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Post by epeanymous on Dec 31, 2022 1:29:09 GMT
My oldest is 20, but all of their old friends are 21 (birthday right before the school cutoff). I've hosted who knows how many friend events of theirs at our house and have always had a no-drinking no-pot rule because it was illegal and I'm not dealing with that. I also know most of these friends' parents, FWIW, and have known the friends forever.
They are having a bunch of friends over for NYE tomorrow night (the friends are, as they have in the past on NYE, sleeping over). I am just now realizing that i am weirded out by this whole situation. Do I just let the friends drink in my house if they want because they are legal? Do I serve them the drinks we're having? Do I let my 20-year-old (it's legal for us to let our own child drink in our house) drink?
Be gentle--this is brand-new territory for me!
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Post by candleangie on Dec 31, 2022 1:36:06 GMT
Yep! Welcome to the weird world of adult children. Lol
For what it’s worth, it only feel weird the first time.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,635 
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Post by valincal on Dec 31, 2022 1:37:45 GMT
As long as they aren’t driving I don’t see a problem.
(Drinking age here is 18)
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,613
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Dec 31, 2022 1:38:08 GMT
My 20 year old is getting together with her 2 20 (almost 21) year old best friends tomorrow night (at one of their houses, not mine) and they'll be drinking. They are going to her friend's house and staying there overnight and I feel as long as they are being safe and not driving that I'm comfortable with it.
So, will these kids be driving? If they are sleeping at your house I'd be comfortable serving them - they are legal. I wouldn't serve a kid that was not staying over, that's for sure.
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Post by ~summer~ on Dec 31, 2022 1:52:21 GMT
I would just ignore them and let them drink and be safe.
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Post by mom on Dec 31, 2022 1:54:49 GMT
My only ''rule' is once there is alcohol served, no one leaves.
Edited to add: Yes, I would allow my 20 year old to drink, in my home, with his of age friends, on NYE.
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Post by littlemama on Dec 31, 2022 1:55:10 GMT
They arent driving so let them drink. If someone seems to be getting close to puking or blacking out, Id say something otherwise leave them be. Make sure your kid understands that if anyone pukes or breaks anything, they (your kid) are responsible for cleaning
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 31, 2022 2:00:38 GMT
As long as no one is driving or they have designated drivers. I do require the pot to be smoked outside.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,423
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Post by tanya2 on Dec 31, 2022 2:02:22 GMT
They are adults, there's not really any "letting" involved here. They're going to do what they're going to do. When my kids were that age I would much rather them have been in my house where I could help if there was a problem, than them be somewhere else
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389
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Post by peaname on Dec 31, 2022 2:08:13 GMT
My son turned 21 later than most of his friends. I know he probably drank before his birthday and I certainly did but I wouldn’t be comfortable with my underage child drinking in my home. It might even be legal in your state for you to provide alcohol to your own child and I certainly don’t judge people for making different decisions for their family. I didn’t let him drive before he got his learner’s permit and I didn’t let him drive with friends before he was legally allowed to, we just tend to follow the rules and soon enough they will be allowed to do all the wonderful adult things.
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Post by myshelly on Dec 31, 2022 2:12:00 GMT
At 20 I would leave my child and their friends alone. I wouldn’t “let” them do anything because I wouldn’t be supervising or observing in any way. I would disappear into my bedroom with the door shut.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Dec 31, 2022 2:22:32 GMT
DD is the same age. She and her friends are renting a cabin, and I am not asking. I’m happy they will be all in one place and not driving. I’ve given her drinks with me, but I don’t supply for group events since that could be risky legally.
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Post by Zee on Dec 31, 2022 2:28:21 GMT
At 20 I would leave my child and their friends alone. I wouldn’t “let” them do anything because I wouldn’t be supervising or observing in any way. I would disappear into my bedroom with the door shut. Mostly this except as Ice Cube's Dad said, this is MY motherfuckin house, so I'm not going anywhere. I'll be in the living room and they can hang out or not. Somehow, my kids got to be 28 and 24, not sure when that happened...but at 20 and 21, I'm not at all uncomfortable with them drinking at my home. DD and I were sharing champagne on NYE when she was a teen, I'm not funny about drinking as long as it's not a regular thing. I never provided alcohol for her friends until we were all adults and no one was going to be driving. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 31, 2022 2:28:31 GMT
I tended to handle those types of situations with a blind eye. I taught common sense, personal responsibility, and stressed that they could come to me with ANY problem. So then as long as they were responsible, they did their own thing in the teenage years, and I stayed out of it.
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Post by Zee on Dec 31, 2022 2:30:52 GMT
I tended to handle those types of situations with a blind eye. I taught common sense, personal responsibility, and stressed that they could come to me with ANY problem. So then as long as they were responsible, they did their own thing in the teenage years, and I stayed out of it. My mom and I had a wonderful don't-ask-don't-tell policy. I was a little more involved with my kids but generally let them do their thing. |
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Dec 31, 2022 2:35:57 GMT
It’s weird when they turn 21 and you open the fridge to find beer that you didn’t buy 😳 😆
As for your question, I agree with the others, as long as the other kids are of age and not driving I’d ignore as long as it didn’t get out of hand/dangerous.
