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Post by freecharlie on Aug 2, 2022 20:28:19 GMT
Stbx refused to mediate, so we are going to trial. I really think I'm going to end up having to sell my house and get nothing in this process and it is starting to freak me out. He is being deceptive and dirty and I'm doing g my best not to stoop to his level.
The trial is in a couple of days and after that...
Anyway, some calming thoughts would be appreciated and I'll ask for positive thoughts just before trial.
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Post by gar on Aug 2, 2022 20:35:03 GMT
That must be incredibly stressful 🫤 I’ll be thinking positive outcomes for you and I really hope it’s nothing like as bad as you’re fearing.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 2, 2022 20:41:09 GMT
There is a difference between stooping to his level and making sure others know he is being deceptive and dirty. Make sure your attorney has all the facts.
I hope you are able to keep the house! You got this!
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,884 
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Post by tracylynn on Aug 2, 2022 20:55:01 GMT
Don't take "stooping to his level" to mean you can't protect yourself. If he's be shady and doing shady shit, make sure your lawyer and the Courts know. This isn't about playing the nice-guy anymore. That flew out the window months ago.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 2, 2022 21:02:38 GMT
We love you, we are with you, and you don’t have to take the “high ground” so very high that you let him cheat you out of your rightful share of assets.
I am so sorry things are turning out this badly. You deserve better.
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Post by lisae on Aug 2, 2022 21:03:07 GMT
Best wishes for a positive outcome. I know you will be happy to have all this behind you.
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Post by karenlou on Aug 2, 2022 21:07:52 GMT
So sorry you have to go through this....I can only echo what the others have said...Make sure your attorney is fully aware of what he is doing!!!! (((HUGS)))
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Post by librarylady on Aug 2, 2022 21:07:59 GMT
Weasel!
Sending you good thoughts and fantastic karma for the trial. Remember we are with you, riding in your pocket or your purse and will help you get through this.
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Post by auntiepeas on Aug 2, 2022 21:13:29 GMT
I’m sorry he’s being such an ass. Sending loads of calming vibes your way.💚
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Post by epeanymous on Aug 2, 2022 21:15:54 GMT
I am sorry. As a person who has handled a lot of trials, it always feels really scary in advance (including for the lawyers -- we mostly settle things!), but what I find is that the trial usually happens because one party (your stbx) is being impossible, and the person being impossible is genuinely surprised to find, at trial, that things go poorly for them! Best of luck.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Aug 2, 2022 21:19:04 GMT
I am sorry you are having to go through this. Hoping the best and that it is a relief when it is done.
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Post by hopemax on Aug 2, 2022 21:22:23 GMT
What is your lawyer telling you? Do you know the judge and does the lawyer know how they typically decide things? If they are sending signals that what you fear will happen is likely, that’s one thing. Otherwise, it’s just a demonstration that you are a person who considers all possible outcomes, and not one that is willing to fall into the trap of “every thing will work out exactly the way I want.” That’s not a bad personality trait to have, but if we let ourselves get carried away with it, we do ourselves a disservice. You did your homework, your lawyer is doing theirs and that’s all you can do. Voice the feelings and find someway to let them go. Find your “Running Up That Hill” equivalent and bury yourself into in it until the day comes, as best you can.
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,742
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Aug 2, 2022 21:23:29 GMT
My sister was in a similar position with her ex. He refused to budge, refused mediation, and dragged it out. The judge put him in his place and my sister is very comfortable. All he wanted to give her was the house, which was upside down. She now owns half his business, 30% of his salary, and 60% of his pension.
We support you. You can handle this. You’re a very strong and brave woman.
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Post by maryland on Aug 2, 2022 21:23:41 GMT
Thinking of you and hope it goes way better than expected and you get everything you deserve. We are here for you!
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 2, 2022 21:27:29 GMT
There is stooping to his level and then there is the limbo. Do the limbo, girl. See if you can find any info before you get to trial. I am sure he wants everything he can get. You should too.
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Post by ~summer~ on Aug 2, 2022 21:39:46 GMT
You got this - I hope it goes much more smoothly than you anticipate
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Post by sabrinae on Aug 2, 2022 21:41:51 GMT
Take everything your entitled to under your state laws and don’t worry about stopping to his level. There’s a difference between stopping to his level and protecting yourself and your sons. Take everything you can for you and for your sons. Ex chose this, he can live with the consequences. It’s perfectly normal to be nervous. Hang in there, it will be over soon. Don’t be suprised if you have to wait for a judgment order and don’t k ow the outcome right away. That’s not abnormal.
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Post by catck on Aug 2, 2022 21:43:11 GMT
The Peas are with you!!!
