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Post by Merge on Dec 9, 2022 1:20:20 GMT
They’re not close friends any more, but when we were neighbors we spent a lot of time together and we’ve kept up on social media. They’re Mormon - or they were.
Both very fit and athletic. Great looking. (I mention this because it’s not like he got all fit and she wasn’t.) A while back, he joined CrossFit and got very into it. Started doing competitions and obstacle races. Two workouts a day. Alllll his posts are about CrossFit. We noticed over time he was posting a lot of complimentary stuff about one woman at his gym. Sure enough - he moved out of the family home and in with the woman, who is divorced.
Come to find out that he has also left their church. Sees their teenage daughters only every other weekend.
I heard from another mutual former neighbor that the wife actually got fed up with him being at the gym all the time and told him to choose CrossFit or her, so he left.
Anyone else seen this happen? DH and I are shocked. They seemed so wholesome and churchy.
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Post by Zee on Dec 9, 2022 1:22:24 GMT
So their marriage was destroyed by his wandering eye, not by CrossFit.
Working out together can be great for a relationship.
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Post by Merge on Dec 9, 2022 1:23:56 GMT
So their marriage was destroyed by his wandering eye, not by CrossFit. Working out together can be great for a relationship. I think it was the culty/obsessive nature of Crossfit, which not everyone enjoys. Clearly it was great for his new relationship! And yes, the real fault is with the cheater, of course. (I should say it’s not clear to us whether he actually started the affair before his wife kicked him out or after. We know she supposedly kicked him out because he was always at the gym and not showing up for family/church stuff.) |
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Post by mom on Dec 9, 2022 1:24:02 GMT
I can’t say I e ever seen it happen but if I had to guess I’d say there were cracks before CrossFit.
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Post by elaine on Dec 9, 2022 1:24:29 GMT
Call me cynical, but CrossFit was just the excuse.
I’ve seen several friends’ husbands have “midlife crises” that involved becoming over-involved in the gym (different gyms) and then having affairs and leaving their wives for women they met at the gyms - in 3 cases an instructor or personal trainer.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 9, 2022 1:30:49 GMT
My hair stylist and her husband are cross-fit addicts. But they BOTH are. Cross-fit is often a huge time commitment which can cause issues in relationships when only one participates.
In your scenario, I don't know that I'd blame cross-fit solely. It merely provided opportunity to someone who had the inclination to stray to begin with.
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Post by katlady on Dec 9, 2022 1:32:23 GMT
Yes, I’ve seen it happen at my gym, unfortunately. When there are bodies, working out together, wearing tight or little clothing, I guess sparks do fly. I’ve seen people find their soul mates and I’ve seen people leave their spouses and start dating each other. But I think it happens at any gym, not just CrossFit gyms. CrossFit gyms are smaller, so everyone knows everyone and there are no secrets! I’ve been to three weddings were the couples met through CrossFit (and no, they were not the ones who had affairs).
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Post by katlady on Dec 9, 2022 1:38:14 GMT
I just want to add that it is the person, not the gym. We have many members, including my SO and I, who get to class about 15 minutes early to warm up. Class is one hour, and then as soon as we cool down, we leave. There are people who hang out for couple of hours. They do their class, they watch other classes, they socialize. So if a person is spending excessive amount of time at any gym, then he probably doesn’t want to go home.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 9, 2022 1:42:22 GMT
Just happened with a couple my kids know. Husband left wife for woman from their gym. I don’t know that it was specifically CrossFit, though. Just one of those gyms where people get super involved, post on SM constantly urging others to try it out, continuous cross posts with members lauding the accomplishments of their co workout buddies.
I’m all for working out and feeling healthy. But my gym does not have this culture, and I definitely don’t feel the need to post pictures or brags about my workouts. And I don’t get to know anyone but the employees there.
