Funeral: Honorary pallbearers/family issue ?

Not one funeral that I’ve been to has any pallbearer worn a boutonniere.

I wonder if the boutonnières are regional or some other differentiation.

When I google funeral boutonnière it definitely comes up with tons of articles about pallbearers wearing boutonnières, how they’re supposed to wear it (on the left), and what they do with it.

Boutonnières come up as a service offered by funeral homes on their website.

I would say that these days, when a lot of people are struggling with inflation, I would personally not want to make any request that could lead to anyone feeling that had to go out and buy something they didn't need just to wear to a funeral.


I know that there were times, that even basics like navy or black dress pants/shoes, and a white button down, would be one and done items for my kids. The did not wear those things anywhere regularly.  So when we would buy them for a party, a concert, a special church event, etc., they would often grow out of them in under 6 months.  And since we could, at times, go 6 months between needing that type of apparel, those things wound up being worn once. Not a big deal for any one item, but when you start buying 3 or 4 different items for multiple kids, it can add up. And if anyone already has travel expenses in order to attend, the costs just keep adding up.  


However, I would try to accommodate a request if it were made of us. But I wouldn't go crazy with it--I'd likely take a "close enough" approach. If my kid had something close already---a mostly white button-down, or navy pants instead of black, I might just go with that.  Especially if any of my kids were in a hard to fit stage or if they had any sensory issues that made it very hard to convince them to wear just any old pair of pants/shirt/shoes. 

I've never been to a funeral where the pallbearers didn't wear boutonnieres. They always have them. The coordinating clothes? No.

I have never seen boutonnières either.  And I know for a fact my husband has never owned a “corporate blue” dress shirt.   I can’t think of any males I know that wear one except for attorneys.   Doctors I know don’t wear them, teachers I know don’t wear them.   A white dress shirt is probably a lot more likely to be in a man’s closet then a blue dress shirt, certainly not most or all men even have one of those. My husband had to buy one last funeral he went to before Covid, I bet he has donated it by now.   My boss had to ask us ladies at work what and wear to shop for a funeral last month.  

My sons were pallbearers and we had to buy dress clothes. Then one bag didn't make it on the plane so we bought them a second time. In a Target in a small town in Iowa. We had very little to choose from, but in the long run, it was the right thing to do of us. We also had to buy second outfits for the viewing the night before.

I'd probably go online and get red ties as cheap as possible. They might wear the shirts again, and at 14, they will be growing a lot still, so maybe get the shirt a little larger than fitted.