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Post by workingclassdog on Aug 2, 2022 21:43:22 GMT
Do NOT play nice. If you play nice he will get what he wants. You don't have to play dirty. Don't roll over. Be strong. If he is doing shady shit, call him out on it (probably should have done that by now). Don't let him get away with it. You are the one that will pay the price. Trust me!!!
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,427
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Post by tanya2 on Aug 2, 2022 21:46:25 GMT
screw taking the high road, do whatever you need to do to protect yourself!!! Even if that means getting nasty  |
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Post by elaine on Aug 2, 2022 21:52:24 GMT
We have your back! If stooping to his level gets you more $$$ and stuff, please stoop. There is nothing to be gained by taking the high road if it means that he gets to screw you over even more than he already has.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 2, 2022 21:53:17 GMT
What is your lawyer telling you? Do you know the judge and does the lawyer know how they typically decide things? If they are sending signals that what you fear will happen is likely, that’s one thing. Otherwise, it’s just a demonstration that you are a person who considers all possible outcomes, and not one that is willing to fall into the trap of “every thing will work out exactly the way I want.” That’s not a bad personality trait to have, but if we let ourselves get carried away with it, we do ourselves a disservice. You did your homework, your lawyer is doing theirs and that’s all you can do. Voice the feelings and find someway to let them go. Find your “Running Up That Hill” equivalent and bury yourself into in it until the day comes, as best you can. She seems way more optimistic than I do, but I think she is a but crazy as well |
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Post by ntsf on Aug 2, 2022 21:55:17 GMT
I'm sorry you are dealing with this.. sending lots of hugs.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 2, 2022 21:56:49 GMT
Honestly I want to not have to sell the house. I'd take the equity in the house and leave his 401k alone and he be about $20-$30,000 ahead (well before the marker started to tank) and then split everything else plus maintenance and child support.
He doesn't want to pay either cs or maintenance, wantd to sell the house and split the equity (which won't be much after we pay off the solar loan and the realtor... he thinks it will be a lot more than it will be) and keep all his assets.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 2, 2022 22:12:01 GMT
Honestly I want to not have to sell the house. I'd take the equity in the house and leave his 401k alone and he be about $20-$30,000 ahead (well before the marker started to tank) and then split everything else plus maintenance and child support. He doesn't want to pay either cs or maintenance, wantd to sell the house and split the equity (which won't be much after we pay off the solar loan and the realtor... he thinks it will be a lot more than it will be) and keep all his assets. NO, just no. Listen to your lawyer. She’s been through this before. It’ll be okay. |
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Post by leannec on Aug 2, 2022 22:19:41 GMT
Listen to your lawyer. She’s been through this before. It’ll be okay. I haven't had to deal with what you are going through but I think this is good advice! I will say that I am putting my house on the market within the week ... it's time ... I've been divorced since December (separated for two and a half years) ... no drama like you are experiencing! Sometimes a move is the right thing ... think about it  I stand up to my ex way more now than I ever did when we were married ... find your voice! |
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Post by pmm on Aug 2, 2022 22:21:55 GMT
My ex was shady as duck when we divorced. I'll spare you the details.
Tell your lawyer everything you know. Take your own pad of paper and a pen to write down any discrepancies that he tells during the trial. This will enable your lawyer to address them on cross examination.
You've got this!
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Post by quinlove on Aug 2, 2022 22:35:34 GMT
((( freecharlie )))
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Post by pmm on Aug 2, 2022 22:40:17 GMT
Honestly I want to not have to sell the house. I'd take the equity in the house and leave his 401k alone and he be about $20-$30,000 ahead (well before the marker started to tank) and then split everything else plus maintenance and child support. He doesn't want to pay either cs or maintenance, wantd to sell the house and split the equity (which won't be much after we pay off the solar loan and the realtor... he thinks it will be a lot more than it will be) and keep all his assets. Mine wouldn't negotiate either. He wanted half my retirement, to split his humongous back tax bill and I was to get nothing of his business. The business that was the reason for his huge tax bill because he and his shady account were not doing business taxes. Everything was run through our personal taxes. I never saw them because he always forged my signature on the forms. I stood my ground regarding my retirement. He had cashed his in and never reinvested it-he squandered it on who knows what. I told my lawyer that if he insisted on my retirement, then I wanted him to prove with a forensic account of my choice to verify that the business was worth nothing. I would then hang on on to my half of nothing until it was something and the asshat could buy me out. He quickly dropped his claim to half my retirement. The court made him responsible for all of the back taxes. You want to make sure that when you walk away from this that you are satisfied with the results as much as possible. If it makes you happy to keep the house and he keeps his 401K then it is the right choice for you. The support of you and the boys is a different situation, take your lawyers advice on that part. |
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Post by Merge on Aug 2, 2022 22:49:36 GMT
What an asshat. I’m so sorry. Wishing you the very best - I know you can do this!
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