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Post by Zee on Dec 9, 2022 1:43:31 GMT
Yes, I’ve seen it happen at my gym, unfortunately. When there are bodies, working out together, wearing tight or little clothing, I guess sparks do fly. I’ve seen people find their soul mates and I’ve seen people leave their spouses and start dating each other. But I think it happens at any gym, not just CrossFit gyms. CrossFit gyms are smaller, so everyone knows everyone and there are no secrets! I’ve been to three weddings were the couples met through CrossFit (and no, they were not the ones who had affairs). At my gym it's mostly teenagers and old people (to them, I am also old, lol) so I'm pretty sure I'm safe from any sparks 🤣 |
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 9, 2022 1:49:11 GMT
My husband works at a gym a couple of days a week. Infidelity is kind of a given there. I wouldn't say it is cross fit, but it is a bunch of people making the choice to cheat. The setting probably helps.
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Post by katlady on Dec 9, 2022 1:49:50 GMT
At my gym it's mostly teenagers and old people (to them, I am also old, lol) so I'm pretty sure I'm safe from any sparks 🤣 LOL! SO and I are part of the old people group too. The 20's and 30's are the "cool" group.  And I don’t get to know anyone but the employees there. We usually get to know a lot of the people at our gym because the same people usually go to classes at the same time everyday. We try to make the 5PM class, so we get to know people in the class before us and after us. The morning people are strangers to us. We only see them at gym events. And I do want to say that it is the nature of CrossFit to cheer on your fellow gym members. The ones that finish a workout early are there cheering on the people still trying to finish. We all stay until the last person finishes. Sometimes, that is why I prefer timed workouts. The main workout is only 20 minutes, no matter how far you got. You don't feel like you are last. |
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Post by Merge on Dec 9, 2022 2:05:31 GMT
I just want to add that it is the person, not the gym. We have many members, including my SO and I, who get to class about 15 minutes early to warm up. Class is one hour, and then as soon as we cool down, we leave. There are people who hang out for couple of hours. They do their class, they watch other classes, they socialize. So if a person is spending excessive amount of time at any gym, then he probably doesn’t want to go home. Yes, I gather that he was hanging around after class, staying for other classes, cheering people on, etc. Spending a lot of time there outside of work. The thing is that before, he also frequently posted about their church, and having a testament for it (is that the right word?). Now he’s not a part of it. I think it’s a big deal for LDS to leave the church, right? They’re both from big LDS families. |
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by peaname on Dec 9, 2022 2:13:28 GMT
That’s sad. I’ve heard of relationships destroyed by all sorts of addictive things: alcohol, drugs, sex, work, exercise.
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Post by epeanymous on Dec 9, 2022 2:20:47 GMT
Isn't CrossFit part of the MTG cheating scandal? I try to avert my eyes.
I've definitely known some people who have gotten waaaaaay into Crossfit.
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Post by prettyprettypaper on Dec 9, 2022 2:25:11 GMT
So their marriage was destroyed by his wandering eye, not by CrossFit. Working out together can be great for a relationship. which not everyone enjoys. Clearly it was great for his new relationship! And yes, the real fault is with the cheater, of course. (I should say it’s not clear to us whether he actually started the affair before his wife kicked him out or after. We know she supposedly kicked him out because he was always at the gym and not showing up for family/church stuff.) I used to do CrossFit, and my experience was that I have known people who do Zumba or BeachBody to be just as obsessive. It really boils down to the invidual, not the sport itself. I suspect that this would have happened whether he got in shape through CF or by working out at Planet Fitness. |
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Post by prettyprettypaper on Dec 9, 2022 2:30:48 GMT
At my gym it's mostly teenagers and old people (to them, I am also old, lol) so I'm pretty sure I'm safe from any sparks 🤣 LOL! SO and I are part of the old people group too. The 20's and 30's are the "cool" group. And I don’t get to know anyone but the employees there. We usually get to know a lot of the people at our gym because the same people usually go to classes at the same time everyday. We try to make the 5PM class, so we get to know people in the class before us and after us. The morning people are strangers to us. We only see them at gym events. And I do want to say that it is the nature of CrossFit to cheer on your fellow gym members. The ones that finish a workout early are there cheering on the people still trying to finish. We all stay until the last person finishes. Sometimes, that is why I prefer timed workouts. The main workout is only 20 minutes, no matter how far you got. You don't feel like you are last. I loved the encouragement, although I did feel more self-conscious about trying to finish while others were watching me. That being said, that did encourage interaction between members and made it easier to feel comfortable with each other. As with any tough workout (CF, Zumba, a HIIT workout at any gym, etc ... ), there is a tendency to feel a connection to people when it feels like you both survived the hardest workout of your lives. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 9, 2022 2:42:45 GMT
This is an interesting discussion. I worked in fitness for 19 years in a YMCA setting. Body consciousness just sort of comes with the territory even in low pressure setting like a YMCA. Spouses (and significant others) would from time to time have issues with their partner being in that setting. But I can't say that it *caused* affairs or sexual involvement.
