peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,390 
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Post by peaname on Sept 28, 2022 10:22:38 GMT
I got married a very long time ago and I was only 20. But one thing I did not want is for my husband to shove cake all around my face. I’m an introvert and would be embarrassed to experience this. He respected my wishes and we fed each other a reasonable bite and our family and friends voiced their disappointment. And he’s been respectful of me ever since!
Is this tradition still done? It reminds me of the pie in the face and I see it as public humiliation. Call me a stick in the mud but I think the subtle difference between great fun and humiliation lies with the feelings of the recipient. There are some who think it’s fun and they should by all means continue but when those of us who would hate it feel pressured to join in because otherwise they’ll feel like the names I will likely be called below this post then it’s no longer fun.
Please tell me what you think.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Sept 28, 2022 10:38:29 GMT
I got married 21 years ago and we didn’t even do the “feed each other cake” thing. I’ve always thought that whole thing is so awkward and cringy and weird that people like doing it and watching it be done. We didn’t even have a cake! We had a table full of a variety of fun desserts.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,086
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Post by AllieC on Sept 28, 2022 11:00:47 GMT
This has never been a tradition in Australia thankfully. Neither is the feeding cake to each other although I have seen that a couple of times. I think it’s just awful and I would be so upset as a bride with beautiful makeup to have cake smeared over it.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,294
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Sept 28, 2022 11:07:26 GMT
I’ve never heard of this. What a strange thing to do!
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Post by gar on Sept 28, 2022 11:08:51 GMT
I don't know that it was ever a general thing here in the UK although it obviously did happen/happens sometimes, it's an infrequent thing as far as I see.
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Post by piebaker on Sept 28, 2022 11:21:28 GMT
We fed each other a small bite.I was very shy and would have been mortified by a cake push.
We didn't do removing a garter and tossing it either. Fortunately, that tradition seems to have died out as well.
I did toss a mini bouquet.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Sept 28, 2022 11:28:23 GMT
We got married 23 years ago and I also told my husband that I absolutely did not want him to shove the cake in my face. Im not sure I’ve ever seen that done IRL, though. But I was worried about him trying to do it.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,790
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Post by purplebee on Sept 28, 2022 11:34:26 GMT
Married for 50 years. This was not a thing way back when, thankfully. I don’t like it at all. I think it’s demeaning and why would you risk getting cake and frosting smeared all over your face and possibly clothes? Isn’t it a tradition to look your very best on your wedding day? I may be an old fogey, but I hate this. Nothing wrong w/feeding each other the first bite of cake as long as it doesn’t escalate.
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Sept 28, 2022 11:38:54 GMT
We fed each other a small bite.I was very shy and would have been mortified by a cake push. We didn't do removing a garter and tossing it either. Fortunately, that tradition seems to have died out as well. I did toss a mini bouquet. This was us, too. I didn't toss a bouquet, though, as we were nearly 30 when we married and by then, the single ladies didn't so much want to be called out. So, I took a moment to quietly present the "throw bouquet" to a friend that I knew was the next in our circle to be getting married. |
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Post by littlemama on Sept 28, 2022 11:45:02 GMT
I have only seen cake shoved in someone's face on social media. I dont think it is very common.
I think it is disrepectful, but if the bride and groom are both onboard, then to each their own.
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Post by lisae on Sept 28, 2022 11:51:51 GMT
We didn't feed each other at all. Only the photographer was paying attention. We didn't make a big deal of the cake cutting. The kitchen of our venue was a bit slow getting everyone's meal out and I didn't want them to have to wait any longer to get dessert.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 28, 2022 12:01:02 GMT
It's a disgusting act. I don't think it bodes well for a marriage if someone does that.
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Post by malibou on Sept 28, 2022 12:35:55 GMT
I dislike the cake shove. It seems mean spirited to me. Plus trying to get all of that cake off is going to likely mess up the bride's makeup. I've seen it a couple of times, and it's always led to a fight later on as there had been an agreement to not do it.
I eloped, so there was no cake, but never in a million years would Dh have done that to me.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 28, 2022 12:40:13 GMT
DH knew better than to smash cake in my face. I’ve never been a fan of that and find it highly distasteful and disrespectful. The only person I’ve ever seen do this IRL was a total ass so it wasn’t unexpected. Everyone could tell the bride was so upset to have her makeup ruined with the rest of the reception and dance pictures still to happen. It’s so cringey to see someone do that to someone they profess to love and it doesn’t bode well for the marriage long term.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Sept 28, 2022 13:15:00 GMT
Married 45 years and we didn't do the 'cake shove'. I don't recall ever seeing it done at a wedding now that I think about it.
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,384
Location: New York, NY
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Post by christinec68 on Sept 28, 2022 13:25:11 GMT
I’ve only seen it once at a friend’s wedding. It wasn’t a full on smash in the face just a little. It suited their playfulness and they both knew it was going to happen. They’ve been married for 30+ years.
I never considered it something really popular or traditional.
