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Post by luvmygirls on Aug 19, 2022 5:05:08 GMT
How would you feel if you had a friend who choose the most expensive restaurant around to celebrate her birthday. She doesn’t pay, as you all split paying for her dinner and yours.
I’m asking this because this happen to my daughter. Her friend picked the place to celebrate her birthday. Therefore, my daughter had to pay for her own expensive meal and part of the birthday girls expensive meal. Am I the only one who thinks the birthday girl should have picked a place that was more reasonable?
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Aug 19, 2022 5:20:42 GMT
I think that is very inconsiderate. Some people are selfish like that.
I would have declined in attending. A simple "I'm sorry, I won't be able to attend, have a good time". If asked why, I would have said, "the restaurants prices, are more than I am able to spend on one meal".
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Aug 19, 2022 5:28:03 GMT
How would you feel if you had a friend who choose the most expensive restaurant around to celebrate her birthday. She doesn’t pay, as you all split paying for her dinner and yours. I’m asking this because this happen to my daughter. Her friend picked the place to celebrate her birthday. Therefore, my daughter had to pay for her own expensive meal and part of the birthday girls expensive meal. Am I the only one who thinks the birthday girl should have picked a place that was more reasonable? So, birthday girl picked the restaurant and then invited everyone and was upfront about how the bill would be split? In that case, she's free to have dinner whenever she'd like, and her friends are free to decline the invite.
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Post by epeanymous on Aug 19, 2022 6:16:39 GMT
Ugh, no. That is not cool. Maybe if everyone is really quite rich and you know they like to spend on dinner, but otherwise, you pick somewhere nice but reasonable.
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,294
Location: Colorado
Apr 26, 2017 6:14:47 GMT
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Post by snyder on Aug 19, 2022 7:44:00 GMT
I think it is inconsiderate to pic a very expensive place knowing others will be picking up your bill. Maybe in the future, some guidelines should be added such as pick a mid priced restaruant, we are all on a budget. But, if you do that, your daughter doesn't get to pick an expensive place when it is her turn to celebrate her birthday. ha! Hope that group of friends don't skip her when its her turn. I use to take my staff out to lunch from time to time and there was one employee that always ordered the most expensive entree on the menu. I thought it a bit unfair to the other team members, as I know they were trying to choose in the cheaper to mid price bracket.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 19, 2022 9:43:36 GMT
She could have declined to attend. Now that it is over, she can approach the group about a spending limit
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
Jul 30, 2017 3:38:57 GMT
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Post by muggins on Aug 19, 2022 11:13:23 GMT
Similar thing happened to my DD recently. She went to a birthday dinner with a nice gift, the birthday girl ordered a ton of food and drinks, and while she was in the restroom, the other two guests informed DD that they were going to split the bill three ways and pay for the birthday girls food and cocktails. DD didn’t feel like she could decline on the spot do she ended up paying for a gift and a big restaurant bill that she couldn’t really afford.
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Post by lisae on Aug 19, 2022 13:41:52 GMT
It's inconsiderate. Does everyone in the group get to go out for their birthday? If so, they probably need to agree on the restaurant price range they can all afford. Meals can certainly vary depending on appetizers, drinks, dessert.
There's a group of 3 of us that have been going out for birthdays for over 20 years. Some meals end up being a little more expensive than others but everything is in the same moderate price range. No one has ever picked one of the more expensive restaurants in the area. We usually get one dessert and split it. We never order alcohol as we are all driving individually. We live in different towns.
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Post by Bobomommy on Aug 19, 2022 16:07:23 GMT
A restaurant owner I know periodically takes his staff out to eat at other local restaurants. The last time I saw them out, one employee brought her two 8-ish and 11-ish year old children. She ordered adult meals for herself and the children, then split her meal with them and took the other two meals home with her. The owner paid for all the meals. That's just downright greedy of her to take advantage of him!
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Post by auntkelly on Aug 19, 2022 16:17:29 GMT
On the one hand, I think it was inconsiderate of the birthday girl to pick out such an expensive place. However, I think your daughter should have spoken up and said "I'm so sorry, but that restaurant is out of my price range. I hope you all have a wonderful time." Your daughter could have then offered to take the birthday girl out for a drink some other time, or given her a bottle of wine for her birthday.
There shouldn't be any shame in saying "I can't afford something." If there is, then it wasn't a true friendship to begin with.
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Post by gramasue on Aug 19, 2022 16:37:32 GMT
This reminds me of that Friends episode where Rachel and Joey are confronted with the same problem. They finally speak up and let the others know that they can't really afford to go to expensive restaurants and be expected to 'split' the bill. They were ordering minimum priced meals for themselves and then having to pay a portion of the others' expensive meals. Your daughter should just be up front about her situation. I think she'll find that she's not the only one of the group that feels the same.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,652
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Aug 19, 2022 16:50:16 GMT
I'm a price conscious person. When dd wanted to go out to dinner for her 18th bday in June, I made it clear up front that I wasn't able to pay for everyone and she said her friends wouldn't expect that. We also made sure to pick a place that would be price friendly to everyone. I would never ask someone to spend more than I am comfortable with personally. It's hard to be put on the spot like that. Or even if she knew a head of time, hard to decline. I'm sorry your dd was put in that situation.
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,922
Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
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Post by pinklady on Aug 19, 2022 17:47:35 GMT
I'm assuming that your daughter knew the restaurant and how the bill would be split ahead of time. She also had the choice to decline the invitation so this is on her.