I still maintain that it's an inclination outside of the environment.. not caused by it.
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Post by mom on Dec 9, 2022 2:43:44 GMT
Isn't CrossFit part of the MTG cheating scandal? I try to avert my eyes. I've definitely known some people who have gotten waaaaaay into Crossfit. Yeah MGTs cheating scandal was Cross Fit too. I had forgotten that detail. |
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Post by Merge on Dec 9, 2022 2:53:38 GMT
This is an interesting discussion. I worked in fitness for 19 years in a YMCA setting. Body consciousness just sort of comes with the territory even in low pressure setting like a YMCA. Spouses (and significant others) would from time to time have issues with their partner being in that setting. But I can't say that it *caused* affairs or sexual involvement. I still maintain that it's an inclination outside of the environment.. not caused by it. I appreciate your input and everyone else’s. My impression, which seems to be validated here, is that some CrossFit gyms really push a level of involvement and connection that you wouldn’t normally find in a gym. Cheering for classes you’re not attending, etc. I feel like for one spouse to choose to be involved in that while the other one isn’t is setting the marriage up for failure. Of course, he saw what it was and chose to have that level of involvement. That’s on him for sure. |
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Post by mikewozowski on Dec 9, 2022 2:56:18 GMT
MTG?
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Dec 9, 2022 3:06:44 GMT
I know someone who got divorced for other reasons but started having an affair with a guy from CrossFit that was married. Seems that maybe the community feeling that you get from CrossFit/working out as a group might make it easy to cross boundaries.
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
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Post by Gennifer on Dec 9, 2022 3:11:23 GMT
The thing is that before, he also frequently posted about their church, and having a testament for it (is that the right word?). Now he’s not a part of it. I think it’s a big deal for LDS to leave the church, right? They’re both from big LDS families. Leaving the LDS church is a big deal, but it’s also happening more and more frequently. In my family, who were all extremely devout, 4 of the 8 (7 siblings + me) have now left. Of my 13 adult nieces and nephews, only 5 are still active: one of them is currently on a mission, one leaves next week, one just got their mission call, and one has only been home from their mission a month. That means only one over the age of 20 is still active. On my husband’s side we are the only ones who have left from our generation, but only 3 of the 13 adult nieces/nephews are active. It might even be less than that and they just haven’t told people yet. It’s super common for marriages to fail when one partner leaves the church. Swinging is also becoming a thing among Mormons, too. 😬 As adults, many people start to regret their life choices (married extremely young, only 1 sex partner, etc). They start to wonder what they missed out on, and a lot of them open up their marriages to experience dating/sex with other people. I’ve seen it happen with so many people, and, unfortunately, I’ve never seen a marriage survive that. |
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Post by mom on Dec 9, 2022 3:11:39 GMT
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene |
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
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Post by Gennifer on Dec 9, 2022 3:14:55 GMT
The thing is that before, he also frequently posted about their church, and having a testament for it (is that the right word?). Also, you are close. The term used is “testimony.” |
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Post by bc2ca on Dec 9, 2022 3:19:58 GMT
CrossFit gyms are smaller, so everyone knows everyone and there are no secrets!  That is my impression, too. The environment is more conducive to making friends and becoming a gym family than others I've been around. FWIW, Merge, I think your neighbor found a new religion. Who knows, he might even be spending more time with his teens seeing them every other weekend that before the break-up. We did see a couple with a blended family separate over his gym addiction. She got sick of schlepping four kids around because he was never available so she moved into their rental house with her two kids when it became available. For them, it was the wake-up call he needed to realign his priorities. |
