and everything nice.
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Post by peasapie on Aug 2, 2022 23:45:02 GMT
I am sorry. As a person who has handled a lot of trials, it always feels really scary in advance (including for the lawyers -- we mostly settle things!), but what I find is that the trial usually happens because one party (your stbx) is being impossible, and the person being impossible is genuinely surprised to find, at trial, that things go poorly for them! Best of luck. Such excellent advice. Put on a strong face and we are with you!
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 2, 2022 23:52:26 GMT
He doesn't want to pay either cs or maintenance, wantd to sell the house and split the equity (which won't be much after we pay off the solar loan and the realtor... he thinks it will be a lot more than it will be) and keep all his assets. He's fucking delusional! (I'm sorry, that wasn't very calming, was it?! ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/Q_m8lDOvc_3Le3r1GKdf.jpg) ) I wish you the best of luck for the trial, and I hope your lawyer's optimism is proven to be right. I can't wait for this to be over for you! You've come this far, not long to go now.....
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Post by mollycoddle on Aug 2, 2022 23:56:42 GMT
You can get through this. Here’s hoping that your stbx really steps in it during the trial. I wish you the best of luck.
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Post by iowagirl50147 on Aug 3, 2022 0:06:15 GMT
It never ends well for the party that refuses to mediate. I've seen it time after time. Starting with my brother and his ex almost 30 years. She got a butt chewing like you would not believe!! Judges do not like their time wasted. Make him pay the court costs since he refuses to mediate. YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!!
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
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Location: Colorado
Apr 26, 2017 6:14:47 GMT
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Post by snyder on Aug 3, 2022 0:11:08 GMT
Wishing you the very best and I agree with what posters above stated; the one being impossible doesn't always fair that well. Will say a prayer for your peace and fairness to you and your boys. My niece went through this for 8 years as her x was contantly contesting their settlement. He was ordered maintenance for life and it was killing him. He just could not understand how that happened. Well, think about it a$$. All the lies and deception that you provided to the court during the process didn't make you look like the most outstanding citizen. This was in Colorado and from what I can tell, from helping niece file 3 contempts against him, they are pretty by the book using the maintenance and child support forumulas. {{{{hugs}}}
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 3, 2022 0:14:34 GMT
Oh, and I wanted to say I get you not wanting to stoop to his level. I am trying to be as nice as I can to my STBX. I even told him, "I won't be a nasty asshole if you aren't. It's up to you." But if he is a nasty asshole, watch out. I'm not going to play nice. I took the high road. I did not take all my lawyer's advice because I thought I knew better. Spoiler alert... I did not. For those of you going through this now, I would encourage to follow legal advice and be willing to fight fire with fire.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Aug 3, 2022 0:18:04 GMT
You can do this! Keep a cool head, don’t give in, and keep your eyes on the prize— the fact that it will be over soon. Thinking good thoughts for you.
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nursema
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Mar 1, 2022 10:14:32 GMT
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Post by nursema on Aug 3, 2022 0:22:58 GMT
Oh, I feel for you. Been in your shoes and am stronger for it.
I’m praying for peace and calm for you during the entire process. Take good care of yourself and your health.
I am a FIRM believer of Divine Justice…😉😊
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Post by Skellinton on Aug 3, 2022 0:45:17 GMT
Forgive me I am mixing you up with someone else, but aren’t you the one with the cheating spouse who just spent a bunch of cash on a new car? And aren’t you in a community property state? How does he think he won’t have to pay child support? Don’t you have kids under 18? I think going to court might financially be the best thing for you. I hope he gets taken to the cleaners and you get more then you are hoping for. Eff him and eff taking the high road. That boat sailed when he refused mediation. I I am terrible about updating my spreadsheet ![:tongue:](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) , I hope I don’t have you mixed up with someone else.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Aug 3, 2022 0:49:15 GMT
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Listen to your attorney’s advice, but one more caution: Think of your future self when you agree to take less now. My mom walked away without a portion of his pension, after being a SAHM for 30 years because she just wanted out, then didn’t have anything for retirement. Good luck to you. We’re here with you in spirit.
