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Post by melodyesch on Aug 15, 2022 17:08:56 GMT
My niece is graduating from high school next year and it seems that my SIL thinks that my husband and I will be going. As it turns out, my husband WILL be going because he'll need to drive my MIL the 4.5 hours so she can go. But the date would be inconvenient for me and I wasn't really even thinking of having to go. But now I'm wondering if I'm an asshole for not wanting to go?
Are graduations a family affair where you are? 30 years ago, I only recall my Mom and Dad going to mine. My grandparents didn't even go and I didn't expect them to.
Thanks!
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Post by workingclassdog on Aug 15, 2022 17:11:20 GMT
Nope. Unless they are in town and scheduling permits it... but no. And I would not expect my sister to attend my kid's graduation. I send a gift and they are very fine with it.
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Post by ~summer~ on Aug 15, 2022 17:12:32 GMT
High school no. college yes. I just booked my flight to Boulder for my niece’s graduation in May.
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Post by katlady on Aug 15, 2022 17:12:38 GMT
No, not really a big family affair with us. Plus, some schools also limit how many tickets you can get. For my graduation, only my parents and grandparents came. Same with my boys. I wouldn't expect the extended family to show up. I didn't go to any graduations for nieces and nephews, but I did watch one that was streamed live (it was out of state). But, it all depends on family dynamics. What is the normal for your husband's family?
ETA - And our family is the same with college graduations too. Usually only immediate family shows up.
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Post by melodyesch on Aug 15, 2022 17:16:34 GMT
But, it all depends on family dynamics. What is the normal for your husband's family? That's the thing. This is DH's only sibling and the only child on that side of the family. We don't have children. So there really is no normal. I just thought the two grandmothers would go (plus my DH since he's the chauffeur).
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Aug 15, 2022 17:17:12 GMT
We have limited numbers of tickets so it isn’t even an option. But my younger siblings and I grew up in a much smaller town and it isn’t common for extended family to attend, even though there is plenty of room.
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Post by lisae on Aug 15, 2022 17:20:37 GMT
The only HS graduation I've attended in the last 30+ years has been my own. DH attended his daughter's graduations but that is it. HS here have hundreds in their graduating classes so the ceremony is a long hot affair. We give gifts.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 15, 2022 17:25:28 GMT
Around here most graduations have ticket limits that would prevent extended family from attending the actual graduation. We usually get an invite to the grad party afterward, but for whatever reason the last several graduating seniors in our extended families have either passed on having a party at all or we just haven’t been invited. SIL’s younger kid just graduated this year and didn’t have a party that we know of, and three years before that his sibling also didn’t have one. The last two nephews on my side didn’t have HS grad parties either.
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Post by mom on Aug 15, 2022 17:25:53 GMT
Yes, I would go if I was invited. I've gone to all but one nephews graduation (they only had 4 tickets). In my family, it isn't expected you show up but *I* think I should go. My siblings all came to my kids graduations as well.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 15, 2022 17:26:22 GMT
Tickets are limited, so no. When DS graduated high school, there were 5 tickets alloted per graduate- that covered dh and I, my mom, and dhs mom and stepdad. Had dh's dad been living, stepdad would not have had a ticket.
When DS graduated from college, there was also a limit. We had requested 4 tickets and received them- dh, me, my mom, and MIL. MIL ended up not being able to go due to covid exposure so we gave the extra ticket to DS' friend, so her sister could attend.
So, no, we dont go to graduation ceremonies- they are more for the parents than extended family. Grad parties are where others get to celebrate with the graduate. We did not expect any out of town people to come for the grad party- it's high school for heaven's sake! Dh's brothers did come from about 4-4.5 hours away, but they didnt stay long.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Aug 15, 2022 17:36:25 GMT
We went to the HS graduation of 3 of the 4 nieces & nephews (living overseas for the 4th). To date only one has graduated from college and we did not attend his graduation as we were living overseas. The youngest niece will graduate in May '23 and we do plan to be there for hers. I think it just depends on each family as to what you do. Do you have any kind of relationship with this niece? Also, how large is the high school?
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Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 15, 2022 17:43:58 GMT
Some we go to, some we don't.
Depends on what we have going on, if there is a limited amount of tickets, etc...
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,384
Location: New York, NY
Jun 26, 2014 18:02:19 GMT
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Post by christinec68 on Aug 15, 2022 17:44:12 GMT
We go to my sister's kids' graduations if we're invited to the ceremony (this would be based on the number of tickets they get) and we would be included in and attend any celebrations. We're local so it's a no brainer for us.
We went to the graduation parties of our nieces on my husband's side of the family - tickets were limited for the ceremony.
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Post by huskermom98 on Aug 15, 2022 17:53:02 GMT
The ceremonies? No. Even my sisters said "don't bother" because of the class sizes (not sure if tickets were an issue).
The parties? Hell yah! Unless we can't because of baseball commitments we love to go to the parties. They are usually either a different day or different weekend from the ceremony which is why we're told to not bother with the ceremony.