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Post by myshelly on Dec 31, 2022 2:39:00 GMT
At 20 I would leave my child and their friends alone. I wouldn’t “let” them do anything because I wouldn’t be supervising or observing in any way. I would disappear into my bedroom with the door shut. Mostly this except as Ice Cube's Dad said, this is MY motherfuckin house, so I'm not going anywhere. I'll be in the living room and they can hang out or not. Somehow, my kids got to be 28 and 24, not sure when that happened...but at 20 and 21, I'm not at all uncomfortable with them drinking at my home. DD and I were sharing champagne on NYE when she was a teen, I'm not funny about drinking as long as it's not a regular thing. I never provided alcohol for her friends until we were all adults and no one was going to be driving. We don’t really do the “this is *my* house” thing. My kids live here, it’s just as much their house as it is my house. When they have friends over, I want them to feel like it’s their house and they’re the host, so I go in my bedroom, shut my door, they have the run of the house and if they need or want anything, they text me. |
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Dec 31, 2022 2:52:57 GMT
My boys are 23 and 25 and no longer live with me, but when they are back home the rule is they have to have a plan for anyone that comes over. It’s unreasonable to say that everyone stays, but if they have a sober driver or plan to take an Uber, that works. I also don’t provide the alcohol.
It’s never been an issue. I actually think this generation does better with sober drivers or Ubers than my generation did.
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 31, 2022 3:04:35 GMT
This was tricky for us. Both of us were teachers and had we given alcohol to underaged kids, we would have been in big trouble if we were caught. Our district was allowed to do a mass emailing to parents if teachers were committing illegal activities. Thankfully my kids were super responsible and had a small friend group. It is so much better now that they are older. We've always felt comfortable being anywhere in the house when the friends were over. All friends knew both my husband and me (and had one or both of us as teachers). My kids have spent every New Year's with us (their choice, not ours!) My youngest just texted asking if they could stay the night tomorrow so they won't have to drive. I completely understand your need to navigate this new territory to the best of your ability. We found that once the kids became legal, they'd bring their own drinks.
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Post by Zee on Dec 31, 2022 3:14:03 GMT
Mostly this except as Ice Cube's Dad said, this is MY motherfuckin house, so I'm not going anywhere. I'll be in the living room and they can hang out or not. Somehow, my kids got to be 28 and 24, not sure when that happened...but at 20 and 21, I'm not at all uncomfortable with them drinking at my home. DD and I were sharing champagne on NYE when she was a teen, I'm not funny about drinking as long as it's not a regular thing. I never provided alcohol for her friends until we were all adults and no one was going to be driving. We don’t really do the “this is *my* house” thing. My kids live here, it’s just as much their house as it is my house. When they have friends over, I want them to feel like it’s their house and they’re the host, so I go in my bedroom, shut my door, they have the run of the house and if they need or want anything, they text me. I'm not hiding on NYE in my own house. It's not their house, it's everyone's house. How odd to feel you need to hide away so they can be hosts in the house that you own, not them. But then you've told us for years that they're not allowed to move away so I guess it all makes sense. You're still the most fascinating pea here. Never leave, even when the onerous task of reminding us how much more enlightened and cool you are becomes a mantle almost too wearisome to bear. |
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Post by flanz on Dec 31, 2022 3:17:02 GMT
At 20 I would leave my child and their friends alone. I wouldn’t “let” them do anything because I wouldn’t be supervising or observing in any way. I would disappear into my bedroom with the door shut. BUT... I'm pretty sure if one of the kids got drunk and drove drunk, YOU would be criminally liable. |
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Dec 31, 2022 3:37:15 GMT
I would insist that anyone who is drinking, let me hold on to their keys.
No one is more insistent that "they are fine to drive", than someone who is intoxicated.
If they can't find their keys, then they can't drive.
My opinion is, it's better to have the keys put away beforehand, than try to wrestle the keys from someone who is intoxicated and insisting they are fine to drive.
I would not hibernate and ignore. I would hang out in a less congested area of the home, and keep an eye on things.
As a homeowner or legal renter, one is responsible for the on goings in their home.
I wouldn't hesitate to take keys, cut someone off if I think they've had too much drink, prevent stupid things from happening (example: nope, nobody is diving off the roof into the pool).
Adult or not, alcohol sometimes provides a false bravado and people think they are fine, when in fact they are not.