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Post by mom on Sept 28, 2022 13:30:28 GMT
DH knew better than to smash cake in my face. I’ve never been a fan of that and find it highly distasteful and disrespectful. The only person I’ve ever seen do this IRL was a total ass so it wasn’t unexpected. Everyone could tell the bride was so upset to have her makeup ruined with the rest of the reception and dance pictures still to happen. It’s so cringey to see someone do that to someone they profess to love and it doesn’t bode well for the marriage long term. I could have written this post. All of it - from DH knew better (nor would he ever do that anyway!) to knowing an asshole who did do it to his bride (and they were married less than 2 years). Its all just so mean and humiliating. |
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,370
Location: Michigan
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Post by iluvpink on Sept 28, 2022 13:54:04 GMT
I think it's still done. We didn't do it. Not something either of us care for/would enjoy.
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Post by greendragonlady on Sept 28, 2022 14:09:11 GMT
I never like seeing it. Even if they both agree to it. I had told my first husband he'd better not do it. He didn't "smash" it, but he rubbed it on my face. I was pissed. One of the many reasons he's my ex.
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Post by lucyg on Sept 28, 2022 15:33:45 GMT
I’ve never thought of it as humiliating or disrespectful or abusive. I just think it’s dumb and pointless. But whatever works for the couple, I guess.
My mom told my DH not to shove cake in my face because I was wearing a family heirloom wedding dress and she didn’t want cake/frosting all over it. (I think she was using that as an excuse, and just found the whole thing distasteful.) We would have ignored her if we cared, but I didn’t want cake shoved in my face to begin with. So no big deal.
Now if a groom did it to a bride against her wishes, that’s a whole different ballgame.
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Post by papersilly on Sept 28, 2022 20:33:14 GMT
i am not a fan of the "shove the cake in the face" thing. not at all. i made sure i was very clear with DH when we got married 32 years ago. we did the obligatory bitesize feed but that was just for photos.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 22:48:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2022 20:45:21 GMT
I got married in 1984 (age 23) and I planned every detail of my wedding. No cake shoving (it WAS a thing even back then), and no daddy-daughter dance (we danced later but no spotlight on the daddy-giving-his-daughter-away thing). No garter thing. I didn't want to do it. Here's a chuckle though: everyone begged me to change my mind at the wedding and I did agree to do it. I have the professional photos where I'm sitting in a chair and my (then) husband was asking me, "how far up is the garter?" OMG, how embarrassing!! I weighed only 82 lbs back then and had to put the garter all the way up my thigh, not thinking I'd be doing the garter thing........ Oh well.......
People are in charge of their own choices for their wedding. At only 23, I chose my own idea of what I wanted. I had a string quartet at the church, and I was going to avoid having liquor at the reception (sorry, but I don't like those cash bars or people seriously over-indulging). I did end up serving liquor; no cash bar.
My 2nd marriage was 2010. We had a wedding in NJ and then one on LI 2 days later. No cake smashing then either; just joyous, wonderful memories. xo
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Post by epeanymous on Sept 28, 2022 20:48:48 GMT
I have never seen that. Yikes.
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Post by snoopy on Sept 28, 2022 22:51:57 GMT
My very sweet MIL was very afraid of “crossing a line” or offering unwanted advice. The one request she had for our very small wedding (seven guests total) was that we did not smash cake in each others faces. There was no need to worry though. Neither one of us wanted to do it, and I would have been livid if anybody smashed food in my face, especially my new husband.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Sept 28, 2022 23:27:04 GMT
It's still a thing and I think it's gross every single time. I told him it was a hard limit and we wouldn't have any of that nonsense. I paid too much for my makeup that day. Nope.
People were yelling for us to do it but we didn't even pretend
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,943
Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Sept 29, 2022 2:44:36 GMT
DH and I got married in Las Vegas so our wedding cake was PLASTIC! LOLOLOL! ;-)
We did have a sheet cake at our party when we got home. I think we may have fed each other cake ... It was 32 years ago so I can't be sure cause it wasn't a real formal reception. LOL! Every wedding we've ever attended we have talked about how rude and disrespectful the cake shove in the face is, so I KNOW we wouldn't have done that! (Which is probably why I don't even remember if we fed each other cake!) LOL!!!
So along that line ... I think there should be a study done on rude cake shoves and divorces. LOL! My SIL and her EX each did a really rude cake shove! It started small and each took it a little further until it ended with her almost on the floor with cake ALL OVER her face. I think she may have even retaliated by throwing a piece back at him! (Again about 35 years ago! LOL) It was super awkward and not funny at all. They divorced about 5 or 6 years later. Then, they remarried and divorced again!
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Post by librarylady on Sept 29, 2022 2:49:23 GMT
Not a fan. As others have mentioned it is so disrespectful and does not bode well for the marriage.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,366
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Sept 29, 2022 7:07:57 GMT
I've been married 30 years. My dh seriously shoved the cake in my face. I was a good sport at the time and laughed about it, but it was certainly unexpected to say the least. We had a fantastic and fun wedding reception. I laugh about it now. With that said, if he were to do that now, I'd be on the warpath. I'm older and crabbier.  Despite that little bit of crazy beginning, our marriage has been a good one and we're quite happy with each other.  |
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,899
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Sept 29, 2022 7:48:20 GMT
It's not a thing in the UK - thank goodness.
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Post by myboysnme on Sept 29, 2022 11:53:52 GMT
Sore topic with me. I asked my dh not to. On the video you hear his tacky family telling him to shove it in. He hit my gag reflex and I coughed for 20 mins. My nurse aunt helped me and finally with some hot tea I could breathe.
I made it clear that he need not ever disregard my wishes over others if he wanted to stay married. That was almost 35 years ago.
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