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Post by hopemax on Aug 19, 2022 17:53:20 GMT
I am of two minds. One, if its your birthday you should be able to decide where you want to eat based on what you want, not other people's situations, like you might on any other day. If your tastes run to these types of experiences, you should be able to indulge on your birthday, of all days. This assumes, however, you are not expecting others to pay your way.
But if it is more important to have your friends present, than eating where you want, then you need to have some consideration of other people's budgets.
Also, in the world of "things we need to talk about more, including all things financial," people need to be able to feel comfortable saying things like, "I know you are excited about eating at X, but it's not in my budget. Let's catch up over coffee and you can tell me all about it." If a friend is going to give you crap about not spending your discretionary money on *them*, are they really the type of friends you want? Because that situation will repeat and repeat. But these are the type of situations that people don't want to be the first one to stick their neck out, and everyone else plays, "keeping up with the Joneses," while resentment quietly builds.
But it's also a problem when things go to far the other way. If you know your BFF enjoys certain levels of experiences, asking them to always defer to your budget is also not exactly the best for avoiding resentment either, as it sets up a situation where your needs are always met and theirs never are. A birthday is nice because it's the same day every year, so you can plan and set aside a few bucks every week to pay for BFF's birthday dinner so she gets exactly the type of day she wants. But not every friend is BFF level. Sometimes people are just coffee and lunch friends, and other friends are fancy meals and expensive experiences. Can people navigate situations where not everyone in the friend group needs to do all the same things, at the same time without ranking who is the better friend by who participated in what?... Well, that's always the question. And of course, all of this should be discussed in advance of a situation, not a bunch of assumptions, or dropping things on people at the last minute.
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Post by Lexica on Aug 19, 2022 17:56:49 GMT
A restaurant owner I know periodically takes his staff out to eat at other local restaurants. The last time I saw them out, one employee brought her two 8-ish and 11-ish year old children. She ordered adult meals for herself and the children, then split her meal with them and took the other two meals home with her. The owner paid for all the meals. That's just downright greedy of her to take advantage of him! That is incredibly rude! I hope she asked in advance if the kids could come and she didn’t just show up with them. She should have stuck to ordering just one meal and sharing it with the kids, stopping on the way home for more food if they are still hungry.
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 5,972
Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on Aug 19, 2022 18:23:13 GMT
A restaurant owner I know periodically takes his staff out to eat at other local restaurants. The last time I saw them out, one employee brought her two 8-ish and 11-ish year old children. She ordered adult meals for herself and the children, then split her meal with them and took the other two meals home with her. The owner paid for all the meals. That's just downright greedy of her to take advantage of him! That is incredibly rude! I hope she asked in advance if the kids could come and she didn’t just show up with them. She should have stuck to ordering just one meal and sharing it with the kids, stopping on the way home for more food if they are still hungry. I was thinking boss knew and if maybe food was a struggle so he wanted to make sure they have food. 🤷♀️
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Post by Lexica on Aug 19, 2022 18:48:24 GMT
That is incredibly rude! I hope she asked in advance if the kids could come and she didn’t just show up with them. She should have stuck to ordering just one meal and sharing it with the kids, stopping on the way home for more food if they are still hungry. I was thinking boss knew and if maybe food was a struggle so he wanted to make sure they have food. 🤷♀️ If food was a struggle for the mom, they work in a restaurant, the owner could help her out on a regular basis by giving her the food that has to be thrown out each day, even though it is perfectly good food still. So many restaurants have to toss perfectly edible food. There was an organization around here at one point that went to all of the participating restaurants and gathered their food items to feed the homeless. I don’t know if they are still active. A friend that worked in a participating restaurant was telling me about the organization and I thought it was an amazing idea. I just feel ordering meals to take home sends such a greedy message unless her circumstances are very dire and everyone is aware of it and doesn’t see it as greedy. If things are that bad for her, I hope the owner gives her leftovers on a regular basis.
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Post by mom on Aug 20, 2022 1:29:50 GMT
How would you feel if you had a friend who choose the most expensive restaurant around to celebrate her birthday. She doesn’t pay, as you all split paying for her dinner and yours. I’m asking this because this happen to my daughter. Her friend picked the place to celebrate her birthday. Therefore, my daughter had to pay for her own expensive meal and part of the birthday girls expensive meal. Am I the only one who thinks the birthday girl should have picked a place that was more reasonable? Does everyone get to pick wherever they want for their birthday, knowing the others will pick up the tab? I don't necessarily think the birthday girl is under any obligation to pick somewhere less expensive on her birthday. There is always the option of saying you can't afford to go, but here is x amount of money towards her meal. Honestly, assuming this is how they always do it, and everyone gets a chance to choose anywhere, then she should get to pick anywhere. If there was a budget they needed to stay under then that should have been discussed before hand.
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Post by mymindseyedpea on Aug 21, 2022 16:57:25 GMT
Totally not cool if the splitting of the bill to pay for birthday girl was a surprise. Still not the coolest if it was discussed in advance because it was still expected. Unless, like Mom said, everyone gets this treatment. Things like that lose the opportunity for a generous gesture of paying her bill.
Dd had a birthday dinner a few years ago with family and friends and her dad paid for the whole thing. The total came to her birthday numbers. Last year, dd bought some gifts for her dad’s birthday. The total came to his birthday numbers. That made me smile ☺️
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Post by OntarioScrapper on Aug 22, 2022 2:25:34 GMT
No if you don't know before going! My older sister turned 50. She had two parties this month. And is going on a cruise in November. I declined the cruise. Would have to pay for a passport and pay my own way for 7 days. I can't afford that and I don't like boats. So I went to the party near me and made her a scrapbook of her lift instead. She loved the scrapbook so I think she's gotten over that I declined the cruise.
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