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Just T
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Aug 3, 2022 0:54:29 GMT
Forgive me I am mixing you up with someone else, but aren’t you the one with the cheating spouse who just spent a bunch of cash on a new car? And aren’t you in a community property state? How does he think he won’t have to pay child support? Don’t you have kids under 18? I think going to court might financially be the best thing for you. I hope he gets taken to the cleaners and you get more then you are hoping for. Eff him and eff taking the high road. That boat sailed when he refused mediation. I I am terrible about updating my spreadsheet ![:tongue:](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) , I hope I don’t have you mixed up with someone else. The one with the cheating spouse who just spent $60,000 CASH on a new car is me. And yes, we are in a community property state. My attorney is going to try to prove financial misconduct and try to get more than the 50% I am entitled to. My husband has bank accounts my name is not on, and we have a lot of equity in our house, and she is pretty certain I will make out well. I am scared though, that it won't work out that way.
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Post by Laurie on Aug 3, 2022 0:56:36 GMT
Forgive me I am mixing you up with someone else, but aren’t you the one with the cheating spouse who just spent a bunch of cash on a new car? And aren’t you in a community property state? How does he think he won’t have to pay child support? Don’t you have kids under 18? I think going to court might financially be the best thing for you. I hope he gets taken to the cleaners and you get more then you are hoping for. Eff him and eff taking the high road. That boat sailed when he refused mediation. I I am terrible about updating my spreadsheet ![:tongue:](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) , I hope I don’t have you mixed up with someone else. That is Just T. Easy to confuse because they both have stbx’s that are being slimy pieces of shit to them. Both had a side piece and both are trying to hide money. Calling them pieces of shit is being nice. I shouldn’t compliment them like that.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Aug 3, 2022 1:06:01 GMT
We love you, we are with you, and you don’t have to take the “high ground” so very high that you let him cheat you out of your rightful share of assets. I am so sorry things are turning out this badly. You deserve better. as usual, lucyg said it better than I could. Thinking calming, clear headed thoughts for you to keep your focus without becoming distracted. (((Hugs)))
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janeliz
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I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
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Jun 26, 2014 14:35:07 GMT
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Post by janeliz on Aug 3, 2022 1:07:56 GMT
God, what a turd. I’m so sorry. ((Hugs))
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 3, 2022 1:30:12 GMT
Forgive me I am mixing you up with someone else, but aren’t you the one with the cheating spouse who just spent a bunch of cash on a new car? And aren’t you in a community property state? How does he think he won’t have to pay child support? Don’t you have kids under 18? I think going to court might financially be the best thing for you. I hope he gets taken to the cleaners and you get more then you are hoping for. Eff him and eff taking the high road. That boat sailed when he refused mediation. I I am terrible about updating my spreadsheet ![:tongue:](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) , I hope I don’t have you mixed up with someone else. mine was cheating, but didn't buy a car. Once court is over I'll tell you guys all the crap he's done.
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Post by SallyPA on Aug 3, 2022 1:44:41 GMT
What a jerk. And not going to mediation will not look favorable to him at trial. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m glad it will be over soon, and you can move forward with whatever the court decides. We are here for you!
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Post by Skellinton on Aug 3, 2022 1:48:29 GMT
Forgive me I am mixing you up with someone else, but aren’t you the one with the cheating spouse who just spent a bunch of cash on a new car? And aren’t you in a community property state? How does he think he won’t have to pay child support? Don’t you have kids under 18? I think going to court might financially be the best thing for you. I hope he gets taken to the cleaners and you get more then you are hoping for. Eff him and eff taking the high road. That boat sailed when he refused mediation. I I am terrible about updating my spreadsheet ![:tongue:](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) , I hope I don’t have you mixed up with someone else. The one with the cheating spouse who just spent $60,000 CASH on a new car is me. And yes, we are in a community property state. My attorney is going to try to prove financial misconduct and try to get more than the 50% I am entitled to. My husband has bank accounts my name is not on, and we have a lot of equity in our house, and she is pretty certain I will make out well. I am scared though, that it won't work out that way. Ugh, sorry. I hope you get everything you deserve! And I hope he does too ![:tongue:](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) !