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Post by Merge on Dec 9, 2022 3:31:47 GMT
The thing is that before, he also frequently posted about their church, and having a testament for it (is that the right word?). Also, you are close. The term used is “testimony.” Thanks. I swear as I creep up toward 50 I can’t remember anything any more! |
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caangel
Drama Llama
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Post by caangel on Dec 9, 2022 6:28:51 GMT
This is an interesting discussion. I worked in fitness for 19 years in a YMCA setting. Body consciousness just sort of comes with the territory even in low pressure setting like a YMCA. Spouses (and significant others) would from time to time have issues with their partner being in that setting. But I can't say that it *caused* affairs or sexual involvement. I still maintain that it's an inclination outside of the environment.. not caused by it. I appreciate your input and everyone else’s. My impression, which seems to be validated here, is that some CrossFit gyms really push a level of involvement and connection that you wouldn’t normally find in a gym. Cheering for classes you’re not attending, etc. I feel like for one spouse to choose to be involved in that while the other one isn’t is setting the marriage up for failure. Of course, he saw what it was and chose to have that level of involvement. That’s on him for sure. I totally disagree. I don't think that creating a community around a common interest is a negative thing nor a threat to stable relationships. My husband has been doing CrossFit for 8ish years (6 days a week). Yes it is a community and he has gotten to know several people well including women. During this time I have taken a few classes (2 months worth over 8 yrs) and have attended social and gym events. My DH is pretty introverted and I am so glad that he finally has some non-work friends and a hobby. Crossfit has been really good for him not just physically (he actually has a 6 pack at 45) but also socially and mental health-wise. We just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary and our relationship thrived during lock down. My vote is the dh in the op was looking for an opportunity and found one. |
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Post by peasapie on Dec 9, 2022 12:07:08 GMT
This is an interesting discussion. I worked in fitness for 19 years in a YMCA setting. Body consciousness just sort of comes with the territory even in low pressure setting like a YMCA. Spouses (and significant others) would from time to time have issues with their partner being in that setting. But I can't say that it *caused* affairs or sexual involvement. I still maintain that it's an inclination outside of the environment.. not caused by it. I appreciate your input and everyone else’s. My impression, which seems to be validated here, is that some CrossFit gyms really push a level of involvement and connection that you wouldn’t normally find in a gym. Cheering for classes you’re not attending, etc. I feel like for one spouse to choose to be involved in that while the other one isn’t is setting the marriage up for failure. Of course, he saw what it was and chose to have that level of involvement. That’s on him for sure. I agree about this. My daughter and SIL were members of CrossFit for a couple of years and it was very much more like a cult than any gym I’ve ever belonged to. An integral part of the program is to bring people together in a very close way, like a pack. It doesn’t mean it causes one to cheat, of course. But I would say it creates unusually close relationships that could leads to that. |
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Dec 9, 2022 13:40:27 GMT
I don’t think CrossFit itself is problematic (other than the numerous injuries I’ve seen from almost everyone who has done it —people in there 30’s up.)
However, because some gyms really stress promotion (I don’t see it as much as I used to though) it gives MLM vibes at times, and that can promote obsessive behavior. My son goes to a gyms that does CrossFit style and they promote themselves a ton, and it’s great (they are also a super inclusive gym).
I know of one couple that the CrossFit lifestyle help lead to their demise.
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That is my impression, too. The environment is more conducive to making friends and becoming a gym family than others I've been around.