This is all for high school. Only one from the next generation has graduated high school & my sister didn't have a party or even send out announcements. None of us did anything for our own college graduations except maybe a family dinner afterwards because we were all still physically close to one another.
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Post by hopechest on Aug 15, 2022 18:20:44 GMT
We would go to my (husband's) nephews if there are tickets available. We live close, so no biggie.
On my side, my sibs are spread all over the country. I wouldn't expect them to come to my kid's and I wouldn't expect to go to theirs. UNLESS -- we're using the graduation as an excuse to vacation or see more family wherever they are. But we wouldn't go just for the graduation.
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Post by gizzy on Aug 15, 2022 18:27:01 GMT
If tickets, space & money are available, we all go. None of us would think of missing out.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Aug 15, 2022 18:32:15 GMT
No, not if they are even in my area.
High School Graduation is just not a big deal where I live. It is expected that everyone graduates high school.
There may be a prom or a graduation party and certainly a ceremony for graduation but only for immediate family and no ticket sales or other stuff.
No open houses or other silly, expensive things. No grad invites or announcements.
University & College graduations are a bigger deal, but still not a "BIG" thing.
Guess us Canadians do things differently.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,748
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Aug 15, 2022 18:37:12 GMT
Yes. We drove almost 7+ hours round trip in a day to attend my niece's graduation party. We'll do it again for my nephew this spring.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 15, 2022 18:37:28 GMT
Yes. I have three. Went to the first one in Florida and will sit through an excruciatingly long one next May.
I did not expect my brother to come, be he did,so now I have to go to his kids.
My bil did not come to either.
We had a graduation party after the actual ceremony and extended family and friends came to that
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,770
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Aug 15, 2022 18:42:48 GMT
We barely enjoy going for our own kids. So that’s a big no. Around here, tickets are limited. DD is a senior this year and there is over 1,000 kids in the graduating class. I wouldn’t want to put anyone through that.
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,201
Location: Alabama
Jan 29, 2015 16:24:49 GMT
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Post by janeinbama on Aug 15, 2022 18:50:47 GMT
We went to all our nieces and nephews HS graduations most were local. Of the ones who graduated college on both sides, we went to the ceremonies if they walked, most chose not to. No parties after graduations on either side, light dinner prior to the out of town ones. Couple of graduation teas for nieces as well as my DDs and Aunts attended.
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Post by hopemax on Aug 15, 2022 19:03:56 GMT
I grew up far away from all my family. My Dad's sister was closest, at a 7 hr drive. They came to my HS graduation, we reciprocated for my two cousins.
College graduation, my Mom's sister she was closest to, social bonds not distance, her family came and my Mom's older sister, who had never visited us, ever, came as a surprise. They couldn't attend the University ceremony due to ticket limits, but they did come to my Department's smaller graduation ceremony. For me, it was really nice because we lived so far away, I had never spent a birthday, Christmas or other holiday with any of my Mom's family, so it made me feel, for one week, that I was, in fact, part of the family. We were never expected to attend these events because of the distance, so my Mom just sent a card.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,408
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Aug 15, 2022 19:18:08 GMT
Of course we go. Neither DH or I come from large families so there aren't THAT many events for the nieces and nephews. I just don't understand not wanting to attend graduations and weddings for family.
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Post by gar on Aug 15, 2022 19:38:13 GMT
I’m very glad graduation from school is not a thing here - they sound very dull however much I love my nieces and nephews. No one but parents even go to uni graduation - I just don’t get the thing with graduating school to be honest.
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Post by mikewozowski on Aug 15, 2022 19:39:38 GMT
nope, not unless they live close and we are close with them. i have 5 nieces/nephews. i think we went to one.
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huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,262
Jun 25, 2014 20:22:13 GMT
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Post by huskergal on Aug 15, 2022 19:40:12 GMT
Between my side and my husband's side of the family, we have a tremendous number of nieces and nephews. We did not attend any of the graduation ceremonies but did go to most of the open houses.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 15, 2022 19:41:54 GMT
Not really. Sometimes. Local ones? Yes, if invited.
But I'm not a big sentimental ceremony person so I'm not going to travel really far for it.
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Post by shamrock on Aug 15, 2022 19:52:59 GMT
In my family it’s a mix. In town and tickets available. Everyone goes. Out of town? Expect grandparents to go but not aunts/uncles.
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Post by padresfan619 on Aug 15, 2022 19:57:08 GMT
Our nieces are local so we would definitely go. Our nephews aren’t local but it isn’t a very long flight to them, and one nephew is my husband’s godson so we would really make the effort to get there. Not necessarily for the ceremony but for the party my MIL will inevitably throw.
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 15, 2022 20:02:33 GMT
My brother and his wife flew in (Northern Virginia) for both kids’ graduations. DH’s sister and family did not. I wasn’t the least bit upset. In fact, I was surprised that DB and SIL wanted to come. The attended both undergrad graduations as well. DH’s sister and family did attend. DS’s undergrad ceremony, but not DD’s because they only allowed 2 to attend because of Covid.
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