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Post by Skellinton on Aug 3, 2022 1:50:16 GMT
Forgive me I am mixing you up with someone else, but aren’t you the one with the cheating spouse who just spent a bunch of cash on a new car? And aren’t you in a community property state? How does he think he won’t have to pay child support? Don’t you have kids under 18? I think going to court might financially be the best thing for you. I hope he gets taken to the cleaners and you get more then you are hoping for. Eff him and eff taking the high road. That boat sailed when he refused mediation. I I am terrible about updating my spreadsheet ![:tongue:](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) , I hope I don’t have you mixed up with someone else. mine was cheating, but didn't buy a car. Once court is over I'll tell you guys all the crap he's done. I apologize, I hope your lawyer is a shark and gets you everything you deserve.
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Post by mellyw on Aug 3, 2022 1:52:14 GMT
You deserve so much, freecharlie, please fight for yourself. So glad this is almost over for you
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Post by gizzy on Aug 3, 2022 2:01:48 GMT
Sending calming thoughts your way.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 3, 2022 2:01:56 GMT
Hang in there, it will be over soon! Hopefully the judge will see him for the POS he is. Sending lots of calming thoughts your way. Take a few deep breaths and know the Peas have your back. You’ve got this!
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Aug 3, 2022 2:04:52 GMT
Wishing you justice and all good things!
One thing I do when I get really nervous about something is to remind myself that, no matter how much it s*cks in the moment, every day is a step closer to the trauma's being OVER. The day after the judge's decision, the sun will still rise in the east and set in the west, and you will have your new life free of STBX ahead of you!
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teddyw
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Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Aug 3, 2022 2:07:09 GMT
Don’t feel bad. Get everything you and your kids deserve. He’s definitely not feeling bad.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 3, 2022 2:08:57 GMT
Sending you good vibes!!
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
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Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Aug 3, 2022 2:16:38 GMT
As a person who has handled a lot of trials, it always feels really scary in advance (including for the lawyers -- we mostly settle things!) i am sorry you are still in the thick of all this. mine dragged it out for almost 2 years (my lawyer advised me not to leave the house, as did his... ugh). my lawyer was a family law lawyer with over 20 yrs experience who had only a handful of cases that went all the way through the court/trial process. and almost exclusively for folks with a lot of bitterness and no shortage of money. my ex tried to intimidate me to settle for his terms based on fear of trial, but once the ball was rolling and we had several items to complete and then the various stages (in canada so process likely different) and he realized each one just got more and more expensive, he did finally bend (ever so slightly) and we got it resolved. be strong, soldier on, you didn't come this far to only come this far. and life on the other side, it is *so* worth it. you got this. big hug!
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 3, 2022 2:16:55 GMT
Before you tell us everything bad he's done make sure to tell your lawyer. When you get into that courtroom don't be meek. Be assertive.
Do not bargain w/him. If I get the house then you get xyz. Go for as much as your lawyer advises. This is the time to go after his assets and set yourself up for a better life. Your lawyer has much more experience than you at this stuff, so let her get as much as she can for you. That's her job. You're not a victim. You are a strong, woman and he chose the wrong woman to try and destroy. He's intimidating you and making you think that he's in charge and can have whatever he wants. The judge is not going to appreciate the fact that your stbah(asshat) wasted his or her time. Repeat after me: YOUR ASS IS GRASS AND I'M THE LAWNMOWER!
Spend the next two days making sure that your lawyer has all the dirt that you have on him.
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