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Post by myshelly on Dec 31, 2022 3:42:03 GMT
At 20 I would leave my child and their friends alone. I wouldn’t “let” them do anything because I wouldn’t be supervising or observing in any way. I would disappear into my bedroom with the door shut. BUT... I'm pretty sure if one of the kids got drunk and drove drunk, YOU would be criminally liable. The only person who isn’t 21 is OP’s kid, so that’s the only underage drinker. |
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Post by myshelly on Dec 31, 2022 3:44:06 GMT
We don’t really do the “this is *my* house” thing. My kids live here, it’s just as much their house as it is my house. When they have friends over, I want them to feel like it’s their house and they’re the host, so I go in my bedroom, shut my door, they have the run of the house and if they need or want anything, they text me. I'm not hiding on NYE in my own house. It's not their house, it's everyone's house. How odd to feel you need to hide away so they can be hosts in the house that you own, not them. But then you've told us for years that they're not allowed to move away so I guess it all makes sense. You're still the most fascinating pea here. Never leave, even when the onerous task of reminding us how much more enlightened and cool you are becomes a mantle almost too wearisome to bear. It doesn’t really bother me to hang out in my bedroom, I’m happy that my kids have the hangout house and enjoy hosting their friends here. I’m happy when I hear the laughter and voices and sounds of them having a good time. It’s weird to me that someone would feel hostility about that. I love it 🤷🏻♀️ It’s also really weird to me that people would move around a lot or want to move away from their families, though. |
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Post by leannec on Dec 31, 2022 3:45:15 GMT
As long as they aren’t driving I don’t see a problem. (Drinking age here is 18) Another Albertan here ... I feel the same ... |
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Dec 31, 2022 3:55:51 GMT
I'm not hiding on NYE in my own house. It's not their house, it's everyone's house. How odd to feel you need to hide away so they can be hosts in the house that you own, not them. But then you've told us for years that they're not allowed to move away so I guess it all makes sense. You're still the most fascinating pea here. Never leave, even when the onerous task of reminding us how much more enlightened and cool you are becomes a mantle almost too wearisome to bear. It doesn’t really bother me to hang out in my bedroom, I’m happy that my kids have the hangout house and enjoy hosting their friends here. I’m happy when I hear the laughter and voices and sounds of them having a good time. It’s weird to me that someone would feel hostility about that. I love it 🤷🏻♀️ It’s also really weird to me that people would move around a lot or want to move away from their families, though. I’m the move around.. away person. But I agree. I would much rather provide a ton of good food, technology for music or whatever, and embrace hosting. I have never, ever provided alcohol to someone under age, and have no intention to do so. But, as a person with the “underage” young kid… I agree. I’d rather they feel comfortable and safe at my home (more likely to stay the night without a fight.) Also, I want my son to feel respected and also responsible. Interesting thing, my son is the young one. By nearly a year. Well before anyone was 21, it was known whose house was ….. hosting. Honesty, I was just happy to know my kid was ok, and in for the night. I don’t think he even knows I know his friends’ mom. Now? My kid is the last to be 21. Now, they all want to hang out here (stocked fridge and full cable/streaming lol) I always make sure there is a ton of breakfast food and they 100% know they are “welcome” to spend the night. It’s how we are. Op.. with the youngest… in my state that isn’t legal, so no, I never openly provided… but, I didn’t get icky with a family that did. Also.. Now… I 100000000000000x would rather they hang out here (and sleep here happily) than drive. Regardless of age. |
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,875
Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Dec 31, 2022 4:03:10 GMT
My only ''rule' is once there is alcohol served, no one leaves. Edited to add: Yes, I would allow my 20 year old to drink, in my home, with his of age friends, on NYE. I like this suggestion. |
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,665
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Dec 31, 2022 4:22:48 GMT
Once they were that age we chose to enjoy them being home and having their friends over. We never really had to do any monitoring but we have a house rule of being in control of yourself. I never left the room, hanging with us is a privilege 😆
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Post by AussieMeg on Dec 31, 2022 4:26:01 GMT
Hmmmm, my answer may not be popular with a lot of Peas, but this is the norm for most people I know IRL. Here the legal drinking age is 18. If you have a party with kids younger than 18, and there will be drinking, the parents can sign a consent form to say their kids are allowed to drink. We let our kids drink at our house or someone else's house when they were 17. A lot of parents allow it at 16. (Actually, come to think of it, I think we let DS drink at 16.) Most parents would only let their under age kids take two drinks. This is from my state's Legal Aid page, just so you know I'm not making it up!  Maybe it's because our legal drinking age is 18, and maybe because most kids drink at 16 or 17, but I find the idea of not letting adults of 20 and 21 drink is really really weird. I would definitely make sure that none of them are going to driving home after drinking. |
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sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,049
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on Dec 31, 2022 4:44:07 GMT
AussieMeg basically wrote what I was going to say! My kids are mid 30s now, but we often had their friends over for parties when they were 18 and up. I didn’t supply alcohol, it was strictly BYO, and anyone was welcome to bunk down on the living room floor for the night. No one was allowed to drive after drinking, and as Australia has pretty tough drink driving laws, none were willing to risk it.
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